The pain is intense.. I deserve it though

[fooled once]

How are you doing today?

 

Hon, are you going to continue to allow him to use you? YOU have control over YOU. Quit allowing HIM to decide how YOUR life is going to be.

 

And I agree - you are very co-dependent on him; on the drama, on the vicious cycle you and he dance -- fight, make up, fight, make up.

 

STOP IT.

 

Read my signature line -- read it! You control you - stop answering his calls, do NOT allow him to come to your place. STOP STOP STOP.

 

I get you are lonely *hug* but this is NOT healthy for you. Not at all.

[alg24]

Hi everyone-

 

I am doing slightly better. Yesterday we did not speak. The day before (wednesday) I got 3 missed calls around 11:30 at night. No voicemails.

 

Yesterday he did call once- I did not return the phone call... Again no voicemail... He texted me around 10 last night. He wrote "I called you twice today.. Why are you busy." I did text him back because I know his personality and he will only get really nuts before he leaves me alone... So I just sent a text stating we are really over this time, we can NOT be friends, I wish him a safe trip next week ( he is leaving for a couple days) and good luck. I did not get a response.

 

I am trying VERY hard to be strong. Yesterday (even though only the first day of NC and I broke it with a text) I did not really check my phone, I did not try to send him messages-- I just left it be...

 

I know I will have some rough days ahead of me, but I really do want out of this now. Plus my family is in town starting today so I will be busy with that...

 

Thank you EVERYONE... The support, wisdom, everything... Thank you

[Simon Attwood]

No one deserves pain.

[MizFit]

Hi everyone-

 

I am doing slightly better. Yesterday we did not speak. The day before (wednesday) I got 3 missed calls around 11:30 at night. No voicemails.

 

Yesterday he did call once- I did not return the phone call... Again no voicemail... He texted me around 10 last night. He wrote "I called you twice today.. Why are you busy." I did text him back because I know his personality and he will only get really nuts before he leaves me alone... So I just sent a text stating we are really over this time, we can NOT be friends, I wish him a safe trip next week ( he is leaving for a couple days) and good luck. I did not get a response.

 

I am trying VERY hard to be strong. Yesterday (even though only the first day of NC and I broke it with a text) I did not really check my phone, I did not try to send him messages-- I just left it be...

 

I know I will have some rough days ahead of me, but I really do want out of this now. Plus my family is in town starting today so I will be busy with that...

 

Thank you EVERYONE... The support, wisdom, everything... Thank you

 

Stay strong...it's so difficult. I've found it's harder to stay away than I ever dreamed it would be.

[alg24]

Thank you everyone... Its very hard

 

Yesterday was the first day we had gone without talking since perhaps June? When he texted me back last night I honestly texted him back in hoping he would see I just want him to leave me alone...

 

Well this morning... Stupid me... He called and left a voicemail... I AM SOOO STUPID and I called him back... His voice mail said "Hey its me.. I've called you... Guess your busy with your family? Anyway I am leaving today or tonight" (he only leaves for 4 days)

 

I called him back... He answered and said: wow you called me back... I guess you heard my voicemail I was leaving (he invited me to go with him two weeks ago.. Not to mention he told me a couple days ago he was leaving Tuesday-- 18/19 hour drive?) He then told me he knows me, I've been going out, he tried to call me the other night a couple times (12AM!!!), I am crazy crazy crazy, for two years I was crazy crazy, he said I told you not to fight with me, don't hit me (I threw something at him =/ He has been physical with me)...

 

I then said: Why did you call me? I can do whatever I want but you know I have been home. The other night calling at 12AM?? Come on, I was asleep and you know it... When we are together at night I am passed out at 10! the latest..

 

After him saying hurtful stuff he said whatever and hung up the phone. Fricken stupid me... I sent a text afterwards. Have a safe trip. Really we are done. I wish you the best of luck. You no this is not easy for me but its finished. Hearing your voice is to much.. Please don't call me anymore. Good-bye.

 

What is the reasoning for him doing this?? And I feel stupid and petty... I try to respect him by leaving him alone... Yes I freaked out when it happened but I have been quiet now. The other day I had lunch with his bosses daughter (she is 16 I am 21) she really doesn't know about our relationship... She mentioned him a couple times-- she knows we are friendly. I was respectful and careful with my words.

 

Is this truly over for him and he just wants to hurt me? Why mention he is going away? I just want this to all go away. I won't lie, I do miss him, but I want this done. And I WONT be answering anymore phone calls/texts.

 

I feel like a little kid writing a playground drama thing. Crap, I am 21 and he is 38. This is so immature and high school! Why the games? Why the abuse and hurt?

[fooled once]

Why the games? Why the abuse? Because you have shown him you will accept that.

 

STOP texting him. STOP calling him back.

 

You told him it was over, so let it BE over. STOP sending him cutesy texts saying "have a good trip". LEAVE it alone.

 

Be a woman of your word and own your actions.

 

*hug*

[RedDevil66]

. Crap, I am 21 and he is 38. This is so immature and high school! Why the games? Why the abuse and hurt?

 

Do you really want to know the answer to this?

 

You're an codependent, which can and is classified as an addiction

 

The advice in this thread to you is wonderful, but will not work because you need professional help for this addiciton.

 

Like a drug, you will keep going back. So others in here can keep telling you to leave him alone, but that is like telling someone to stop drinking, smoking etc.

 

If you really REALLY truly want to get better and to know WHY, then you need to listen up and get some serious help.

 

Every addict had their rock bottom, you just don't seem to have reached your yet. Hopefully your bottom is not when he kills you or you do something stupid.

 

This is SERIOUS! Please understand this!

[MizzBlue72]

I agree with all the other posters.

You can and will get through this but you have to stay away from this guy.

He is draining you - every time you see him.

[BED OF ROSES]

Hi-

I am writing out of venting... (Reading my other posts I am sure you would see I am/was in a toxic relationship with a MM- I am 21 he 38) I feel pathetic and stupid in writing this. Please no judgement or harsh words.

 

Last night he came over... I cooked a nice meal... All was fine or so I thought... We got into a little argument... Nothing horrible and I became quiet afterwards. I did express to him I am tired of this (us) and he claimed the same...

Ten minutes later he grabbed his stuff and said he was leaving and he would call me/see me tomorrow. I asked him to please stay, this is stupid (the fight) and can we back track twenty minutes. He sat on the couch and did not want to speak to me. He then started to tell me: that his W (they are separated and I was told its over from both) was telling him that his son misses him a lot at night-- wakes up and asks for daddy (hearing that killed me-- I would NEVER want to take a child away from a parent), his life is ****, what do I want from him, he told me we have no future and this is just fun, also there were so many times when he was over my house he wanted to sit down and have a serious talk about ending this... (This has been going on for almost 2 years... We have broken it off many times and have gotten back together) I am so pretty and open my eyes. He begins to tell me that he didn't use me-- he thanked me for doing his laundry (a couple tee shirts here and there) and cooking nice meals. But he fights with me more than he does with the W. Fighting at the house (he pays the house for the family because $ is tight but he has his own room... Not to mention 4-6 nights a week he was sleeping with me) and then he fights with me-- its to much. He cares about me in the sense if something happened to me... He did have a good time but needs quiet... I told him I felt awful, this hurts so much, and the I feel like a monster... He then told me he was going to stay but slept in the guest room... In the middle of the night I asked him to sleep with me (I was a mess) and he flipped out but did...

This morning I made coffee and asked him "So this is over right?" He wouldn't look at me but told me he didn't know... Then he thinks so... He can't keep coming here at night/sleeping with me and not being with the kids...

As I said this man and I have had a very toxic abusive relationship. But I am crazy for him. The W and I have actually spoken-- she told me she is done with him, would not go back to him for a million dollars or for her kids, I seem like a nice girl and be done with him, she of all people knows he will never change. We were both victims of his lies... I told her I was sorry for the involvement of the pain she is dealing with... She seems amazing...

 

It just hurts so bad. We have been back in the same town for 3 months and we break it off for a couple days and then get back together. Why does he come back if he hates me so much? How can the other night he be sleeping next to me, arms wrapped around me, and give me soft kisses? (Sex was not present) If he views me as the devil...

 

Just yesterday he texted me during the day "I miss you.. Besos" if he resents me and didn't want to be with me why does he text that? I know he feels that I want to be with him every night-- we don't see each other during the day. He feels pressure from me that he needs to sleep with me every night or I will fight with him. I tell him go sleep in the house at night with his kids... Yes, I have in the past got upset if I have not heard from him in a long time... But its not the same as saying I expect him to stay with me every night.

 

I am sorry for writing this.. I am pathetic and a mess... I just miss him so much. Why do I miss someone so much that does not feel the same about me? Why when we broke up (due to a fight) after I say all the horrible things he comes back.. Better yet why do I keep letting him come back? Why do I still want him back when his clearly isn't coming back?

 

 

Someone once told me when someone shows you who they are believe them. This man has said in many different ways from what I've read that he is at the end of his rope in this relationship. Whether or not his wife will ever reconcile with him is not your concern nor does it matter as his mind is all but made up regarding your relationship with him. As to why he continues to text/call its hard to say. It could be anything from sheer boredom to residual feelings to the desire to have a potential sex partner and cook in his back pocket should the need arise. None of that matters though. It sounds like its time for you to move on from this man. As long as you make yourself available he will in all likelyhood take advantage of that opportunity but that is all it will be to him whether or not he expresses that to you any more than he already has.

[alg24]

Thank you everyone...

 

I went a day with NC (minus a 1 reply to a text messaging-- saying we are over and please no contact) I know I will get a ton of negative comments from this...

 

but the next day we spoke (I needed that closure for myself-- a chance to get out how I felt when we were both calm and say its really done) He questioned my craziness at times-- I told him if he understood the pain I felt... He told me he is sorry, that he doesn't want to hurt me, he asked me what I want, he mentioned his life is truly ****, he mentioned his children would be leaving/in another state for the holidays which really is upsetting, he said that he does care, he enjoys spending time with me/sleeping next to me, its not about sex, but he sees the look in my eye/he doesn't want me to get more and more attached/"falling" for him as the months go by... So that was that... I told him its really finished with us. please for me understand that we cannot be friends. Hearing his voice/seeing him is to painful...

 

Two hours later I got a text message... "Hey, really I miss you."

 

Later I got a missed call and a text message "Thanks for calling me back"

 

Today (this AM) I got a phone call. I was texting someone and the incoming call picked up but I quickly hung up.. (he did not hear anything- it was a second call) Then he called back right after... I let it ring to voicemail.. He left a voicemail...

 

"I am not stupid, I know you are there... Why are you not answering the phone? I wanted to talk to you. You don't want to speak ok. I have respect for you girl. Really. I have respect for you. I thought everything was fine with us. You don't want ok. Next week I am single (where we live) but don't call me."

 

I have not responded and I will not be responding.

 

Thank you everyone

 

This is not easy.

[fooled once]

No, its not easy. But he really doesn't respect you. If he did, he would LEAVE YOU ALONE. Watch his actions --- you aren't important to him. I don't say that to hurt you, I say that because it is what his actions tell you. It IS about sex, it is about co-dependency, it is about having you at his beck and call.

 

Please don't return calls or texts. Stop contacting him or returning contact.

 

YOU WILL HURT; but you will heal.