She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

November 22, 2009

Lost,

Your date sounded great. Really, it was sweet. Not just sweet, I mean, when you mention touching her leg and her lower back... that's just the right kind of touching on the first date, imo. Don't worry about what you said when you dropped her off. It was a bit clumsy but not enough to make her run or anything. In fact, she may be wondering about you... wishing more would have happened,too. That's a good want you want her to have.

It was a date, because that was your intention. I hope you have checked in with her by now? I know she sent you a text, but has she really gotten the message that you enjoyed the date as well?

Get that message across to her somehow, if you haven't already. The next step would be calling her to chat and see if she wants to get together later in the week sometime. Having an event in mind will be helpful, that way you can just ask her to it already and make a date.

I suggest calling her to chat/get another date within 3 or four days of the first date.

November 22, 2009

Lost,

Your date sounded great. Really, it was sweet. Not just sweet, I mean, when you mention touching her leg and her lower back... that's just the right kind of touching on the first date, imo. Don't worry about what you said when you dropped her off. It was a bit clumsy but not enough to make her run or anything. In fact, she may be wondering about you... wishing more would have happened,too. That's a good want you want her to have.

It was a date, because that was your intention. I hope you have checked in with her by now? I know she sent you a text, but has she really gotten the message that you enjoyed the date as well?

Get that message across to her somehow, if you haven't already. The next step would be calling her to chat and see if she wants to get together later in the week sometime. Having an event in mind will be helpful, that way you can just ask her to it already and make a date.

I suggest calling her to chat/get another date within 3 or four days of the first date.

It's been two days I'm waiting till day four to call her. Who knows she may call me. When I do call her I'm going to ask her out to drinks and dinner at cheese cake factory. If she agrees I'm going to say something like "ok it's a date then" then get off the phone. Is that ok? I've also heard that I should wait till Wednesday to ask her out because it's not too soon or too late. So Tuesday should be fine.

November 22, 2009

It's been two days I'm waiting till day four to call her. Who knows she may call me. When I do call her I'm going to ask her out to drinks and dinner at cheese cake factory. If she agrees I'm going to say something like "ok it's a date then" then get off the phone. Is that ok? I've also heard that I should wait till Wednesday to ask her out because it's not too soon or too late. So Tuesday should be fine.

Yes, no later than Tuesday. From what you said, it was an enjoyable date... you got to ride the momentum she has to see you now to keep her interest. Don't be pushy, but don't leave her in the cold as to your interest.

A dinner date sounds great... you'll get to know her better, maybe have a couple of things in mind for afterward as backup. (Places to go nearby or things do to, even if it's just a simple city attraction you can walk through) You never know if you'll want to extend the night.

I guess get date #2 from her first, but definitely start getting your confidence together to make a make a more forward move. You'll do fine. You are naturally attracted to her and you respect her. Just go with that, but at the same time don't forget it's a date! In other words, don't be friend zoned.

November 22, 2009

Yes, no later than Tuesday. From what you said, it was an enjoyable date... you got to ride the momentum she has to see you now to keep her interest. Don't be pushy, but don't leave her in the cold as to your interest.

A dinner date sounds great... you'll get to know her better, maybe have a couple of things in mind for afterward as backup. (Places to go nearby or things do to, even if it's just a simple city attraction you can walk through) You never know if you'll want to extend the night.

I guess get date #2 from her first, but definitely start getting your confidence together to make a make a more forward move. You'll do fine. You are naturally attracted to her and you respect her. Just go with that, but at the same time don't forget it's a date! In other words, don't be friend zoned.

I have to ask how do I avoid the firend zone? I'd rather have swine flu. What do I have to do? Make more physical contact? Try and hold her hand or offer her my arm when we are walking? When I ask her out do I call it a date?

If she calls me tonight should I ask if she is available next weekend if so tell her I'll call her Wednesday to set something up?

How does a virgin like myself build sexual tension?

November 22, 2009

Does she know you're a virgin? Regardless, there's a lot more to sex than intercourse, the act which defines virginity for most. Practice makes perfect. You're off to a good start.

No worries if she calls. The key is leading. She may initiate the phone call but you initiate the date. Be specific and decisive.

November 22, 2009

I have to ask how do I avoid the firend zone? I'd rather have swine flu. What do I have to do? Make more physical contact? Try and hold her hand or offer her my arm when we are walking? When I ask her out do I call it a date?

If she calls me tonight should I ask if she is available next weekend if so tell her I'll call her Wednesday to set something up?

How does a virgin like myself build sexual tension?

Ahh, the friend zone. You are in danger of being friend zoned if you don't work your chemistry right. The difference between you and any of her friends is this chemistry between you two. Now you are good looking guy, so if there is no chemistry, it won't be because you are not physically attractive. We're talking chemistry here.

Your goal is to establish a relationship with her, right? Think about what type of relationship you want. Think about what that means to you. Obviously you are going to want that to involve sex.... lol. So you have to take the first step to that relationship.

Start with a kiss.

As a woman, my preference is to not make the first move. I love it when the guy brings me in and goes for that kiss. Of course, if I'm attracted to him, he gets a kiss. If I'm not, he doesn't get it.

This is what is meant by the guy taking the lead, or making the first move. YOU take that initiative. Sound hard? Shouldn't be. If you get the kiss down, it's all a ride from there.... the chemistry will take over, unless there is no chemistry.

So think about kissing her. Think about kissing her soft, pink lips. Think about how you'll be excited to finally kiss her. I'd definitely work that kiss in on the second date. That will establish that you are interested in her, not as a friend. You want more.

Try to picture where you are going to do that. Is it going to be as you walk her to her door, is it going to be after dinner as you walk her to the car... maybe right before you open the door for her.... Think about it. Want it! You do want it, right?

So at the right moment, instead of touching the small of her back, put your hand around the small of the back and draw her in. Once you draw her in there is no turning back... lol. If

your confident and you want it, you'll do it... you'll get it.

Call her soon to work in date #2. No guideline. Just keep her interest.

Edited November 22, 2009 by Ms. Joolie

November 23, 2009

She defiantly doesn't know I'm a virgin. Sharing that with her could be bad. In fact shes the first girl I have ever approached and introduced myself too and the first girl I have ever asked out. I wish I could tell her that, some girls might find it super romantic that their the girl that inspired me to work up the courage to do all those things. It could also completely turn her off. Shes a personal trainer so she likes to instructed people and take the lead.

Yet... My friend says she likes guys that are dominant and take the lead. His advice was to wait till she calls because he thinks she will eventually. He also says that I should tell her that I had a great time that I'm taking her out again. Basically I'm not supposed to ask her out but tell her I'm taking her out. Technically his advice clashes because if I'm taking the lead why wait till she calls.

As for the kiss Im kinda of scared that I wont find the right time or get close enough. Do I just pull her in and kiss her or do I get like 90% there and wait for the kiss? Ive also only ever kissed one girl and it was a pop kiss on the lips. So I have no idea how to really kiss a girl. I don't want to sound negative but my inexperience is going to cause me to loose my opportunity to win this girl. I'm confident but extremely shy to really touch someone. If I knew she was interested and was confident that she did I wouldn't be so apprehensive. The date went great but she did say when I first asked her out that she isn't looking for a relationship. My friend says that she is emotionally all over the place.

Once again lost n confused.

November 23, 2009

Try a different thought process. Forget tying touching and kissing into your virginity. Try thinking of them as actions which comfort her and make her feel secure with you. Do you want her to feel safe with you and trust you? Show her. You don't do that by staying distant. She might as well be there alone. The process is in your mind. When you look at her, she interprets what you are feeling through your body language, facial expressions, eyes and touch. I can look in a woman's eyes and feel her desire for closeness or the feeling of a stiff arm in my chest, telling me to stay away. Women do the same thing. They read you.

You said it yourself. She isn't looking for a relationship. Accept that. If you want to spend time with her, let your thoughts reflect that reality, but not change your reality, which is that you are attracted to her and do want to date her. Let her see you as someone she would want to have a relationship with, if she wanted one right now. Set your terms, for yourself. If you find things aren't going in a way you find healthy (this does not mean you're not getting laid, but rather aren't progressing or doesn't feel right), make a decsion and share that with her. In the meantime, enjoy

P.S.- she doesn't have to know you're a virgin. Give her some good oral and she won't care if you're from outer space

November 23, 2009

The date was Friday and its now Monday. I guess its time to call. So in a few hours I’m going to call.

If she answers I’m going to tell her I had a great time Friday and this Wednesday I want to take her out to dinner. If she’s busy Ill ask if she available Friday or Saturday and if she’s busy.... Ill be sad... I guess ill have to accept that. Tell her ok give me a call when your available.

If she doesn’t answer I will just leave a msg saying Hey? Just wanted to tell you I had a great time Friday. Give me a call back later. I dont think I should ask her out in the msg.

Already got the place picked out. It’s got a great atmosphere, good food, right on the water. Have a backup place picked out too but its expensive compared to my first. No matter how short a walk from the car to the restaurant I’m going to grab her arm and escort her inside. Same thing when we leave as long as everything went smoothly so far. As for the kiss we will have to see what happens. The easiest kiss would be if I didn’t walk her to her door and when she goes for the kiss on the cheek just turn in and peck her close to the lips if not on the lips. I think a soft peck close to but not on the lips will send the message that hey I want to kiss you. She will do one of two things back off and explain how awesome I am but how uninterested she is or go in for the full kiss. She could just freeze up and leave awkwardly. Regardless I need to state my intentions that I want more even if she isn’t “looking for a relationship”. One may just find her.

November 23, 2009

Regardless I need to state my intentions that I want more even if she isn’t “looking for a relationship”. One may just find her.

Excellent, excellent attitude to have. Remember, YOU want a relationship with her, and you are going to do what it takes to get it, you will take that initiative. However, it is up to her to reciprocate. Don't be afraid of any rejection. This is about getting what you want. If she ends up saying no, move on... you did what you had to do.

Excellent job on creating date #2! You see how you envisioned that?? You have to envision everything first.. the date, the kiss, the touching.

You have to CREATE those moments, and then make it happen. It won't go 100% like you want it to, but the important thing is that you have the confidence of what you want in mind, and you are ready to take it on.

I must say you need to do this for sex, too. As a virgin, you have to have an idea of the woman's body and what you want from it. The touching, the kissing... the sex. You can't just expect it to happen. You have to envision it, create it.... make it happen. It's going to be a fun idea to toy with in your head. Be prepared! Don't just expect your first experience to "happen." YOU will make it happen.

And if your not excited about that, I'm excited for you. haha. You will tell us once you aren't a virgin anymore, right? LOL

November 23, 2009

Sex seems so far away to me still. I need to get a second date and get past the first kiss and into the dating zone. Once I've kissed her and she doesn't reject me then I'll start to think about sex and envision it.

When I lose my virginity I'll post on it. That is of course if it's in the near future.

November 23, 2009

Take it one day at a time!

Good luck on getting that second date

November 23, 2009

Left her a message she called me back 15 mins later. We talked a bit and I told her I had a great time with her Friday and told her "I want to take you out to dinner Wednesday to..." She with out hesitation said yes. Asked about her avalibility. She gets out late so I'm picking her up at 9. She is going to confirm with me on Wednesday.

I decided not to work the word date into it. Figured saying I want to take you to dinner was enough. Didn't want to push my luck.

So excited and nervous.

November 24, 2009

Update: She called to move it back to Friday, apparently she forgot she had to go to a hockey game.. So I said to her "cool friday at 8 o clock its at date." She didn't say no no its just a friendly get together. Don't remember exactly what she said but it was something like "yea". Shes very laid back on phone. Not the type of girl to giggle and be all flirty about it.

I guess It is a second date. She deff wants to go to dinner with me.

Edited November 24, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

November 24, 2009

Just goes to show...people are crazy when it comes to love.

You're a pilot and you have great ideas for dates. Sound like the guy for those ladies who go wild for adventures. Am I right?

Anyway, people want what they don't have and you seem entirely too available for this girl while she's the opposite.

Take the reverse situation: Beautiful girl, wants sex all the time, calls you every day, texts you every hour. Dream come true? Most guys would think so. But if you really think about it, it's too much of a good thing. There's no challenge.

So you've got the right approach and everyone hates to play games. But truth is, the game must be played. It's a necessary evil if you want to reach your goal.

November 24, 2009

Does it sound like I've been doing the right things?

-I tell her I want to take her out never ask her.

-I never call her to chat, just call to setup dates. Yes I'm available, but remind her I'm a busy guy.

-She doesn't confide in me. Most of the chatting is get to know you chat.

-When we jetskied we got subs after and she payed for her own. On the date I never offered I just payed. She didn't resist she kinda expected. So she can't assume I pay for female friends.

-Going to offer her my hand on the next date. If all goes well going to go for the first kiss.

November 24, 2009

Does it sound like I've been doing the right things?

-I tell her I want to take her out never ask her.

-I never call her to chat, just call to setup dates. Yes I'm available, but remind her I'm a busy guy.

-She doesn't confide in me. Most of the chatting is get to know you chat.

-When we jetskied we got subs after and she payed for her own. On the date I never offered I just payed. She didn't resist she kinda expected. So she can't assume I pay for female friends.

-Going to offer her my hand on the next date. If all goes well going to go for the first kiss.

Don't get too hung up about learning the right things. You just have to stop and think out what you are doing. So far so good, right? Because you thought it out.

Really just wanted to stay to nix the hand holding... or offering. What do you mean by that anyway? Maybe it's just me but hand holding sounds like a bad idea. You want to work more on realizing what the chemistry is between you two, not hand holding.

The barometer for that chemistry, or a good place to start anyway, is a kiss.

So the intimacy at this point should involve:

1) eye contact

2) light touching if possible (like that touch to the lower back you did)

3) conversation (sharing and listening to each other)

These things should lead up to that kiss. It's a process. You feel it out, imo, but I'm female. Not exactly sure how guys do it.

November 24, 2009

I thought girls like hand holding. My dad recommends it. He's don't be afraid to just grab there hand. What if I offer my arm instead?

November 27, 2009

Got the second date tonight and I'm kinda nervous. Worried about making a move and holding her hand to test the waters. Not sure where to take her after dinner. Walk on the beach or around the local scene. Want to be romantic but still unsure about her intensions. Want to being flowers but it's too soon I think. I kinda want to chicken out because I know tonight is make it or break it.

On a side note she saw me in the gym and waved at me and smiled. She came by said hi and I introduced her to my father. She called me an hour later to talk. She felt bad she didn't say bye to my dad. She said she saw me working out and walking up to the cardio equipment so she was watching me aparrently. She also said I looked leaner and bigger. I've been following her dietary advice and cardo advice. She seemed happy about that. So she knows I take her serious. I keep the call short (20 mins) and got her off the phone told her I had to go help my dad with my moms motorcycle (she thought that was funny). I said have a happy thanksgiving and that I'll see her tomarrow.

Mom says she sounds like she likes me. I have such a defeated inner personality.

Got to figure out how to rasie my confidence for tonight.

November 27, 2009

Guess at this point I'm on my own.

Picking her up in a few hours. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Edited November 27, 2009 by Lost-n-confused

November 28, 2009

Second date.

I ring the door bell. She opens the door and I give her a hug. I open my car door for her. As we walk into the restaurant when I step back to let her through I place my hand on her back. The server puts our menus next to each other so we sit next to each other over looking the water. We order a glass of wine and have good conversation. Eye contact was good but she wasn't staring into my eyes I definitely was looking at her more then she was at me. At one point she had her arms cross which made me uneasy so I asked her if she was cold and she said no. Then I asked her "am I making you uncomfortable should I move to the other side of the table?" she said no. So we ordered dinner which was delicious. We talked the whole time. She finds me to be very funny shes always laughing. We sit for a bit after we eat and talk. We talk religion to which we both have the same thoughts. At this point she has her body turned towards me. Occasionally when I would say something I would touch her leg. Sometimes our legs would briefly touch and she wouldn't pull away. So I pay the bill I stand up and offer her my hand to help her up. She stands up and lets go of my hand. So we walk outside and head for the car. I take her arm with mine and walk her to my car. She goes on about how I'm a cancer and I should learn to receive and not give so much, to which I reply I takes what I can gets (I tried to ask her to explain what she ment but she lost me). So we get to the car and I let go of her and we look at each other and I felt something stir in me. I ask her if she would like to drive down to the beach and take a walk but she told me it was cold and she had to get up early which she told me on the way to dinner that she had to get up at five. I told her I brought her an extra sweater and she thought that was sweet. So we drive home and we talk about books and movies and get on the topic of her being a Scorpio and me being a cancer and how they make great matches and how cancers are sensitive and givers. Which I am. So I ask her about going on the flight and told her that I wont take no for an answer. After a bit of convincing she said it sounds like a good time. We also talk about relationships and I said how guys should pursue girls and she agreed.

So we get to her place and I park in front of her place and this time I get out to walk her to her door. As I walk her to her door her moms friend pulls up behind my car waiting for me to move. I give her a hug and the standard kiss on the cheek and we pull back and while still having our hands on each other we slightly pause. As I left I said I hope you had a great time. She said she did and told me to drive safe. If her moms friend wasn't sitting their waiting and watching I would of said something like "hey I really like you" and kissed her. I think that could of been the moment. After I get home she sends me a text. She said "Thank you for dinner it was yummy have a good night" I replayed "I had a good time. Talk to you soon. :)"

So tonight I made sure to be more physical. I hugged her, I touched her lower back and leg (multiple times) and held her arm. I opened my car door for her and walked her to her door. At some point I told her she was looking hot. I feel that we are generally compatible when it come to conversation. With food, health, religion, hobbies, general beliefs. She finds me funny. Not like comedian funny but my personality makes her laugh. As for physically compatible I guess we are. She doesn't act strange when I touch her leg or when I took her arm. Now I have to wait to see if we are going to have another date.

What does everyone think of our second date?

When should I call her?

Did I do the right things?

November 28, 2009

The cancer comment you may be coming off as desperate. Or she pereceives you that way. Hard to say. Ie you are trying too hard.

Also dont ask so much. It isnt horrible but..... Also stop asking her if she enjoys everything. Feel free to say it yourself as in I had a great time, but thats it. Comes off as desperate and sets a tone even if she does like you.

You definitely need to turn up the heat.

And dont tell her you are a virgin. And when all the chicks chime in to tell you that you should, ignore them and dont tell her anyway. Tell her after if you must. You are 24, its no longer "cute"

You need to start moving the convos to sex. That doesnt mean tlaking about other girls, or how great so and so was at...Its ambigious, you dont mention other people. She may, cause women can be clueless, but that doesnt mean you should. And you dont have to be graphic or piggish about it, although thats not always bad:)

Be clever and just barely subtle. Off the top of my head instead of telling her how beautiful she is "yet again", which they are all used to hearing anyway from guys, you could look at her and mischievously and say soemthing like " A boy could really have a lot of fun with you"

However counter intuitive it may sound, its a lot more "natural" for a guy to demonstrate sexual interest verbally than it is to be around some guy who looks like hes about to profess his undying love after a few dates. The latter is a lot creepier, and leaves them wondering wtf is his issue really, even if they like you as well. Resist that urge lol

She wants to feel desirable. She wants to know she can get a rise out of you. It isnt going to insult her. She is cautious as to whether thats all you want, or all you think of her as. It cant all be about that. Find a middle ground if this is a girl you really like.

Again, just off the top of my head (you have to be you), and if you find it very difficult to turn the convo, you can let it slip you dreamed about her last night, like if you are talking about last night, along the lines of "you dont make it easy for a guy to rest at night, even when I was sleeping you kept popping into my dreams." Make it clear it wouldnt be a "pg" conversation. Along thos lines. Do what works for you, see how she reacts.

November 28, 2009

Damn you made me feel like I'm doing it all wrong. I only once said she looked hot last night. I get what you mean when you say turn up the heat. I need to secure a third date thou. I have yet had a dream about her because I believe my subconscious is unsure if she likes me or is just having a good time on my dime. She did tell me she wants to go jetsking again. Her comment on not giving so much and learning to recive and what she told me after I said "you cant wait for what you want you have to take it" to which she said something to the extent that you have to wait sometimes. This made me feel like she was trying to say "hey I understand you like me but back off and give me Some time. I'm not sure what she really ment about learning to recive.

My friend told me to invite her out bowling tonight but I don't want to come off as deprete.

Sigh.... Dating is hard

November 28, 2009

Its not a matter of wrong

Youre a boy. Shes a girl. You dont have to over think this stuff too much.

Not wrong, just some things are better. And save time:)

And I dont believe in that too desperate thing. Its only an issue if one person doesnt like the other anyway. Ive never waited to ask for a date, or played that whole waiting to call her crap. Its never been an issue.

If she likes you, she wants to see you again as well. Trust me

I mean listen, lots of guys (prolly most) get their gf's by doing that whole fawning, super nice, what a sweet guy dribble. If thats you, then be you. It definitely works.

November 28, 2009

I actually just thought about it some more

You are a 24 yr old virgin

Dont be yourself.

Do what I told you to do:)

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She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

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