bigguy Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 My wife and I had separated for a few months and we tried to reconcile. We were lying in bed after just having sex and talking about some things, then it happened..... she called me by another guys name from work, I lost it and flipped out!! She denies having anything to do with him and says that they are only friends, while separated she says that they went to see movies and concerts together. Through him, she got interested in photography and the did some photo shoots together, I offered to come and help but she didn't want me there. He apparently had a girlfriend. I'm having a hard time believing that she was not with him in an intimate way. We were married for 16 years and I was her one and only. At that time I was devastated for I loved her so much. Under the circumstances, what do you think?? This guy has moved away and now her photography interests have waned compared to before. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Your gut is right on this one. Tell your WW the following. WWdid not want you around to help: Means these were dates with the OM. WW lost interest in photography: Means WW only did it to get close to OM. WW decides to come back to you: Means OM dumped WW due to him moving away. OM GF got suspiscious forced OM to dump WW and had them move away from WW to end affair. That you deserve and need the truth. Her calling you his name is her subconscience forcing her to come clean. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Sorry bigguy but it sounds like you were the backup and that she was thinking of him while doing you. I would hit the road and find someone who will call you by your name. Link to post Share on other sites
RedDevil66 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 When my ex off 11 yrs was cheating on me, he called me her name all the time When he left me for her, he called her may name for over a year after (I know this because the OW told me so). Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigguy Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 All I want is the truth. This would be closure for me after all this time. I think about this to this day. I will never love her like before, there have been many lies and secrets. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 BG, You are being scammed. If you can't trust her then let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
JumpinJimmy Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 BG, this is going to be a hard one to prove without doing alot of snooping. Is the OM still in the picture at all? Do you suspect she is still in contact with him? If the answer is no to these questions, let sleeping dogs lie. If you two were really separated, then she had the right to get involved with others. I would most likely say that she did try it out with him, but if he is gone and you're now back together, then what is the problem? If you have ever heard the phrase "don't ask me any questions and I won't tell any lies", then I think that you should just leave the wife alone on this one. If the OM is still in the picture or you suspect it, then snoop away. As a husband it is your right and job to snoop. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 BG why settle? If you can't love her like b4 why stay? If it will always be less then it was, wouldn't you want someone you could love completely? Link to post Share on other sites
confusedinkansas Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 (edited) All I want is the truth. This would be closure for me after all this time. I think about this to this day. I will never love her like before, there have been many lies and secrets. You said you were separated at the time when she was with this other guy. So what's the big deal? SEPARATION...for some that means step one to a divorce, why shouldn't she date? Also, are you going to say you didn't do ANYTHING remotely like that - Go to movies, have coffee, have dinner with another woman during this separation? Come on!!! Be serious! I separated from my husband for 14 months - We're back together now. But during that time I went on dates and my husband is aware of it & knows who I went out with. My point is when 2 people are separated - its part of a way to find yourself. Good, Bad, or indifferent. She could have "found herself" right out of your life - but looks like she didn't. Doesn't mean that she wants to be with this guy. Also doesn't mean they DID IT! And that you're the "Backup" as one said here. Also, you reconciled? Correct? If she had someone else why on earth would she come back to you? THINK ABOUT IT! Edited October 22, 2009 by confusedinkansas Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 She is lying to you and I think you know this already. Ask her to take a polygraph. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigguy Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 She said she had sex with me because she felt sorry for me, and on one occassion, her cell phone rang and I overhaerd a conversation between her and her sister, she asked her sister what she should wear when she goes to see him tonight (she never said a name, just "him"). Later she admitted that she went to a concert with this guy, I asked which concert and I googled it.... there was no concert. Friends only, never did she mention this guys girlfriend, only in her defence when I questioned her did she say this jerk had a girlfriend. When I said I wanted to meet him, she said that the two of us have nothing in common, she was wrong!!!! It seems we had her in common. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 BG, you are just re-hashing all of the incidents. You need to decide if you can live with this or not, and act upon your decision. Replaying it in your mind won't help. You know she cheated and disrespected you. If you can live with her after this, fine. If you can't, dump her, as soon as possible and find a better woman. Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Ok. What do you want to do? Polygraph her or D? Link to post Share on other sites
alzup Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 biguy, were you separated during all of this? Or were you still "happily" married? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 In addition, you now need to get tested for STD's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigguy Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 I understand what you're saying about being separated, but it means the deceit started while we were still married. Her cell phone was off limits!! She refused to let me meet this **cker. On top of all this, while we were married I could not please her to orgasm, recently she told me another guy gave her an orgasm and she described in detail how he worked her and in what position they had sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 And you want to remain married to this woman because....? Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 OP, you are sounding like a doormat, Man-up.!!! Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Dump her. And find someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
Scrivdog Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I understand what you're saying about being separated, but it means the deceit started while we were still married. Her cell phone was off limits!! She refused to let me meet this **cker. On top of all this, while we were married I could not please her to orgasm, recently she told me another guy gave her an orgasm and she described in detail how he worked her and in what position they had sex. You lost me here. Who did she have sex with that she got these orgasms? Was it yet another guy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigguy Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 yes it was another guy or I don't know how many, sometimes it is sigular sometimes it is plural. this orgasm took place quite a while after the first incident. we have been separated for four years now and I tried to reconcile with her because I can't keep her out of my mind. I'm screwed!! Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Man up, stop all relations with her and demand the truth. Get a lie detector if you have to. Also, search for this guys contact info and contact his gf. See what she knows and let her know whats going on. Link to post Share on other sites
alzup Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 You need to move on. If you can't, you will be "screwed." She's deliberately hurting you. She will f**k w/ your head for as long as you let her. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 I understand what you're saying about being separated, but it means the deceit started while we were still married. Her cell phone was off limits!! She refused to let me meet this **cker. On top of all this, while we were married I could not please her to orgasm, recently she told me another guy gave her an orgasm and she described in detail how he worked her and in what position they had sex. How are you so sure it was going on prior to the separation? Seems you're up in arms about something that happened while you two were not together. Why is it a big deal? Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 yes it was another guy or I don't know how many, sometimes it is sigular sometimes it is plural. this orgasm took place quite a while after the first incident. we have been separated for four years now and I tried to reconcile with her because I can't keep her out of my mind. I'm screwed!! You said in your first post you had been separated a few months, now you are saying 4 years??? If she was having an affair while you were together, and initiated the separation to be with someone else, you have a right to be upset. If she hooked up with someone after the two of you separated, especially if you have been separated for 4 years, you can be upset as much as you want, but you don't have much of a leg to stand on. Link to post Share on other sites
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