Should I be patient?

[Samson]

And if salient parts of a poster's story is left out, then it is by their choice....we can't read minds and if a story is inconsistent or changes midstream

 

I'd hasten to add, and you might agree, that there are readers who ignore parts of the story they feel are to painful to hear by their choice...and I am not necessarily addressing that comment to you "confused."

 

I would not go so far as to say their reading and replys are a "waste of time for everyone." Usually their reaction is transparent enough that it is obvious they've been so scared that they are hysterically reacting to their own past, rather than rationally reacting to any post.

[VivianLee]

It hard for me to find someone to be exclusive with. I don't want to I guess is the problem. They won't be like him and I know that sounds sad but its true. We've jokingly said to one another "why settle for anything less once you've had the best." And I guess this is true. He's the best listener, conversationalist, friend, and lover I've ever known. The age thing is a big deal with him. He's never come out and said it but hinted enough about it. It bothers him what others will think. I, myself, say screw them but...

 

Finding someone can be done!! He is the best because you haven't found "better".....yet! He's taught you to be a better you but he is also holding you back from being even better. You aren't growing anymore because you are stuck in a rut of "why won't he leave" or "will he leave".....you deserve better than that and if he sat back and thought about it he'd be a bit ashamed that he's let things stay in limbo for you for so long.

If he isn't leaving....maybe you can end the sexual/love part of the relationship while y'all are still very fond of each other and have that wonderful friendship that I told you can happen.

 

It took me a while not to compare my friend with men my age. He was much more of everything than they. But he was also in his 30's once upon a time and the results of what he is now is from maturing, getting wisdom and just growing older.

[confused4awhile]

Well my worst fear has come to light....

 

the something up was the g/f. Seems that while he was gone these past weeks she did a lot of snooping and found things that pointed to him having another woman.

 

I asked him how he handled it and he told me that he did try to deny but when backed into a corner and you're caught you're caught....I asked him what all this meant, how she reacted. ..etc...

 

He said that she reacted much differently than he expected...she took responsiblity for being the way she was and him turning to another woman...that she couldn't blame him. I asked him what all this meant and he said he'd come to the conclusion that he wasn't giving me up no matter what... that I could walk away if I wanted but he wasn't giving up on this...I asked him how the hell is that going to work...did he expect this woman to tolerate me on the side and that I could envision now the cozy little dinners between the three of us.

 

Anyway I started to say "you know what this all comes down to don't you...." and the phone beeped. He went to answer and never returned. I can only assume it was her.

 

My question was I'm sure she will tell him ....its her or me...where will I be left in there? But never got the chance.

God I feel sick...this is going to be a long night

 

 

 

Oh God what now???

[VivianLee]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

Well my worst fear has come to light....

 

the something up was the g/f. Seems that while he was gone these past weeks she did a lot of snooping and found things that pointed to him having another woman.

 

I asked him how he handled it and he told me that he did try to deny but when backed into a corner and you're caught you're caught....I asked him what all this meant, how she reacted. ..etc...

 

He said that she reacted much differently than he expected...she took responsiblity for being the way she was and him turning to another woman...that she couldn't blame him. I asked him what all this meant and he said he'd come to the conclusion that he wasn't giving me up no matter what... that I could walk away if I wanted but he wasn't giving up on this...I asked him how the hell is that going to work...did he expect this woman to tolerate me on the side and that I could envision now the cozy little dinners between the three of us.

 

Anyway I started to say "you know what this all comes down to don't you...." and the phone beeped. He went to answer and never returned. I can only assume it was her.

 

My question was I'm sure she will tell him ....its her or me...where will I be left in there? But never got the chance.

God I feel sick...this is going to be a long night

 

 

 

Oh God what now???

 

Okay....she has apparently suspected something or she wouldn't have snooped. So that's something to ponder...

 

Surely there is no way that you will continue this relationship with him if he stays with her. He's not married to her nor do they have children (right?) sooooo what in the world?? But remember there is another person in this picture, that has found out someone she loves has cheated on her. She's hurting right now. In fact both of this man's women in his life are suffering....this pattern needs to stop now and if this isn't a time for a moment of truth, I don't know what is.....perhaps you should be the one that says "me or her".....stay strong and please do what is best for you in the long run and don't forget about the other person hurting....is he worth all this pain?

 

The way she is reacting could also mean that he will stay with her as it has been but still want to keep you on the side.....why would he do that now??

 

Hang in there!! Just try to use your head more than your heart if possible!!

[confused4awhile]

Originally posted by VivianLee

Okay....she has apparently suspected something or she wouldn't have snooped. So that's something to ponder...

 

Surely there is no way that you will continue this relationship with him if he stays with her. He's not married to her nor do they have children (right?) sooooo what in the world?? But remember there is another person in this picture, that has found out someone she loves has cheated on her. She's hurting right now. In fact both of this man's women in his life are suffering....this pattern needs to stop now and if this isn't a time for a moment of truth, I don't know what is.....perhaps you should be the one that says "me or her".....stay strong and please do what is best for you in the long run and don't forget about the other person hurting....is he worth all this pain?

 

The way she is reacting could also mean that he will stay with her as it has been but still want to keep you on the side.....why would he do that now??

 

Hang in there!! Just try to use your head more than your heart if possible!!

 

 

 

Ok well he called back and we just got off the phone. I emailed him the rest of my earlier comment since I didn;tget to finish it before...You all would have been proud of me...hell I'm proud of myself. I told him now was his chance..it's all out in the open and if he wants out this is the chance.

 

He did say that he couldn't be without me, that everything he does and thinks is about me. Saying how could he walk away from me? I told him I feel the same.

But I will if he does not take this chance to make a decision. I did say to him she's not your wife ..she's a g/f.

 

He said he feels bad for whats happened and that either way he's wrong no matter what he does he's going to hurt somebody. I told him to forget about me being anything but a friend at the moment and that he needed to ask himself what he really wanted period. Do what ____ wants and forget about everybody else. Sure there will be hurt, has been hurt but the moment has come.

 

He did say that he still has some trouble with our age difference but not as much as he did in the begining. I asked him why...he said I'm always going to be 19 yrs older than you thats why. I told him age is a number and doesn't matter.

 

We both agreed what we have is something that you don't find everyday and we didn't want to spend the rest of our lives comparing. I also asked him if he could live with a g/f that the first chance she gets would snoop through his belongings with him not there and that from this point on if he did stay with her, she'd never trust him again... would keep a probably unbearable short leash...quesion everything he did or said....and would never let him forget it happened. I told him this was the price he had to pay to stay with her and if he could deal with it than he'd have to.

 

 

He was tired from being gone for 2weeks and his first day home of course being as it was. He asked that he not have to make a decision right now...He needed time to sleep ....to think....

 

I think right now I could use a bit myself...so Goodnight ya'll and thank you for being here.

[VivianLee]

I think you did really well!! You should be proud!! Sleep well and keep us updated!!

[confused4awhile]

What was it Scarlett said "After all tomorrow is another day?"

 

Didn't get much sleep last night and tried my best to avoid him as much as possible today...but he called me every 30 minutes. I felt sick all day..physically and emotionally. Let's say I've reached the point in all this that my guilt for his g/f has weighed on me.

 

I'm not this person...I'm not a person to break up a relationship and cause such pain to another....I know how I feel... I can only imagine how she feels. To be deceived, to loss that trust, and lets face it I am 20 years younger than her....I know how I'd feel.

 

Anyway we're supposed to talk again tonight....I'm not sure what else there is to say. My posistion at this point has to be kept firm and that is...this is the one chance to prove my patience has been justified...Its all out..he can't go back with her and try to work things out and expect me to sit on the sidelines. I can't ...and I won't if he doesn't break free now then he never will....

 

I told him today that I felt sick and all he could say is "patience my baby it will all work out"

I asked " yeah and whats this patience getting me?"

 

Than I told him we'd talk later, that I had alot of waking time in the last 24 hours to think and things have changed. He asked "What's changed?" And I said "Everything, we'll talk later if you want to really talk about all this. "

 

I mean in one aspect I don't want him rush him into any decision, give him time to think too...but on the other hand I feel he's had enough time to think over the course of all this. He either knows or he doesn't...he just doesn't want to make a choice...he told me last night he doesn't want to hurt either one.

I'd say too late for that...she's hurt now and I've been hurting so..Its time for the healing to begin.

[Skittles]

Confused you are doing great...stick to your guns and keep posting if that is what it takes to be free.

[kkat]

Confused,

Way to go girl. Stick to your guns - you really are handling this great.

KKat

[Beach Gurl]

Confused,

 

"why settle for anything less once you've had the best." And I guess this is true. He's the best listener, conversationalist, friend, and lover I've ever known.

 

Oooooooooh boy, know the feeling. BUT, big BUT, wouldnt YOU do just about anything to be with THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE, I know I would!

Sooooo, if you represent the same for him, why can he not do it for you? I have asked myself the same question time and time again over the last two years.

 

Hang in there ... think twice, three times before each time you are tempted to phone him ... I am there at the moment too.

Trying to be strong, know it is the best solution in the long term. In the meantime, immediate gratification will have to come from other sources. Am taking myself and my daughter off on a week's holiday. Know I will miss him, but I will be doing something for myself, getting stronger and less dependant every day!

 

Haven't you, like me, seen too many people on this forum who have lost 5, 8, 10 years and even more WAITING for their lover to make THE break? The statistics weigh heavily against us.

It is hard for people to break out of their comfort zone, we are in one as much as they are.

 

You are responsible for your own happiness.

[confused4awhile]

Well after many twists and turns in this thing...It's been a hell of a week.

 

I got my wake up "call"... a phone call from his g/f last night. Needless to say I've been an idiot. Believing what he had to say this past week. Everything from him telling me that he was not giving up on us to him thinking everything through...blah blah blah

 

Anyway his g/f informed me last night as to what he's been saying to her. I gave her no information b/c I feel that it is between them and I have interfered enough. I hope she can understand that. I would not confirm nor deny anything she asked or told me but I learned quite a bit myself.

 

Basically I called him to tell him he was a "M-F'er" and he than proceeded to tell me not to listen to her...she was a hurt woman ...more blah blah blah....

 

At any rate I've all but told him its over...that will happen tonight if he calls. I can no longer live in limbo or torment. I did tell him that he needs to evaluate his relationship with her. If he were truely happy with her none of this would have happened and well frankly its bound to happen again with another woman...was he going to continue to hurt this woman over and over... to lie and deceive her?

 

I only hope this is a learning experience for him as well

 

Anyway, as my heart is broken my mind and eyes are finally open. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to look up!!!

[VivianLee]

This is the one thing I was afraid might happen, that you might see a side of him that wasn't in a great light and hence make the relationship bitter. I guess though since it is best for you to leave him, it will help you in seeing that he's not exactly what you need. He was good for you at a time and helped you grow as a person but you aren't growing anymore and in limbo plus someone else is being hurt in the process. He could have left her long ago, he could leave her know...he's totally trying to have his cake and eat it too! Stay strong!!

[confused4awhile]

Wow I think I might just be hopeless here. We agreed to see one another last night...I got there and well I didn't leave until 5:00 this morning. Whats wrong with me? All I can say is not much talking happened. We share such a highly charged sexual connection which makes this all the harder.

 

Another thing I can't figure out...it seems like he wants to get caught in the act or something. Its not enough that she already KNOWS. I got there only to find out that his daughter would be home soon from going out. I suggested that I be gone before she got home and he said no. We stayed in his room but my God theres no way she didn't hear something. Granted she's an adult so...but still. Has he no fear of her going back to the g/f and telling her that dear Dad had company? His g/f found out from looking through his stuff to start with yet he's still leaving stuff around to be found. Just him having me there knowing she has a key (and doesn't mind using it apparently) and could come in at any moment was kind of strange.

 

This whole thing gets more confusing by the minute. I'm just as much to blame for not "talking" last night. This man... just seeing him...well anyway

 

I have no idea what's going to happen next. I mean one minute he tells me to be patient and wait about another month to saying he'd like to dye his hair blond and move to Mexico and take me with him. My question WHY RUN? They aren't married...hell they don't even live together.

 

I do understand that they have a history and that he does care for her but when does guilt for a situation stop and you start doing what YOU want?

[sharon]

The only things I want to bring to your attention are;

1) spreading of disease

2) your own safety

 

I am not trying to be critical and I know how much a high it can be to have wild, passionate sex .. but think for a minute. You could be catching something from him .. lord knows who else he's doing and who they've been with. Also, what if she were to catch you? What if she took lethal measures to end this triangle?

 

Please think about what you're doing. Also, think about yourself. What happened to that woman who on Jan 8 said she'd hit rock bottom? Take some time and perhaps distance to evaluate things.

 

Good luck,

Sharon

[confused4awhile]

Well I'm home from work today...after being up all night crying my eyes out. I pushed the issue last night like never before and well got my question answered. I've been casted...

 

Well we all knew that was coming huh? I was told that he couldn't turn his back after investing so much time in his g/f. And that he needed to see if he could fix things with her. He cared for her and he needed to see if he was still in love with her. I asked him if that's what he really wanted and he said "that's what I'm going to do. I'm probably making a big mistake but that's what I'm going to do. "

 

It's over and I'm crushed. I know this man and I feel something that only comes along once ...people search a lifetime for what we found and b/c of his honor to this woman he's going to just throw that away.

 

It's so hard to understand. I've lost everything now and not sure what I'm going to do here. Work does not seem an option...I can't escape him there...I've slept most of today and I'm still exhausted. I feel like my life is over.

 

This hurt goes much deeper than I thought possible and yet here I am having to face this reality alone. Whenever I needed someone to talk to he was that someone...I've almost picked the phone up several times today and thought..."what do you say?" Nothing I say will make any difference, nothing I say will bring him running to me...

 

He kept talking in temporary terms last night...I don't think he meant to..just slips you know. I know he knows that he can't work things out with her and I think he's hoping that I'll stick this out and wait for him quietly...But I can't. I can't hope for the relationship to go sour so that we can pick up where we left off...It's not healthy. But I know he doesn't really want this.

 

OH God I'm not strong enough to go through this...I've never hurt like this before and I feel it's more than I can bear.

[kkat]

Dear Confused,

 

I am really sorry for the pain you are going through, and I know how it feels to think you can't make it through. Been going through similar things myself recently.

 

I would like to encourage you to invest the time to read through the posts of those of us who have been in similar situations for a very, very, long time. Sure, some of our details are different, but in the end - we are women who have fallen in love with guys who have someone else they remain with, and who ultimately choose to stay with their primary significant other.

 

A big mistake I think many of us make is to listen to what these men tell us, and believe it - because we want it to be true. But in reality, their actions are what matter. You haven't lost as much as you think --- you've only lost what you REALLY had with him - not what you wished or imagined you had or what you wished could be.

 

I know you're situation really stinks since you work with this guy, but try to distance yourself from him and focus on yourself for awhile.

 

A positive thought -- I have a good friend who was in an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage for 10 years, with two young children. She couldn't get up the "ummphh" to leave this guy. She was depressed (severely) and wanted out but just kept staying. So...she fell for a guy at her office, and this ended up being the catalyst for her leaving her husband -- something she had wanted to do for years. In the end, the guy from her work was a dog and treated her like crap, and this was really hurtful to her for months. BUT -- it was a blessing in that it helped her get over the obstacles that had kept her from leaving a bad marriage. Maybe this guy has served his only destined purpose in your life -- to be a catalyst for you to leave a bad marriage. If so, count yourself lucky in that regard, and luckier still that you aren't in a relationship with him, because you deserve much more.

 

Hang in there, and you will get through it.

 

Kkat

[loveholly31]

you should definately point blank ask him if he wants to leave her, and why is he staying if he is in love with you?

 

have you left your marriage to seek this man? and if so, he isnt married to this lady right?

[SoleMate]

Maybe this guy has served his only destined purpose in your life -- to be a catalyst for you to leave a bad marriage.

 

My thoughts exactly. And dear confused, I know that to you this guy is a prince, but to us who read your posts, he's just a lying, using, cake-eating and having A**Clown. You say he makes you feel good, but all I hear about is how he leaves you sobbing and filled with despair.

 

Hey, remember the good stuff and let it bring a smile to your face. And let the other stuff run off your back.

[confused4awhile]

It's been awhile since posting and really nothing has changed. I'm still heartbroken and confused.

 

He continues to call me everyday and talk. I saw him about a week ago and it turned physical. We can't seem to help ourselves. Afterwards I told him I felt like a cheap slut for it's happening and of course he says all the right things. "But it's me baby, why do you feel that way? You know how much I care about you and you know I don't think of you like that" He can say all this stuff and in the next breath say that he needs to see this thing through with his g/f.

 

I did make the comment that apparently I was good enough to F#&$ but not good enough to be a g/f. He became irritated and said "that isn't it at all! Why does life have to be so F*ing complex?!!" I told him b/c he made it that way. He said this wasn't about me that I was an amazing woman that any man would be lucky to have and than said "I guess you're wondering if I can say that then WTF right?" And I said "yes" he said "look sweety I just don't know, I haven't felt this way about anybody in alot of years ok......I just need to see this thing through. I need to make sure for me OK? I just feel like I NEED to do this"

 

He eludes to being scared that his feelings for me are something that he doesn't/can't handle b/c he doesn't want to be hurt by me. But than again I can't seem to convince him that I will be around for him and not looking to hurt him. I think the age issue is a very big one for him. 20 years is alot of time between but as I've told him if I don't have a problem with it why should he.

 

This is just so hard. I'm trying to break away and I can't. He won't let me. He puts himself in my thoughts and I don't understand why. He says he can't stop thinking about me. that he wants me. I just don't understand why he's even trying to see things through with her if he feels this way. I've told him the way things are we're just going to end up hurting everybody either one of us are with. He said that he knew I'd always want him and he's always want me too. I don't understand if two people want each other so badly WHY not go after it.

 

THEY AREN"T MARRIED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! They don't even live together.

 

I wonder is my love for him making me believe him or is he really telling me the truth about how he feels. He seems so sincere but his actions just don't follow through. Which is leaving her. He has said that he still loves her but not sure if he's in love with her.

 

This is just CRAZY!!!!

 

We're friends and I guess that may be part of it too. I mean we even talk about their relationship. How screwed up is that? I try to give advice but feel bad b/c I know it can't be objective. He says he sexually can not perform with her after trying recently. This hurt me to hear first of all but I also was relieved. I asked him how he thought that must have made her feel. To know that he was having an affair with another woman but couldn't make love to her? I know if I were her how I would have felt. I told him that it was in his head and he needed to think about why he couldn't perform with her. I also told him that it also said alot for her to take him back in her bed so quickly after finding out. That the act for her was not an act of emotion or sexual desire but of desperation. Women link sex with intimacy and trust and there was NO WAY that she felt that for him right now as a betrayed woman. That he was being unfair to her on so many different levels b/c he's allowing her to think that if she gives him sex it will keep him faithful. This is not the case since:

1. he can't perform with her

2. he was with me 2 days after with no problems.

 

I know what you're thinking...so how can I take him in mine? Very good question. I love this man and well the sexually chemisty we share is like no other I've ever known. All he has to do is look at me and he's said the same about me. We really tried for our last meeting together not to turn physical...I really believe we both tried..but what started as just a friendly hug moved to a friendly kiss and than a not so friendly kiss and well ....Sadly I guess we're kind of like animals in that regard.

 

As his friend I want him to understand what he's doing to this woman and himself...as the woman in love with him I want him to see that everything is pointing him in my direction he just needs to be open to it.

 

OK well damn this turned into quite a post and if anyone read all of it THANKS!!!!!

 

Just needed to get all that out

[Skittles]

Stop sleeping with him.....keep posting.

[Arabess]

THEY AREN"T MARRIED FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! They don't even live together.

 

This is the thing that would really throw me off. I can SOMEHOW understand a man having a hard time breaking up a marriage or a family....but GEEZ....breaking it off with her only requires a conversation.....not a long drawn out divorce.

 

What would be the possible reason for him staying with her while having this whole ordeal with you? I don't blame you.....I'd be pissed off too! There is no reason for him not to be WITH YOU if she is only a girlfriend he is cheating on in the first place.

 

I wouldn't speak to him until he took care of his business with her......much less sleep with him. REGARDLESS!

[confused4awhile]

What would be the possible reason for him staying with her while having this whole ordeal with you? I don't blame you.....I'd be pissed off too! There is no reason for him not to be WITH YOU if she is only a girlfriend he is cheating on in the first place.

 

 

My point exactly....I try to play devils advocate and say well he must get something from her that I don't give him and vise versa. I've come out point blank and asked him if its just sex he wants from me. To at least be up front about that and let me make a decision based on that fact. Let me choose if I want to be part of it knowing the truth. I'm told that its not just about sex. That he cares for me very much... And I believe that...we are like best friends.

 

I also try to think about the fact that there is a history there. 8 years worth of history and they've both brought each other through some rough times. Emotional attachment. I understand that too. But if he loves her why would he want to hurt her this way by still continuing to be with me. Not just physically but by talking to me period. How would she feel if she knew we still talked all the time? And the things he says to me... I can't say that I've not been tempted to turn on the three way calling feature and let her hear it for herself....but I'm not vindictive. Although I do feel she has a right to know.

 

I know that I shouldn't talk to him or most of all sleep with him. I know this and everytime I tell myself I won't it seems I have not the willpower to say NO. I think if he just had the space to MISS me he would realize PDQ what the deal really is. Let him get his ego stroking from her...which he wasn't getting or there would have been no US to start with.... But I'm afraid to take the chance that my creating the distance will backfire in my face.

 

Let's just say I figure if I stick it out maybe he'll realize. This is a false hope huh? And here I sit getting older by the minute. He's told me that it would hurt him to see me with someone else and that one statement keeps me put. I don't want to hurt him, even though he's hurting me with this relationship.

 

He's been told by a few people how stupid he is in what he's doing. I don't agree with that. I respect and understand what he's trying to do for the most part I think. He's making sure that a realtionship that has been in the making for 8 years is not salvageable before ending it. However, my point to him is how can it be salvaged when WE are still very much alive? If his mind is with me and he wants me how can he even be trying? He's either full of s#*% or scared or leading me on. I'd like to think he's not leading me on...but he knows me well enough to know that if I even think theres a glimmer of hope I'll be right there waiting for him. And he constantly provides the glimmers.

 

I know I sound like a broken record. But this just doesn't make sense. I'm a smart woman, I'm attractive and successful in business, and independent. I'm all that BUT I haven't the willpower to fight this man off or even want to.

 

HE MAKES ME CRAZY!!! and yeah pissed. My biggest fear is that I'll be in limbo for years like the women I've read posting here. Hell its been so long already. Outside of moving away and changing jobs I see no escape and neither of those things are an option.

 

LOVE SUCKS!

 

Thanks for listening

[Arabess]

Originally posted by confused4awhile

But I'm afraid to take the chance that my creating the distance will backfire in my face.

 

Well....you don't have him ANYWAY....so what do you have to lose?

 

I know in these types of relationships....the hard part of walking away is cause there is already an other woman in his life to 'comfort him'. It's not like he can't get sex elsewhere. So, it makes it extra difficult. Sometimes I think the challenge overrides the whole relationship making sense. The truth is....the minute you establish no contact....he'll come with a million promises....they always do. God forbid their 'duel sex source' be interrupted!

 

The truth is....whether you dump him or not.....he's sleeping with someone else anyway! She's not even his wife! Why would you put yourself thru that? I don't care how long they've been together....it's ASININE!

 

Think about this for a long time. Write it down on paper. If he loved you MORE....he would at least be with you in the open....and have HER in the alley. This is not fair to you.

[confused4awhile]

Arabess...I don;t know how to explain it but for some reason what you just said made perfect sense for the first time.

 

YOU'RE RIGHT!!! I do have to talk to him b/c of work but I can walk away from the personal aspect with what you said in mind I think. If he loved me at all or anyone beside himself he would get off the pot.

 

I'm going to try really!

 

Thanks

[VivianLee]

Just to reiterate what Arabess said and to put things into even more of a perspective (I'm gonna say some ugly things about your lover)...

 

Who the heck does he think he is to treat not one BUT two women this way??? I know you think he's wonderful but my goodness, he's just a man. He's a man that is hurting two women that don't deserve to be hurt. That doesn't make him wonderful at all. He is living a man's dream, he has two girlfriends that he can sleep with and that adore him and he makes them wait as he chooses (if he ever plans to) which he'll pick. Pull yourself out of this as fast as you can, he isn't wonderful anymore. What ever reasons he gives you isn't enough, the time, love, hurt, pain and your soul that you've put into this relationship is more important that any reason he could give you for breaking your heart in such a way.

 

He said:

....I just need to see this thing through. I need to make sure for me OK? I just feel like I NEED to do this"

 

He says "I", "I", "me", "I" and "I"......

 

Selfish!! He may not realize what he's doing but he's being selfish, he holds both yours and his girlfriend's heart in his hands but all he worries about is what HE needs. You don't NEED that! You say you are attractive, successful and indepentant, it's time to act that way in this relationship. You are sitting there missing him, talking to him and beating a perverbial dead horse that I imagine you would still be beating if you post a year from now!

 

Tell him "You need him to leave her, break up with her, have a relationship with YOU and YOU only, that YOU need to make sure it's okay for YOU, YOU just feel like YOU need to do this." Take charge of your life and stop letting this man run it. He either wants you or her, having sex with you and talking to you every day doesn't prove he loves you. PLEASE tell him it's YOU or her, if he starts reasoning, tell him it's over and not to call, come see you and that your work relationship will remain business like. Please do this before your pride is all gone!!

 

I'm sorry for speaking so badly of him but I feel for you and I see you being treated very wrong!!

 

Take care!