tami-chan Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Oh FaceReality....*hugs*....you are not a woman without means...if you have wanted a baby for as long as I think you have...than keep the baby. As a medical professional in this field, I am always worried about the emotional well-being of the mother and this worrying about whether to tell the MM's wife or support ( emotional and financial) from MM is sending you to a dark place. STOP. Do not worry about the MM or the MM's wife. This is not the time to do that. The truth has a way of coming out in the open-sooner or later the MM's wife will find out...let him deal with it. Un-burden yourself from that-let him carry that burden, it is his..it is their marriage. Have that "talk" with your MM about things that you need to know, tell him what you want/expect from him...do not ask. All he can do is say he can't do this or that, then you move on. However, I would not expect anything from the MM. If he wants to be part of the baby's life, he will. If you have to ask a man if he wants to be an active father in his child's life or even support the child financially, I say, I would not have anything to do with him, nor should my child. It is an all or nothing. By the way, do not take to heart the not-so-veiled sarcasmfrom some posters here. They are just projecting their own unhappiness and yes, bitterness borne out of their own experiences. Take care of yourself. Whatever decision you make, make sure it is something that you can resolve within yourself....something you can live with.
Author FaceReality Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 tami-chan Thanks so much for your post it is what I needed to hear. I this point I am still considering getting the abortion. Yes I do want a beautiful baby boy or girl, however I don't want a child under theses circumstances. I just don't think it is right to make the baby suffer through this for his/her entire life. I just don't know how I would explain, deal with, or cope with the pain my child would suffer. I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow, I don't even want to go...it will make my decision much harder. I plan on making an appointment with an abortion clinic that will perform late term abortions tomorrow. I am 14 weeks, only two weeks into my 2nd trimester. They will perform the abortion up to 24 weeks. I need a couple of weeks to gather myself and finances so it will be more like 16-18 weeks when I can have the abortion. I am sad that it will be my 4th month but if MM doesn't agree to pay for it I will have to try myself and the late term ones are more expensive. I sound so horrible for writing these things but there is no good outcome here. Have the abortion and deal with the emotional mess, or have the baby and be responsible for bringing a baby into all this mess and having to deal with MM and his W. There is a no win situation here. At this point I want to bow out with out causing anymore damage to anyone - including the baby. I will just pray that I have another opportunity to have a baby someday under the right circumstances. This was a terrible lesson learned and I will never get myself into such a mess again. I have to make this choice I see no other way out.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Please..please..please.. Go talk to a professional asap before making this choice. Whatever you do decide, just know you will get support, here, offline in your real life, talk to your closest women friends, a sibling, your family.. Surround yourself around people who love and care about you.. And most of all, END the A forever with MM and go no contact. There is no point in keeping any friendship with him, all that will do is harm you and mess you up, prevent you from healing and letting go..
2sunny Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 tami-chan Thanks so much for your post it is what I needed to hear. I this point I am still considering getting the abortion. Yes I do want a beautiful baby boy or girl, however I don't want a child under theses circumstances. I just don't think it is right to make the baby suffer through this for his/her entire life. I just don't know how I would explain, deal with, or cope with the pain my child would suffer. I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow, I don't even want to go...it will make my decision much harder. I plan on making an appointment with an abortion clinic that will perform late term abortions tomorrow. I am 14 weeks, only two weeks into my 2nd trimester. They will perform the abortion up to 24 weeks. I need a couple of weeks to gather myself and finances so it will be more like 16-18 weeks when I can have the abortion. I am sad that it will be my 4th month but if MM doesn't agree to pay for it I will have to try myself and the late term ones are more expensive. I sound so horrible for writing these things but there is no good outcome here. Have the abortion and deal with the emotional mess, or have the baby and be responsible for bringing a baby into all this mess and having to deal with MM and his W. There is a no win situation here. At this point I want to bow out with out causing anymore damage to anyone - including the baby. I will just pray that I have another opportunity to have a baby someday under the right circumstances. This was a terrible lesson learned and I will never get myself into such a mess again. I have to make this choice I see no other way out. why not consider adoption?
bentnotbroken Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 tami-chan Thanks so much for your post it is what I needed to hear. I this point I am still considering getting the abortion. Yes I do want a beautiful baby boy or girl, however I don't want a child under theses circumstances. I just don't think it is right to make the baby suffer through this for his/her entire life. I just don't know how I would explain, deal with, or cope with the pain my child would suffer. I have an ultrasound appointment tomorrow, I don't even want to go...it will make my decision much harder. I plan on making an appointment with an abortion clinic that will perform late term abortions tomorrow. I am 14 weeks, only two weeks into my 2nd trimester. They will perform the abortion up to 24 weeks. I need a couple of weeks to gather myself and finances so it will be more like 16-18 weeks when I can have the abortion. I am sad that it will be my 4th month but if MM doesn't agree to pay for it I will have to try myself and the late term ones are more expensive. I sound so horrible for writing these things but there is no good outcome here. Have the abortion and deal with the emotional mess, or have the baby and be responsible for bringing a baby into all this mess and having to deal with MM and his W. There is a no win situation here. At this point I want to bow out with out causing anymore damage to anyone - including the baby. I will just pray that I have another opportunity to have a baby someday under the right circumstances. This was a terrible lesson learned and I will never get myself into such a mess again. I have to make this choice I see no other way out. Then use that ability to pray for what might happen into what is in front of you right now. I assume because of your statement you are a praying person....then pray. I am a FBS, I am a woman who at a low point in her life had an abortion, I am a mother of two great kids now. I don't regret the abortion I had because I wasn't ready to be a good parent. Even when I was ready, I didn't do a great job of parenting, until the last couple of years. I was young, very young. I had not been told that I might not be able to have children. I had no doubt that when I wanted to be pregnant I would be pregnant. I didn't have support, I was still in college, working 2 jobs and struggling to keep my head above water. I didn't know it then, but I was also in a battle for my emotional and mental health. I couldn't have fought that battle with someone depending on me. I sometimes think (you know the hindsight thing) to see if there was another way. In my mind there still isn't a viable way. You on the other hand have options. Reading on this board with a bunch of strangers who don't know you and mostly not trained to deal with the fragile emotional state of anyone. You are at the point of making a decision that will affect your life, no matter the direction you take. You have to be absolutely certain about that direction. I don't know, I don't condone cheating and I believe we all have to deal with the things we know we shouldn't have done. But (a huge but) what I see is a very confused, very emotional, very blinded person. You are blinded by the situation right in front of you. You can't see clearly. The confusion of being pregnant by someone who is married and the emotions of finding out you are pregnant with a child you believe is a miracle, add in the hormones and you got a very jacked up view of what is going on. From your first post to your last one there is a from one extreme to the other. You still have time to make sure that whatever decision you make is the right one for you. I am a prayer. I beg you, please pray for your guidance. Find some peace with your choice. You haven't, you have resigned yourself, that isn't the a good place to be. God never leaves us, even when we leave him. Find professional, find a quiet place, find a doctor...find yourself and you will find the answer. Children are never wrong, we create situations that make life difficult for them, but we also create situations that let them know they are loved and protected...if that is what you really desire. It can be done. There have been people on here who have done it. If you have considered everything and you still believe an abortion is the choice that will most benefit you, then I am sure the there are others here who have done that as well.
awkward Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 My advice is to slow down and breathe. If you choose to keep the baby, your baby will be your greatest joy in life. You will love your baby more than yourself. I know because I am a mother. My baby is now in his late teens. Things will be harder. Ideally you have the mother and father raise the child together. The fact is there are children without fathers/mothers and they still can be emotionally healthy. You will just have to work harder. Don't try to make all the decisions in one day. Also, try to rest and take care of yourself. I'm pro-choice. However, I am concerned that you are making a decision to abort without speaking to anyone other than MM about it. Can you speak to any RL friends or family?
fooled once Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Then use that ability to pray for what might happen into what is in front of you right now. I assume because of your statement you are a praying person....then pray. I am a FBS, I am a woman who at a low point in her life had an abortion, I am a mother of two great kids now. I don't regret the abortion I had because I wasn't ready to be a good parent. Even when I was ready, I didn't do a great job of parenting, until the last couple of years. I was young, very young. I had not been told that I might not be able to have children. I had no doubt that when I wanted to be pregnant I would be pregnant. I didn't have support, I was still in college, working 2 jobs and struggling to keep my head above water. I didn't know it then, but I was also in a battle for my emotional and mental health. I couldn't have fought that battle with someone depending on me. I sometimes think (you know the hindsight thing) to see if there was another way. In my mind there still isn't a viable way. You on the other hand have options. Reading on this board with a bunch of strangers who don't know you and mostly not trained to deal with the fragile emotional state of anyone. You are at the point of making a decision that will affect your life, no matter the direction you take. You have to be absolutely certain about that direction. I don't know, I don't condone cheating and I believe we all have to deal with the things we know we shouldn't have done. But (a huge but) what I see is a very confused, very emotional, very blinded person. You are blinded by the situation right in front of you. You can't see clearly. The confusion of being pregnant by someone who is married and the emotions of finding out you are pregnant with a child you believe is a miracle, add in the hormones and you got a very jacked up view of what is going on. From your first post to your last one there is a from one extreme to the other. You still have time to make sure that whatever decision you make is the right one for you. I am a prayer. I beg you, please pray for your guidance. Find some peace with your choice. You haven't, you have resigned yourself, that isn't the a good place to be. God never leaves us, even when we leave him. Find professional, find a quiet place, find a doctor...find yourself and you will find the answer. Children are never wrong, we create situations that make life difficult for them, but we also create situations that let them know they are loved and protected...if that is what you really desire. It can be done. There have been people on here who have done it. If you have considered everything and you still believe an abortion is the choice that will most benefit you, then I am sure the there are others here who have done that as well. This is an excellent post. You don't know if you will have an opportunity for another child. Are you thinking of ending it because the child will ask of the father later? So what? Answer honestly - the child was made with love. Who cares about the MM and his wife? Stop worrying about them - this is your child in YOUR body. If you want this child - HAVE this child. He will have to petition for paternity and if he is keeping this a secret from his wife, then he won't likely do that. HE will be under the microscope - not you. You have no ties to his wife. He does. Please - slow down. THINK. When you started this post, it was about having this child and now you are terminating this pregnancy. Is that what YOU want? Tell us - what do YOU want?
Author FaceReality Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Thank you all for your supportive words, and you are right, I am all over the place. I will just take a few days and calm down...try to think about it when my mind is more clear. I will keep you all posted, I cannot say how much I appreciate the support I have gotten from you all.
tami-chan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Thank you all for your supportive words, and you are right, I am all over the place. I will just take a few days and calm down...try to think about it when my mind is more clear. I will keep you all posted, I cannot say how much I appreciate the support I have gotten from you all. Good. Take a moment to calm down....there is just ONE decision you have to make right now or in the days ahead-to keep the baby or not. Do not worry about whether you should go on with the affair or not, or telling the wife or not, demand child support or not...ALL of that can be dealt with LATER ON-one at a time. Take care.
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Well now I am almost 4 months pregnant with his child, I told him right away when I found out about 2 months ago. We still see each other about once a week, but lately it has been very difficult for me. It started out with fun times and sex, now I am getting attached. I near ever asked questions about his wife before...but now I want to know things, but I still don't ask. He has a 2 year old son with his wife (whom I have met) a beautiful home (which I have been to once) and I now find myself jealous that I'm not the wife. He has never told me he loved me, nor have I told him I love him. He has never said he was unhappy in his marriage, I am sure he loves his wife very much. I have never been interested in telling his wife, I don't like drama. I am just confused because now I feel like my life is over and he still has his. Neither of us were happy about me being pregnant, but he told me that a child is a blessing. He is supportive of my pregnancy at this point, but I am a mess on the inside. When we see each other we lie around and talk, and of course we have sex... I feel like I am tied to him forever at this point because of the baby. What do I do, I want to maintain a good relationship with him because we will have a child together, but to what extent? At some point the issue of raising a child will become a major issue. At best he will be a half-time dad. I don't really tell him what I feel because I can't express it and I don't know what I want yet. I am 31 yrs old, this will be my first child. I'm educated with a decent income, so I can do it on my own, I just don't want to. I just need advice on what to do, what questions to ask, what to expect...how to stop feeling so ****ty all the time, how to stop thinking about him and his wife...what do I do? Please help. The two of you could use some family planning and decide where you are going to take the relationship and how you are going to support each other. What has he communicated to you thus far about providing support?
norajane Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I need a couple of weeks to gather myself and finances so it will be more like 16-18 weeks when I can have the abortion. I am sad that it will be my 4th month but if MM doesn't agree to pay for it I will have to try myself and the late term ones are more expensive. Seriously? You need money from MM for the abortion? I thought you said you have a good income, so you could raise the baby on your own? Since that's not the case, I'd suggest two things: 1) If you decide on the abortion, tell a friend or family member to help you through this, both financially and emotionally. You may get some money out of him, but if you can't, get a loan from someone else so you can do this without having to wait. Or try going to Planned Parenthood, where they can perhaps help you with a sliding scale fee. Make sure you someone takes you there and is able to take you home from the clinic and stay with you. MM will be of little help, since he'll be home with his family instead of with you whenever you need someone at your side. 2) If you decide to keep the baby, do what you need to do to get the full financial support the child is entitled to from its father. If you can't afford an abortion on your own, how in the world do you expect to scrape together the funds to have a baby and raise a child on your own?! Immediately talk to your family and determine what kind of support you can expect from them, everything from who will be available to help you through your pregnancy and giving birth, to who can be there to help you right after the child is born, and then who can baby-sit after you go back to work. Speak to a lawyer about filing for child support, so you know what you need to do and how much you can expect financially from this MM. Knowing the answers to these questions should help calm your anxiety a little bit.
Author FaceReality Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 norajan - I could afford to do the abortion myself. I just didn't want to pay for it, I thought it was the least the MM could do...but I am realizing that if I am serious I need to plan to do it on my own. I have to get a hold of my emotions. I am a teacher, so I make decent money but not lots of money. A late term abortion will run me $700 - $1000 from the research I have done. And I will have to do it soon. I am taking the advice of many of the supportive women I have encountered on this forum. I am going to take a few days and gather myself. I haven't really slept in days...my mind won't stop running so I guess I am sorta breaking down. In some since I even feel stupid that I could not keep it together ...and had to ask strangers for help. I got myself into this and all I have is me to fix this situation, I regret even being so spiteful to ask him to pay for the abortion. I just wanted him to suffer on some level to even if it just was financially...how immature of me. Again I just need to gather myself. Thank you for the advice. At least I have been able to start to sort through my emotions, which was the intent of my posting. Thanks
tami-chan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 norajan - I could afford to do the abortion myself. I just didn't want to pay for it, I thought it was the least the MM could do...but I am realizing that if I am serious I need to plan to do it on my own. I have to get a hold of my emotions. I am a teacher, so I make decent money but not lots of money. A late term abortion will run me $700 - $1000 from the research I have done. And I will have to do it soon. I am taking the advice of many of the supportive women I have encountered on this forum. I am going to take a few days and gather myself. I haven't really slept in days...my mind won't stop running so I guess I am sorta breaking down. In some since I even feel stupid that I could not keep it together ...and had to ask strangers for help. I got myself into this and all I have is me to fix this situation, I regret even being so spiteful to ask him to pay for the abortion. I just wanted him to suffer on some level to even if it just was financially...how immature of me. Again I just need to gather myself. Thank you for the advice. At least I have been able to start to sort through my emotions, which was the intent of my posting. Thanks FR, sometimes it is easier to ask strangers for help/advice-you can always walk away and not listen (or read) about what they have to say and you do not have to worry about how they feel....so yes, perfectly, ok and understandable that you are here. and just so you know, it is understandable, too, that you want your MM to (at some level) step up and share responsibility and accountability of your situation....BUT, in the end... it is YOUR body, YOUR conscience, YOUR emotions that you alone have to deal with in the aftermath of whatever you decide on.... BTW, I assume you are getting pre-natal care? You MUST tell your Ob-gyn that you are not sleeping well and that you feel like "breaking down".
DESTIE Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Should I make demands? Does anyone have a good ending after having a child by a MM? I was in your situation. Now I am sitting here holding my 6 week old baby. I too came here and asked for advice and in the end I kept my mouth shut and still haven't said anything to his W or filed for child support. I am still torn as to if I will ever say anything about our daughter, I know if left up to him he would never confess. My MM was supportive after a while. He came around and helps out financially and now that she is here he comes to visit. I never made any demands which I feel made him more willing and accepting. After it is all said and done you have to do what is best for you and your child. I am still struggling with what that is for me. If you need someone to chat with you can PM me. GL
NoIDidn't Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 FaceReality First, I want to apologize for scaring you with my story. It was never my intention to only have you thinking of the somewhat-distant future in that way. Something you would have had at least three years before the child really started asking questions, and by then, who knows where your life could be. I certainly don't want you to abort your baby under such circumstances. I am with the others in that if this really is your miracle baby, consider keeping it. I would much rather you remember this period of your life with joy and gratefulness with the child that you had, than with only pain and wonder about what could have been. One day at a time, FR. I'm sorry for telling you of the horror before the joy. My grandmothers have never told me that they regretted having or keeping their children. Sure, they wished the circumstances were different. And, most definitely the entire family has been impacted by the selfishness of the bio-dads (Thank GOD for Step-dads!!!), but the children were the joy of their lives. Again, I didn't mean to have your mind all over the place with the "what ifs". That was not helpful. And, for that, I am truly, and deeply, sorry.
sb129 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 FWIW- Someone mentioned stress during pregnancy. Obviously while its not ideal to be under extreme stress while pregnant, the body and a developing baby are amazing things. My father died when I was 16 weeks pregnant, and I had a pretty stressful year one way or another, and my baby was perfectly healthy, and is a very laid back chilled out little girl. FR- its a crazy time, pregnancy. I am fully fully pro choice, but I truly do not believe you want to terminate this pregnancy. Your MM could have given you the greatest gift you will ever receive whether he is involved in your childs life or not. There has been some wonderful, sound advice given to you on this thread. Take a few days, breathe, re-read it and have that discussion with your MM before you make any decisions regarding termination. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I have been an OW and I am a new mother. Good luck, and we are here for you.
Author FaceReality Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 You guys rock! Thank you for all the kind words, reality checks, and inspiration. I just got home from my ultrasound and they gave me tons of pics...cute little bugger...can't tell if it is a girl or boy but it was very active with a heart beat of 147. I haven't heard from my MM about taking me for the abortion...I am confused about it. I am so far along at this point that the only clinic that will take me is in another city. I am still leaning towards the abortion...it seems the best thing to do. Before my ultra sound appointment I sent him an email almost begging him to take me for an abortion. I can't go by myself due to the surgery and sedation. I don't want to be a yo yo and back out if he agrees at this point. When I did go to my ultrasound appointment the baby wasn't isn't the right postion for the down syndrome scan...so I had to lay and watch it on the screen for 30 min...while they tried to get it to move around...staring at my baby for 30 min and getting like 12 pictures of it was a little hard...I totally tried to detach myself but it felt like I was falling in love. I am trying not to let it affect me. I have to go back tomorrow, they said the baby was being stubborn today and would not give us the right profile pic for measurements ...lol. Clarity will come. You guys saved me...I was on the edge. I don't know what I want to do but I feel more empowered with what ever decision I will make.
Author FaceReality Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I was in your situation. Now I am sitting here holding my 6 week old baby. I too came here and asked for advice and in the end I kept my mouth shut and still haven't said anything to his W or filed for child support. I am still torn as to if I will ever say anything about our daughter, I know if left up to him he would never confess. My MM was supportive after a while. He came around and helps out financially and now that she is here he comes to visit. I never made any demands which I feel made him more willing and accepting. After it is all said and done you have to do what is best for you and your child. I am still struggling with what that is for me. If you need someone to chat with you can PM me. GL Destie How are you doing? Is it difficult dealing with your MM now that the baby is born? Do you love your MM? I don't think I do and I am very scared of developing more of emotional connection to him past what I already have so I am attempting to scale back communication until I decide for sure what to do. If it is not to personal, are you suffering any post-partium depression becuase of the situation? I have been known to suffer periods of meloncholy and I am worried about this if I have the baby. Are you happy? Do you think you made the right choice? Thanks - your situation now can really help give me insight since I don't want to involve the W in my situation.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 FaceR, something feels amiss here.. Can you please talk a professional? It seems you are falling inlove with this baby and want it, yet in the same breath, say you don't and it all has to do with your MM - Like you're waiting for his approval either way. This is YOUR life, so don't make decisions based on what he is going to do or feel. Stop relying on him and IF you do decide to abort, ask a trusted friend to go with you, NOT MM. He hasn't checked in on you, nor made an effort..
tami-chan Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 You guys rock! Thank you for all the kind words, reality checks, and inspiration. I just got home from my ultrasound and they gave me tons of pics...cute little bugger...can't tell if it is a girl or boy but it was very active with a heart beat of 147. I haven't heard from my MM about taking me for the abortion...I am confused about it. I am so far along at this point that the only clinic that will take me is in another city. I am still leaning towards the abortion...it seems the best thing to do. Before my ultra sound appointment I sent him an email almost begging him to take me for an abortion. I can't go by myself due to the surgery and sedation. I don't want to be a yo yo and back out if he agrees at this point. When I did go to my ultrasound appointment the baby wasn't isn't the right postion for the down syndrome scan...so I had to lay and watch it on the screen for 30 min...while they tried to get it to move around...staring at my baby for 30 min and getting like 12 pictures of it was a little hard...I totally tried to detach myself but it felt like I was falling in love. I am trying not to let it affect me. I have to go back tomorrow, they said the baby was being stubborn today and would not give us the right profile pic for measurements ...lol. Clarity will come. You guys saved me...I was on the edge. I don't know what I want to do but I feel more empowered with what ever decision I will make. Hi FR! you seem so happy looking at the pics! Anyway, there is no question you need somebody to drive you to/from the clinic if you so decide to go through the procedure---it would be irresponsible to let you leave/discharge you knowing you have to drive yourself...that's just crazy... take care!
Author FaceReality Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 FaceR, something feels amiss here.. Can you please talk a professional? It seems you are falling inlove with this baby and want it, yet in the same breath, say you don't and it all has to do with your MM - Like you're waiting for his approval either way. This is YOUR life, so don't make decisions based on what he is going to do or feel. Stop relying on him and IF you do decide to abort, ask a trusted friend to go with you, NOT MM. He hasn't checked in on you, nor made an effort.. Whichwayisup...Something is amiss! I think that long term...an abortion would be the best option. I have feelings for the baby because well its my baby and might be the only one I can ever have...but the circumstances...the situation...it just dosen't seem right to have it...it could be harmful to so many lives in the end. That is my turmoil. I have been deligent about prenatal care...as long as I am pregnant I have to be responsible...it is only the right thing to do, I just try to detach at my appointments...its just getting harder, thats why I have to make a decision. At this point I do not have one friend or family member that would support me in my decision to abort at this stage especially considering I not suppossed to be able to have any kids, so that is why I am asking MM. I don't want to tell my family I got an abortion...they would die...they think it is a miracle and are very religious, my mom does not even care that it is by a MM at this point. I was just going to tell everyone that I had a miscarriage and at some point tell my mom only the truth of it all.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Honestly, if I lived where you lived, I would take you if need be. I'm sorry you don't have anyone who could do this for you, without judging you or being supportive. That must be hard.. You don't need to tell your mom anything, let alone anyone else. Its' your business and if you tell your mom the truth one day, just be prepared to be judged and have her opinion thrown at you.. Might regret telling her since she isn't that supportive or helpful. Would you consider talking to a therapist in the next few days? It could just help either way.
joyz Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I have feelings for the baby because well its my baby and might be the only one I can ever have...but the circumstances...the situation...it just dosen't seem right to have it...it could be harmful to so many lives in the end. when i am faced with a difficult decision, i go to a quiet place, grab a piece of paper, fold it in half and start writing the PROS on one side and the CONS on the other. it really helps me in organizing my thoughts and making a decision. life is not perfect and there are no perfect circumstances. at the end of the day, you have to make a decision that you can live with. that i consider, a happy ending. also, a man can cheat on you, just don't do that yourself!
moaningmyrtle Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 FR does your MM know you post here? You said he thinks the baby is a blessing. He must be feeling utterly sick at the thought that you are thinking of terminating your pregnancy. He might also wonder if you are using the threat of termination to manipulate him in some way. It is your decision of course but please seek professional counseling about it before you do. You seem very conflicted about an abortion. I'm probably in a different country to you but depending on where you are, if/when you have the baby you are almost certainly entitled to child support from the father and he will be entitled to seek custody or visitation rights. Even if he signs away his rights (is that even possible?) your child has rights to parental support that possibly you can't sign away on your child's behalf. If you decide to have the baby and want to be the main custodial parent it is better for you if the father does not know that you are considering late term abortion as he may be able to use that against you in any custody dispute.
fooled once Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Can I ask you a couple questions??? Are you still planning an affair with this MM - baby or no baby? You don't owe him an explanation if you decide to keep the baby or not. It is kinda telling that he has not been in communication with you regarding PAYING for an abortion. That sound SPEAK VOLUMES to you. Another question - in your heart of hearts - do YOU want this baby? If the answer to that is yes, then sweetheart, you have YOUR answer. Keep this child. You cannot predict the future; you cannot predict what will happen. I have a very dear friend who has a child with downs syndrome and her 2nd son has autism. She should be angry at the fact that both her children were born with disabilities. But you know what, she knows she was BLESSED to have these boys and she would NOT want it either way. God chose her - HER - to be the mom to these two boys. Her first son was also born with major heart issues and had heart surgery at 3 days old and again at 3 years old. I have to say, he is the most beautiful child and she truly feels like both were blessings from above. Don't worry about HIS reaction (MM's) to YOUR decision. YOU CAN raise this child alone. YOU CAN provide them him/her with the love the child needs. YOU CAN provide the child with the protection he/she needs. Screw him (NOT literally). This iS YOUR child coming out of YOUR body after YOU finish growing him/her. Fall in love; fall deeply in love with this child. If, after the child is born, the MM decides to bail, you are no worse for wear (except your heart). You know you have your family's support! That is awesome. I just hate that should you choose termination, you may never emotionally heal from this. Yep, MM is going on with his life. A$$. But you can't worry about him. You can only worry about YOU, getting ALL prenatal care needed to keep your baby as safe and healthy as possible. You really don't have too much time to think about all this. You have got to own up to it, stand up to what you want and TAKE IT. NO ONE is every going to look after you like you are. No one is every going to love our little one like you DO Please keep talking to us; let us be there - even virtually - for you. Look how many of us on here are talking with you, supporting you --- we are doing way more than this guy who who claims to care about you. As soon as possible, you must make your decision (although I think deep down, you already have ) What time is your appointment tomorrow?
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