justforfun Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 LOL yeah these guys sounds like losers. Don't be put off by it though, women have to deal with annoying mails and men have to deal with annoying no-replies, it's just the nature of the ride and you have to play or get off. Absolutely! I used to answer to every email that I got. I only do it now if the guy seems okay and it would have been reasonable for him to think we could be attracted to each other. Whereas those lunatics that seem to think anything can happen on the internet just get deleted. !0 years above my age group setting and 100lbs over the body type I'm looking for. Really now? The type of person who is not looking to waste your time if your idea of a stiff drink is an amaretto sour, or if you avoid reading Hemingway because you don't approve of his personal life. I actually see how this is quite relevant to list on a profile, although yes I would be a bit put off as well if I saw it listed as a "hobby". Absolutely. If someone lists something as a hobby that doesn't appeal to you then you don't look down on them and ask 'who would do that.' You just move onto the next profile. They are clearly not the one for you.
ADF Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 You're not wrong to be put of by the stuff you mentioned. I have noticed a few things about online dating that explain some of what you described. First of all, the anonymous nature of online communication encourages people to throw away social graces and common courtesy. They say things they would never say if they had to deal with someone face to face. If they met a woman through some friend of theirs, they would never say, "damn, you're a fatty!" But they'll say that sort of thing online because there are no consequences for doing so. Second, an awful lot of men online--not all; there are exceptions--are just looking for quick hook ups. One of the biggest signs someone is just after sex is if they say, "no baggage." Now don't get me wrong: there is such a thing as too much baggage, too much drama, too much chaos in some people lives. But "no baggage" often translates as, "I just want a sex robot; don't hassle me with any of your thoughts, feelings, opinions, etc."
thegreatmoose Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Works with guys as well Im sitting her typing, but have been thinking of the same thing all day. Had a work related event this morning. I was obligated to attend, but find them somewhat uncomfortable because its a bring the wife and kids type of event. You dont realy show up uncoupled. So Im getting ready, doorbell rings, and a woman Ive dated on and off is there, ready to go. I never invited her, although I told her it was happening. We never even discussed her going, I would of felt guilty about asking her. Imposing while not really sure what if anything I want from her. But she shows up, dressed lovely. and was amazing the entire time. She is a charming person. And I dont know, but just the fact that she anticipated what I needed the way she did, without my even asking, and did that......... Well, you get the idea If someone did that to me I would have called the police. That gives me the creeps just reading. And scares me to think that could possibly happen to me!!!! Turning up, dressed up for an event that I hadn't invited him to and had only mentioned to him in passing.....aaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! :bunny::bunny::bunny: jerseyboy, this is exactly why once a woman says "no" to a date, I never contact her again in any form. I have to respect her wishes no matter how hard it may be on me or how much I want another chance. Some men can get aawy with doing this sort of thing with their charm and can read which women it will work on and which women will call the police. I'm not one of these men. I don't have a criminal record and I'd like it to stay that way.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 If someone did that to me I would have called the police. That gives me the creeps just reading. And scares me to think that could possibly happen to me!!!! Turning up, dressed up for an event that I hadn't invited him to and had only mentioned to him in passing.....aaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! :bunny::bunny::bunny: Nah, weve known each other for years. She knows me better than I do in a lot of ways. Not only how I feel about those things. But why I didnt ask her to go, which I have in the past and would of this time. Except I really dont know what I want to do with us, and it would have been selfish on my part to ask. She did ask friday night when we were talking if I ahd asked one of my friends to go with me. And it isnt uncommon for us to escort one another. I see your point, and I mean if just about anyone else had done it, I would feel the same way. In her case it was not only "normal," but really really sweet.
jerseyboy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 jerseyboy, this is exactly why once a woman says "no" to a date, I never contact her again in any form. I have to respect her wishes no matter how hard it may be on me or how much I want another chance. Some men can get aawy with doing this sort of thing with their charm and can read which women it will work on and which women will call the police. I'm not one of these men. I don't have a criminal record and I'd like it to stay that way. LOL I wouldnt either. Not out of a fear of legal action. More I think just out of pubescent belief that if it was meant to be, she would of said yes lol. Not fate as much as she would have looked at me and known I might be the one. I wouldn't wish to be with someone who made me feel settled for.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Red flags in online dating Number one is "haste" A (guy) who is truly sincere in his interest in you will display a lengthy attention span. The scammers don't have to, as they know that dozens or hundreds will line-up just to be their next victims.
Ody Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Number one is "haste" A (guy) who is truly sincere in his interest in you will display a lengthy attention span. The scammers don't have to, as they know that dozens or hundreds will line-up just to be their next victims. LOL stop trolling for dates with this nonsense.
justforfun Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 Number one is "haste" A (guy) who is truly sincere in his interest in you will display a lengthy attention span. The scammers don't have to, as they know that dozens or hundreds will line-up just to be their next victims. ABSOLUTELY WRONG.....if you read this thread and you'll understand why you are wrong.
Chicago_Guy Posted November 23, 2009 Posted November 23, 2009 I think that one of the reasons why online dating sucks is because so many of us aren't really sure what we truly want. For example, sometimes a woman looks good on paper or in photos, but she just has a really crappy personality when you meet her in person. Part of what makes a women attractive to me is how she acts around me/treats me and that is something that cannot be observed through on-line communications.
Sith Apprentice Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 I think that one of the reasons why online dating sucks is because so many of us aren't really sure what we truly want. I know exactly what I want which is why my dating profile is tailored to weed out the fatties:cool:. Here it is from match.com: Here is a well thought out idea of what kind of gal I am interested in...5' 5" or taller, but not over 6 feet (because while I don't mind being eye to eye with you, I won't ever be looking up to you), lives close enough to be at my house within 10 minutes after I make the call, genuinely passionate, intelligent enough to be good company, sexually available (preferably insatiable) and VERY attractive - we're talking Jessica Alba, Keyra Augustina attractive - women with a bodyfat percentage higher than 8% need not apply. Must be employed but not so as you'll interfere with our sexual activities, FAMILY oriented, but only after you've hit 30-33, open to spontaneous sex (you know, like outdoor stuff or a surprise 3 way with one of your hot girlfriends after our 2nd martini), likes to camp (in the nude), knows not to complain when I go play golf with the guys from work. She must want children after 33 years of age if at all, and only after she's proven to be a good mother and faithful wife, must be a lady with class and know when the right time is to speak and not to speak, not a prude or b!tch, can take the first hint, sociable, unexpectedly calls to tell me she's wearing something new from Fredericks of Hollywood, understands that the best gift she can give me is expressing her desire to ***k me like a wild animal, and also understands that gifts for her are treats or rewards for desired behavior. Must be respectful of my decisions being final, can't take herself too seriously and thinks the world of me. I'm not interested in anyone over 30 (since this is most women's expiration date anyway), she cannot have exhorbitant spending habits or a credit debtload in excess of $1,000 since I do not plan on changing the lifestyle I have grown accustom to and hope to one day be able to send my own children to college, and furthermore... my children will be taught to reasonably earn their achievements on their own and respect the decisions of their father and mother (and absolutely will not be spoiled brats either). She should also know that not only are most pets abject money pits, but more often than not are adopted by women in order to give themselves something to occupy them rather than connecting with their husbands. I'm very attracted to redheads, blondes, brunettes, Latinos, Asians, African-Americans, Pacific Islanders, etc., pretty much any woman that meets my physical requirements. I am not attracted at all to even slightly fat women no matter how much "inner beauty" you think you may possess, sorry tee hee!
johngdating Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 Yes, you need to relax in your attitude a bit-give them the benefit of doubt, get to know them from some instant messages, phone calls, and if he seems like a normal guy QUICKLY move to propose a first meeting face-face. That's when the real deal starts. John
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 24, 2009 Posted November 24, 2009 As stated previously, The number one "red flag" in online dating is "Haste". How can anyone dispute the obvious? Much like at a bar (except online you have almost zero sense of him before witnessing his haste) where IF he's in a rush to drag/woo you out the door to bed you, or IF he's in a rush to bring you home to meet his mother, the best move is to turn and run, protected, as far away as possible. At least at the bar you usually (meaning at least 51% of the time) have some sense that there is someone else in the vicinity who knows him at least slightly. When you're on the net, and inclined to do dumb things all with the belief that somehow "love" will win out over all, you could so easily be lured to some really bad places by someone who knows that your type is out there and is so easily wooed. Once again, the guys you want to avoid are those who just know that right around the corner there is a girl dumb enough to meet him on short notice, and who just won't devote time he deems wasted to an attempt to interact online for a significant time with an interest in getting to know you. Lastly, if you're on LoveShack asking for ideas about what to talk about with your prospective online-to-real-life "date" for tomorrow night, you're meeting that person too soon.
justforfun Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 As stated previously, The number one "red flag" in online dating is "Haste". How can anyone dispute the obvious? Take a look at the thread that I linked to when you posted the same thing previously. Then everything should be clear to you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Take a look at the thread that I linked to when you posted the same thing previously. Then everything should be clear to you. Uh, I did look at the thread. It isn't even relevant to the discussion or to the subject.
justforfun Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 Uh, I did look at the thread. It isn't even relevant to the discussion or to the subject. You made the point in this thread that if someone were hasty in wanting to meet you then that was a definite red flag. The thread that I linked you had several posts that give a different perspective. post#18 One of my rules about online though is meeting the first week.. If a woman didn't want to meet the first week then she was out..Even though I was doing Online Dating I wasn't keeping it online..I wanted the face to face to happen, that way match was only used to meet someone..Getting to know them happened face to face... post#20 Good call about the first week...you'd be suprised how many female "pen-pals" I got tired of talking to after I asked them out ..they say "I'm not sure about meeting, lets get to know each other more" eventually the woman stops (probably thinks about it to much and just decides to stop emailing and fall off the planet) If you mention it one too many times, they call you "pushy" So many message boards threads I've seen started by women, that say, "Why do men want to meet so fast??" Apparently, they think that men that want to meet them in justa week...want to get laid... post#21 When I tried to meet women in the first week it was only to not waste time on someone that there was no connection. There is nothing worse than to spend your hard to come by time investing in all this emailing and phone conversation only to not hear from them after you put weeks or months into it..I wanted to know if they fit my possible list right away or it was NEXT... post#25 In regards to meeting vs. dragging things out online: I am done with online relationships, as I have been online dating for a while now. I use it as a means to meet people, so after a week, 2 weeks MAX, I want to meet and see if we click. I am not looking for a penpal! post#27 Wow, 2 weeks? Thats a really long time. I set up coffee or lunch dates very quickly, 3/4 e-mails back and forth and a single phone call is about par for the course.
InspiredbyYou Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 I mean, really? I had to look 'minger' up in an online 'urban' dictionary. Why didn't he just say 'ugly'? Because that profile is more than likely in the UK, it is a very common word there. To the OP the reason people make so much emphasis on all that is because people just don't read profiles, but if you reiterate yourself a million times over the words might just sink in with the undesirables. A lot of people waste their time contacting people online that just want nothing to do with them and then act shocked that they get rejected. I say put it all out there, be as selective as you want even is some find it offensive, OH WELL! Who needs 100's of undesirables contacting you, what you need is the needle in the haystack. If it were that easy to fall in love with just anyone, we wouldn't be online dating to begin with. I found my dream man online and I was super selective was even called a bitch by some men whom I rejected, but guess what it narrowed down my choices to the perfect man for me!
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 The OP has called herself a size 6 (US) scientist who has 'aged well' and is currently dating someone but is 'unhappy'. She occasionally modeled in the past and her verbiage and use of colloquial terms indicates she lives or has lived/was raised in the US (apartment vs flat, etc). Maybe she's looking to date some UK guys, IDK. I didn't read through all her material, but, to me, looking at online dating while dating someone, presumably exclusively (thought I saw 'BF' a couple times), would be a bit of a red flag in itself. Well, at least I know what a 'minger' is now
InspiredbyYou Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 The OP has called herself a size 6 (US) scientist who has 'aged well' and is currently dating someone but is 'unhappy'. She occasionally modeled in the past and her verbiage and use of colloquial terms indicates she lives or has lived/was raised in the US (apartment vs flat, etc). Maybe she's looking to date some UK guys, IDK. Nah, check it: "Wot u fink ov my fotos The male profiles she is referring to are in the UK for sure, American guys don't talk like that, Brits do.
carhill Posted November 25, 2009 Posted November 25, 2009 None of my British (UK) friends do. Of course, they're my age and old farts. Hope her BF knows what she's up to...
Stung Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 (edited) ABSOLUTELY WRONG.....if you read this thread and you'll understand why you are wrong. Not wrong at all in my case. I met my husband online, right before I changed the logistics on my profile to reflect that I was moving out-of-state effective almost immediately. We ended up becoming friends and communicating pretty much daily via email and IM although I moved 800 miles away. He sincerely liked my personality enough to enjoy my company that way even though it was six months before we actually met in person...and no, he is/was not desperate or damaged in any way, and we both dated locals casually in the interim. Six months after we met in person for the first time, after many weekends spent at the airport, I moved again to be with him. I would never have done that for most men, but I trusted in his sincerity and his regard for me, partially due to our extended online courtship and his patience. Now we are very happily married and have a baby. Edited November 26, 2009 by Stung
justforfun Posted November 26, 2009 Posted November 26, 2009 That's lovely!! Congratulations! That isn't what I meant though. It was that when people are looking to meet someone locally then it's not a red flag if they would like to meet up sooner rather than later. SincerelyOnlineGuy was suggesting that there was something wrong with the person if they wanted to meet 'hastily'. That they just wanted to get you into bed. I prefer to meet up quickly myself because I am just using online dating to meet people. Not to build an online relationship. I see these websites as a 'exchange numbers' kind of thing. If I met someone IRL and we exchanged numbers then I would expect to meet up in the next week or so. Same with online dating. This does only work if they live locally. But I restrict my search to people who do live locally. Not wrong at all in my case. I met my husband online, right before I changed the logistics on my profile to reflect that I was moving out-of-state effective almost immediately. We ended up becoming friends and communicating pretty much daily via email and IM although I moved 800 miles away. He sincerely liked my personality enough to enjoy my company that way even though it was six months before we actually met in person...and no, he is/was not desperate or damaged in any way, and we both dated locals casually in the interim. Six months after we met in person for the first time, after many weekends spent at the airport, I moved again to be with him. I would never have done that for most men, but I trusted in his sincerity and his regard for me, partially due to our extended online courtship and his patience. Now we are very happily married and have a baby.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 28, 2009 Posted November 28, 2009 You made the point in this thread that if someone were hasty in wanting to meet you then that was a definite red flag. The thread that I linked you had several posts that give a different perspective. post#18 One of my rules about online though is meeting the first week.. If a woman didn't want to meet the first week then she was out..Even though I was doing Online Dating I wasn't keeping it online..I wanted the face to face to happen, that way match was only used to meet someone..Getting to know them happened face to face... post#20 Good call about the first week...you'd be suprised how many female "pen-pals" I got tired of talking to after I asked them out ..they say "I'm not sure about meeting, lets get to know each other more" eventually the woman stops (probably thinks about it to much and just decides to stop emailing and fall off the planet) If you mention it one too many times, they call you "pushy" So many message boards threads I've seen started by women, that say, "Why do men want to meet so fast??" Apparently, they think that men that want to meet them in justa week...want to get laid... post#21 When I tried to meet women in the first week it was only to not waste time on someone that there was no connection. There is nothing worse than to spend your hard to come by time investing in all this emailing and phone conversation only to not hear from them after you put weeks or months into it..I wanted to know if they fit my possible list right away or it was NEXT... post#25 In regards to meeting vs. dragging things out online: I am done with online relationships, as I have been online dating for a while now. I use it as a means to meet people, so after a week, 2 weeks MAX, I want to meet and see if we click. I am not looking for a penpal! post#27 Wow, 2 weeks? Thats a really long time. I set up coffee or lunch dates very quickly, 3/4 e-mails back and forth and a single phone call is about par for the course. (forgetting about the fact that you made reference to a "thread" and then cited nothing from the first seventeen posts in this so-called relevant thread) What woman in her right mind wouldn't respect the entirely opposite side of each of those posts/positions? A - doesn't even qualify as "online dating" (you might as well be ordering Pizza Hut online and then dating the delivery person upon their arrival at your house) B - What woman wouldn't respect "I'm not sure about meeting (in public, yet, or ever)" ? C - "I tried to meet women in the first week" Most women recognize this as a pushy guy. D - This guy loved his "online relationships". So he's had all of these "relationships" online, and you cite him to try to somehow dispute the bottom line that haste is the biggest red flag of them all when it comes to online dating? E - The last guy speaks in the present tense about his zippy online dating technique, which tells you a lot right there If you want to have any hope, you'd first do well to put yourself in the shoes of a woman. If she wants a quick f*ck, she sure as hell doesn't need to rely on the likes of you. She knows this, I know this... so it is about time you were clued-in. She doesn't want to date the pizza delivery guy. If she did, she'd call him!!! She worries quite a bit about her personal safety, and the anonymity of the internet heightens that concern. She already knows what I offered. Again, you're the last to catch the clue. Perhaps the most universally satisfying element of the internet in the arena of non-paid social contacts is that it facilitates the only true situation in which a woman can f*ck a man she feels she knows, while at the very same time, a man is f*cking a woman he just met. When mister pizza boy up there knocks, the woman who answers the door neither "knows" him, nor does she think she knows him. Why is this so difficult to understand? Repeating: The single greatest red flag in the arena of internet dating, is Haste.
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