She tells my friend she interested in me but not interested in me.

[dreamergrl]

It's a huge thread, and I could be wrong, but I remember reading a few posts that showed she wasn't over her ex yet. Is OP ready to be the rebound? She wont even go somewhere were her ex is.

[Yukikazi]

 

She would make the time if she was as interested.

 

Those two dates should not have been such hard work.

 

I agree with dreamer..

 

If you are interested in someone, you don't leave them hanging for days waiting for a response. Waiting a bit to add some suspense is 1 thing.. not returning a call when you are interested in someone is something else.

[carhill]

It's a huge thread, and I could be wrong, but I remember reading a few posts that showed she wasn't over her ex yet. Is OP ready to be the rebound? She wont even go somewhere were her ex is.

Correct, and why I suggested the OP re-read the thread.

 

I'm happy he had some fun dates. This thread started on 11/14. Today is 12/2. Thanksgiving was in the middle. Way too much intensity for 2 1/2 weeks during a holiday period with someone who's shown mediocre interest, IMO.

[Ms. Joolie]

If she is interested she will have to step up if she wants him. Otherwise she risks missing the train ride and its already starting to pull out of the station.

 

Exactly. He needs to pay attention to how he is responding to him. He only just tried calling last night. This morning he's saying she hasn't called back. No surprise there.

 

It's not desperate if he calls again on Thursday. Again, she's busy and not really in the dating scene herself. He has to take the initiative to get noticed.

[Lost-n-confused]

You all say "see other people" likes its just that easy. Its not! Im trying online dating but that so so slow. The one girl who wants to see me I dont find attractive and she seems abit despret. Plus im really uncomfortable going to meet a stranger that i dont find attractive or interesting that lives an half a hour away. Besides that there are no other girls I can just go date. It takes me forever to meet someone new let alone find myself attracted to them. I have two friends I hangout with. Ive said this before one of em is a complete loser that I wouldnt be caught dead with in a bar or club and the other is practicly married and they have no female connections for me and dont go out to place that have singles.

 

I like this girl alot. Ive never meet anyone in my life that I liked so instantly and never clicked with anyone so well. Ive date one girl before her, one and I forced myself to date her to get some experence. Other then that every girl I ever liked in the past I hung out with for months before I starting to think "hey maybe Id like to date this girl" and by that time im so deep in the friendzone theres no ways out.

 

It could be months before I meet another girl. It could be even longer to find one I find interesting.

[Ms. Joolie]

Please elaborate.

 

The interested guy who is not desperate knows when to stop and move on. The desperate guy doesn't know when to stop and keeps hitting the same dead end with the same girl.

[dreamergrl]

Exactly. He needs to pay attention to how he is responding to him. He only just tried calling last night. This morning he's saying she hasn't called back. No surprise there.

 

It's not desperate if he calls again on Thursday. Again, she's busy and not really in the dating scene herself. He has to take the initiative to get noticed.

 

It's not just about this one phone call. It's about how much work it took already to get those two dates in.

 

She's not interested the way OP is in her. You can't force her to be interested. You can't force her to get over her ex.

 

You all say "see other people" likes its just that easy. Its not! Im trying online dating but that so so slow. The one girl who wants to see me I dont find attractive and she seems abit despret. Plus im really uncomfortable going to meet a stranger that i dont find attractive or interesting that lives an half a hour away. Besides that there are no other girls I can just go date. It takes me forever to meet someone new let alone find myself attracted to them. I have two friends I hangout with. Ive said this before one of em is a complete loser that I wouldnt be caught dead with in a bar or club and the other is practicly married and they have no female connections for me and dont go out to place that have singles.

 

OP then go out on your own. Join some clubs. Try meetup.com. You can't make excuses forever about how hard it is to meet someone. You are being your own roadblock.

 

I like this girl alot. Ive never meet anyone in my life that I liked so instantly and never clicked with anyone so well. Ive date one girl before her, one and I forced myself to date her to get some experence. Other then that every girl I ever liked in the past I hung out with for months before I starting to think "hey maybe Id like to date this girl" and by that time im so deep in the friendzone theres no ways out.

 

Well this girl doesn't seem to like you as much because she's not putting forth crap for effort. You are hung up on someone who is emotionally unavailable. It's only going to be a harder fall if you keep pushing it.

 

It could be months before I meet another girl. It could be even longer to find one I find interesting.

 

Yeah well you're going to be wasting more time then that on this girl if you don't move on.

[dreamergrl]

The interested guy who is not desperate knows when to stop and move on. The desperate guy doesn't know when to stop and keeps hitting the same dead end with the same girl.

 

It is a dead end! And OP doesn't know. He keeps having to ask what and when to do stuff. You are basing it off of what he says. You don't know this girl and her real life reaction to keep telling him to push.

 

If she was interested, why has it been so much work for OP to get those two dates in since this thread started??

 

People who are interested make time. For a phone call at the very least. They don't avoid dates because maybe their ex will be there. They don't not call for days. They don't always appear to be busy.

[Yukikazi]

Exactly. He needs to pay attention to how he is responding to him. He only just tried calling last night. This morning he's saying she hasn't called back. No surprise there.

 

It's not desperate if he calls again on Thursday. Again, she's busy and not really in the dating scene herself. He has to take the initiative to get noticed.

 

I think we have a miscommunication...

 

I said SHE is going to miss the ride cause the train is leaving.. HE is the train and if she dosen't reciprocate some interest or at the VERY minimum.. give him a real sign that she is interested.. he needs to walk away.

 

So yea he has to wait it out.. calling lastnight and whining about it this morning is a bit much..

 

If he called Tuesday and hasn't heard anything by afternoon Thursday.. then he needs to make other plans. If she hasn't responded to him by Thursday.. then its obvious she isn't interested and he needs to move on. Or would her calling him or texting him to say "Can't talk now.. will call soon" or some other nugget of info would be polite.. and just downright expected from soemone who actually has interest.

[Ms. Joolie]

Nah, it only took a little effort to get two great dates. It takes more effort to build a relationship.

 

He's not forcing interest. He's pursuing one. If she's consistently not responsive for 2-3 weeks, then he needs to let go.

[dreamergrl]

Nah, it only took a little effort to get two great dates. It takes more effort to build a relationship.

 

He's not forcing interest. He's pursuing one. If she's consistently not responsive for 2-3 weeks, then he needs to let go.

 

Right... because a wishy washy attitude for 2-3 weeks is a good sign

[Yukikazi]

It's not just about this one phone call. It's about how much work it took already to get those two dates in.

 

She's not interested the way OP is in her. You can't force her to be interested. You can't force her to get over her ex.

 

 

Agreeing yet again dreamer.. we are getting habitual...

 

Joolie..

 

Attraction = interest + effort

 

In this case.. the OP has interest and is putting forth alot of effort showing obvious attraction.

His "girl" shows no interest and makes no effort.. meaning zero attraction

 

So long as there is no interest and effort from her.. there will be no attraction..

 

The equation must be balanced.. So long as it isn't.. they will never be able to do the math and add him and her together.. subtract their clothes, divide the legs and multiply....

[Ms. Joolie]

Right... because a wishy washy attitude for 2-3 weeks is a good sign

 

He can set his own limit, of course. It's up to him... if after a week of not hearing from her he can try again the next week. It won't look bad trying for 2-3 weeks to keep contact with her.

 

They did, after all, have two dates and she knows he's interested. He can't just drop her like a fly now.

[dreamergrl]

Agreeing yet again dreamer.. we are getting habitual...

 

Joolie..

 

Attraction = interest + effort

 

In this case.. the OP has interest and is putting forth alot of effort showing obvious attraction.

His "girl" shows no interest and makes no effort.. meaning zero attraction

 

So long as there is no interest and effort from her.. there will be no attraction..

 

And without attraction, there is no base for any possible future relationship. Attraction isn't forced either.

 

The equation must be balanced.. So long as it isn't.. they will never be able to do the math and add him and her together.. subtract their clothes, divide the legs and multiply....

 

I have a feeling there will be dividing and multiplying here

[dreamergrl]

He can set his own limit, of course. It's up to him... if after a week of not hearing from her he can try again the next week. It won't look bad trying for 2-3 weeks to keep contact with her.

 

Are you kidding? It looks bad to complete strangers. Imagine how it looks to her.

 

And he wont set his own limit. He's set on this girl, and thanks to encouragement he isn't letting go.

 

It's not healthy to pine after someone in such a way.

 

They did, after all, have two dates and she knows he's interested. He can't just drop her like a fly now.

 

Right, she knows he's interested. She's not doing anything about it. Two dates doesn't mean jack if she's not showing interest.

 

He would drop her like a fly if he was smart.

[Ms. Joolie]

His "girl" shows no interest and makes no effort.. meaning zero attraction

 

She did show interest by dating him twice. That's not "no interest". It's his job to pursue that interest.

 

But he'll also have to know when to let go, if it comes to that.

[carhill]

You all say "see other people" likes its just that easy. Its not!

 

Correct.

 

The one girl who wants to see me I don't find attractive and she seems a bit desperate.

 

Reflect on that a moment.

 

every girl I ever liked in the past I hung out with for months before I starting to think "hey maybe Id like to date this girl" and by that time i'm so deep in the friendzone there's no ways out.

 

You like this one, so don't 'hang' with her. Do your own thing. Check in periodically to see if she'd like to go on a date. Accept her response. Fly that plane somewhere women are. You'll be guaranteed some interest

[Yukikazi]

And without attraction, there is no base for any possible future relationship. Attraction isn't forced either.

 

Exactly.. I think the most logical way to phrase it..

Attraction isn't a choice.

 

 

I have a feeling there will be dividing and multiplying here

This is the only math I like...

[Lost-n-confused]

The first two dates we easy to get actually. I called, I asked and we went out.

 

As for the ex. She has never mentioned him. It was my friends speculation that she wouldn't come out because he used to always come around. She may have just been busy. Plus it was very last minute it was not a planned date.

[dreamergrl]

She did show interest by dating him twice. That's not "no interest". It's his job to pursue that interest.

 

But he'll also have to know when to let go, if it comes to that.

 

Two dates since 11/14 does not scream interested.

 

Turning down a date because of an ex does not scream interested.

 

Not returning phone calls does not scream interested.

 

Just because someone goes out with you twice does not mean they are interested. You have to go through through the whole book. Not just look at the cover.

[Yukikazi]

She did show interest by dating him twice. That's not "no interest". It's his job to pursue that interest.

 

But he'll also have to know when to let go, if it comes to that.

 

HIS JOB??? WTF are you serious?

 

So you are telling me you have NEVER gone out with some guy just for the hell of it? With absolutely no intention of actually dating them or progressing towards a relationship?

[dreamergrl]

The first two dates we easy to get actually. I called, I asked and we went out.

 

As for the ex. She has never mentioned him. It was my friends speculation that she wouldn't come out because he used to always come around. She may have just been busy. Plus it was very last minute it was not a planned date.

 

Dude - if they were that easy to get, then why is that the only two dates you've had in like 20 days.

[dreamergrl]

HIS JOB??? WTF are you serious?

 

So you are telling me you have NEVER gone out with some guy just for the hell of it? With absolutely no intention of actually dating them or progressing towards a relationship?

 

Like, as in a REBOUND.

[Ms. Joolie]

Lost,

 

IMO, the effort you are putting in because you are interested in this girl is not desperate. With a little effort, you got to date her. Take what you learned and use it for future dates. All the thinking you put into this gave you valuable experience.

 

Contrary to the naysayers, I don't think you are desperate for wanting another date with this girl. Just realize that dating is different from establishing relationships. You may get lots of dates, but relationships won't come around so often, or easy.

 

Relationships take more effort and, of course, mutual interest. If your girl does not respond, take the dates for what they were and move on. What you want - I think - is a relationship. So don't settle for less, and don't be desperate on one girl, trying to squeeze out a relationship with her. There ARE other girls, and there will be a receptive one.

 

That being said, wait to hear from your girl. Try her again. Play with that as you like, but pay attention to her response to you, to her interest. If she show little to no interest in the coming week, it's up to you if you want to continuing pursuing. Just know when to stop. Don't let the pursuing drag on endlessly, with no real response on her part - because that's desperate.

[Yukikazi]

Like, as in a REBOUND.

 

Or just boredom