whichwayisup Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I totally agree with FO's post, and also anger. Anger makes you change, makes you react in a productive way. Sitting around crying can only do so much, sure it is part of the healing process, but if you are at a stand still, not moving forward, seeing small changes everyday for the better, making more effort to put it out of your head and keep busy (I know easier said than done, but doing this will help you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 WHY oh WHY can I not get my sh*t together?? Its driving me insane! I know he is working on his M, this was always the plan so why am I finding it so hard to move on? Ok, so it was meant to be on our terms but the end result would of been the same.....NC, me suffering and him getting his head together, so again I ask, WHY am I finding this so hard?? I'm an emotional wreck, I can't control my tears. The stupidest of things start me off when I least expect it and I can't do anything to stop them. I don't want to go out tomorrow night (NYE) because I know I'll end up making a fool of myself and although my friends have been fantastic I know I'll spoil their night because they will worry. I'm just a mess and I hate this place I'm in right now but I really don't know how to get out. You know what...if you can GO OUT....GET OUT (although be smart and have a designated driver or whatever). I can PROMISE you that this will pass, you must go through it though to get to the other side....and the other side is great. On the other side you will have a new perspective and a new outlook on life in general...you will love you...AND you will be grateful for this horrible situation because it brought you to the best place in your life that a person could be. I am speaking from experience...now we all have our ups and downs...I will still hit areas and times of depression, although I respect me and love me and I don't care what anyone thinks of me (except God). You were being abused and are experiencing the fall out of that...the devaluation as a person, you were veiwed as a non person, disposable if you will...but you will find if you search and study that God does not make junk even though most everything in your life was saying different....God ALWAYS has the last and final word. The truth will set you free...you know, everyone said that I would not be able to quit smoking....I mean I was ADDICTED bad....but because they said I couldn't, God got me through it and I did by His grace....I never thought I would be free from all of the stuff with exMM/exBF....he abused me greatly and guess what I am better than ever....God will make your enemies your footstools....I am not trying to preach or nothing, just speaking some things over your life to make things better for you. I think you might be operating in a lot of shame and guilt, so just tell yourself that you are sorry for all of this stuff (and God too if you want) and start to let it all go....I sense that you will be free faster than you think....you will be surprised at the new found respect and love you have for you and others...I am amazed at what has happened to me in just the last week. You are about to be validated in ways that you never expected....expect the impossible because it's yours...I am hearing this loud and clear for your life, so run with it! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Sorry for the threadjack, but: What I needed when I was the most confused and hurting during our EMR was a place where I could find support while still in the relationship. This is what I try to share, that there are ways we can find stability and happiness even if we choose to stay in the EMR. As OW we do not only need support once we are ready to move on. There is a long time period when we are in the EMR not ready or willing to let go. We need support then too. Who is better able to give that support but those who are themselves in an EMR? This subforum is for the OW/OM, whether they want to stay in the EMR or end it. It is true that you can be a Happy Other Woman! :bunny: You know JJ....I think there is a time and season for everything and there have been a couple R that it was not time to let go even though it was over. There is that preparing time to gain some stregnth first. (Mine was ER too With exMM I was given a bunch of support from co workers that I confided in and they gave em the needed stregnth to go NC with exMM....and now it was a lot of support from everywhere to go NC again with exMM/exBF (he is D or almost, I haven't talked to him)...you know actually I needed more support while I was in it!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 You get out by staying angry. Move out of the sadness mode and get into angry mode. Anger is much more productive. He is not 'working' on his M. He is kissing her Azz. Sorry, that is what most MM do. After her fears are allayed, he'll be back. Just don't take his sorry azz back because when there is another D-day, it won't be your azz he's kissing. This is the truth and it will set you free!!!!!!!!!!!! He will be back, so please remember, with anger, how this individual devalued you as a person and saw you as a non person Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 you know actually I needed more support while I was in it!!!!!!! Yes, so you know what I am talking about! Just a little clarification about the abbreviations: EMR = extramarital relationship EA = emotional affair I do not like using the word "affair". My MM and I are in a relationship. True enough, there are EMRs that are just affairs, but ours isn't. We are in a long term, deep relationship with each other. Affair is a derogatory word in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Thank you, all of you. I really need ALL of you right now. I know sometimes I sound like I've lost it and TBH sometimes I think I have but I am so thankful, I really am. I have just lost 'me' at the moment. Good...I'm glad you are loosing "you"....the you before took this crap....but guess what, you have already found the NEW AND IMPROVED YOU!!!!!!!!!!! Go for it!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 H4U I know how you feel! I've had many tears today for some reason and that is why I've been on today reading. I'm so hoping 2010 brings about many changes for the good in my life. I have friends I can talk to but then I think sometimes they get tired of hearing me say the same things over and over and over. I think one day we will be where SD is and I can't wait to be me again. I hope you go out tomorrow night and have the time of your life!! XOXO Hey NIT...nope your true friends NEVER get tired of hearing you, no matter what you have to say....and yes 2010 will be great changes for you...let it happen, you may not understand all of the changes, but go with them, they are for your good...and BTW you already are you...the new and improved you.....GBU Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Hey everyone, so I took your advice (thank you all), we had a good night (I think!). The latter part of the night is a bit hazy at best but my friends kept my mind occupied and said I only had a couple of 'moments' and I even got 'hit on'...3 times!!! I'm still very lost and tearful at times, still checking my e mails and still thinking about him constantly but I am glad I went out so again thank you to everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Hey everyone, so I took your advice (thank you all), we had a good night (I think!). The latter part of the night is a bit hazy at best but my friends kept my mind occupied and said I only had a couple of 'moments' and I even got 'hit on'...3 times!!! I'm still very lost and tearful at times, still checking my e mails and still thinking about him constantly but I am glad I went out so again thank you to everyone. Yay, H4U! Good on you Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Yay, H4U! Good on you Thanks Hazy, At least I know now when I have to hold it together I can....baby steps but steps none the less! How did you get on? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Absolutely H4U, baby-steps. I had a great night thank you. Also surprised at how well I held it together. It really boosted me Link to post Share on other sites
Author hopeless4u Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Absolutely H4U, baby-steps. I had a great night thank you. Also surprised at how well I held it together. It really boosted me I'm pleased for you, lets hope this is a turning point for both of us. x Link to post Share on other sites
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