maxmuscle Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Genie, Thank you. I am not going to tell her to stop calling or emailing. I am not going to answer or reply to all of her contacts, but I will contact her in my own time frame. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Yeah I have definitely learned to be straight up and not beat around the bush about anything. I guess that was what God wanted me to learn. I did really good again today, she called to thank me for the gifts and tell me that I didnt have to do that. i was on the road when she called so it was easy to get off the phone quick, she asked me why I didnt answer her calls last night and I told her that I went out. She started to ask me questions like with who and where, and I told her just friends and she was like girls. i told her a friend and some of his friends. yes girls. She wanted details and I wouldnt give them. It really bothered her I could tell. So I got off because I was bringing some groceries to a less fortunate family, so it was nice to have an excuse to get off. She called me back like 15 minutes later and asked if sh could use my computer tonight, I told her I wasnt going to be home. she as shocked, again I told her I had to go and she was like okayyyyy! and then said well be good. It funny cause it actually kind of got to her a little bit. i really need to date again, I think it will really help! I hope all this works out, i really wanted to talk to her today for a while but I know I cant do it. If were meant to be then it will happen. Link to post Share on other sites
FourHorsemen Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 i've been reading this topic and it's helped me a lot, I've been obsessed with hearing from my ex and when i know she's gonna call or something I'm always home. all's it's really doing is giving her an outlet for someone she knows will always be there, instead i guess i should just "pick up my skirt" and be a man about it, and move on. she's not my girlfriend so i don't have to be there for her all the time anymore. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 What are the chances that as soon as I start working towards being a challenge for my ex, her sister calls me tonight. I got a call when i was out with friends and did not recognize teh number and so i answered. it was my ex's sister, I have not talked to her since my ex and I broke up. she needed a favor, she wanted me to bring a bed to my ex's house because she was moving in with her. I am a very nice person and so I agreed, I figured its not my ex's sister that is the problem its my ex. i went and picked the bed up and brought it to my ex's. When i got there sure enough my ex was there and was craking jokes and really kind of acting like a show off. It was cute but you could tell she was trying to relax the uncomfortable feelings. I just went about my business and put the bed together for them, I just keep a calm and collective look about me and didnt really react to anything she was saying. after everything was done I was like okay well I have to run, she was like where are you going and I just told her, Im going out. Then she insisted in knowing if I was going on a date, I told her I was just going out. she was all about knowing where, with whom etc. I just kept it all to myself. i walked outside and she followed me out, she was like are you okay you are acting different. I told her I was fine and just had to go, i needed to get ready to go out. She was then very thankful for all i had done for her and her sister and then I told her have a safe trip tomorrow and that I would be thinking about her. then I left! As soon as I got home she called , I answered and she said I just wanted to thank you again for everything. I said no problem then told her I had to go and get ready. Is all this okay or am I screwing up? I think it has already started getting her thinking, but I dont want to continue being there. Should I not answer the next time she calls? I feel like I'm playing my part and she is reacting the right way but this is jut all so new to me and I dont know if Im doing the right thing Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly1 Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 I just read the posts from today. WOW - your exgirlfriend wasted no time to react to your change. It just comes to show you that she has been the one to take you for granted. Now that you act indifferent, you have sparked her interest again. It also sounds like whether it was intentional or not, she has taken advantage of your goodness and for someone that did the breaking up, she never really let you go. By showing her you are moving on with your life and that she isn't #1 anymore (as she is no longer your girlfriend) she can finally see what life is like without you there to support her all the time. Next time she calls, you can pick up the call if you want to...just remember to always be busy (and really try to keep busy), always get off the phone first and never be specific on what you are doing. If she asks you if its a date, you can tell her that its none of her business, you don't have to report to her anymore. I hope you are able to date again. Honesty, before you get yourself back into a commitment, you really want to make sure that this person is the right person for you and isn't going to break up again if things get tough or they get bored. Hope things continue to improve for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 I think she has taken for granted how great of a guy I really am and maybe now that i am finally pulling away she will realize it. She left this weekend to go see some guy she met at a bar, and hopefully she will see the good inme through him. If that makes sense. i know I am a very good person and that she knows that also. Its a matter of the trust issue and the fact that she hasnt really had a chance to date that comes to the table. I think with me pulling away this is a good chance for her ot finally realize how rediculous she has been acting and maybe just maybe her attitude will change. i am going to continue to stay busy and do my best to not be at her every beg and call. even though It feels like i am playing a game, it is time for me to get my own dignity back and not lean on her to bring my sun up in the morning. You guys have all given me great advice and I am sure I will be back to get that reassurance that I am doing the right thing. Its so hard to do all this, I wanted so bad tonight when I got home to pick up the phone and call her, but I told myself those days are over, at least for now they are! i wish I would have found this site earlier it would have saved me so many tears and restless nights. I mean my nights are still restless but I have a littel more confidence in this than anything else. just keep telling me this is the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
maxmuscle Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 texastapper, Good for you. Its all for one and one for all on this forum! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Well I made it through another night and my mind frame is still the same so that is good. She just called me and I did not answer, I figured she was on the road to go see this guy and I didnt want to just conveniently be there for her. She cant have her cake and eat it too. Anyways I think im still doing the right thing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 19, 2003 Author Share Posted December 19, 2003 Should I have answered her phone call or did I do the right thing by ignoring the call. I just want to do this right but my mind keeps running and you always think differently. Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 I, personally, think is was really good that you did not answer the phone, especially if she was on her way to meet with someone else. Why should you be there for her, kind of like "in the meantime guy". She needs to feel lonely and not answering that phone, made it that way. I also hope that the guy she went to meet, makes you look good. Have you talked to her since she's been back from meeting him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 She was on her way back today and as soon as she got in her car to drive home from seeing this guy she called me. I answered and said hey im in the middle of something right now can I call you later. She sat there blank for a minute and then was like okayyyyy!! Should I have done that or should I have sat there and talked to her. I just found it funny that she calls and expects me to answer whenever it is convenient for her, but times when I can her she never answers. Go figure. I just want to reverse the roles on her and show her how it feels! Should I call her back or just let her suffer for a little bit!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Well I answered my own question, I called her back and talked to her. I asked her how her weekend was and she was just in a calm voice like alright. she didnt mention that guy once, all she talked about was her hanging out with her sister. She said that was what she was doing again tonight. I found that pretty interesting. She asked about my weekend and I told her I had a great time and hung out with friends. Then I told her I had to go that i was still in the middle of something. she said okay well it was really nice talking to you in a real gentle voice. I think over all it was okay! Do you think so? Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Well, from my point of view, it sounds good to me. You two, really know each other pretty well. For example: You know when she is going to call. Just keep being like you are, try not to make it too obvious that you are distinctly avoiding her. Make it appear as if you are busy and you're having a good time in what you are doing. I wouldn't go on that date with others until after Christmas, maybe be out to meet other girls. If things still don't look like ya'll are back, then maybe ask someone else out for New Years Eve. If she doesn't want that to be ya'll night, then don't spend it alone. Keep up the good work of not being convenient for her. 2004 will be a better year, I feel it for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 thanks genie, I am feeling a little more confident about things also, I think maybe all this time was good for her and maybe she can see that I am pulling away a little bit. i am doing my best and I hope and pray that we work this out. i love this girl so much. I hope you dont mind me relaying all this to you but you have been such a big help!! Link to post Share on other sites
genie Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Keep up the great progress!!!! I also hope things work out for you. I enjoy hearing your updates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 It is so funny I wake up every morning and just want to grab the phone and call her. I guess that is pretty normal though. I didnt hear from her the rest of the day yesterday, which i already knew was the case. I pretty much know that she will call me today though. she has a long drive and her mind will wonder so I know I will hear from her. But i am staying strong and I am not calling her. I want her to realize everything on her own. i hope and pray she does! Well I hope everything is good with you and I wil talk to you soon. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly1 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Thanks for the update as well. Stay strong! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 Im doing my best you guys, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 24, 2003 Author Share Posted December 24, 2003 Should I call her to wish her a Merry Christmas or should ?I just let her call me if she wants to talk, like I have been. this is getting harder than I thought I guess, just because of all the christmas stuff going on and she is not by my side. Gosh I hate this!! Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly1 Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 How about you comprimise? If you don't hear from her by 8 tomorrow night , then you can call her and wish a merry christmas. i think that day can be an exception -- but it would be nice for her to call you. Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 If she has told you she just wants to be her friend you need to find a way to move on. I mean, no one wants an obsessive person. Leave her alone, tell her not to call you. You cant be in a relationship alone. Time heals...believe me. Move on, she isnt yours anymore. Try going out, NOT talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 yeah it sure would be nice to hear from her, but I am sure she is busy with her family. This day has been tough as can be and I'm so lonely it sucks. All I can think about is our past three christmas' together and how happy things were. I just dont get it, isnt she thinking about any of that, or is she just trying to avoid me so she doesnt think about it. I really miss her! I'm going out tonight to try and take my mind off of things, but all day that I have been out, all these couples were making me pretty emotional. I just want to be happy again. I wish everythng didnt have to be a game and that she could just realize how much I love her! Anyways sorry to vent like this, its just hard!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 I dont consider myself obsessive, maybe in love and caring but i am not obsessive. I know I could go out and find any random girl but she and I were together for three years and shared a lot of special things together, that doesnt just come into your life every day. Link to post Share on other sites
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted December 25, 2003 Share Posted December 25, 2003 exactly texastapper just because you are in love and care about the girl doesn't mean you are obsessive i could as you could too go out and find somebody but i like you found someone that we find are special and worth the effort, and like you say that does not come up every often... the people that advise moving are maybe telling the truth but i feel for you in that you fell in love with a girl, it happened to me and last night me and my ex had a "friends" night out... how weird... i love her to bits... she tells me i am just a friend now... how can a girl go from a lover to a "friend"? i want to remain in contact with my love but what can i do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author texastapper Posted December 25, 2003 Author Share Posted December 25, 2003 The best advice I can tell you is either just be her friend and show her through your friendship how great of a guy you really are, or sont put yourself out there to get hurt anymore. If she is going about her business with other guys in front of you then I know that cant be easy, and I know it makes things ten times harder. I have been trying so hard to be friends with my ex but I cant handle the thought of her with someone else, and to hear all the gossip that goies along with it. I am at a stage now where I am taking steps at pulling away from her, hoping that she can realize the great guy that I am, by me not being there. Let her think a little and come to her senses about everything. It is giving me a chamce ot see if she really does love me. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. When you love someone you want them included in everything that you do, and I have nothing to offer right now by being there or not being there. I am just another guy right now. I need to let her realize for herself who I am. She knows me and only she can make the decision whether she wants to be with me or not. The games are so drawn out and stressful, but if you truly love someone then they are worth it. Good luck my friend!! Link to post Share on other sites
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