Author pandagirl Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 As I wrote above, I would withhold judgment on him and keep your feelings somewhat guarded until you know him well enough to inquire about his history. That will tell you A LOT about him. In particular, pay attention to how he talks about his exes. Well, I already know he is good friends with one of his exes, and that he is friendly with a few other ones. I even met the ex that is the good friend of his; she seems cool and friendly and interesting. And I hope that this doesn't sound racist, but would it be possible that he is half-Cuban have anything to do with how...passionate he is? His father's side is Cuban. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 PG, do you feel he's romancing you or is this a natural flow of intimacy? I ask because, if it's purposeful, I'd expect you to be a bit uncomfortable when with him, like he's overreaching. I'm not really hearing that from you. Thoughts? I ask this because, depending on impetus, certain behaviors, when naturally occurring, foster a growing intimacy, where purposeful romancing is merely a methodology to promote familiarity. Time will tell I suppose. Like I said prior, no hurry Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 (edited) PG, do you feel he's romancing you or is this a natural flow of intimacy? I ask because, if it's purposeful, I'd expect you to be a bit uncomfortable when with him, like he's overreaching. I'm not really hearing that from you. Thoughts? I ask this because, depending on impetus, certain behaviors, when naturally occurring, foster a growing intimacy, where purposeful romancing is merely a methodology to promote familiarity. Time will tell I suppose. Like I said prior, no hurry I don't know even if I'd call what he is doing "romancing." It's more that he just seems REALLY into me. I just looked at my phone and I had two missed calls from him. He tells me how he misses me all the time. It can be a bit much for me, but I'm trying to keep these 2.5 weeks that I'm gone in perspective. He also might be especially lonely, because he did not go home for xmas this year, but spending it with friends. So he's there by himself, thinking about me, while I'm home surrounded by family and friends, keeping busy. Our "relationship" thus far has been abnormal: rushed, intense, sporadic, etc. I need to get back and see how we function in an everyday setting. Having dates, talking about our days, etc. Like I stated before, I am happy I met him. I am just unsure of his *intentions.* This is the part that has me balking. Edited December 25, 2009 by pandagirl typo Link to post Share on other sites
jw90063 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 This is unbelievable. I'm sorry, but some people are just clueless. Is this not the SAME guy who told you he wanted to dominate you, but take care of you? If so, I think that is a huge red flag right there, and why that didn't scare you away completely, is beyond me. The guy seems weird, and he seems incredibly overbearing, clingy as well. Sorry, if I have the wrong guy. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 OK, at this juncture I'll opine enthusiasm combined with some relationship immaturity. I presume he's never been married. I think this is a different guy. I hope so Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I'm still dating guy #3 from my multi-dating "experiment" (which really lasted only three first dates with three different guys). Things are intense, but also weirdly comfortable. I've been gone since friday, but we talk every day, either thought IM or phone calls. In a way, it's nice being away from him, because if I were still there, I'm sure we'd be having sex. But now, we just can get to know each other through conversation. But already, I'm pushing him away! He can feel it too and called me out on it. He said he could get hurt, too, but nothing in life is certain and that uncertainty wasn't going to stop him from being happy he met me. I agree with him. But my feelings of wanting to push away or shutdown is so strong. Why can't I just relax? I understand a little fear is normal, but mine is like power failure level. It's like I'd rather almost throw away the whole situation, just to prevent myself from being hurt. SHUTDOWN. So much investment, so early... young girl, (you may be young or older who knows) perhaps you can take it easy. Don't take it too seriously, have fun and get to know the man. Stop having sex right away.. just stop Trick with multi-dating is, you need to figure out what you want at your pace. Then you got to drop the rest off. Maybe you are just not ready! but you feel obligated to be ready... hence you push away. If you think you are ready, take a chance! Things may work out! If you are not ready, don't go deeper. Get it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 This is unbelievable. I'm sorry, but some people are just clueless. Is this not the SAME guy who told you he wanted to dominate you, but take care of you? If so, I think that is a huge red flag right there, and why that didn't scare you away completely, is beyond me. The guy seems weird, and he seems incredibly overbearing, clingy as well. Sorry, if I have the wrong guy. I think this is a different guy. I hope so Sorry to disappoint -- same guy! If you think you are ready, take a chance! Things may work out! If you are not ready, don't go deeper. Get it? This the attitude I'd like to adopt. When you put it like that, Pizzaman, things aren't so complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Pizzaman81 Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Sorry to disappoint -- same guy! This the attitude I'd like to adopt. When you put it like that, Pizzaman, things aren't so complicated. ya, never feel obligated to do something when you are not ready. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 Sorry to disappoint -- same guy! No hurry here. Definitely no hurry. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I just read the other thread about this guy and it made me wonder... Maybe you're reacting this way because he's invested in you way too fast and too early. He hardly knows you and he already tells you you're perfect??? That's a lot of pressure (to be perfect) and very little room to get to know each other. I know I would feel exactly the same way you do in your shoes. In fact, your relationship so far reminds me of a relationship I had a couple of years ago (with the French cook, remember him?) I don't know. I don't think there's anything wrong with you for reacting this way to such a chilvalrous campaign. You want to be careful and you want to make sure the feelings he expresses are genuine. Don't pathologize yourself though. The problem isn't with you. You're reacting this way because things are moving fast. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHarvest Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your seflishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, imprenetrable, irredeemable. --- C.S. Lewis The moral of the story. Is being in love, being vulnerable, is healthy. Fearing love, or fearing to be hurt will ultimately create a cycle of unhealthy repression of emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pandagirl Posted December 25, 2009 Author Share Posted December 25, 2009 To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your seflishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, imprenetrable, irredeemable. --- C.S. Lewis The moral of the story. Is being in love, being vulnerable, is healthy. Fearing love, or fearing to be hurt will ultimately create a cycle of unhealthy repression of emotions. C.S. Lewis was a wise man. I agree with him, and I also agree that my heart has been guarded my entire life (note: I don't have pets because I don't want to deal with the loss). But, in the context of this thread -- I just don't want to love foolishly. Although, I suppose there could be worse things. Link to post Share on other sites
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