TaraMaiden Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Not on forum, no. And as I said, you have to be a steady contributing member for a while before that's allowed in PMs..... Look, that's three! (posts, so far......The count will go up and make this comment redundant, the instant you respond! ) Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 I agree that a cheating man is more accepted than a cheating woman. For me , however the gender of the cheater isn't important. The infidelity and trust issues are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 Chris.... why don't you take the time to post your story? perhaps you can break each sentence into a new post (lol). I guess we can just go with the thought that we can 'email' through this thread for now.. and if we feel connected reach each other through private message later on. I have posted my story, but not all of the details so we can both talk it through more as the thread grows. I also came across LS from google, but the thread I found was really old, not quite what i was looking for and not active. I am glad you found it, and me! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 12, 2009 Author Share Posted November 12, 2009 When my h first told me about his infidelity he begged forgiveness and said many times "I'm not that man anymore". After a bit of hearing that I told him he had to stop saying it because he is the man who did it, and I am the one who was hurt. It did not seem right to dissociate from it so much. I do believe that he is a stronger and better man now and I don't think he would ever make the same mistakes now. Over the past couple months I find that when I am with my h I am mostly fine, because I am with the person he is today. When he is not home, I obsesively think about how hurt I am and new questions pop into my head and just everything, I get sad and angry. But I find that I dissociate, and have a hard time bringing the anger and hurt into present day or I just get sick of bringing it into everyday, since it happened so long ago. What I would like to do is this......DIVORCE the husband who betrayed me, and remarry the man I have now.....I don't think that's possible though. I wish this was possible ps.......Chris where did you run and hide too??? Link to post Share on other sites
chrisa Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I'm still here, just busy busy (kids, parent teacher conferences, home, dinner, talking with h everynight, etc) not hiding even thou I wish I could sometimes. Its funny how the past several months have been so exhausting...I guess thats what happens when you are emotionally run down with such news. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 So Chris, What brought your H to tell you, or did you find out? Do you know why he did it? what was going on for you at those times? What have you been doing the past months to deal with this? Have you sought counseling? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 So Chris........I keep checking for you. I guess you and H are just intertwined with working on your life. Lately I feel like it's just such an interruption of our life to constantly bring up the PAST. I find myself just stuffing it away, i'm pretty good at that. I don't think that's the best solution but......to what end do we keep talking and bringing it up? I know my H just feels like ****, and it is hard to function at work and with the kids when you are constantly down. Anyhow, I I don't know how many post it really takes before you can use the private messenger here, if you are interested (Chris)I don't think the fee is that much here, I would pay the few bucks so we could connect......hope you check here and let me know Link to post Share on other sites
chrisa Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Gabriele, thats a great idea....I went ahead and subscribed too. I will PM you. I have just been busy with just the day to day life stuff. We are still working on our relationship, somedays are easier and the other days are so painful. I keep thinking all these years have passed and I didn't even know (I feel cheated out of my choices) Chris Link to post Share on other sites
chrisa Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Gabriele I tried to PM you but, you have to join too (to receive my message). chris Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 great! I will...... Link to post Share on other sites
imgoingcrazy7 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 I know what you are going through. I just found out a week ago that my husband of 12 years cheated on me 3 times during our first year of marriage. I am absolutely devastated. I found out because our daughter recently starting asking questions about why her dad *my husband", didn't marry me when I got pregnant but instead married someone else and had a baby with her (that we are raising now). You see I forgave him for that when we reconciled before the marriage, but made it quite clear that he had no "third chances". Well come to find out he took advantage of that and stepped out on me soon after we were married. He claims he had several one night stands. I haven't asked a whole lot of questions because I am not sure how much I can take. I am trying to forgive him but I am really struggling. He is doing a lot to show me is truely sorry but I feel so bitter. I do not want to find out years on down the road there has been another incident. I am literally just sick! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 24, 2009 Author Share Posted November 24, 2009 So Imgoingcrazy.... I am not sure how you found out? b/c your daughter was asking questions you H decided to come clean?? How has your marriage been the past years? What are you doing to heal or cope right now? are you going to go to MC?? IC?? what is he doing to show you he is sorry? I am sorry for you, your kids. I hope you honor yourself and your feelings right now. Let us know how you are doing. Gabriele Link to post Share on other sites
imgoingcrazy7 Posted November 26, 2009 Share Posted November 26, 2009 I started thinking a lot about the past when ever my daughter started to ask questions. I had suspected it for years and had even asked him several times. I finally just told him about a week ago that I knew and he better be honest. After going around in circles, he finally admitted it. As far as counceling, don't know, not sure what I am going do as far as staying with him. I did tell him if there was going to be any counceling it would be up to him to set it up. As far as how things have been through the years, good and bad, mostly good. I am just tired of being the victim in this relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gabriele Posted November 26, 2009 Author Share Posted November 26, 2009 I finally have made the phone call to get IC. My H has been going for about a year. I think, I know that I need something, I just don't know how to deal with all this and how I am feeling. I am really struggling, I thought I was okay until the other day and I found out he has been lying about details, I'm breaking! I think I need IC, he forsure needs IC and we need MC. I think if you want to make it though this, C is essential. Gabriele Link to post Share on other sites
mommyto4 Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Hello to all. I also googled and found this as I am going through this as well. I would like to share my story as I have never felt so angry, hurt, confused, betrayed, bitter....I really don't know what to do with these emotions. My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years and have 4 children together. Recently I was told by one of my family members that my husband was with a prostitute 10 years ago, when we were first married and had our first child. After about two weeks of arguing and questioning, he finally confessed. He finally told me it was true. He had paid for oral sex. He also attempted to hook up with an escort but backed out. There are also other things he confessed to that didn't involve sex (or so he says, I don't believe him). I think that thats just as far as he could take it with his confession. Looking back at that time in our lives when this happened, we were married for a year and a half, had our first child, a beautiful healthy baby girl. I felt loved and thought our marriage was strong. Our second child came along, also a beautiful healthy baby girl. I thought he loved us more than anything. Anytime I felt suspicious about him, I thought I was being paranoid and dismissed it. So now, I'm looking back on our lives together, (we have since had 2 sons as well) and feel like I have been manipulated into living a lie. He couldn't have loved me to premeditate sex. It wasn't an accident. He wasn't drunk. He just wanted it. I am so sick. I have forgave him once for cheating, while I was pregnant with our third child 5 years ago. I found out about that through another person. He never intended on telling me, that tells me he didn't feel guilty about it. He also said at first he had "issues" with erections. But it happened 3 times. However, I decided the family was more important and he assured me it was a mistake and he loved me and our family and so forth. He is now making me feel like if I dissolve our marriage, I am throwing our family away. I don't think it's possible to forgive him for all this. It definitely makes me wonder what else is there that I don't know about. If he ever even loved me...I feel so stupid and embarrassed. Link to post Share on other sites
moaningmyrtle Posted November 29, 2009 Share Posted November 29, 2009 Yes my story is similar. I found out that my H had been unfaithful over a long period including a 3.5 year affair that ended 3 years before I found out about it. I caught him out only because he was trying to start another affair. He then confessed to everything. Like some of you I feel my life and marriage has been a sham and a lie and that my choices were taken away from me. I feel he lied and betrayed me to manipulate me into staying married to him while he did what he wanted. There's no doubt that he wants to stay married and he says he loves me now, but I have so much difficulty reconciling this with what he did. I ask myself and him every day "why?". His answer is the same "for the sex" but I know he loved her too. The whole thing is just so painful and I'm wondering if I'll ever recover enough to move on and stop dwelling on this. I know that illicit sex and "forbidden fruit" is apparently something very tempting but it has never been enough for me to be unfaithful to my H. Has anyone else ever come to terms with why their WS was so willing to risk the life they led, and really wanted, for an A? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted November 30, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted November 30, 2009 Regrettably, some new posters and some old are coming to this thread and bringing their own issues. Some of these should have their own thread. Others are simply off topic. The thread has been up for nearly a month so the OP should have enough responses by now. We will close it up. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
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