Simon Attwood Posted December 21, 2009 Posted December 21, 2009 Just google Infidelity stats.. you'll find plenty.. I don't have time to do research right now.. but I have never ever seen stats about female cheaters being higher than male... if it's that easy, then you have the time
Pyro Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 I smile when I hear men saying that they will never ever cheat.. ... again......... like they've learned their lesson.. but, in reality, they're still in the stats of the cheaters.. (which is IMO.. closer to 99.9%).. http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140136290/ref=ord_cart_shr?_encoding=UTF8&m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE Well when you associate yourself 99.9% of the time with scum like that then its easy and convenient for you to say that. I'm sure you have a copy of that book as well.
fooled once Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 In a word? Yes. I think every man either has cheated, is cheating, will cheat or will continue to be a cheater. I take that back, I have talked to some men that have changed their ways so as to save their marriage but they also give up their manhood (balls) in the process. As far as women go, although the percentage of those who cheat is lower than that of men, I think more women cheat than actually let on. Mostly because I don't think the equivalent of "The Man Code" exists for women. Women are more prone to rat their own friend out to the husband that may be a good guy. Whereas, a guy would not rat another guy out because hey, guys just don't do that - The Man Code. Unless of course, the man that's cheating is his brother-in-law. But I do think women have just as much ability to do so as men. But they have more self control than men. Meaning, they don't have a penis. Have I rambled enough? I think so too. That's sad that you think that I know of 4 men who have never cheated and I would bet 1 million dollars never will -- my father, my H and my 2 brothers. That just isn't who they are. I am sure they have been tempted in their lives, but temptation doesn't equal the act of cheating.
fooled once Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 The post clearly asks what we think...I stated what I think. If you disagree that's fine but your passive aggressive response is neither warranted nor appreciated. Tsk tsk...your bitterness is showing. WHY is the bitter word thrown around when someone disagrees with a cheater? WHY? WHY???
fooled once Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Do you love him as much as he loves you? I like to think I do. I know I would give my life to save his life. I know I thank God ever day for bringing him into my life. I know I am blessed and a better person because of him and because of the love he gives me.
wheelwright Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 WHY is the bitter word thrown around when someone disagrees with a cheater? WHY? WHY??? It's hard to believe in love when cheating is involved.
dazzle22 Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 This is all so discouraging. I like certain individual humans, but mankind in general depresses the he... out of me. What we do to fellow humans, the horrible things we do to animals and the environment. There has never been a species on this planet that has been such a pestilence to it..
threebyfate Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 This is all so discouraging. I like certain individual humans, but mankind in general depresses the he... out of me. What we do to fellow humans, the horrible things we do to animals and the environment. There has never been a species on this planet that has been such a pestilence to it..This is the OW/OM forum whereby 90% of the posters are posting here, due to infidelity affecting their lives currently, or in the past, whether as an OW/OM, cheater or betrayed spouse. It's like going to Starbuck's and taking a poll on how many people enjoy coffee. The vast majority of individuals will say yes, but the poll and statistics are skewed, due to location.
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Very clever 3BF. An unreliable survey indeed. Still pretty sad though.
threebyfate Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 Very clever 3BF. An unreliable survey indeed. Still pretty sad though.It's not sad if you don't allow it to skew your perception. Even though there's a large portion of the population who have cheated, doesn't mean there isn't a large portion who haven't or won't cheat. Better that people hone their people pickers as best as possible, but also know that if it happens to you again, to know that no one can keep you down, instead, you come up swinging, flipping the bird and keep moving forwards, each time improving your partner.
Hazyhead Posted December 22, 2009 Posted December 22, 2009 (edited) I agree that that's a great attitude to have, to come back swinging, but the truth is that even though that is possible, cheating hurts. I know that sounds hypocritical coming from an OW who made a choice, but my choice led to sadness. I can't take that back but I can learn from it and then come back fighting. And like you said - this is an OW/OM forum so despite people making their own choices, there's still plenty of sadness here. Edited December 22, 2009 by Hazyhead
AD1980 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Most people are as faithful as their options
dazzle22 Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Most people are as faithful as their options Now THAT is super depressing.. but I also believe it is very true. Just look at all the men with power, money - from politicians, to preachers, to actors, to athletes, they risk EVERYTHING to fool around with whores...and they seem to take such huge risks without much thought for the consequences.. and the tramps they risk it on are generally not that great, that's what mystifies me - cocktail waitresses, porn stars (now there's a dirty pond), and the likes of airheads like Monica Lewinski. Baffles me...
Stung Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Most people are as faithful as their options Maybe true. But I have to admit, in my experience 'most' people are also often rude, self-involved, and not very bright. That's why I like to try and seek out and surround myself with those I consider exceptional. For what it's worth, I have never cheated on anyone.
OWW Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 I had a woman literally invite me up to her hotel room on a business trip. She was from out of town and my wife was not there so I could have done it and easily gotten away with it but yet I still did not cheat. Sorry to burst your bubble but every man is not governed by his penis. Note you said nothing, however, about whether she was attractive or not. Sure, an unattractive woman invites me up to her room - married or not - I'm not going there. But an attractive woman willing to put out... that's a different story. (And I don't have a penis...) Doesn't mean I would if I were married, necessarily, but it's more of a challenge, then. If that's your story, please clarify. But otherwise, without that piece, it may not be much of an accomplishment to brag about.
OWW Posted December 23, 2009 Posted December 23, 2009 Everyone has the option to cheat, and I mean EVERYONE. If there is no opportunity, then there truly isn't an "option". Some folks just are unlikely to turn someone else's eye...
Woggle Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 Note you said nothing, however, about whether she was attractive or not. Sure, an unattractive woman invites me up to her room - married or not - I'm not going there. But an attractive woman willing to put out... that's a different story. (And I don't have a penis...) Doesn't mean I would if I were married, necessarily, but it's more of a challenge, then. If that's your story, please clarify. But otherwise, without that piece, it may not be much of an accomplishment to brag about. Yes she was quite attractive but I do not think with my penis. I take being faithful quite seriously. God knows I have my faults but I am a faithful man.
howcouldInotknow Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 I do not believe that everyone cheats but the vast majority of people do. I have encountered so many women who say "my husband would never cheat" then I go out and see their husbands with another woman (one case a young man). A lot of people are good pretenders. Women whose husbands are serial cheaters and they never know because he plays the role of husband and father so well. Same goes for women. I personally would never put cheating past anyone male or female. The couple that lives next door to me seem like the perfect couple. They seem so into each other and guess what last week I went out to dinner with some friends there he was in the corner of the restaurant with another woman. And his wife is one of those "my husband would never cheat women".
bentnotbroken Posted December 24, 2009 Posted December 24, 2009 If there is no opportunity, then there truly isn't an "option". Some folks just are unlikely to turn someone else's eye... Mr. Messy says a p*s*y has no face. I believe him. I have seen some OW/OM, lets just say I wouldn't want to eat lunch before I see one. There is always an opportunity. If you go to the store, gas station, cleaners, take kids to school or even mow your lawn(yes, they stop and talk). Unless you live on an island alone there is an opportunity...therefore the option. You can screw someone attractive or straight up fugly. Penis and closed eyes can net any number of faces....some of us fantasized for years doing the person we were married to.
Joe Normal Posted January 1, 2010 Posted January 1, 2010 There are four ways to avoid cheating: 1. Have sufficient willpower for your entire life never to act on temptation. 2. Tell everyone you date that you will not be monogamous, basically just have open relationships and/or casual dating all your life. You can't cheat if you don't make a promise of fidelity in the first place. 3. Be in monogamous relationships, but whenever you get sufficiently bored and unhappy that you are tempted to cheat with someone else, end your relationship immediately before doing anything intimate with someone other than your partner. 4. Be so much in love with one person that you don't ever get tempted. Everyone, no matter how high their libido, no matter how many temptations are presented to them, or how unhappy they are in a relationship, can find at least one of those 4 options suited to them.
Baroness67 Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 No, I don't think everyone cheats. I do think it depends on one's disposition and tons of circumstances. There are some people for whom it's apparently almost inevitable that they will cheat. There are others who are of such a disposition that they might not ever even couple up during their lifetime. I do believe that the people who do cheat or don't ever find satisfaction with one partner long-term are seeking that expression out because of something missing in themselves that they are unable to permanently fill alone. Same reason people get addicted to drugs, etc. This is not to say that people can't end up married to bad partners and for those people, cheating is the natural expression of a primary need to be loved, etc. But I do believe there are tons of *cheaters* out there for whom it matters not a bit how stable or functional their home life is ... they'll be unable to keep themselves from chasing the thrill, even when it's inevitable that it will all just be one big mess.
SummerLady Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I just wanted to throw this question out there because I saw this on another site and it is getting some interesting responses. While I know the obvious answer is no. It does seem like a majority have (myself included). My Dad cheated on his ex wife and my mom cheated on her ex husband and my dad. My Husband cheated on me and well it just seems like a lot of people cheat. I am not happy about being a BS or WS I wish this stuff just didn't happen. My view of monogamy is pretty much shattered. Would love to hear your views on this. Honestly I would say most do. This is just my thoughts. I do not think most people find the emotional connection they are needing and wanting so they continue to search outside the relationship. There is something missing in the relationship so they go to another man or woman to find what they need and the cycle continues. Cheating most of the time is not about being a sex addict. Its about getting your needs met. I am not making excuses as I find cheating terrible. This is my perspective. I am sure its not a popular one.......
jennie-jennie Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 (edited) Honestly I would say most do. This is just my thoughts. I do not think most people find the emotional connection they are needing and wanting so they continue to search outside the relationship. There is something missing in the relationship so they go to another man or woman to find what they need and the cycle continues. Cheating most of the time is not about being a sex addict. Its about getting your needs met. I am not making excuses as I find cheating terrible. This is my perspective. I am sure its not a popular one....... Summerlady, I agree. Well written post. The mature thing to do is to leave the old relationship when you find a relationship which meets your needs to a larger extent. In the culture I come from that is also the most common thing to do. Unfortunately my MM is not from my country, he is an American. I do believe Americans cheat to a much greater degree than people in many other cultures, due to their common belief that a marriage should last forever. Edited January 2, 2010 by jennie-jennie
SummerLady Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 Summerlady, I agree. Well written post. The mature thing to do is to leave the old relationship when you find a relationship which meets your needs to a larger extent. In the culture I come from that is also the most common thing to do. Unfortunately my MM is not from my country, he is an American. I do believe Americans cheat to a much greater degree than people in many other cultures, due to their common belief that a marriage should last forever. I see your point. I think well intentioned folks go in thinking it will last forever but when we see things we don't like we look the other way. Some are hell bent on making it work when they know its a done deal. Its so hard to explain to people who have not expereinced it. I do not agree with the cheating that was done to me but looking back now I understand it. Again that does not make it right but I clearly see the motives. In a perfect world we would get it right the first time...
jennie-jennie Posted January 2, 2010 Posted January 2, 2010 I see your point. I think well intentioned folks go in thinking it will last forever but when we see things we don't like we look the other way. Some are hell bent on making it work when they know its a done deal. Its so hard to explain to people who have not expereinced it. I do not agree with the cheating that was done to me but looking back now I understand it. Again that does not make it right but I clearly see the motives. In a perfect world we would get it right the first time... I like you. You are very wise to be able to look back at a painful part of your life and draw these conclusions. I totally agree with you.
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