Author Heather1 Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Later..... this is an exit A. I just talked to my Mom for a long time, about my M & my H. She lives 400 miles away, and she almost sounded surprised I've never brought this stuff up before. So here's my plan....wait until my son graduates from HS in 6 months, and move back "home." Not with my Mom, I'll have enough money to not worry about that. With all our assets, I should be fine. My H has always hid assets, so whatever on that. I've signed enough tax returns to know what he makes, and half of that is plenty. It's more than what I see now, surprisingly. My H's mistress is money (ironically, he wouldn't have had any without me). As for the OM, I re-read that email from today. It was really nice, but clearly he knew what he was doing with the gift giving thing....making a statement. I wasn't over-reacting. I told him we'd talk tomorrow, but the PA is totally over. If I move in 6 months, all the better for all of us. I'd be taking my kids w/ me. I want to be around my friends & family again. My H took me away from that, and OM has isolated me even more. But, I learned I don't want to settle anymore. As immoral as it all is, I needed a big ML SMACK. My H is an engineer & spock-like, he'll be fine. He'll have his money & I'll have my life back. Link to post Share on other sites
Hazyhead Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Wow, Heather - what a turnaround! Good for you. You sound like a completely different person. Most noticibly you seem far more confident and secure within yourself and that's fantastic. I hadn't realised that your H had an affair too. You talk very matter-of-factly about it, which does suggest that you are ready to move on. I sincerely hope it works out really well for you. I like your attitude Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I used to think it meant something when my xMM kept trying to get me back after I'd end it with him over and over again. It didn't mean anything except that he didn't want to lose a person he could have sex with. This no-gift thing is never going to make you feel any better. He's doing it so that if his wife ever finds out about the affair, one of the questions she's going to ask is, "Did you buy her things???!!!" and he'll be able to truthfully say no. She'll go through his records, maybe even call you, and when she realizes it's true, she'll interpret that as 'he treated this woman like crap so she must've not meant anything to him', and then they'll go on with their merry lives. Also, to many men, giving a gift to a woman means there's some form of promise attached to it and I'm sure he doesn't want to give you that impression. First of all, stop buying him things when he doesn't buy things for you. That's just completely ridiculous. The gift thing isn't going to get any better. He's using you, no matter what he says, no matter what you think. And don't downplay it like it doesn't matter to you because it does. If you don't want him to leave his marrage, then why are you with him? You just like sleeping with married men? Do you not see the arrogance of this man? He takes his wife on a vacation, probably beautiful gifts for xmas, they have dinners together, shop and buy things together, and all that. He totally understands the importance of gift-giving, so don't think he doesn't understand that it bothers you. And here you are a single girl (I'm assuming) who's sitting on the sidelines waiting for a guy who will never be with you, who never buys you gifts, and treats you like an afterthought. Very well stated. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 thanks HH... I want us to be lovers & friends for as long as it lasts, that's all. I do want to know that I'm appreciated though, and this gift thing is more proof that I'm not. I seem to put myself in a position where I have 2 men that I'm lowest on the priority list with. I won't go into my "troubled marriage." you can't be friends after the PA - you can't go back, it doesn't work. YOU have choices, and YOU have chosen to be low priority. no, no no, don't go into the troubled marriage scene, addressing that issue may actually help the marriage. you have things all back wards, dear... that is why YOU are so troubled. Link to post Share on other sites
jj33 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 If you know he is hiding assets are they on the tax return? And you signed the tax return? You may want to see a divorce/tax lawyer ASAP because if you signed there could be liabilities for you. The fact that you dont know where he hid things doesnt matter if you know he was hiding... You dont want to find out in 2 years when you are divorced that you are liable for tax debts relating to assets he squirreled away that you will never see. Its complicated and you need a good tax attorney to help you with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Heather1 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 I meant hiding assets from me, I see what he makes on the tax returns. I think they calculate based on income reported on taxes, and it's plenty. I'm sure he has more stashed in his businesses, family, etc. & I don't really care about that since what I sign every year he can't hide. The money is his mistress, as far as I know he hasn't had an A. OM pretty much admitted he's been a jerk to me. Funny, because I've isolated myself & haven't told anyone what's going on I haven't been able to see how I've been treated. Great. I had a long talk w/ my H, and we're going to go to MC as a last ditch effort. I'll do it for my kids, but I'm really feeling done. i guess I needed to be slammed to a wall before I made a move. Link to post Share on other sites
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