whattodoooo Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) i dont know why my title says "give me some, i feel stuck" i really put "please give me some advice, i feel stuck" and somehow when i posted it it messed it up. i know this is kind of long but please read it because i really want some of your inputs on this. My boyfriend and i are both 18 and we have been dating for 10 months now. When we first started dating i thought he was the most amazing guy ever and he swept me off my feet really fast. A few months into our relationship i noticed how i stopped spending time with my friends and family and didnt really talk to anyone but him. He is really insecure and jealous and he wants me to hisself only. i felt that it was kind of weird that he seemed jealous about me spending time with my friends and family but i let it go because i cared alot for him. Now it just seems like everything about him got a thousand times worse. its not that hes an evil person, he does take me out and buy me things and is sweet sometimes when he feels like it, but he is super controlling he wants everything his way and if its not his way then he throws a fit and i have to listen to him sigh and complain for about two hours. him and i argue alot and i feel that he talks down to me when he tells me to shutup and he tells me i need to learn how to speak. i may not be the best speaker but i just dont feel like that is nice to say. i thought in a relationship you encourage your partner to do better, not bring them down and make them feel stupid. He gets mad over a lot of things and he always says its my fault and then he makes a smart remark saying "its a great day" i hate when he says that as if the whole day is over after we argue once and that is irritating to me. He doesnt like me to do anything without him, one day through a text i told him that i planned that after i get off work i would wait around for him to get off work(we work in the same shopping area) and i had about two hours to wait for him to get off and i told him i would go to the bookstore then he called me and he said "no i dont want you to wait" and i asked him why not and he said "because i dont" i was like okay well i thought it would be sweet if i did and he started getting mad and yelling "fine do what you want since you dont want to listen to me you're grown now" i dont understand how that was such a bad thing that i wanted to wait for him and he says i didnt listen to him i felt like his child when he said that. and just today i was at his house this morning we were laying in his bed and it felt sort of hard for me to breathe i dont know why and i told him and he was telling me to put vapor rub on and i was like no its not my nose being stuffed thank you though and then he got mad because i didnt take his advice and he said okay and he got up out of the bed i asked him where he was goin he said "ill be right back and you just do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better" and then he went downstairs. i already did not feel good and the stress from him throwing a fit only made me feel worse. i got up and went downstairs and he was on the couch laying down i went over to him and asked him if he could come back upstairs and lay with me and then he didnt say anything and he got up and walked upstairs past me. so we lay back down together and then he started sighing over and over again. i told him i was sorry for not taking his advice and then he still was mad. and our whole day was not good at all it was stressful and annoying and i was blamed for everything he told me he didnt know what was wrong with me today he said i was acting like a dumbass and all these kinds of rude things. i told him not to call me a dumbass and he said " do you want to get an attitude with me ?" so he didnt make me feel any better when i wasnt feeling good its like he didnt even care that i was not feeling well. i dont understand why he is so mean sometimes and other times he is sweet it just feels like he puts hisself over me and i dont know if he knows that everything isnt my fault and he just likes to blame me or if he really thinks every single thing is my fault. i have talked to him before and told him he is controlling sometimes and he flipped out and didnt agree at all and after i said it i wished i never did because it was a waste of my breath when he wasnt even willing to see from my point of view. i dont know what to do because i love him alot and then there are times that i am so sick of it and im sick of him thinking im always wrong and i just wanna yell and say " I AM DONE I CANT PUT UP WITH YOU BEING OVER DRAMATIC I WILL NO LONGER PUT UP WITH YOU TALKING DOWN TO ME AS THOUGH U ARE BETTER THAN ME AND I AM NOT GOING TO BE CONTROLLED! NOT EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT! I AM NOT A BAD PERSON AND YOU WILL SOMEDAY REALIZE THAT WHEN ITS TOO LATE. " but at the same time im scared to break up because i am so used to being with him i wont know what to do without him and i always want to hope that things will be fixed between us and it will get better but i dont know if that will happen and it hasnt been looking so well i am new to this site and it felt really good to get all that out. please give me your input and tell me what you would do i need advice, thank you Edited October 28, 2009 by whattodoooo my title somehow got messed up
rina_r Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 you are on the road to abusive relationship. Dump this guy and move on.
Ms. Joolie Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 If you love him, it's going to be hard letting go, but you need to consider a break from this relationship with this guy. You know what you feel, you know what you want to tell him. You can't bottle it up anymore! That would have very unhappy and real consequences on your relationship, and on you. So you told him how you felt and what was on your mind and he flipped out? Wow. Big warning sign. This guy is not understanding at all. Tell him that. In fact, don't be afraid to be completely honest with him. Then tell him you need a break.
Author whattodoooo Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 you are on the road to abusive relationship. Dump this guy and move on. when i feel like im strong enough to dump him then i start thinking about our good times and things we've done together and then it makes me weak again.
Author whattodoooo Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 If you love him, it's going to be hard letting go, but you need to consider a break from this relationship with this guy. You know what you feel, you know what you want to tell him. You can't bottle it up anymore! That would have very unhappy and real consequences on your relationship, and on you. So you told him how you felt and what was on your mind and he flipped out? Wow. Big warning sign. This guy is not understanding at all. Tell him that. In fact, don't be afraid to be completely honest with him. Then tell him you need a break. im just scared what things will be like without him even though i kno it would probably be less stressful and i know if i break up with him it will be over for good and he even told me before that if i ever dump him he will most likely be too stubborn to ever take me back. i just wish that i could break up with him without going through the tears and depression
aerogurl87 Posted October 28, 2009 Posted October 28, 2009 when i feel like im strong enough to dump him then i start thinking about our good times and things we've done together and then it makes me weak again. Oh I was in this same trap before and I'll tell you, it may all seem not so bad now, but it will get worse, trust me. The control issues will grow and so will his condescending speech towards you. It's better to let go and walk now, with your heart broken and your head held high, than to stay and let him whittle away at your self confidence. And you have friends and family to support you through this I'm sure, so lean on them for help and support and try to stay strong. It will be hard at first, but well worth it in the end.
Author whattodoooo Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 and i know this may sound stupid but i feel like i don't know if anyone will love me as much as he did or take me out and not cheat thats one thing that is good about him that he doesnt cheat i feel stupid saying this but its how i feel, i feel so scared and i know i will miss him alot. i know there are like a billion other guys out there but out of the people i dated he is the only one who hasnt cheated on me and i think that is why i feel like i dont know if i will ever find another guy who wont cheat besides him
Author whattodoooo Posted October 28, 2009 Author Posted October 28, 2009 Oh I was in this same trap before and I'll tell you, it may all seem not so bad now, but it will get worse, trust me. The control issues will grow and so will his condescending speech towards you. It's better to let go and walk now, with your heart broken and your head held high, than to stay and let him whittle away at your self confidence. And you have friends and family to support you through this I'm sure, so lean on them for help and support and try to stay strong. It will be hard at first, but well worth it in the end. How did u get strong enough to leave ?
Author whattodoooo Posted October 29, 2009 Author Posted October 29, 2009 even though i have been getting advice and i know i should break up with him for some reason i feel so bad for him and i have no idea why. i feel bad if i was to break up with him i hate feeling this way and i dont know why i feel this way
ShriekingViolet Posted October 29, 2009 Posted October 29, 2009 even though i have been getting advice and i know i should break up with him for some reason i feel so bad for him and i have no idea why. i feel bad if i was to break up with him i hate feeling this way and i dont know why i feel this way Nobody wants to hurt someone they care about, I guess this is you telling yourself you care for him. Not that it is a reason to stay with him, he sounds like he can get nasty. :/
lostlove1 Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Speaking from experience........of course you feel bad for him when he's being the "good guy".....but I bet when he is being emotionally abusive to you, that you have a totally different perspective to feeling sorry for him. As women I sometimes think we have the "disease to please and make happy" it is NOT your responsibility to make sure he is okay. I don't think he feels bad for you when he is being mean and nasty to you. He only cares about your feelings when he is in the mood.......seems like you care all the time. Start taking baby steps to make yourself happy....make decisions for yourself, you're still young and free.......if he has issues with your decision then move on.......don't stop your dreams for any man.....as you start taking on more decisions and responsiblilty you will feel more independent and feel more self worth.....you will be stronger.....and the stronger you become and the more you love yourself you will be able to make sound decisions and see him in a different light.
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