She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[CeeL]

Nah, it only took a little effort to get two great dates. It takes more effort to build a relationship.

 

He's not forcing interest. He's pursuing one.

 

I have to go with Ms. J here -- sure, these two are not coming from the same place, but all that means is our OP needs to put in some wooing effort (to use an very old-fashioned word ). And he is.

 

He feels he knows enough about her, but likely she's still learning about him. Not every apple you want falls off the tree and into your lap!

 

So don't despair, OP -- you've gotten a pattern of acceptance, not rejection, going here. But all the same, find something else to do on Friday if you don't hear back by some reasonable time. And try again next week.

[Ms. Joolie]

Two dates since 11/14 does not scream interested.

 

Turning down a date because of an ex does not scream interested.

 

Not returning phone calls does not scream interested.

 

Just because someone goes out with you twice does not mean they are interested. You have to go through through the whole book. Not just look at the cover.

 

 

It doesn't scream desperate either. She's neither. She has a life and she's not desperate. She's not terribly interested in dating perhaps. But for someone who's re-entering the dating scene, that's normal.

[dreamergrl]

Lost,

 

IMO, the effort you are putting in because you are interested in this girl is not desperate. With a little effort, you got to date her. Take what you learned and use it for future dates. All the thinking you put into this gave you valuable experience.

 

The valuable experience here is dating is not suppose to be hard work.

 

Contrary to the naysayers, I don't think you are desperate for wanting another date with this girl. Just realize that dating is different from establishing relationships. You may get lots of dates, but relationships won't come around so often, or easy.

 

No one is saying he's desperate for wanting another date. We're saying he's being desperate by doing all the work and continuing to put forth effort when she's not.

 

Relationships take more effort and, of course, mutual interest. If your girl does not respond, take the dates for what they were and move on. What you want - I think - is a relationship. So don't settle for less, and don't be desperate on one girl, trying to squeeze out a relationship with her. There ARE other girls, and there will be a receptive one.

 

He'll never know about the other girls because he keeps getting encouraged to go for the one who's not interested and is hung up on her ex.

 

That being said, wait to hear from your girl. Try her again. Play with that as you like, but pay attention to her response to you, to her interest. If she show little to no interest in the coming week, it's up to you if you want to continuing pursuing. Just know when to stop. Don't let the pursuing drag on endlessly, with no real response on her part - because that's desperate.

 

Calling her again IS desperate. She knows he likes her for crying out loud. The ball is in her court. If she wanted to go out with him, and has true intent on dating him, she'd have called back.

 

OP - I've said it before, you are your own roadblock at this point. You are making excuses of why you can't meet another girl. Only because you are set on someone who isn't interested in you. If you truly want to meet more girls, then go do it. Put yourself out there. Actually try. Don't whine about how hard it is. Or keep making yourself available and get walked all over .. then come back to LS whining when you're in the same spot with this girl months down the line.

 

Or just boredom

 

That too.

[dreamergrl]

It doesn't scream desperate either. She's neither. She has a life and she's not desperate. She's not terribly interested in dating perhaps. But for someone who's re-entering the dating scene, that's normal.

 

Not true. I'm re-entering the dating scene. I answer phone calls, or call them back if I'm interested. And if she's not interested in the dating scene, why should OP continue to waste time on her?

[Yukikazi]

Hey Op.. clarify something for me...

 

Has she.. in all this time ever contacted you first? Or is she just responding to your contact attempts?

 

I started seeing a girl like this.. had an out of town fling.. said she wanted to keep hooking up when we got home.. after 2 weeks I noticed I was doing all the contacting.. so I stopped (this is my lil test).. 1 week passed... 2 weeks... never heard from her.. so i wrote her off. If she wanted to continue things she could have.. She made no effort... and I'll be damned if I'm gonna chase someone who puts forth no effort.

[carhill]

OP, perhaps nonsensical, but I want you to consider something. I'm speaking from experience here. All this angst and what I now know to be unreasonable and unhealthy effort ended for me when I became sexually active. I see the pattern so clearly in retrospect. Women gained their rightful place, no more or less. I didn't have the benefit of all this great advice you're getting and was stuck in that rut for another decade (beyond your age). The problem was not the women. It was me. Hope it works out for you

[Lost-n-confused]

Dude - if they were that easy to get, then why is that the only two dates you've had in like 20 days.

 

Because we both have very busy sceduals. She's very busy with school as it's the end of the semester. She works a full time job and she has to study with the time she has. She also does all the shopping and cooking for her family. Weekdays she's not available and weekends she works and studies. She only has had two Fridays to spend with me.

 

Don't forget we bother are very serious about our workouts and neither of us skip them. So she has to have time for that as well. Last we spoke sunday she told me after I tried to get her to go jetsking that school is almost over. So she must of been implying that soon she will be more available.

 

Regaurdless if she like me and respects me she should call me today even if she isn't avalible. If I don't hear from her I'll presume she sending the message that I'm not interest.

[Ms. Joolie]

haha... well the OP can do as he likes, he can decide what works for him.

 

I am on a time constraint at work at must cease arguing the counterpoint for now, even if I do enjoy it.

[dreamergrl]

Because we both have very busy sceduals. She's very busy with school as it's the end of the semester. She works a full time job and she has to study with the time she has. She also does all the shopping and cooking for her family. Weekdays she's not available and weekends she works and studies. She only has had two Fridays to spend with me.

 

Don't forget we bother are very serious about our workouts and neither of us skip them. So she has to have time for that as well. Last we spoke sunday she told me after I tried to get her to go jetsking that school is almost over. So she must of been implying that soon she will be more available.

 

Regaurdless if she like me and respects me she should call me today even if she isn't avalible. If I don't hear from her I'll presume she sending the message that I'm not interest.

 

Okay, so look, you both have very busy schedules. Yet you find the time to call, plan dates, put in all this effort. And then you also have the time to come here, get advice, and defend her actions, make excuses for why it's okay that she's doing what she's doing.

 

You guys have similar interests, you could be doing work outs together. Study together. There's always ways to make time for the one you are interested in.

[Yukikazi]

Adapting the phrase.. "Successful people don't find the time.. they make it"

 

Successful relationships are made.. not found

Interested people make the time to see those they are interested in. Even if its only 20 minutes a week.

[Lost-n-confused]

Hey Op.. clarify something for me...

 

Has she.. in all this time ever contacted you first? Or is she just responding to your contact attempts?

 

I started seeing a girl like this.. had an out of town fling.. said she wanted to keep hooking up when we got home.. after 2 weeks I noticed I was doing all the contacting.. so I stopped (this is my lil test).. 1 week passed... 2 weeks... never heard from her.. so i wrote her off. If she wanted to continue things she could have.. She made no effort... and I'll be damned if I'm gonna chase someone who puts forth no effort.

 

She called me last thursday before our Friday date. She also called me sunday, I was working and called her back. Never found out what she was calling about.

[dreamergrl]

Adapting the phrase.. "Successful people don't find the time.. they make it"

 

Successful relationships are made.. not found

Interested people make the time to see those they are interested in. Even if its only 20 minutes a week.

 

This is worth writing down and putting on your fridge OP.

[carhill]

OP, you joined LS on 11/14, the same day this thread started. Nearly all your 114 posts have been relevant to this particular dynamic.

 

Think about the time you're taking just to post on this subject here on LS. Then, add to that the time you're taking to think about what you're going to do and how you're going to react wrt this young lady. Then add the time you're actually doing something wrt her. That's a lot of time and a lot of effort.

 

How about taking what you've learned here, taking a break from LS and using that time to pursue other interests and activities where you'll meet women in real life? Even just a couple of hours a week. Change your focus, just temporarily. Think of it as a Christmas present to yourself

[Yukikazi]

She called me last thursday before our Friday date. She also called me sunday, I was working and called her back. Never found out what she was calling about.

 

But were either of these calls returning one of yours? Or were they truly spontaneous calls for conversation or to setup a date?

[dreamergrl]

OP - what are you doing, besides and online dating site, to meet more girls?

[Lost-n-confused]

But were either of these calls returning one of yours? Or were they truly spontaneous calls for conversation or to setup a date?

 

Truely spontaneous calls.

[dreamergrl]

Truely spontaneous calls.

 

I think, then, you are her "When I've got nothing better going on" guy. The one prior to the date could have just been that. Prior to the date. She called you once, with nothing to talk about, you were busy, I am going to assume because she wanted to do something last minute. Then made different plans.

[Lost-n-confused]

OP - what are you doing, besides and online dating site, to meet more girls?

 

After work, school, studying and 2-3 workouts a day and all the time I spend eating and sleeping so my muscles will grow nothing. I haven't even had time to even go to dance and there's was one cute girl their I saw once. Soon I have flight training and will have less time.

 

This is why it's hard for me to meet girls. No social network and can't chop my scedual and I work weekends.

 

This why I'm trying online dating.

[dreamergrl]

After work, school, studying and 2-3 workouts a day and all the time I spend eating and sleeping so my muscles will grow nothing. I haven't even had time to even go to dance and there's was one cute girl their I saw once. Soon I have flight training and will have less time.

 

This is why it's hard for me to meet girls. No social network and can't chop my scedual and I work weekends.

 

This why I'm trying online dating.

 

But, like CarHill mentioned, as well as me, you have all the time to agonize over this girl, come on here about this girl, see this girl, call this girl, ect ect. Like I said, you are your own roadblock.

 

The time you stop spending on this girl who is not interested, could be spent on meeting a girl who is interested.

[Lost-n-confused]

Most of my posts I do at school and at work from my iphone.

 

Currently at school.

 

Also we goto differnt schools and workout at differnt times.

[dreamergrl]

Most of my posts I do at school and at work from my iphone.

 

Currently at school.

 

Also we goto differnt schools and workout at differnt times.

 

Go to meetup.com

[Lost-n-confused]

She going on the back burner again then. I'll try to find another girl.

 

If she calls today or tomarrow and tells me she free I'll invite her over and test her if she's interested. If not I'll wait till she calls and invites me out.

[carhill]

While you've got your head down and posting on LS from your phone, your life partner could be walking right by you at school

[dreamergrl]

While you've got your head down and posting on LS from your phone, your life partner could be walking right by you at school

 

I can't post on LS from my phone

 

Yes, CarHill is right.

 

Also, don't jump off your seat for her when she calls. Likely it's because she's bored and can't find something better to do.

 

If it were me, I'd say bye bye all together.

[carhill]

LOL, I was talking to the OP. I know how addictive those iPhones can be. I see people on airplanes buried in them and other PDA's the entirety of their travel experience. I wonder how business got done before the era of constant and continuous connection

 

Perhaps the OP needs to consider that he's too busy to date. Nothing wrong with that. All things in life which are worthwhile take time and effort. If that's not his focus right now, no harm. Enjoy school, work and flying and what comes will come