She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[carhill]

After much experience, I see the value of remaining distantly cordial. Keep in touch; make the brief experiences a positive memory and let time take its course. The other side of that equation is to pursue an active social life so this young lady is only one of many kept in touch with. Out of a pool of such potentials a meaningful and satisfying relationship can emerge.

 

To me, the OP should be building a social circle of people with whom he enjoys spending time and his energy. In the course of socializing, he will meet other potentials. To me, just by being a private pilot, he has a really cool and popular interest to talk about and share. I talk with pilots and flight attendants all the time and many are single but rarely do I meet one whom I genuinely do not find interesting, due to our shared interests in flight and travel. Hope the OP is listening

 

As a woman, we can have so many quibbles in our head... but when the guy starts this kind of seduction it's like.... "ok."

 

LOL, this guy hasn't seduced anyone ever so has no frame of reference nor experience. He's not going to get that by reading it somewhere or parroting an internet site. If that was the case, jet-ski would've turned into horizontal mambo already.

 

OP, do you just want to not be a virgin anymore or are you looking for a relationship with someone you find attractive and compatible? If the former, this young lady could do that for you and those seduction techniques, even parroted, could work. Up to you

Edited November 17, 2009 by carhill

[Ms. Joolie]

haha... yes, don't get sidetracked with the seduction when you still need to get the dating down. Or relationship for that matter!

[Lost-n-confused]

I’m looking for a romantic relationship. If I get involved with someone in a relationship I will then try to loose my virginity. I haven’t had a chance to loose my virginity. I’ve dated one girl for a month and kissed her once. That is the extent of my experience. So telling me to seduce her doesn’t help. A man with experience who knows how to seduce women could have done a lot with the jetsking. We had a great time, I was a gentleman and let her drive and I ended up holding her tightly for about 2 hours. We both fell off and it was the funniest thing in the world we laughed and laughed. I genuinely showed her a great time. Yet I haven’t the first clue on seduction.

 

I’m looking for a relationship with someone I find attractive and compatible. So far I find her very attractive and so far compatible because we are both insane about fitness and diet and love jetskis and the conversation has been for the most part very good. That’s why I want to take her out and get to know her more.

 

With out experence the only thing I have going for me are my good looks which at this point in my life I realize doesnt do much.

 

I am totally lost and confused!

[VeveCakes]

Oh for f's sake are you even listening to anyone?

 

You need to realize you barely know this girl yet you are obsessing over her. If you got with her at this point she could still be in love with her ex and you wouldn't care you would just be so happy she agreed to see you. That is not healthy.

 

Please, for the love of god and the sake of people trying to help you - just call her tomorrow and ask her out...for a DATE.

 

As I previously stated - if she says YES then she's interested, if she says NO - then move on!

 

Its not that complicated!!!

[jerseyboy]

Oh for f's sake are you even listening to anyone?

 

You need to realize you barely know this girl yet you are obsessing over her. If you got with her at this point she could still be in love with her ex and you wouldn't care you would just be so happy she agreed to see you. That is not healthy.

 

Please, for the love of god and the sake of people trying to help you - just call her tomorrow and ask her out...for a DATE.

 

As I previously stated - if she says YES then she's interested, if she says NO - then move on!

 

Its not that complicated!!!

 

 

You'd of thought his friends at least would have gotten him laid by now:)

[The Way I Am]

In light of this information, I think the original plan to back off for a couple weeks then ask if she wants to go on the plane ride would be fine. That'll give her a little more time to get over her ex. Until then, if she calls, a short chat is fine. (You don't want to totally ignore her and come off like a total jerk.) You also don't have to jump to answer her calls right away. If you're in the middle of something (like dinner), get back to her later.

 

A big mistake I noticed is backing off on flirting. If you're interested in a girl, the fastest way to the friend zone is chatting minus the flirting. Don't be afraid to show her your interest when you do talk. That doesn't make you look desperate. It's too frequent calls or texts and asking a girl out too many times over a short period without a positive response that can look bad.

 

In the mean time, you can look for other girls you might like. If you find one, forget about this girl. If not, you can go with the plan and ask her out.

 

(In this plan, I'm assuming it wouldn't put you out to much to take her for the flight. I'm guessing you'd also benefit from any additional flight hours. If it is a major cost, then go for something else. The plane ride is a good option though since she already agreed and you can call her up after awhile and be like "how about that plane ride we talked about".)

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[carhill]

If it is a major cost, then go for something else. The plane ride is a good option

Unless he's being 'subsidized' by his employer, a Cessna 172SP, which is a typical general aviation aircraft and quite inexpensive to operate, costs about 150.00 per hour to rent, wet, meaning including fuel. Fuel cost is likely around 35-40 per flight hour.

 

To me, unless I was wealthy, flying a lady somewhere is a 'special occasion' date, and not something I'd do early on. She'd have to earn the privilege of sitting in the right seat. Kids nowadays are different, so YMMV...

[BobSacamento]

The difference between a person with so called "experience" and you is their ability to try. Don't blame this on your inexperience.

 

The majority don't have a clue what they're doing but at least they are giving it a shot. It's effort not experience...and perhaps massive amounts of alcohol.

[The Way I Am]

Unless he's being 'subsidized' by his employer, a Cessna 172SP, which is a typical general aviation aircraft and quite inexpensive to operate, costs about 150.00 per hour to rent, wet, meaning including fuel. Fuel cost is likely around 35-40 per flight hour.

 

To me, unless I was wealthy, flying a lady somewhere is a 'special occasion' date, and not something I'd do early on. She'd have to earn the privilege of sitting in the right seat. Kids nowadays are different, so YMMV...

 

If he'd be flying anyway, it's not really a big cost. My guy just got his license, and he flies Sat. and Sun. almost every weekend. He takes people flying all the time. I don't know if Lost-n-confused does that or not or if it would be a financial hit for him. That's why I said what I did.

 

Also if he happens to need more flight hours before he can be an instructor, and the flight would help him with that, then the fact that he's gaining something besides just the date is putting him out even less.

 

My main point was, don't go if it's a big financial burden, since she's not acting interested. But if it isn't a burden, it would be a good excuse to contact her out of the blue for a date, because he already mentioned it.

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[carhill]

If he'd be flying anyway, it's not really a big cost. My guy just got his license, and he flies Sat. and Sun. almost every weekend. He takes people flying all the time. I

 

Ask him what his flight hours cost. That might help. Even when he is flying 'anyway', someone is paying for it. Aircraft are expensive to maintain and operate. I know because I make parts for some private aircraft owners.

 

To me, the OP sounded like he was going to fly this girl to a little airport near a beach and have a lovely romantic date on the beach. I think that's really cool. Even if he's flying 'anyway', that gesture has big value IMO and should be directed at someone with whom he's in an established relationship with and whom adds value to his life worthy of such a gesture.

 

As my best friend often tells me 'you've got a big heart but you need to be more discriminating as to whom you direct it to'. He's a wise and generous and quite wealthy man. I think his advice is pretty sound, for me and for the OP.

[jerseyboy]

I think the flying thing could work out well for him

 

At the very least hed be in a great position to finally pop that cherry.

 

If some 400lb grandma was flying a plane and told me she'd crash it unless I f'ed her..............

 

Unless shes a student pilot, I think it could work out well

[The Way I Am]

Ask him what his flight hours cost. That might help. Even when he is flying 'anyway', someone is paying for it. Aircraft are expensive to maintain and operate. I know because I make parts for some private aircraft owners.

 

I don't really need to know that information. I'm sure he can determine for himself what expenses are reasonable for him and what aren't. Even if I knew how much it would cost him, I still don't know his income, other monthly expenses, etc.

 

I think I clearly stated that he should judge the cost on his own and weigh the worth himself, not let me do it for him.

 

To me, the OP sounded like he was going to fly this girl to a little airport near a beach and have a lovely romantic date on the beach. I think that's really cool. Even if he's flying 'anyway', that gesture has big value IMO and should be directed at someone with whom he's in an established relationship with and whom adds value to his life worthy of such a gesture.

 

If he were asking for advice on whether he should ask the girl on that particular date in the first place, I would say no, that's too much this soon. But since he already asked, I think the cat is out of the bag. After an invitation of that sort, calling her up after weeks of silence to ask her to dinner or a movie seems a little lame. You and he are both free to disagree.

[carhill]

Hence why I advised him to date other women and be more careful about being too generous. The tone of your response underscores my reasons for that, specifically the 'not caring'. Thanks

[Lost-n-confused]

Id rent a Cessna 152 much more cozy and intimate. It cost about $78 an hour wet.

 

Yea I guess I let the cat out of the bag way to early on this one. I just wanted her to think "gezz this guy really likes me and wants to treat me real special". I don't know what too do. I waiting to see if she calls again.

 

I need to know how to be flirty cause I really don't know how to be. For some reason I think flirty is making remarks like you looked really sexy in your two piece at the lake or when you work out you look real hot. I know that is being way to direct.

 

God I am so stupid and clueless.

 

For those who recommend I see other people I signed up for pentyofFish.com and messaged a few hotties and did the same on Match.com. With the luck I had with online dating so far the 3 girls I messaged will probably never respond back.

[The Way I Am]

Hence why I advised him to date other women and be more careful about being too generous. The tone of your response underscores my reasons for that, specifically the 'not caring'. Thanks

 

I'm not sure I know what you mean by the tone of my response. I think you misinterpreted what I originally said. That was advice for this one instance with that one girl he'd already invited, not advice for all women he dates. I thought I'd made that clear in the reason why I thought the plane was a good option (he'd already invited her), which wouldn't apply to other women. Maybe I should have been more clear about that.

Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[The Way I Am]

I need to know how to be flirty cause I really don't know how to be. For some reason I think flirty is making remarks like you looked really sexy in your two piece at the lake or when you work out you look real hot. I know that is being way to direct.

 

Someone suggested in one of your threads that you practice just making eye contact with women, then smiling, and then saying hello. That's actually a large part of flirting: eye contact and smiling. Touching too if they're receptive. On the arm, shoulder, or the small of the back are usually good. Not excessive touching though. You don't want to be the guy who's always sitting too close or leaning in too much. (Not really sure how to tell you how to know if they're receptive, so hopefully you know how to figure that out. )

 

Compliments are good, but not excessively complimenting and nothing racy unless you've established that kind of rapport. The things you mentioned are fine, but only if you compliment those things at the time they're happening or if you're in the middle of a conversation about those things happening. Saying "you looked hot at the cabin" out of the blue is a little weird. But if you're talking about the cabin being fun, it's fine to say, "I remember you looked hot." (Not sure what context you were using for the example. So ignore if you already knew that. I mentioned it just in case.)

 

Also, general compliments like, "you look pretty" are nice, but specific ones are best. Like, "Your eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue in this light." It's a fine line between charming and over the top/awkward when you get specific though.

 

That's about all I've got. I've got a bit of a deficit of experience flirting with girls. Those are just the things I've noticed guys doing. Maybe some of the guys can help you out some more.

 

God I am so stupid and clueless.

Don't beat yourself up. Nobody's perfect. Edited November 18, 2009 by The Way I Am

[VeveCakes]

 

God I am so stupid and clueless.

 

For those who recommend I see other people I signed up for pentyofFish.com and messaged a few hotties and did the same on Match.com. With the luck I had with online dating so far the 3 girls I messaged will probably never respond back.

 

 

First of all - confidence is number 1 so work on that!!!

 

Second of all, don't just message the "hotties". You need to get all your options out there possible. Even if it's just to learn how to communicate with girls it doesn't have to go any further.

 

I actually really think you need to talk with my boyfriend, he is insanely amazing at making people see the good things and building confidence. If you use Yahoo chat or gmal chat I can hook you guys up to talk if you want some help.

[Ms. Joolie]

I need to know how to be flirty cause I really don't know how to be. For some reason I think flirty is making remarks like you looked really sexy in your two piece at the lake or when you work out you look real hot. I know that is being way to direct.

 

Guys don't have to be flirty, just confident. In fact, I don't think "flirty" is a good word for guys. I imagine him batting his eyes or something. lol.

 

You just have to have confidence in who you are, and a real interest in the woman. Have a few opening lines ready and just start practicing that approach, those icebreakers.

 

That's all the guy has to do. That's what works in getting the contact started for me. They come up, say something (breaking the ice), and it goes from there. We're either going to take it to the next step or not.

 

But yeah, if he was outright flirty with me it wouldn't work. I don't even know what that would mean for a guy to be flirty. A guy flirty with me? Interesting thought there. It's just not a good word, or focus on your approach.

[Lost-n-confused]

My mom thinks I should call her tonight. I told her I don't think its a good idea. She said if I like her I should call her just to talk. At this point I'm to afraid to mess things up. I'm so lost-n-confused.

[thegreatmoose]

My mom thinks I should call her tonight. I told her I don't think its a good idea. She said if I like her I should call her just to talk. At this point I'm to afraid to mess things up. I'm so lost-n-confused.

I agree with your mom. I'd call and ask her out. If she says no or plays games, you know she's not worth your time. I think most women will find you physically attractive, so you will get plenty more chances with other women in case it does not work out with this one.

 

If you never call her, you will never know if it would have worked. By default, you will be ending it.

 

You have to take risks. It's tough for all of us and many of them will fail. Some of them will succeed. Little by little your confidence will build, which is what almost every woman wants.

[Lost-n-confused]

I agree with your mom. I'd call and ask her out. If she says no or plays games, you know she's not worth your time. I think most women will find you physically attractive, so you will get plenty more chances with other women in case it does not work out with this one.

 

If you never call her, you will never know if it would have worked. By default, you will be ending it.

 

You have to take risks. It's tough for all of us and many of them will fail. Some of them will succeed. Little by little your confidence will build, which is what almost every woman wants.

 

Called her she didn't answer. Left her a message saying "hey, what are doing this weekend call me back." So she still knows I'm interested.

[The Way I Am]

If she doesn't call back, don't call again.

[thegreatmoose]

Called her she didn't answer. Left her a message saying "hey, what are doing this weekend call me back." So she still knows I'm interested.

Good. Now is the other hard part, which is waiting for her to call back. If she's interested, she will. If not, at least you know you tried.

 

Try to avoid sitting by the phone or you'll go crazy. I struggle with this too.

 

It gradually gets easier with more practice.

[Lost-n-confused]

She called me back 15 minutes later. We had a great 20 min convo. It was even a bit flirtatious as I complimented her on how I heard she can dead lift 135 lbs and how she has really really nice legs(I mean her legs are amazing!!!) she seemed very receptive to my compliments. She told me how when I was walking to my car she notice how huge and ripped my back was. After we talked for a bit I told her I had to go. I asked her what she was doing this weekend and she said "Well firday Im busy till 9ish, saturday I got this and that and sunday is family date. Im thinking of going to a movie firday I havent gone in a while. You want to go with? I havent invited anyone else." I said "Yea deff id love to go, hit me up let me know". She then said well have a great workout. I said my goodbye and that was it.

 

I hope I wasnt too eager when I said Id love to go. O well now I have to wait to see if she calls to goto the movie. If does happen I have to see if it just me and her or if she invited anyone else, that could very well be a clue if shes interested. If she doesnt call me, Im not going to contact her. Im just going to wait till she contacts me. If she cancels then o well Im lost again.

 

She knows im interested the ball is in her court.

[VeveCakes]

The only problem is you should have made it known who was going to contact who about the movie friday night. Now if you don't hear from her she might be thinking the same thing.

 

I would text her tomorrow afternoon and say something like...still on for that movie tonight?