She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[Lost-n-confused]

Tell me if this is too much for a third date.

 

Going to call her Tuesday tell her I want to take her out Friday. If she ask what we are doing I'm going to tell her Im going to suprised her. So if she agrees I'm going to pick her up. Take her back to my place as my parents are not going to be home for the night. Going to get a nice bottle of dry wine (parents have a nice collection) cause that's her taste. Going to get some sea bass as it's her favorite. Make a fire in the fireplace, put some jazz on (I love jazz) and go out by the pool and cook the fish on the grill while we sip on the wine and talk. I'll steam some fresh veggies to go with the fish and make a salad. We will dine listening to jazz with the fire going with a nice candle on the table. If all goes well maybe we will watch a movie after dinner by the fire. At somepoint the wine will have made us a bit loose and with the chemisty that's there and the mood set I will make my move and kiss her ever so slowly and passionatly.

 

If she rejects my advances I will say that I know she wasn't looking for a relationship but I like her so much and I want to be much more then friends. She will either tell me she likes me but just isn't quite ready for a relationship or just flatout reject me. If so she probably doesn't deserve me.

 

Who knows maybe she will fancy me and return my kiss...

 

I wish it all could just work out for me for once.

[Ms. Joolie]

Do it, Lost! I think it's perfect, perfectly you. If she responds well, excellent. If not, deal with it as you said.

 

Careful with the "maybe she doesn't deserve you" thinking though. Don't inflate your ego so much...

 

I think dinner and wine at your place is a perfect setting to bring up the whole relationship thing. First of all, it will test her. Is she going to accept your romancing? Don't be surprised if she's a bit uncomfortable at first. Just let her relax, tell her to relax. Relax her.

 

If all goes well into the date, I'd talk about seeing her more, being considerate to her earlier statement of not being ready for a relationship, but like you said, at the same time telling her that you want more.

 

I think the setting is perfect, really. And being at your place you will feel more comfortable to make your moves.

 

Wanted to mention........ somehow you give me hope as I re-enter the dating scene. Not sure why that is exactly. You just seem so considerate, like such a good guy, romantic, fun and sexy, too. lol. Guess it's just been too long for me, and I'm reminding myself of what I need to look for in a guy.

 

Don't be a player, Lost. Always be about the woman and not about the sex. I know you're a virgin, but once you get your sex game on it will be a different world for you. I hope it doesn't sound like we are pushing you to have sex with this woman. Do it all on your time, with your own values in mind. (I know you will.)

 

Ahhh.... I'm just rambling....

[TheWooWooKid]

Wouldn't that type of date normally come after the first kiss? I would use that type of date after I tried to kiss her and knew she liked me. If anything, that type of date is for the sex. Everyone is different though.

[Ms. Joolie]

Wouldn't that type of date normally come after the first kiss? I would use that type of date after I tried to kiss her and knew she liked me. If anything, that type of date is for the sex. Everyone is different though.

 

To me, he's simply inviting her over for dinner. It's a great third date. It's ok for him to initiate the romance because that's what he wants with her. It's all just an invitation for his date, and she'll get to decide her part in it.

[Lost-n-confused]

I did have a thought of picking her up and once I got her in the car id looking over at her and leaning in and kissing her. Then say to her I just couldn't wait any longer to do that. If she rejects me then I could end the date right there. If it works well then the dinner will be even better.

 

I still think romancing her at my place with a little of her favorite wine and fish will really show her that I like her and listen to what she tells me about herself. If she even like me a bit that should get things going.

 

Its also a very cheap date and I'm going broke taking her out.

 

I'm also not going to say some tacky line like jerseyboy stated.

Edited November 30, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

[The Way I Am]

Lost, that sounds really sweet. If she doesn't like it, she's an idiot and not worth your time.

 

I really hope it goes well. I'd hate for things to go bad and you decide that being sweet and romantic isn't the way to get girls. Too many guys I've dated have won me over with sweet gestures only to turn them off suddenly (possibly because of some silly notion that that's how to get women) and things go horribly from there.

 

As long as you're not calling her and bugging her all the time, I think you're doing fine, and that's a nice date you have planned.

 

Not sure about the kissing her in the car though. Front seats of cars usually put you in awkward positions. You're not even facing each other. You'd have to like grab her head or something to make sure she was facing you and you didn't miss and get her cheek instead. If she's facing you and turns her head away, you'll know it was on purpose. In the car, she might just not have seen it coming. Not the best suited for first kisses.

[Lost-n-confused]

I want to just do the romantic dinner first and if it goes well Ill find the right moment to kiss her.

 

Should I really talk to her about a relationship? How would you go about it? I figure id say something like "Hey I really like you and want to be more then just friends with you. You told me you aren't looking for a relationship an Ive been respecting that but I want more". My mom tells me to just tell her I like her and want to know if this is going anywhere. Somehow I feel like its a dangerous conversation that will make me look very desperate. I feel like I should attempt a kiss first, if she backs off then I could talk to her about it.

 

I hope being romantic, charming and being a gentlemen will work. Hopefully that will be enough. Hopefully she available Friday and accepts my invitation.

[The Way I Am]

No conversation. Just kiss her and see what happens. Talking about it first seems pansy. Only have that convo if she backs off. If she kisses you back, you're good to go, and you can have some type of relationship conversation further down the line.

[jerseyboy]

I wouldnt surprise a girl with a dinner at home. Comes off as predatory and shady, like you are trying to trick her into sex

 

Just tell her I thought it would be nice to cook you dinner and hang out alone.

[jerseyboy]

I want to just do the romantic dinner first and if it goes well Ill find the right moment to kiss her.

 

Should I really talk to her about a relationship? How would you go about it? I figure id say something like "Hey I really like you and want to be more then just friends with you. You told me you aren't looking for a relationship an Ive been respecting that but I want more". My mom tells me to just tell her I like her and want to know if this is going anywhere. Somehow I feel like its a dangerous conversation that will make me look very desperate. I feel like I should attempt a kiss first, if she backs off then I could talk to her about it.

 

I hope being romantic, charming and being a gentlemen will work. Hopefully that will be enough. Hopefully she available Friday and accepts my invitation.

 

 

Dont talk about a relationship. You havent even kissed her yet. And I dont mean just kissing for a couple of minutes. If tis going well you are going to end up kissing her for hours. Its amazing how fast the time goes.

 

Girls mostly (except for every woman on this board who are all emotionally, non needy, decisive, non clingy etc etc) dont really know what they want. So dont ask her, you will just confuse her.

 

If you must, as in you are worried shes going to be seeing other guys, and its eatring you up inside, then you can tell her youd like some exclusivity to see where the two of you may go. Not asking her if she wants exclusivity, telling her that youd like it (not an ultimatum, just this is what Id like) before investing much emotionally. Keep in mind though if you ask, you are going to get an answer.

[CeeL]

I'd have to agree with @jerseyboy on the surprise-date angle -- it's early days yet to spring something like that on her. You surely don't want her guarded or uncomfortable, especially as you're picking her up. As @Ms. Joolie said it, an invitation to an intimate dinner is lovely, but telling her this as you're already driving her away from her home is more in the way of an ultimatum.

 

Sure, invite her to this evening you've planned -- but in advance, and well described. Have a backup idea already in mind too, so if she'd rather not do that just now, you have an alternate suggestion all ready. Then you won't lose your momentum either way.

 

She obviously likes you well enough, but I suspect she's getting to know you from a different starting point than yours. Give her a chance to catch up at her own speed -- you're doing a good job keeping your hand in, and you're getting good positive response. Meanwhile, have some fun dating an interesting and lovely woman!

[Lost-n-confused]

Ok I'll tell her up front.

 

I just hope she is avalible and keen on the idea. If she is

interested she will go I assume. You would have to be very stupid to think that my intentions are for friendship. I'm not going to mention the candles, fireplace and jazz music. That might freak her out.

[The Way I Am]

Oh. I missed the part about it being a surprise. Yes, tell her you want to make her dinner when you ask her on the date. The little details can be a surprise, but the whole thing shouldn't be.

[Zaraki]

Dont talk about a relationship. You havent even kissed her yet. And I dont mean just kissing for a couple of minutes. If tis going well you are going to end up kissing her for hours. Its amazing how fast the time goes.

 

Girls mostly (except for every woman on this board who are all emotionally, non needy, decisive, non clingy etc etc) dont really know what they want. So dont ask her, you will just confuse her.

 

If you must, as in you are worried shes going to be seeing other guys, and its eatring you up inside, then you can tell her youd like some exclusivity to see where the two of you may go. Not asking her if she wants exclusivity, telling her that youd like it (not an ultimatum, just this is what Id like) before investing much emotionally. Keep in mind though if you ask, you are going to get an answer.

 

Dude jerseyboy why are you even on the boards? lol You seem like you know what the hell you are doing. Just here to help us guys who suck at this huh?

[Lost-n-confused]

Called her last night. She didn't answer so I left MSG saying "just callin to see if your available Friday. Call me back." This was at 7:30. She useally calls back with in a few hours. She never did. I'm not going to call her back. She now knows I want to see her Friday. The ball is in her court. I figure if she is going to call today is the day. If she doesn't then I guess she is just not that into me.

[Yukikazi]

Called her last night. She didn't answer so I left MSG saying "just callin to see if your available Friday. Call me back." This was at 7:30. She useally calls back with in a few hours. She never did. I'm not going to call her back. She now knows I want to see her Friday. The ball is in her court. I figure if she is going to call today is the day. If she doesn't then I guess she is just not that into me.

 

 

Bad.. never leave the ball in their court if you can avoid it.. first message is always short and says nothing.. "Hey its me.. talk to you later"

This ads mystery/suspense and leaves you the option to call her again later w/o looking clingy/needy. If she hasn't called you back wondering what you wanted to talk about.. call her again and don't leave a VM or anything. She has your first VM saying you wanted to talk to her.. and you made a second attempt.. leaving another VM wont help. NOW the balls in her court for at least the next day or so.

If you don't hear anything from her by tomorrow.. make other plans.. if/when she calls tell her you were wondering if she was busy on friday but since you didn't hear back from her.. you made other arrangements.

 

Although.. your friend is being indecisive about your saturday plans.. so you may be free... (guage how much she wants to make plans with you or just says well maybe next week) The more "intense" her attempts to spend time with you are.. the better. Personally I would hold off on the fancy dinner for a few more dates.. while its very sixteen candles or cosmo fantasy... its also very cliche..

[Lost-n-confused]

I only called her once and left her a MSG to see if she was availble. So I shouldn't of asked if she was available? I wanted to say that so when she got the msg and couldn't call me back she would realize that I want to do something with her Friday there for she wouldn't make plans. If I said hey call me back and nothing else and then her friend calls later and say hey were going to the club I'm now to late.

 

I realy can't afford to take her out any where. Dinner at my place is cheap for me I have everything and all I need to buy is the fish. I figure I'd tell her that I'd like to take her out but can't but I can cook her a nice dinner at my place.

 

I've got a bad feeling in my gut but something is tells me to give her till the end of today to call. I don't know if I should call her a second time today.

[carhill]

At post 168 in this thread I'm seeing a familiar old pattern emerge. The consistent thoughts of how to make this work are causing you to invest some emotion into something that doesn't yet warrant it. Time and attention focused on one person or thing will do that. You may deny it, but I know better.

 

Go back and re-read the thread.....

 

And find another girl to date...

[Ms. Joolie]

Don't give up SO easy on someone... call her again in a couple of days. Remember, she's busy and has a life. You have to get her attention and let her know that you're interested. You're not really interested if you give up the second week after she doesn't return one call.

[carhill]

In the meantime, date other women

 

It's practically guaranteed that the OP isn't the only man on her dance card. The clear imperative is balance. IMO, he's investing way too much of himself into one dynamic, especially as a virgin.

 

Here's some excellent advice from Ms. Joolie on page one:

 

Lost,

Ugh! You are so your screen name! lol. Look, carhill gave some good advice. Don't place all your stock in this one girl right now. She's just an interest of yours. Go find other interests. Find other woman who aren't as hard to get. Because dealing with someone who is just getting out of a relationship - the way you described it, with tears! - is going to be hard to get. Find other women, available women.

 

He can do this and still check in with her once in awhile and go out on a date if she's not 'busy'. No rush, no bother, no invested emotions.

[dreamergrl]

At post 168 in this thread I'm seeing a familiar old pattern emerge. The consistent thoughts of how to make this work are causing you to invest some emotion into something that doesn't yet warrant it. Time and attention focused on one person or thing will do that. You may deny it, but I know better.

 

Go back and re-read the thread.....

And find another girl to date...

 

I said this with in the first few pages.

 

 

 

Don't give up SO easy on someone... call her again in a couple of days. Remember, she's busy and has a life. You have to get her attention and let her know that you're interested. You're not really interested if you give up the second week after she doesn't return one call.

 

No no no no. She knows OP likes him. She knows OP wants to see her. If he keeps this up, he's going to come across as desperate, if he already hasn't. If she wants to see him on Friday she will respond. Pushing her wont make it happen any more.

[Ms. Joolie]

I said this with in the first few pages.

 

If he would have followed that advice, he would have never had two great dates with this one girl. Even if it doesn't turn out to be anything, he would have missed out on the opportunity, the experience, if he just gave up.

 

 

No no no no. She knows OP likes him. She knows OP wants to see her. If he keeps this up, he's going to come across as desperate, if he already hasn't. If she wants to see him on Friday she will respond. Pushing her wont make it happen any more.

 

There is a difference between a guy who is desperate and a guy who is truly interested.

[Yukikazi]

Its the cat and the string approach.. He dangles his string in front of her and she decides if she wants to jump on it or not.. otherwise there are plenty of other cats out there.

 

If she is interested she will have to step up if she wants him. Otherwise she risks missing the train ride and its already starting to pull out of the station.

 

 

*a cookie to whomever can count the # of innuendos in there*

[Yukikazi]

 

There is a difference between a guy who is desperate and a guy who is truly interested.

 

Please elaborate.

[dreamergrl]

If he would have followed that advice, he would have never had two great dates with this one girl. Even if it doesn't turn out to be anything, he would have missed out on the opportunity, the experience, if he just gave up.

 

This is true, however, OP is dead set on just this girl. This girl is not responding as if she's very interested.

 

 

 

 

There is a difference between a guy who is desperate and a guy who is truly interested.

 

And a girl who IS interested will get back to him. It's Wednesday. If she doesn't confirm the plans (without being called yet again), she's most likely waiting to see what her options are.

 

OP would benefit greatly from dating other girls and not concentrating on this one who isn't as interested as he is.

 

She would make the time if she was as interested.

 

Those two dates should not have been such hard work.