Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 You are angry because you don't like what we are saying. I'm not being rude, calling you names..I'm being respectful and trying to open your eyes. It's obvious that you are inlove with him and are believing everything that you're being told. The thing is, what happened to that ANGER you had towards him a month or so ago? point of correction I was not angry with him .. ... I was angry about the whole situation , that i was in love with a mm . he has never done anything to make me angry . and by the way i am on day 3 of n/c Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 But he chooses to be around her instead of leaving to be with you. What does that tell you? yeah when she is sleeping ... thats the only time he goes home Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Congrats on 3 days of NC. Stay strong! He's never done anything to make you angry? Asking you to get pregnant, 4 months into your affair while he is still married and has a young child, didn't make you mad? Changing your cell number, him not respecting NC and chasing you down, didn't make you mad? Again, stay strong with the NC. You can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 yeah when she is sleeping ... thats the only time he goes home How do you know this? From him? His brother? Just an idea.. For your own peace of mind..Hire a PI and see what you find out. Seriously. I guess he and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms, they don't ever touch, have sex, let alone have any fun, any conversations with eachother. He just goes home when he feels like it. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 IF this is really true, then he would divorcing NOW. NO excuse. Men who really want out of their marriage, do it and do it fast because they can't wait to move on and get away from the ex. that is why i have gone n/c ... now he can take a good look at his marriage and see if he really wants to be in it (without me in the picture) Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 yeah when she is sleeping ... thats the only time he goes home Oh, OK so he waits until she is sleeping to go home. Does he tell you he sleeps in another room also? Again, he may call you tomorrow or never, only the MM knows the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
PhoenixRise Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 phonexrise i too have two little ones , sometimes i tell him to go home and he just doesn't want . he just hates being around his w OK But I am saying that if he is truly the kind of guy who would marry someone because they are pregnant with his child then he would also be the kind of guy who actually spends time with his child instead of spending the bulk of his free time with you or with his friends. Doesn't he think his child needs his attention? I see men at the park all the time pushing strollers on the weekends. I see men with baby carrier trailers on the back of their bikes. I see men at the store, the mall, at children activities all the time with their child alone...without the mother. He doesn't have to spend time with the W to spend time with his child....but he prefers to spend time with his friends and with you. He should not need you to tell him to spend time with his child. If it was IN HIM to be a good father....he would be. AND I believe that a divorced man CAN be a good father....but based on what you have posted I doubt THIS man can or even wants to be. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 that is why i have gone n/c ... now he can take a good look at his marriage and see if he really wants to be in it (without me in the picture) Then do everything you can to stay in NC mode. Get counselling to help you cope. Stay with family and friends. Keep busy and put yourself FIRST. How long do you intend on waiting for him to figure this out? Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Congrats on 3 days of NC. Stay strong! He's never done anything to make you angry? Asking you to get pregnant, 4 months into your affair while he is still married and has a young child, didn't make you mad? Changing your cell number, him not respecting NC and chasing you down, didn't make you mad? Again, stay strong with the NC. You can do this. this time around I think i will be strong, and by the way non of the above makes me mad , i still love him Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 You're still in the new crushy stage where this guy can do no wrong..And his poop doesn't stink. With blinders on.. He is far from perfect! it's OK to be mad at someone you love. My H pisses me off daily and I'm sure I piss him off as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 Then do everything you can to stay in NC mode. Get counselling to help you cope. Stay with family and friends. Keep busy and put yourself FIRST. How long do you intend on waiting for him to figure this out? i am not waiting around for him , i am TRYING to move on , but if he becomes single and the feelings i have for him are still the same i will definately give it a chance Link to post Share on other sites
Author candoit Posted November 21, 2009 Author Share Posted November 21, 2009 thank you all so much for your kind and not so kind words , i feel a lot better now than i did before posting . feels like i have been to therapy . i am congratulating myself for succeeding in day 3 of n/c ...good nite Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 You seem to see things a little too cut and dry: if he leaves, he is unhappy with his marriage. If he stays, then he is happy with his marriage. Sometimes it is not a matter of happy or unhappy. It is a matter of how much he stands to lose in either situation. If he lets you go, then he loses nothing but someone he has been with for only six months. He will feel that he failed you, but he will only pay the cost of emotional pain. If he lets the wife go, then chances are pretty high she will destroy him in a divorce financially (child support and alimony), he will lose his status as a full time dad and run the risk of losing that position to some other man (a huge deal for some men), he will lose his home, he will lose his routines, his traditions, his extended family will be splintered, and so on. His life as he knows it will basically be dismantled. He will feel that he failed society itself by walking out on his family for another woman, and he will pay dearly for it. He may be unhappy, but if the marriage is bearable then he will stay. Why? Because he stands to lose a lot less if he does. Not much to do with 'happy' or 'unhappy'. Stay with NC. Let yourself heal. You can't change the situation, you can only change yours and hopefully that will lead to a greater happiness in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Brightmoon Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 You seem to see things a little too cut and dry: if he leaves, he is unhappy with his marriage. If he stays, then he is happy with his marriage. Sometimes it is not a matter of happy or unhappy. It is a matter of how much he stands to lose in either situation. If he lets you go, then he loses nothing but someone he has been with for only six months. He will feel that he failed you, but he will only pay the cost of emotional pain. If he lets the wife go, then chances are pretty high she will destroy him in a divorce financially (child support and alimony), he will lose his status as a full time dad and run the risk of losing that position to some other man (a huge deal for some men), he will lose his home, he will lose his routines, his traditions, his extended family will be splintered, and so on. His life as he knows it will basically be dismantled. He will feel that he failed society itself by walking out on his family for another woman, and he will pay dearly for it. He may be unhappy, but if the marriage is bearable then he will stay. Why? Because he stands to lose a lot less if he does. Not much to do with 'happy' or 'unhappy'. Stay with NC. Let yourself heal. You can't change the situation, you can only change yours and hopefully that will lead to a greater happiness in the long run. what a fantastically insightful post!!! Brilliant. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 whichwayis up and fooled once I am not the ow your husband is cheating with .. Sorry Can, my H doesn't cheat Nice try though. My H is a faithful guy. He doesn't need a side piece, he gets all his needs met at home Link to post Share on other sites
affairshipper Posted November 22, 2009 Share Posted November 22, 2009 Two months of no contact from him, and he texts. He says he is thinking of me and wants to celebrate the holidays together. Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Our DDay happened 2 weeks ago and even though he's made promises to his W he's been passively sending messages on his facebook profile and has left 3 messages on my answer phone at home. Due to his work they haven't seen each other face to face since before DDay...that happens tomorrow. I think he's not kept to his NC promise to his W because he wants strength from me. We'll see though...when he's home day in and day out for the next 3 weeks it'll be interesting to see if he maintains it or not. Like every other OW, I'd assume, there's a part of me hoping he doesn't...like any sane person I'm hoping he does so it's easier for me to do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
adiaz Posted November 25, 2009 Share Posted November 25, 2009 whichwayis up and fooled once I am not the ow your husband is cheating with .. no. you are just a woman waiting for someone to make you a priority in their life. You are one waiting for a guy who's lied to you from the start and who obviously is a lousy father since he'd rather take girls to his brother's to screw and be out with friends. :lmao: Good luck waiting. Link to post Share on other sites
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