fooled once Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Regarding him being in the delivery room --- I do NOT agree that he "should" or it is his right to be there. It is YOUR right to decide WHO is to be there. Personally, in YOUR situation, I think it will be more stressful for you. MOST expectant parents are expressing love to each other, are in awe of the life they created, are being affectionate to each other (after the screams of pain LOL), and really, that is NOT where you are with him. Bring your mom - someone who loves you unconditionally and can be the support you need. You do NOT need HIM in the room with you when you give birth. He isn't your spouse, your boyfriend or your friend. He is a guy you had an affair with and that affair is now over. Additionally, since he wants to keep this a secret, I can't image getting a call from you at 2 am that your water broke and you need a ride to the hospital will go over well with his wife. Do NOT rely on him, do not 'get your hopes up' (and why would your hopes be gotten up over him?? ). You said you can barely talk to him; that is NOT what you need in the delivery room!!! And please, STOP blaming yourself, stop devaluing yourself and stop being guilty. You cannot change what has happened --- you MUST accept it and go forward, one day at a time. While I don't think you need to stress yourself out over the decisions to be made and all, you DO need to make sure things get done and you are protecting yourself and your child.
Author FaceReality Posted January 17, 2010 Author Posted January 17, 2010 Thanks fooled once, you give very good straight forward advice. I do need to stop beating myself up over this and just deal with the situation I recognize this. Everyday I tell myself this. And I am sure I will I guess it will just take time. I hate that I come across so weak. I don't have a good poker face I need to work on that. I just feel like I am trapped in a game. A game of lies, and it is just making literally ill mentally and physically. I don't plan on relying on him...it just makes me sad that I can't rely on him. I went from a relationship with a man whom I loved to death and we tried to have a baby for years before I found out that I couldn't ...he stayed but then he cheated and had a baby girl with someone else, then he proposed to her. They never got married and he and I are still good friends but I never got over that pain. Then I start this AA with xMM with the hopes of having my freedom and not getting emotionally attached and I end up pregnant by my MM. I still just cannot believe it! I speak with my exboyfriend all the time, I told him about my situation and he was really hard on me and told me to have the abortion because he didn't think I was emotionally stable enough to have a baby. It hurt because he and I tried so hard, now he thinks I shouldn't have my baby...at some level I think its just because the baby is not his, so I took his advice with a grain of salt. I told him I decided to keep it, and he says he will be supportive of me. So I guess I am just having a hard time accepting how everything went down. I guess there are layers to my story. Often I think of how betrayed and hurt I felt by my ex and now I am about to cause someone else the same pain. But I am working on acceptance of it all and everyday gets a little better and I have a little more strength...so I am getting there.
fooled once Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Screw your ex boyfriend (not literally). And I want you to also stop saying you can't get pregnant because guess what, you are He cheated on you so that shows what a great guy he is You are NOT mentally unstable. He is mad that what he wanted with you, he didn't get and NOW you are having a child and he thought you never could. Let go of him too -- seriously -- you don't need his advice, validation or friendship. You need to surround yourself with positive people and positive energy -- for your little one that is growing inside you. Remember that next time someone tries to bring you down ~ you will NOT allow them to control YOUR emotions which could harm your baby. Look forward ~ picture yourself with your little one in your arms. As hard as the first months are, with feeding schedules, lack of sleep, chaos all around you ..... some of my best memories are the 3 am feedings of my son and rocking him and humming to him. I will cherish those memories forever ... and my son is a young adult. Love your little one, love yourself. Do right by the two of you.
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