foreversorry Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 I am hurting and in pain over what I have done, and I just need some advice and direction, please, anyone. I am 28 years old, and since I was 18 I have been in love with, and dating (on and off) a man that I wanted to spend my life with. The past ten years has been a series of ups and downs, and a lot of heartbreak. I spent the first the first 4 years of us dating being pushed away and pulled back constantly. He would tell me that he had to much to do in his life and he couldn't allow me to get in the way of that, so I was constantly chasing him, waiting for him to come around and be ready to love me. When I was 22, he had just finished Grad school so I flew up to be with him and we planned to take a road trip around New England. On the second day, an hour after having sex with me, he told me that he couldn't be with me any longer because "he felt he didn't have the green light from God to be with me." I cried and begged, but he said God didn't want him to be with me and he was sorry. It was a year after my father died, and I crumbled. A month later he began to call and beg me back, and this set into motion a pattern that has unfortunately continued. He would decide he couldn't live without me, then at a certain point he would have some sort of religious ephipany and decide he couldn't stay with me. He is alomost abnormally ambitious and can be very judgmental. He also has three degrees from the top Ivy-league schools in the nation. After one of our break-ups a year ago, after 2 years in law school, I wasn't doing well and made the decision to drop out. I didn't feel it was what I wanted to do, but when we got back together a couple of months later, I couldn't tell him because I was ashamed. I just felt like he would judge me and be dissapointed in me and I couldn't face his scrutiny so I lied and told him I was still in school. He would make such a big deal of me being in law school and I thought he wouldn't want me so much if he knew I quit and didn't want to be a lawyer. I would wonder why someone so accomplished as him would want a quitter, someone who didn't know what to do with her life. A year later, and ten years into our saga, he has finally come around and has begun to show his love for me in a real way.Unfortunately, because we have such a bad track record, I still hadn't told him the truth and felt as if I were stuck in the lie because the moment I confessed it would be over. Since it was my last year, I continued the lie and he was under the impression that I had graduated in May. 10 days ago he proposed with a brilliant ring and beautiful words and I accepted because he is the love of my life. It was then that dread came over me because I knew I was going to have to tell him the truth, which I did 4 days ago. At first he reacted well, and said it didn't matter and that he loved me and wanted to be with me. But an hour later, he was too upset to talk to me. He said he is devastated that I would lie to him and keep up such a stupid lie. He says he can no longer trust me and that he doesn't want to spend his life with someone he has a grudge against. He said I have embarassed him and that he doesn't see how I can make this up. He won't speak to me, so I am just trying to give him time. I don't know what decision he will make, but I am so very sorry and ashamed for what I did. Worst of all is that I have probably ruined things with the love of my life. I have spent the past couple of days crying and apologizing. I suppose I have to begin to accept that he may not be able to forgive me. I don't know what to do, or to think. All I do know is that I was wrong, and I will be eternally sorry for the lie I told. Do you think he should even give me another chance? What should I do??? I am lost, depressed and hopeless, please help. Missy Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Missy, I'm so sorry you're going through this whole situation. I know you'd give anything if you could go back and change what happened, but you can't, so please try to forgive yourself. You never intended to hurt him or your relationship, you just made a bad decision. If I were in his shoes, of course it would be difficult to accept the dishonesty, but I don't think I'd find it unforgivable. He knows you are ashamed, you have apologized, that's really all you can do. For now, please try to be patient and look after yourself. My guess is that he'll come back around, but all you can really do is give him space. ((HUGS)) Link to post Share on other sites
candoit Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 i agree with pink toes just give him the space , maybe a month and i am sure he will come around Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Hi Missy, I want to send you a PM but don't know how to do it. I also lied to my partner so want to offer you support. Can anyone tell me how to send private messages? Ta Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 Hi Missy, I want to send you a PM but don't know how to do it. I also lied to my partner so want to offer you support. Can anyone tell me how to send private messages? Ta You need to have 250 posts to send a PM, it's kind of lame but they do it so people don't abuse it I'm sure. You could always add your IM information in your profile and have people contact you there. Link to post Share on other sites
Limbo21 Posted October 24, 2009 Share Posted October 24, 2009 250 posts? I'm that much of a talker!! Thanks LoneSock. Well for what it's worth Missy contact me on [email protected]. Our stories are strikingly similar with the same references to god. Take care, were rooting for you Limbo Link to post Share on other sites
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