Am I Just Being Ridiculously Needy or Do I Need to Worry?

[Ruby Slippers]

Some of it was sexist... by design. Some of it wasn't. I will post a similar response every time I see a post of old cliches like "men just don't handle emotions well," and will feel justified in doing so.

OK, but stooping to the opposing side's level of building your argument with cliches rather than reason is a quick way to lose the esteem of intelligent and rational people.

[ordinary_girl]

It's hilarious that you categorize this as laziness on the man's part, typical of the female mindset on this matter. .

 

surely if you argue I am hilarious being a typical female, you shouldn't fall in the same category by generalising? kinda defeats the object, no?

[ordinary_girl]

In a new relationship, there is no implied amount of contact due and owing from one side to the other, regardless of whether it's the man or the woman who has the expectations. Especially early on, a relationship needs room to breathe, and can be smothered out by an insecure need for constant contact.

 

It's hilarious that you categorize this as laziness on the man's part, typical of the female mindset on this matter. In actuality, the men who work the hardest in life tend to bristle most at all the obligatory contacts that insecure women invariably demand. Women who want to be treated equally should have enough self-assurance, self-respect and self-esteem not to require a continual umbilical tether to the man they are dating.

 

If a woman wants a man to fawn on her 24/7 and be instantly at her beck and call via text or otherwise, there are tons of out of work musician/hipster wannabes out there dawdling around who have nothing going on in their lives other than their GF, so will be happy to oblige her near infinite demands for attention. Go get one of those, not a real, serious man.

 

it only gets out of hand if you allow it to. my point was that instead of expecting what you think a woman should 'know' about the amount of communication (which is a lazy way to think, hence my argument) you should be assertive and express what you think should be expected from you.

 

the above is meaningless because all of it is very subjective, something that's suffocating for one person is completly normal for the other. you have to communicate what you want. that was my point. you didn't say anything here that says otherwise.

 

if you expect someone to read your mind, that's lazy. you would be the first person to complain that women expect you to read their minds. yet here you argue women should instinctively know how much contact you would want.

[dazzle22]

Holy Toledo! My post has been massively misunderstood!

 

First, I think we all misread the original post and thought the poster was female because it sounded like a query trying to understand the opposite sex. The poster does indicate that he has been told he has a more feminine perspective so the suggestions probably still apply.

 

Why is pointing out the differences in men and women have to be looked at so negatively? We don't look down on the bird who sits on the nest while the other goes looking for food. So why can't we mention obvious differences in masculine and feminine perspectives without it being called outdated or sexist?? Men did evolve as hunters and chasers, and women did evolve as in charge of the home base and what is wrong with that? We all have masculine and feminine traits, and we all fall more at one end of the spectrum than the other and neither perspective is bad.

 

Meerkat. I was not trying to imply in ANY way that men are not articulate! Just that they don't in general like to process EMOTIONS verbally on and on the way women do, for the reasons you mentioned! And if you knew me, you would see that a lot of what I say is kind of joking around , but this does not always come out on paper.

 

I think in every relationship there is one person who is more YIN and the other more YANG. The one who is more feminine will want to process the relationship verbally and want more overt signs of "where the relationship is at" and bonding than the other. The one who does not want all the verbal processing and is less emotional will start manifesting desire for SPACE and autonomy. Neither perspective is wrong or bad. In fact, I think relationships can switch these roles at times too.

 

So I guess my point was that I felt the OP should give this guy some space, be less available, a bit more elusive and challenging and mysterious initially, so the guy doesn't get the impression that he has him wrapped around his finger already. Instead of making him retreat by too much attention, make him have to come looking..