She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[dreamergrl]

LOL, I was talking to the OP. I know how addictive those iPhones can be. I see people on airplanes buried in them and other PDA's the entirety of their travel experience. I wonder how business got done before the era of constant and continuous connection

 

I know.. I just feel so cheated that I can't do it cuz I don't have a iPhone.

 

Perhaps the OP needs to consider that he's too busy to date. Nothing wrong with that. All things in life which are worthwhile take time and effort. If that's not his focus right now, no harm. Enjoy school, work and flying and what comes will come

 

True True

[Lost-n-confused]

While you've got your head down and posting on LS from your phone, your life partner could be walking right by you at school

 

 

So I'm suppost to just stop some girl I find attractive and do

what say to some cheezy line?

 

I'm a guy who needs to goto a forum for step by step advice cuss I'm clueless and have no experence and afriad to make a mistake.

[dreamergrl]

So I'm suppost to just stop some girl I find attractive and do

what say to some cheezy line?

 

I'm a guy who needs to goto a forum for step by step advice cuss I'm clueless and have no experence and afriad to make a mistake.

 

"Hi, I think I've seen you a few times around here... what's your major?"

 

FYI, you better learn to do things on your own, because what's going to happen if you find yourself in a tough spot on a date? Excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can post to find out what to do?

[Yukikazi]

So I'm suppost to just stop some girl I find attractive and do

what say to some cheezy line?

 

I'm a guy who needs to goto a forum for step by step advice cuss I'm clueless and have no experence and afriad to make a mistake.

 

Dude.. its not about the line.. its about the attitude and confidence behind it.

 

Wanna find out how?

 

Go to a bookstore.. find a hot girl that you would want to talk to but don;'t know how to approach.

Go to the "For dummies" section and grab the dating for dummies book.

Walk up to her with the book in front of your face like you are reading (hold it so its easy to see what you are reading and she sees it quickly)

With a really smooth (I'm the ****) look.. ask her "You come here often?"

Then stick your nose back in the book looking all serious...

Then pop up again and go back to the smooth look "Whats your sign?"

 

At this point she should be laughing or smiling due to the absurdity of the approach.

 

When she gives you a favorable response go "Wow this stuff really works".

Then hand her the book and say now you try one. or tuck it under your arm and introduce yourself.

You'll get points for probably being the first person to try that approach

[Yukikazi]

"Hi, I think I've seen you a few times around here... what's your major?"

 

FYI, you better learn to do things on your own, because what's going to happen if you find yourself in a tough spot on a date? Excuse yourself to the bathroom so you can post to find out what to do?

 

Should we warn him about **** tests or not scare the poor boy?

[dreamergrl]

Dude.. its not about the line.. its about the attitude and confidence behind it.

 

Wanna find out how?

 

Go to a bookstore.. find a hot girl that you would want to talk to but don;'t know how to approach.

Go to the "For dummies" section and grab the dating for dummies book.

Walk up to her with the book in front of your face like you are reading (hold it so its easy to see what you are reading and she sees it quickly)

With a really smooth (I'm the ****) look.. ask her "You come here often?"

Then stick your nose back in the book looking all serious...

Then pop up again and go back to the smooth look "Whats your sign?"

 

At this point she should be laughing or smiling due to the absurdity of the approach.

 

When she gives you a favorable response go "Wow this stuff really works".

Then hand her the book and say now you try one. or tuck it under your arm and introduce yourself.

You'll get points for probably being the first person to try that approach

 

Now this is good ****. I wish a guy would approach me like that. And ya know, the right cheesy line can be good, if it's funny.

 

Should we warn him about **** tests or not scare the poor boy?

 

Don't scare him.

[Lost-n-confused]

The few dates I've been on have gone great. Never had any issues.

 

I need to date. I'm 24, I've never made out with a girl, I'm a virgin and I so badly want the touch, effection and compainionship of another. I've wanted it since I was 16 and had no such luck. Everyone tells me your a great catch stop looking and it will happen. Eight years later I'm lonely and completly inexperenced and the girls in my age group are going to want an experenced lover. I'm tired of waiting. Sometime next year I'm going to the navy to be a navy pilot I don't want to go a virgin. It will be 3 years of non stop training. No opportunity for love their. Everyone knows navy life and finding a family do not come easy and rarely workout.

 

You have seen my photos it's not my appearence. Why is it so hard.

[dreamergrl]

The few dates I've been on have gone great. Never had any issues.

 

I need to date. I'm 24, I've never made out with a girl, I'm a virgin and I so badly want the touch, effection and compainionship of another. I've wanted it since I was 16 and had no such luck. Everyone tells me your a great catch stop looking and it will happen. Eight years later I'm lonely and completly inexperenced and the girls in my age group are going to want an experenced lover. I'm tired of waiting. Sometime next year I'm going to the navy to be a navy pilot I don't want to go a virgin. It will be 3 years of non stop training. No opportunity for love their. Everyone knows navy life and finding a family do not come easy and rarely workout.

 

You have seen my photos it's not my appearence. Why is it so hard.

 

You are making it hard. You spent weeks on a girl who's not making herself available for you. You make up reasons why you can't do this or that. If you don't have the time, figure out what is important to you and choose.

[Yukikazi]

The few dates I've been on have gone great. Never had any issues.

 

I need to date. I'm 24, I've never made out with a girl, I'm a virgin and I so badly want the touch, effection and compainionship of another. I've wanted it since I was 16 and had no such luck. Everyone tells me your a great catch stop looking and it will happen. Eight years later I'm lonely and completly inexperenced and the girls in my age group are going to want an experenced lover. I'm tired of waiting. Sometime next year I'm going to the navy to be a navy pilot I don't want to go a virgin. It will be 3 years of non stop training. No opportunity for love their. Everyone knows navy life and finding a family do not come easy and rarely workout.

 

You have seen my photos it's not my appearence. Why is it so hard.

 

Your lack of confidence drips off you and this is not a female turn on.

I know its a catch 22.. Confidence breeds success.. but success breeds confidence.

Edited December 2, 2009 by Yukikazi

[carhill]

I think the Navy will be a really good experience for you. It's tough, but you're a part of a team and you count on each other and compete with each other. You'll also meet a lot of ladies, both on-ship and in-port. Ladies love wings, whether commercial or military, so lots of opportunities to improve/expand your social skills. The hardest part is the first step. After that, it's easy.

 

Since I'm not interested in dating right now, I keep my skills/perspective honed by befriending women when I shop or travel, anywhere they are. As I've reported here, I even do it at my mom's dementia facility with the nurses. The key is expectations. I don't expect anything and just enjoy the social energy. If something comes of it, bonus.

[Ms. Joolie]

I'm a guy who needs to goto a forum for step by step advice cuss I'm clueless and have no experence and afriad to make a mistake.

 

And that's great, keep posting, keep getting new insights/advice. You've only been posting a month, and you know the difference a forum like LS makes. Because people with all sorts of views start posting and then you get to make up your mind, and take new directions.

 

Like dreamergrl and I obviously have different viewpoints on this, and we've clashed before (lol), but you have the opportunity to consider all these opinions and then decide what's right for YOU.

 

Only thing I've noticed is you can't keep posting about the same stuff.... and you're not. You've moved forward in the direction of your choice. You get insights/advice, but then you have to apply it and move forward from there.

[Lost-n-confused]

I've been very sucessful and generally I'm very confident. Yet when it comes to the opposite sex I've had no luck ever. Besides the one girl who asked me and dumped me a month later because I was moving way to slow I've been nothing but a door mat. So if sucess brings confidents then all out failure brings low confidence and self doubt.

[Ms. Joolie]

I still can't believe everyone is telling the OP to give up. They just had their second date on Friday. It doesn't make sense for him to totally give up only a few days later.... not even a week.

 

Remember it's just the second date, sure, and don't invest to much into it until the relationship is set.... but don't give up just because she didn't return your phone call last night. sheesh.

[dreamergrl]

I still can't believe everyone is telling the OP to give up. They just had their second date on Friday. It doesn't make sense for him to totally give up only a few days later.... not even a week.

 

Remember it's just the second date, sure, and don't invest to much into it until the relationship is set.... but don't give up just because she didn't return your phone call last night. sheesh.

 

No one is telling him to give up over the lack of phone call last night, that's only a piece of the puzzle.

[Ms. Joolie]

No one is telling him to give up over the lack of phone call last night, that's only a piece of the puzzle.

 

Ok, my mistake. So you are just telling him not to be desperate and date other girls then, is that it?

 

If that's it, then I just think a lot of advice is being given to him about dating other girls and not about pursuing one, as is the subject of this thread.

 

So she's hard-to-get, so what? Does that mean it's impossible? No. I just don't think guys know how to pursue something that's not so easy to get. There's not a whole lot of advice coming in from that viewpoint.

 

Just wish he'd get more of THAT advice. Although he still needs to bear in mind not to pass the desperate line.

[Lost-n-confused]

You sure are making me feel like a door mat. Next time she calls ill just tell her to come get my credit card and take herself out, apperently I'm just her "nothing better to do guy". If she calls now I don't even know if I want to or even should invite her over. Cooking her dinner at home and being romantic may just be too much too soon. Maybe I'll just be like "Yea what do you want?" or "when you taking me out?". pff. I feel like such a tool.

[dreamergrl]

Ok, my mistake. So you are just telling him not to be desperate and date other girls then, is that it?

 

If that's it, then I just think a lot of advice is being given to him about dating other girls and not about pursuing one, as is the subject of this thread.

 

So she's hard-to-get, so what? Does that mean it's impossible? No. I just don't think guys know how to pursue something that's not so easy to get. There's not a whole lot of advice coming in from that viewpoint.

 

Just wish he'd get more of THAT advice. Although he still needs to bear in mind not to pass the desperate line.

 

It's been advised that he not shy away from attractive girls he meets or sees. Ways to go about approaching them. Trying other things then just that one dating site. By myself, CarHill, and Yukikazi.

 

I still think this girl is a lost lost cause. Just because she went out with him twice in 20 days doesn't mean she's interested. She doesn't suggest dates that she's free. She turns OP down more often then says yes. She doesn't respond to phone calls.

 

Just pretend them I'm right on that.. and he spends the next however many days, weeks, ect ect on this girl, just because he's attracted to her and no one else. Well all that time wasted, he could have met someone available who WANTS AND SHOWS that she is interested in OP. It's going to be a hard fall, and with little confidence that he does have with girls, it's going to be harder to pick himself back up.

[dreamergrl]

You sure are making me feel like a door mat. Next time she calls ill just tell her to come get my credit card and take herself out, apperently I'm just her "nothing better to do guy". If she calls now I don't even know if I want to or even should invite her over. Cooking her dinner at home and being romantic may just be too much too soon. Maybe I'll just be like "Yea what do you want?" or "when you taking me out?". pff. I feel like such a tool.

 

Well OP - you need to start accepting that part of dating. Just because you do this or that, it doesn't guarantee you a spot in her life. You can't force it. No matter what dates you plan or how often you call her.

 

Whining about it isn't attractive. Whining about how hard dating is is not attractive.

[Yukikazi]

So she's hard-to-get, so what? Does that mean it's impossible? No. I just don't think guys know how to pursue something that's not so easy to get.

 

I think she is beyond playing hard to get...

We have no problem perusing someone difficult.. so long as we have some decent indication that our efforts are not wasted...

 

The OP seems to be wasting his time with this one, hence why our advice is skewed towards him getting over this girl who is indifferent to his affections.

[Yukikazi]

Well OP - you need to start accepting that part of dating. Just because you do this or that, it doesn't guarantee you a spot in her life. You can't force it. No matter what dates you plan or how often you call her.

 

Whining about it isn't attractive. Whining about how hard dating is is not attractive.

 

Tell me something dreamer.. if a guy comes up to you in a bar and offers to buy you a drink.. does that raise his worth in your eyes or lower it?

 

OP.. what would you do if an attractive girl walked up to you and asked you to buy her a drink?

[Ms. Joolie]

I feel like such a tool.

 

Because it's harder work to get a girl out on a third date? Well, it's even harder to maintain a relationship. So you either get in that game or give up and move on to the next best thing.

 

You've only been trying to establish a relationship with her for about a month. That's nothing. Sure you could have a lot of dates in that time from, but if you want a relationship, it takes more than a month.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't give up on that third date just yet, unless it's clear after a week that she's not responding. Call her Thursday, and just wait and see until then.

 

You can't expect a busy gal to just be ready to date, to answer your every phone call, to become 100% focused on you. She could just not be interested, but you don't know that yet. Don't assume she's not interested though. Still do your part.

[dreamergrl]

Tell me something dreamer.. if a guy comes up to you in a bar and offers to buy you a drink.. does that raise his worth in your eyes or lower it?

 

OP.. what would you do if an attractive girl walked up to you and asked you to buy her a drink?

 

I'd be flattered that he came up to talk to me. It doesn't have to be buying me a drink. Maybe striking up some conversation or something. It's the fact that he approached me. Not that he bought me a drink.

 

Because it's harder work to get a girl out on a third date? Well, it's even harder to maintain a relationship. So you either get in that game or give up and move on to the next best thing.

 

A third date shouldn't be hard to get. There should be attraction there, plans made. She should know if she wants to go on it or not. If she might have plans, a phone call saying "Hey I'm not sure yet if my friend and I are going out..."

 

You've only been trying to establish a relationship with her for about a month. That's nothing. Sure you could have a lot of dates in that time from, but if you want a relationship, it takes more than a month.

 

Yes relationships are work. But this beginning stage, it's not suppose to be work.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't give up on that third date just yet, unless it's clear after a week that she's not responding. Call her Thursday, and just wait and see until then.

 

Why call her? She knows he wants to see her Friday. What is calling her going to do?

 

You can't expect a busy gal to just be ready to date, to answer your every phone call, to become 100% focused on you. She could just not be interested, but you don't know that yet. Don't assume she's not interested though. Still do your part.

 

Well OP is 100% focused on her.

 

He's done his part for the last 20 days. If she's interested, she'll step up.

[carhill]

Yes relationships are work. But this beginning stage, it's not suppose to be work.

 

This mirrors the dynamic with my stbx, who was dating at least two other guys when we met. Even though it took awhile, the discourse and dynamic was fun and interesting, and she was always responsive, something she maintains to this day, though less punctual (no surprise) since we're getting a divorce.

 

Also, I was pursuing other ladies when I met her, so I didn't focus all my attention on her and ramp up my expectations, a mistake I commonly made when younger and a virgin. Sexual and romantic experience took the place of a relationship forum and advice.

 

OP, keep your credit card in your wallet, especially after you're married

[Yukikazi]

I'd be flattered that he came up to talk to me. It doesn't have to be buying me a drink. Maybe striking up some conversation or something. It's the fact that he approached me. Not that he bought me a drink.

 

Ok so you are one of the respectable women.. good girl.

 

The OP needs to learn that at much as it sucks.. this is a game.. and if he dosen't know the rules.. he wont get anywhere.

 

I.e tell the difference between someone worth the effort.. such as dreamer who would accept the drink and talk and I assume find out more about them and give them a chance to impress her.

 

Or the other kind that he will eventually run into.. the type that will ask for drinks from guys then walk away once they got them.. the ones that find it entertaining to string a guy along seeing how much they can get from them financially, emotionally and entertainingly.

These are the ones he needs to watch out for.

 

While the OP's girl dosen't sound like the type to ask for a drink.. she does sound like the type to accept his free drinks but never consider the reasons why he is being generous and being indifferent to his attempts to attract her attention.

 

 

(Sorta lost my train of thought on this one... not really sure where I was intending to go with this...)

[dreamergrl]

Ok so you are one of the respectable women.. good girl.

 

The OP needs to learn that at much as it sucks.. this is a game.. and if he dosen't know the rules.. he wont get anywhere.

 

I.e tell the difference between someone worth the effort.. such as dreamer who would accept the drink and talk and I assume find out more about them and give them a chance to impress her.

 

Or the other kind that he will eventually run into.. the type that will ask for drinks from guys then walk away once they got them.. the ones that find it entertaining to string a guy along seeing how much they can get from them financially, emotionally and entertainingly.

These are the ones he needs to watch out for.

 

While the OP's girl dosen't sound like the type to ask for a drink.. she does sound like the type to accept his free drinks but never consider the reasons why he is being generous and being indifferent to his attempts to attract her attention.

 

 

(Sorta lost my train of thought on this one... not really sure where I was intending to go with this...)

 

I think OP's 'girl' is the type to accept his company just because. Not because she's interested. Maybe not for something free, but for something to do. So OP will be sitting here, pining after her, and for what?