Tension over a FB status?? Really?

[Island Girl]

So its ok for you to think I'm gonna shove my religion down your throat,

 

Sexual orientation is NOT religion first of all. They are two very different things.

I am surprised I have to point that out for you.

 

but its not ok for me to think you're gonna shove your orientation down mine?

 

No one is shoving their sexual orientation down your throat by BEING gay or bisexual. Nor are they shoving it down your throat by declaring it to you, me, or the world.

It is THEIR life - they get to live it.

 

They are not telling YOU to be gay, hang out with gay people, or anything else.

 

So they are not shoving it down YOUR throat.

 

If someone told you they were Jewish. Would you just think to yourself "okay you are Jewish - your choice" and move along from it??

 

I HOPE you do say yes to that - you should -- and IT IS THE SAME THING.

 

Being gay is an aspect of their life not their entire life. And it is not true that by stating one is gay or being gay shoves it down your throat - NOR does it IMPOSE that lifestyle on you.

 

This is what your friend is upset about. You don't even understand how prejudice and hurtful you are.

 

And FYI -- most of the people you have upset are HETEROSEXUAL. We just see how prejudicial some of your statements are.

Some people defend their racist attitudes too. But racist statements are OFFENSIVE.

Your statements - as the one on your FB -- are OFFENSIVE.

 

Your friend is upset because of that just as most here are.

Edited December 24, 2009 by Island Girl

[victim_of_love]

thats you assuming things just because she finds women attractive doesnt mean she wants to push it in other peoples faces..more than likely shes ashamed to show it because of people like you...shes a person and shes deserves to be treat like a person actually i admire her because she actually has come out an said this is what i am ..she likes women so what!!

Do you see me calling her a horrible mayor because she admitted that she is gay? No. I'm not gonna treat her anything differently than I would treat anyone else that got in there. Ok. I'll admit i may be assuming things and perhaps I should have a better outlook on her. But im just being honest and expressing what i fear, and thats what i fear.

 

Sexual orientation is NOT religion first of all. They are two very different things.

I am surprised I have to point that out for you.

You so missed my point completely. I'm very aware its two different things. Hince me using "religion" and "orientation". Its about being judgemental, and I'm surprised I have to point that out to YOU. I was saying its ok for you to be judgemental, but its not ok for me to be it. I thought i made that very clear.

 

 

This is what your friend is upset about. You don't even understand how prejudice and hurtful you are.

Hurtful? Prejudice? How?

 

Btw, all my HETEROSEXUAL friends had no problem with my statement. They saw it as MY OPINION and did not take it so personally. I even have a GAY male friend whose not taken it as badly as most people here.

Edited December 24, 2009 by victim_of_love

[Island Girl]

Btw, all my HETEROSEXUAL friends had no problem with my statement. They saw it as MY OPINION and did not take it so personally. I even have a GAY male friend whose not taken it as badly as most people here.

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

You are NOT serious. Really?

 

First of all the comment wasn't directed at them. And some may have been offended but not enough to tell you or unfriend you on FB.

They are your friends they give you a pass on it. I wish they hadn't but they have.

 

As far as you having a gay male friend who did not care as much - you do realize gay people are individuals and can feel differently about ALL things including what is or isn't over the line?

They also make individual choices about who they will and won't be friends with etc.

 

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeez. There is so much more wrong with just this paragraph but I do not have the patience...

[victim_of_love]

:lmao::lmao:

 

You are NOT serious. Really?

 

First of all the comment wasn't directed at them. And some may have been offended but not enough to tell you or unfriend you on FB.

They are your friends they give you a pass on it. I wish they hadn't but they have.

 

As far as you having a gay male friend who did not care as much - you do realize gay people are individuals and can feel differently about ALL things including what is or isn't over the line?

They also make individual choices about who they will and won't be friends with etc.

 

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeez. There is so much more wrong with just this paragraph but I do not have the patience...

 

Wow. That post was uncalled for.

 

But regardless. Thank you for posting in my topic, you guys really gave me more clearer prospective on how my friend most have seen me.

[hoping2heal]

Weeks ago, Houston, TX got its first openly gay mayor in office. Annise Parker. Now after hearing this, I went on my facebook and threw up this status:

 

"Whoa. The first gay mayor in Houston. This outta be interesting. I hope she does not go imposing her sex orientation like its ok."

 

Now, me being a christian and someone who follows God's holy bible, I felt I had a right to fear such things. For others who look at the world more gayer than my black and white view, you may not be so bothered by it. Kudos to you. But my status was MY opinion. That's why it says, "whats on your mind?" and I put up whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you can comment or ignore it.

 

Anyways, a friend of my saw the status and spoke her mind about it. Her being bi, I kind of expected for her to be like "whats wrong with that?" and so I had to explain to her why I thought that, pretty much telling her what I told her above. Then she asked me "so what will happen when we get a gay president, you going back to Africa?" and I responded in a sarcastic way "yes lol".

 

Next thing I know, my friend count goes down and I find out that she deleted my off my facebook status.....and I went....WTF??? Really? Why? I'm still puzzled by it. How can a simple status, that had no intention on hurting you but to expressing my mind about someone else, cause you to delete me as a friend? And the worst part is, she is REALLY upset at me too. She doesn't answer any text messages or calls.

 

Now I don't know what I did wrong, but can someone lend me advice on what to do to fix this. I really do care about this girl and I'd hate to have tension with a friend during a christmas season.

 

It is your opinion and yes you are allowed to speak what that is. However, it is also you making judgements about people along with "your opinion." Now, everyone no matter what religion makes a judgement about someone at some time but if I had a friend say of a certain race, and I made a judgement about their entire race, do you think they would really be appeased by me or want to be my friend?

 

You should be prepared that when you openly make judgements about people, they will not respond well to it- wether you believe it's "your right" to express it or not. It is their right, to no longer wish to be your friend.

[Star Gazer]

As far as you having a gay male friend who did not care as much...

 

I highly doubt the OP affirmatively went to this gay friend and asked him outright if his belief that being gay is "not okay" was offensive!

 

Fear --- FEAR? Fear what things?

 

If someone tells you they are gay or bisexual does that make you want to run out and be gay or bisexual yourself?

 

I think you hit the nail on the head, IG...at least where OP is concerned.

[whichwayisup]

"Whoa. The first gay mayor in Houston. This outta be interesting. I hope she does not go imposing her sex orientation like its ok."

 

Just curious, but can you explain what you mean by this? What is it that you actually 'fear'?

 

I can see why your friend deleted herself, what you said offended her, even if you didn't mean it that way. All you can do is apologize to her, let her know that you didn't mean to hurt her feelings, that you care about her.. then back off and give her some space.

[mustangsally]

It is your opinion and yes you are allowed to speak what that is. However, it is also you making judgements about people along with "your opinion." Now, everyone no matter what religion makes a judgement about someone at some time but if I had a friend say of a certain race, and I made a judgement about their entire race, do you think they would really be appeased by me or want to be my friend?

 

I agree hoping2heal. I am Jewish and friends with several conservative Christians. I am sure a lot of them think I'm going to hell and that's fine, that's their personal opinion. They can think whatever they want to think. However, I am not friends with conservative Christians who feel it is their duty to tell me how wrong I am and show me the error of my ways. I am friends with these people precisely because we respect each other's views. If someone put up a status like "Oh gosh, first Jewish mayor in our city, I hope he doesn't start imposing his evil Jewish views!", I'd probably be very offended.

 

Also, you have to understand that in the USA, your "Bible fearing" views are in the majority. Gay people, Jewish people, black people, etc. have been told all of their lives their is something "wrong" with them and have had people "hate" them because the Bible says this is how things should be. Being bi, I'm sure your friend has faced a lot of prejudice and downright jerky people, so she probably felt that she didn't need a friend who would also pass judgment on her.

 

I know I'm Jewish, but doesn't Jesus say "Judge not lest ye be judged"? So what right do you honestly have to judge her actions?

[victim_of_love]

Lol. I think I get it people. I ****ed up. Badly. And apparently now I got people here pissed off too. So I'd like to apologize to all those who were offended by my message. Personally, I was never trying to insult anyone and it was a bad move on my part to be judgemental of our gay mayor.

 

And Mustangsally, I'm not judgemental to races or genders or any of that. I just so happened to be judgemental to bisexuality this time around because of how its taught in my church and whats it classified in the bible as. I'm sorry, but its how my religion works. Maybe next time I'll keep it to myself.

 

All I care about right now is a way to mend a relationship after something like this. And I think I got a mapped out plan. First off, let her cool off, and then apologize to her. Then convince my friend that I'll work harder to not be so judgemental of her bisexuality. That'll be tough. Then afterwards comes the hard part - keeping the relationship moving now that she knows I'm a homophobe. Geez. <_<

 

Go easy on me people. I'm still learning.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, there are some things best kept to yourself. And this is one of them.

 

I am not knocking your religion, but if you want this friendship to work, you really need to try to get past her sexuality and look at her as a woman, your friend and NOT in the eyes of your religion. It isn't a big deal, really.. She obviously has great qualities, reguardless of her being bi.

 

I guess I don't understand how you can make a friendship work if you are homophobic and feel a certain way towards gay/lesbians/bi's.

[Island Girl]

And Mustangsally, I'm not judgemental to races or genders or any of that.

 

So you do understand that being judgmental of others is a bad thing.

 

I just so happened to be judgemental to bisexuality this time around because of how its taught in my church and whats it classified in the bible as. I'm sorry, but its how my religion works.

 

I am sorry your religious interpretation calls for being judgmental of others in any capacity.

 

Homosexuality is present throughout the bible. And not always as a bad thing either.

 

Just as an FYI - The bible advocates incest in the story of Loeb and his daughters as well as other places as well.

 

So you see the bible says all kinds of things about subject matter.

 

In the end it is up to you to make up your own mind with your own conscience as to what you believe.

If you decide that homosexuality and bisexuality are wrong or against your God/Religion then more power to you and I would suggest you not go down that road.

 

However I would also suggest that you understand each person should be allowed to make up their own minds as to what they believe as well. And in the spirit of THAT you look to embrace other people's choices as just that - other people's choices for their own lives (just like you make yours) and accepted as that. Okay for them just not something YOU would do.

 

 

I'm sure your religion teaches about hell and suffering. If being gay or bisexual really is against GOD don't you think HE can handle it himself when the time comes?

 

This little adjustment will go a long way towards tolerance of others choices.

I assure you there will be more peace and happiness in your life if you embrace the principle that we ALL can live our lives the way we want (as long as no one is being hurt in the process) and you needn't be "fearful" (you never did explain that BTW) or walking around pointing fingers at others.

[Jordanjames]

This is a very interesting conversation going on here. I am openly gay and I would NOT be a friend with someone like the OP but that`s just my personal opinion. I would not want a homophobe as a friend because that person would not view me as an equal. Also, the OP makes some heterosexist statements. Society is entrenched with heterosexuality the assumption is everyone is heterosexual and that`s false. The magazines, books, TV shows, movies, billboard ads, news media focuses on heterosexuality.

 

Houston a major American city finally has a gay mayor and that`s a big step in progress. The reason I say this is because the citizens of Houston are judging the mayor on her professional career and not her sexual orientation which is progress.

 

On the one hand the OP is saying he or she is entitled to his or her own opinion about homosexuality. Of course, the OP is entitled to his or her`s point of view. However, I am surprised that the OP doesn`t seem to understand that the bisexual female friend is hurt and upset by the comment. The OP is not sensitive to the feelings of his bisexual female friend and she is deeply hurt by your homophobic comments. It seems to me that the OP`s friendship with the bisexual woman is conditional meaning that there are clear limits.

[victim_of_love]

I thought I'd come back and give you all an update.

 

I talked it out with my friend over texting and calmed the tension. Although she replied with "yeah right" to my apologies, which was expected, she still accepted my friend request and now we're friends again on facebook. Some may not be too happy to hear about that but it happened.

 

Are we talking like we used to? So far, yes. Is still still mad at me? I have no idea. Is there still tension? A little. But despite all that, I'm just going back to doing what I was doing when we were friens and thats sending her funny texts, goofing off on her status updates, and all that jazz. Thats all I really can do.

 

I'll be more careful to watch what I say when it deals with her homosexuality since I have a better prospective on how sensitive it can be to her. Not just her either, just homosexuals period.

 

EDIT: And to Jordanjames, I don't know if I gave any indication that I did not care about her feelings, but the fact that I even started this topic for advice on how to mend ties should give you some indication that I do. I felt terrible that I hurt her feelings.

Edited December 27, 2009 by victim_of_love

[whichwayisup]

It's good you two worked it out.

 

A good friend is worth fighting for.

[victim_of_love]

Yeah she is, whichwayisup. She is still a bit sore, but it will blow over with time.

 

Anyways, after reading the topic over, I wanna take a second to apologize to everyone I've offended here. If my comments stepped on you in anyway, just know it was not intentional and I don't treat you any differently than I treat my friends. I don't care if you're homosexual or not. I'm not that kind of person that talks down on you for not following my views. And in a way, I guess that doesn't make me a homophobe. Cause I'm not really against homosexuality....I'm not gonna shoot anyone for being homosexual.....but my point of view comes from the bible. And being a Christian, thats the foundation of who I am. Despite that, for the most part I respect all your views, apart from a few crude comments here and there. Am I'm gonna follow them? Most likely not. Cause the purpose of this topic was advice on how to mend a friendship and thats what I got. But I plan on visting this site a lot more and helping people out with advice, and I don't want any problems with anyone.

[tahoebuffy]

I cannot understand why the core of this argument is so difficult for you to understand. I myself have de-friended someone because their constant bible-thumping hate rhetoric drove me nuts. You know what? I want to pull up Facebook and see what my friends are up to. Who just worked a double, who just had a kid, who just got married or drank so much they woke up under a bush. I DONT want to read some extreme political viewpoint, or hate mongering. I think is it highly UNCHRISTIAN of you in the first place to say something of that nature, in fact, I personally feel it is flat out wrong to feel that way at all about gay people. Why do Christians always seem to be at the forefront of bigotry? Why do you all blame the bible for your opinions, when the honest truth is that it just skeeves you out somewhere deep down? How could you write something so inflammatory about gay people KNOWING your GAY friend was likely to read it, and then hide behind "I didnt mean to hurt her"? Telling someone "it isnt personal" only means it isnt personal to YOU, when it is very personal to them. For instance, if your friend posted something derogatory about black people, wouldnt you be offended? Because that is the core of who you are, how you were born and remains completely unchangeable, and therefore unforgiveable for someone to fault you for it. It also bothers me how you said that you do all these things for her even though she's gay. It sounds a lot like you are making youself out to be some kind of twisted martyr in your continued friendship with someone you find to be unclean. As though you have proved your tolerance by continuing to be her friend. If you really were tolerant, these thoughts would never have crossed your mind, you never would have considered writing something so offensive because you would not find gay people to be offensive at all. They are people just like you. At the very least, I would think you might have some understanding and compassion for what it is like to be a hated and misunderstood minority fighting tooth and nail for a bare minimum of acceptance. About a hundred years and some change in our past, you could find plenty of people quoting the bible to enforce the widespread bigotry concerning the rightful place of black people. Their opinions were wrong, and so are yours.

[whimsical_memory]

I wouldn't want to be friends with a "homophobe"? Thats as stupid as not wanting to be friends with me cause I'm black.

 

People. Try to see things from my prospective please. I never intended to insult anybody.

 

 

 

To me, personally, I do not see anything wrong with what you wrote on your facebook. It is YOUR facebook, YOUR thoughts, YOUR status remarks. You have the right to speak whatever happens to cross your mind at any particular moment in time. My father cannot stand the fact that I post scripture, but am I going to stop doing it? No, because it is MY facebook, and I have that right to post/think/feel/say whatever I want to say. If someone doesn't like what you have to say, they can either 1.Delete you or 2. Ignore you.

 

You didn't personally attack your friend, or her lifestyle choices, you expressed concern over something that as a Christian, you believe to be an issue. Kudos to you!

[Jordanjames]

Victim of Love you are not listening to the arguments people are presenting. Your friend is bisexual your comments hurt her feelings. Is it that hard for you to understand? How would you feel if someone said they would not to be your friend because you are so pious? Wouldn't you be a bit offended? Your friend feels you are not respecting her as a person.

[Philippro]

I think it's really awkward to act like this(your friend's behaviour). She obviously has no ways of proving her point and the fact that you have makes him angry. I also agree with you that his reaction to your sarcastic comment is silly. Of course fb isn't the best way of communicating, as result missunderstandings happen. I also agree with a co-poster that he is probably bisexual.

[victim_of_love]

Victim of Love you are not listening to the arguments people are presenting. Your friend is bisexual your comments hurt her feelings. Is it that hard for you to understand? How would you feel if someone said they would not to be your friend because you are so pious? Wouldn't you be a bit offended? Your friend feels you are not respecting her as a person.

Jesus christ, I've made it really clear many times in this topic that I DO know I've hurt her feelings. Which is why I've asked advice on how to clear it up. Do you just take my comments as BS or something?

 

tahoebuffy, I do not find gay people to be offensive....when have I said that? And my comment was not about ALL gay people at all. How do you interpret my view on the mayor as me saying I don't like gay people? I never said I did not like gay people.

 

And philippro, I'm not bisexual.....

Edited January 8, 2010 by victim_of_love

[victim_of_love]

I figured something about my opening post made it seem like I dislike gay people. I tried to go re-edit it but its not allowing me. So I'll just re-edit it here in this post.

 

 

Weeks ago, Houston, TX got its first openly gay mayor in office. Annise Parker. Now after hearing this, I went on my facebook and threw up this status:

 

"Whoa. The first gay mayor in Houston. This outta be interesting. I hope she does not go imposing her sex orientation like its ok."

 

By imposing, I meant shoving it down the throats of people who do not agree with it. Like me. Now, me being a christian and someone who follows God's holy bible, I don't agree with homosexuality. I'm not homophobic though. I'm not gonna shoot anybody for being homosexual cause I could care less. I have no intentions on dating another male. Anyways, my status was MY opinion. That's why it says, "whats on your mind?" and I put up whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you can comment or ignore it.

 

Anyways, a friend of my saw the status and spoke her mind about it. Her being bi, I kind of expected for her to be like "whats wrong with that?" and so I had to explain to her why I thought that, pretty much telling her what I told her above. Then she asked me "so what will happen when we get a gay president, you going back to Africa?" and I responded in a sarcastic way "yes lol".

 

Next thing I know, my friend count goes down and I find out that she deleted my off my facebook status.....and I went....WTF??? Really? Why? I'm still puzzled by it. How can a simple status, that had no intention on hurting you but to expressing my mind about someone else, cause you to delete me as a friend? And the worst part is, she is REALLY upset at me too. She doesn't answer any text messages or calls.

 

Now I don't know what I did wrong, but can someone lend me advice on what to do to fix this. I really do care about this girl and I'd hate to have tension with a friend during a christmas season.

 

I don't know how to make that any clear than that. I still don't see how people are interpreting this as me saying "I don't like gay people".

[Trojan John]

Ah, that changes everything.