condogal Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 oh BrightM, thanks so much...those lines you wrote were filled with alot of meaning...i think i made it past the mark because i tolerated him for longer than any girl would of...and I truly believe he appreciates that...he has taken me back with faults that he would have never lowered himself to do so with any other ex or girl for that matter...but ultimately i think he's just immature and i need to find my solemn way with how to live my life without him at this point and stop wondering....why, why, why...i have alot going for myself, a great job that i've been at for 11 years...i cook amazing and am a perfectionist at cleaning...lol...his weakness as he just looooves that about me...our sex life was always great...i keep in shape and he knows i get picked up or looked at often...also, he knows i'm real...i don't want someone for money or value...i just want true love...and him knowing that i love him makes him feel safe and as i've seen in him, every other female just gave up on his phobics...and really just didn't want to invest time on a questionmark guy... Link to post Share on other sites
condogal Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 and ultimately what i want...is for him to grow up!...i'm not ready to let go...but i'm doing it quietly...i want to be as strong as i can be and see if what comes back is truly meant to be...as the saying goes... Link to post Share on other sites
condogal Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 and Heaven...it doesn't mean s---...somethings up...you just have to be smart in finding what's with him missing what?...ask what do you miss exactly??...and if it's not what you want to hear, then you'll know what to do...your a smart girl and i'm sure you'll figure it out... Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted December 21, 2009 Share Posted December 21, 2009 (edited) oh BrightM, thanks so much...those lines you wrote were filled with alot of meaning...i think i made it past the mark because i tolerated him for longer than any girl would of...and I truly believe he appreciates that...he has taken me back with faults that he would have never lowered himself to do so with any other ex or girl for that matter...but ultimately i think he's just immature and i need to find my solemn way with how to live my life without him at this point and stop wondering....why, why, why...i have alot going for myself, a great job that i've been at for 11 years...i cook amazing and am a perfectionist at cleaning...lol...his weakness as he just looooves that about me...our sex life was always great...i keep in shape and he knows i get picked up or looked at often...also, he knows i'm real...i don't want someone for money or value...i just want true love...and him knowing that i love him makes him feel safe and as i've seen in him, every other female just gave up on his phobics...and really just didn't want to invest time on a questionmark guy... Condo, sweetheart, I think deep down you feel that you are the question mark girl to his question mark guy. Yet you clearly have a lot going for you. Right now so much of what you think you have going for you is tied up in how you think he values you. We all do that, but you need to condiser your value as you ... not how you are to him perhaps. You answered your own question: you say made it through the 1.5 year mark because you put up with him. Do you want to keep putting up with him? He may or may not grow up Condo. But he is not going to do that for you I suspect. He may be forced to grow up sometime, but right now you are letting him have his own way and he has no reason to mature or change. Letting go of someone you love or are attached to is very difficult indeed. You only have to read the threads here to see how we all struggle with what seems the unbearable pain and injustice of having to let go. There are no easy answers as far as that is concerned. You have been brave to admit that he is the question mark guy and that you do not want that. It's also brave of you to admit that you are not ready to let go. You are looking for true love...and are waiting to see "if it's meant to be..." I have a feeling, the answers are not going to pan out so easily or clearly and you may have to stand firm and keep focused on what you want and deserve. Edited December 21, 2009 by Brightmoon Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Excellent, Excellent, Excellent post! Sad, Humorous and Accurate Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Condogirl, You know what the definition of insanity is right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think that's a quote from either Einstein or Ben Franklin. There's a pattern because you let there be a pattern. For some reason, you are drawn to this guy's behavior. If you're aware of the problem, fix it! I know, easier said then done. That's why we are here to begin with:p I think Ben Stein said it . Link to post Share on other sites
bluestraps Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Denver my man , that is exactly right . especialy when you think things are teriffic they show you they aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 I LOVED this post by DenverBachelor!! All of the above I can attest to except for that my ex DID say he missed me. He doesn't miss me..he misses not being in bed with me. I call a spade a spade nowadays. Trouble with our exes is all that yo-yoing they do, continues to confuse themselves even more than it confuses us! I will return to this list every time my ex tries to weasel his way back my way. Link to post Share on other sites
CentralJersey Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 While I do think this is a good post and agree with a lot of these...some of these are not good advice to live by in my mind. I disagree with numbers: 3, 5, 6, 16, & sometimes 18. I just got broken up with, it was out of the blue, and I thought everything was great, but here are my responses: 3. The more you think your relationship is going great, the closer the breakup is on the horizon. Why? I thought my relationship was great all the way through. Should I think that things are going poorly and that means everything is really great? 5. If he or she says they love you to death and would never leave you, you better start planning for them to leave. I would hope that someone I'm with for a long time says these things...maybe not in those exact words, but if I feel that way about someone, that person should feel the same...'never' might be extreme as nothing is guaranteed, but you should feel like neither of you is 'ever' going to leave. 6. If they say there is nobody else, there's somebody else. This is a loaded one. I think you could be around other people or experience a drastic change is your situation (long distance for example)...and not necessarily be cheating or intimate with someone else...but could see or experience things that make you question what you have...and in some cases (I think mine is one), the situation (long distance) is not conducive to fixing or working on things. You then may think or realize you want something else and it's beyond too late ...I've now been on both ends of this. 16. The amount of effort, money and love you give to the relationship is inversely proportional to the odds of it working out in the long run. I dont think effort and money are that important, but should you withhold the amount of love you give? I understand when it's early on, but dont you want to love someone fully at some point? 18. You'll never realize how much you took things for granted until they're gone. Looking back on my recent (2 days ago) breakup, I really dont feel like I took things for granted. I dont think I was perfect, but no one is. I think I really appreciated what I had, but as you said in #20, s*** happens. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted December 25, 2009 Share Posted December 25, 2009 "The more you ask 'What's in it for me?' the less there will be. Link to post Share on other sites
sunrae Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 Loved it!!! Got a good laugh at work... So rue, can realte to many of them... Thanks for posting. Link to post Share on other sites
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