She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

November 16, 2009

So I guess shes still on the back burner till I get some more convincing proof that she wants me to ask her out again. If she calls me a week from now and chats again do I just do chat and try to keep it short? How should I act when she calls? Excited? Bored? Should I act like im not interested anymore?

How about - just be straight up...no games.

Just say, listen I am interested in getting to know you better, would you like to go out sometime? If she can't give you a straight answer then time to move on. Women love men to be direct!

November 16, 2009

I suggest one of 2 things: Do like VeveCakes suggests, and just tell her you're interested and ask her if she is. or if you don't think you can do that

I call her to setup a date in a few weeks once school lets out for us to fly to a remote airport close to a beach and have lunch she accepts.

Talk to her when she calls, but don't call back and don't ask her out again until a few weeks from now. Give her and yourself the space. (Because you seem to be over thinking it too much right now.) Then call and ask if she's still up for that plane ride you had planned. If she agrees, do your best to flirt and show her how much fun you can be. Edited November 16, 2009 by The Way I Am

November 17, 2009

I suggest one of 2 things: Do like VeveCakes suggests, and just tell her you're interested and ask her if she is. or if you don't think you can do that Talk to her when she calls, but don't call back and don't ask her out again until a few weeks from now. Give her and yourself the space. (Because you seem to be over thinking it too much right now.) Then call and ask if she's still up for that plane ride you had planned. If she agrees, do your best to flirt and show her how much fun you can be.

I like your second idea. My gut says lay low. Talk to her when she calls and in a few weeks call her about the flight and see how she responds.

November 17, 2009

Replying from other thread, since it fits more in this topic.

I don't know if he would... His girlfriend used to always talked to me when I was dating her other firend, she hasn't mentioned one thing about this girl to me and she talks to her everyday.

The girl hasn't told me she didn't want to go out to dinner when I asked her the other day. She also said she would go on the flight with me as well. Its the friend who got me all worried. She did call me yesterday and I didn't ask her out again but she didn't mention anything about going out to dinner or the flight or when we are going to see each other again. It was just straight talking like two friends. My friend did a great job of making me feel uncomfortable talking to her.

There may be sabotage and/or a misunderstanding involved. Hard to tell. If I think somebody I like might not like me, I find it best to assume the opposite when I'm having a conversation with them. Makes it easier to be flirty and interesting. It's harder to be charming when you're second guessing.

When you say she didn't say she doesn't want to go to dinner, does that mean she didn't say she wants to either? Or did she agree to dinner but just not mention it when you called?

Edited November 17, 2009 by The Way I Am

November 17, 2009

Replying from other thread, since it fits more in this topic.

There may be sabotage and/or a misunderstanding involved. Hard to tell. If I think somebody I like might not like me, I find it best to assume the opposite when I'm having a conversation with them. Makes it easier to be flirty and interesting. It's harder to be charming when you're second guessing.

When you say she didn't say she doesn't want to go to dinner, does that mean she didn't say she wants to either? Or did she agree to dinner but just not mention it when you called?

When I talked to her on the phone after jetsking I said hey I had a great time and I want to take you out to dinner. She then said well I’m busy Friday and Saturday I’m going to a club. We then briefly discussed what our schedules were and couldn’t find a slot in our schedules. She then said “hey come to the club with me” to which I agree. I then said “hey I’m going jetsking Sunday” and she said “cool I will be available too”. I then said “cool I’ll see you Saturday and we will figure the dinner thing out another time” and she said ok.

Two days later she texts me saying that she’s not going to the club and not sure about being able to go jetsking because of home word. After a bit of texting I said just call me after class and she said she would after school. She never did. So I text her later on saying you still in school and she immediately calls me. We talked for a few mins I was bit flirty telling her she can’t wear her sexy two piece to the lake as its getting cold and she laughed. Then I said hey after we get out of school for winter break I’d like to rent a plane...... She was like well I'm nervous you’re a young pilot…. Eventually she said “well I have to grow some balls”. I then had to hang up because a customer walked in. I texted her and called her back cause it was a short call and I figured hey she’s not going to the club perfect time to invite her out to dinner. She never answered. I text her later saying “hey work is boring you studying before you go to dinner with your parents?” and got no answers.

I go to the gym on the way there she texts me saying she was with a client and couldn't answer. I get in the gym and my gym partner said that she was kind of worried because I called her three times. I called her once and texted her twice. Then my friend goes on about how she’s interest but not interest and how she wants to go flying but not as a date. I went from thinking this girl is starting to like me to this girl thinks I’m desperate.

So two days later she calls me during dinner. She tells me to call her back when I’m done. We talk about school and jetsking and other stuff I mainly try to keep her talking about herself. Somehow the topic switches to my career and how hard it is for me and she tries to offer some advice. After about 35 minutes she says she has to go back to studying and I say I got to do that same and we end the phone call. No mention of a date or of the flying or if and when we are going jetsking or any type of setup to meet. I was too afraid to ask after what my friend told me. Plus some people on here recommended to take it slow and she might be sensitive so I didn’t push anything. I even avoid being flirty.

November 17, 2009

I don't understand the problem here really. Wait a few days, a week whatever...

Call her, ask her out - make sure she knows its A DATE. You get your answer - no code to crack. YES or NO.

She likes you - YES. She doesn't - NO.

Clear?

November 17, 2009

I have some advice.

Forget her for a week. Do something else, think about other things. You don't know what's going on because I guarantee you neither does she. Sounds like she might be exploring other options but wants to keep you interested incase it doesn't pan out.

I'll tell you something about girls. When they really like a guy, they drop almost anything to spend time with him - especially when it's new and exciting.

If some guy I even liked a LITTLE asked me to go for a plane ride date I would be ALL OVER it as soon as I had a free few hours.

I think you need time away from her. If she is interested she will be back asking YOU to hang out.

Basically this.

Usually a woman lets me know she is interested.

A lot of times i admit i'm too thick to distinguish harmless flirting with true interest.

In that case the woman almost always amps it up significantly & makes it clear to me she's interested.

November 17, 2009

OP,

It does sound like you are a little too anxious to get her on the date bus. lol. Chill out a bit. Getting a date is the prize and you are too ready for it. You have to earn it.

Even if this girl is not right off interested in you (and that could be for whatever reason... for example, a past relationship, she's too busy, she's not dating, she's not really available,etc), you have to work at her interest in you. We will pay attention to the guy who is really interested in us, and really wants to date us!

Between your date and now, I don't know how many times you have tried to call/text her. I also don't know how much time has elapsed between your date and now. But don't worry. You haven't messed things up. Just keep contact with her. Let her know by your contact (not exactly by telling her) that you are interested in her, but don't overdo it.

Don't be so pushy with this girl. Keep contact. Ask her out about once a week until she says yes. After about three weeks, if she still hasn't made time for you, or she still hasn't shown that she is going to make time for you, then she is truly not interested. Or she may even tell you straight out she's not interested. But wait for one of those two things.

Nothing wrong with keeping the contact open, as long as she doesn't say or show (after a few weeks) that she is not interested.

November 17, 2009

She is still very hurt over her ex and my friend says she still cry's over him and its been 3 months. I guess I am going to have to be patient and show her how interested I am. So I am coming up with a game plan.

I guess what my friend was trying to tell me was she does like me but doesn't like that I am trying to get a date out of her so fast. She probably is still very mixed up over her ex and shes just not sure how she feels about me yet. So I am going to slow down my advances and try to work up to a date. She called me Sunday just to chat. I'm going to call her tomorrow which is Wednesday and invite her out to jet ski on Sunday. That way it will be 3 days since we last spoke. We had an amazing time jetsking so I guess I should take her out jetsking again. If she cant go out Sunday no problem. Ill call her a week later and ask again if shed like to go jetsking. If she goes out and we have a great time and a few weeks go by and school lets out ill take her on the flying date. Its going to require me to patient and cool two things that natural come hard for me.

If she doesn't go jetsking at all in the next 2-3 weeks and doesn't contact me I guess she isn't into me.

Question is do I invite her to this salsa club Im going to Friday and invite her jetsking or just pick one and run with it? I dont want to seem desperate to hangout with her. If we do hang out and everything seem peachy and we do decide to go flying do I ask if its a date before we go?

November 17, 2009

She is still very hurt over her ex and my friend says she still cry's over him and its been 3 months. I guess I am going to have to be patient and show her how interested I am. So I am coming up with a game plan.

Ahh... yes, very good. She may not be emotionally available for a little while yet, but that seems to be the game here. You will be the one to help open her back up perhaps, if she's interested. Again, in a few weeks time passes and no interest, then let go.

Remember, she's going through her own drama with the break up. So don't give her the "date me!" message, because she won't. Be genuine in your interest in her.

Question is do I invite her to this salsa club Im going to Friday and invite her jetsking or just pick one and run with it? I dont want to seem desperate to hangout with her. If we do hang out and everything seem peachy and we do decide to go flying do I ask if its a date before we go?

I know you want to show her the world and, well, just date her for crying out loud, but you will have to really take it easy on her. Pick one event.

Don't just start planning another date before your date is over. I would suggest you have fun, wrap up that date and tell her you had a good time. If things go very well, then only at the very end of the date mention an upcoming event. Ask herthen if she'd be interested in going. See if you can pick up her interest in another date that way by paying attention to her response.

November 17, 2009

She is still very hurt over her ex and my friend says she still cry's over him and its been 3 months. I guess I am going to have to be patient and show her how interested I am. So I am coming up with a game plan.

I guess what my friend was trying to tell me was she does like me but doesn't like that I am trying to get a date out of her so fast. She probably is still very mixed up over her ex and shes just not sure how she feels about me yet. So I am going to slow down my advances and try to work up to a date. She called me Sunday just to chat. I'm going to call her tomorrow which is Wednesday and invite her out to jet ski on Sunday. That way it will be 3 days since we last spoke. We had an amazing time jetsking so I guess I should take her out jetsking again. If she cant go out Sunday no problem. Ill call her a week later and ask again if shed like to go jetsking. If she goes out and we have a great time and a few weeks go by and school lets out ill take her on the flying date. Its going to require me to patient and cool two things that natural come hard for me.

If she doesn't go jetsking at all in the next 2-3 weeks and doesn't contact me I guess she isn't into me.

Question is do I invite her to this salsa club Im going to Friday and invite her jetsking or just pick one and run with it? I dont want to seem desperate to hangout with her. If we do hang out and everything seem peachy and we do decide to go flying do I ask if its a date before we go?

Do not take her to a club. MAJOR mistake. Girls think you are trying to guarantee someone to go home with when you ask them to a club for a date.

Don't take her jet skiing either, you alread did that.

What is she into, why not think of something you know she would love to do - maybe some place where she can show off her talents and interests and teach you something? Then you can say "so I remember you said you loved "________", I was thinking maybe "__this___" night we could go and do "________".

Got it? Good.

November 17, 2009

She is still very hurt over her ex and my friend says she still cry's over him and its been 3 months. I guess I am going to have to be patient and show her how interested I am. So I am coming up with a game plan.

A good one would be to date other women.

She called me Sunday just to chat. I'm going to call her tomorrow which is Wednesday and invite her out to jet ski on Sunday. That way it will be 3 days since we last spoke. We had an amazing time jetsking so I guess I should take her out jetsking again.

You can certainly do that. You will start to become a buddy. Chatting and sharing activities. Many a great friendship has begun that way. It will be especially poignant when she goes back to her ex and thanks you for your attention and support.

My take is you have many of the same perspectives that I had at your age, since I was a virgin back then too. I spent way too much time and invested too much of myself in each woman before she deserved it and earn it. I built many pedestals and couple really unhealthy monuments to my own ignorance.

Knowing what I know now, I would not 'chat' with this person unless I was dating her, and those chats would be to share my interest in getting together for the next date. She would earn the privilege of sharing my passions in life. I would date other women (or at least ask other women on dates) to provide emotional balance and to prevent investing too much in any one person.

Lastly, if you're ever looking for someone to sit in the right seat, I'm available

Good luck!

November 17, 2009

OMG no wonder you are still a virgin lol.

Dude stop being such a chick

Youre mad chasing some girl lugging around all her emotional baggage in a "what can I do to be more desperate" way.

Next her and dont be so desperate next time

November 17, 2009

I'm so lost now. I really like this chick. Shes smart, beautiful, driven, independent and plane fun. I don't know what else she likes we realy haven't had much one on one face time. So I have no idea what else she likes to do. That's why I wanted to take her out to dinner and get to know her. I'm not her emotional crutch because she never mention anything about her ex or that she crys over him.

According to my firend the ex is done with her. So she won't be going back to him. One thing i def don't want is to get trapped in the friend zone.

So what should I do ignore her? Don't call her or invite her out. If she calls keep it very short. I'm lost.

I wish I had someone else to ask out. (there is the girl who cuts my hair who is 18 and works in my plaza but that could be a mess if she says no.)

November 17, 2009

Lost,

Ugh! You are so your screen name! lol. Look, carhill gave some good advice. Don't place all your stock in this one girl right now. She's just an interest of yours. Go find other interests. Find other woman who aren't as hard to get. Because dealing with someone who is just getting out of a relationship - the way you described it, with tears! - is going to be hard to get. Find other women, available women.

On the other hand, I know you are really interested in this one young woman. If you are really interested in her, be interested in her! She'll pick up on that. She'll either respond eventually or not. You will either continue pursuing her, or give up on the game. And she may be worth it, she may not.

It's your choice, it's all your choice, that's the greatness of it. So don't be lost. Just choose something, and do it.

November 17, 2009

OMG no wonder you are still a virgin lol.

Dude stop being such a chick

Youre mad chasing some girl lugging around all her emotional baggage in a "what can I do to be more desperate" way.

Next her and dont be so desperate next time

How do I act like a man and not a chick. Please do tell.

November 17, 2009

The operative thing is that she is still emotionally attached to her ex, thus in relationship mourning, presuming he dumped her. She's not available for an equal relationship. Jet-ski buddy? Sure, nice distraction. If her ex snapped his fingers, she'd be back in his bed in a flash. Oxytocin is a powerful thing. He could be stringing her along right now, and you'd never know since, as you said, she doesn't talk about her ex.

She's not available. She might be in the future. Check back periodically if another lady doesn't capture your fancy. In the meantime, if you don't have it yet, work on your instructor rating. Nice way to meet ladies (by instructing them to fly)

November 17, 2009

The operative thing is that she is still emotionally attached to her ex, thus in relationship mourning, presuming he dumped her. She's not available for an equal relationship. Jet-ski buddy? Sure, nice distraction. If her ex snapped his fingers, she'd be back in his bed in a flash. Oxytocin is a powerful thing. He could be stringing her along right now, and you'd never know since, as you said, she doesn't talk about her ex.

She's not available. She might be in the future. Check back periodically if another lady doesn't capture your fancy. In the meantime, if you don't have it yet, work on your instructor rating. Nice way to meet ladies (by instructing them to fly)

You are right about the Oxytocin. She is in total Oxytocin withdrawal. And the only way she is going to get out of that is with some other Oxytocin.

hint hint, Lost.

November 17, 2009

How do I act like a man and not a chick. Please do tell.

It takes a bit of time to change a person's persona and habits. The OP is probably just going to end up doing what he would normally do, even though he's been given some good advice throughout this thread. Hopefully in the long term, he'll be better equipped to deal with this situation if it arises in the future with another woman. Unfortunately for him, I think he's going to "screw the pooch" with this woman. Don't feel too bad OP, most of us guys have played situations poorly in the past as well.

November 17, 2009

How do I act like a man and not a chick. Please do tell.

For one thing stop obsessing on this one girl. You want to know how most guys avoid communicating desperation and obsessiveness? By not being desperate and obsessive lol. And that means getting it out of your head that if you dont get this one chick youre going to freak.

It isnt pretending to be aloof, its just thats the way you actually feel. And the counter intuitive outcome is that the less you try, the more they chase. Im not saying it to suggest its a game you should be playing with others, its just the truth.

In her case keep this in mind. She is still obsessing over her ex? What do you want from this chick? if you are just looking to wet your stick you are going about it all wrong. If you are looking for more from her right now you are being a disptick. She isnt going to rebolund from those feelings quickly or painlessly, and you dont want to be the rebound relationship where you deal with all her bs while shes going through it.

November 17, 2009

Ok sounds like there's nothing I can do. I guess you can't woo a girl with a broken heart. Atleast not a 24 yearold virgin with no game.

I won't call her or ask her out again. When she calls I'll keep it short and try to be the one to end the call. Maybe when she calls I'll be like so when we going out? What do I have to loose. I guess when she's ready and if shes interest she will call and ask me out.

Time to focus on other chicks. If I can find one that peaks my interest. I wish this girl would of said no to me instead of yes but I'm not looking for a relationship.

This is why I'm a 24 yearold attractive virgin with no experence. I want the girls I can't have.

November 17, 2009

You are right about the Oxytocin. She is in total Oxytocin withdrawal. And the only way she is going to get out of that is with some other Oxytocin.

hint hint, Lost.

If he wasn't an inexperienced virgin, he could make a play for her, though I doubt he would get what he's interested in right now, essentially an emotional/physical relationship. He might get some good bang-on sex with a bit of instability and drama thrown in. Then move on. Personally, I'd let someone else do it, but that option is on the table...

November 17, 2009

Ok sounds like there's nothing I can do. I guess you can't woo a girl with a broken heart. Atleast not a 24 yearold virgin with no game.

I won't call her or ask her out again. When she calls I'll keep it short and try to be the one to end the call. Maybe when she calls I'll be like so when we going out? What do I have to loose. I guess when she's ready and if shes interest she will call and ask me out.

Time to focus on other chicks. If I can find one that peaks my interest. I wish this girl would of said no to me instead of yes but I'm not looking for a relationship.

This is why I'm a 24 yearold attractive virgin with no experence. I want the girls I can't have.

Best case scenario with this girl bro, shes ambivelant and mixed as to whether she wants to be with someone else right now, and that is causing the angst between you two. Thats the best case.

Im a guy and I dont like to start dating again right after a breakup. In fact I tell everyone I meet im not interested in a relationship or getting together with anyone "right now" Of course (and it being not what I want) I cant get any of them to stop chasing me when I do. Don't ask me to explain chicks:)

I cant tell you how to be you.

Being funny helps. Im naturally flirtatious, often initiate a lot of contact during a date, whether it be holding her hand etc while youre walking into a place, playing with her hair or stroking her arm, and dont be afraid to be a little bold. Have some balls. And I normally wouldnt type this out in the open, cause one doesnt need the grief, but you seem hard luck so heres the deal. Stop waiting for her to think what you want her to think, and tell her what to think.Seduction isnt wine and roses (though the alcohol definitely helps:)), its making her want what you want by planting the seeds. Her body is wired for it already bro, dont over think it all

November 17, 2009

Personally, I'd let someone else do it, but that option is on the table...

Yeah, because if he won't someone else will. But it's all timing I guess. It really might be to early for him to ask a relationship of her. Don't know her story. I mean, she could just need another guy right now and that's it.

But, yeah, if it were me... and I'm home crying, geez, I'm not ready.

November 17, 2009

Stop waiting for her to think what you want her to think, and tell her what to think.Seduction isnt wine and roses (though the alcohol definitely helps:)), its making her want what you want by planting the seeds. Her body is wired for it already bro, dont over think it all

This is the guy seduction tip you have been waiting for, Lost. "the secret"... haha

I don't even want to ruin it, but I do have to add that a certain amount of this guy seduction is definitely hot and hard to resist. As a woman, we can have so many quibbles in our head... but when the guy starts this kind of seduction it's like.... "ok."

But hey, we women have our own power so don't you guys think you have the control!

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She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

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