lkjh Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Look, you have lived long enough to spot bs when you see it. Everything you know about this guy comes from him, more or less. YOu really don't know if he has been faithful and I can assure you that he is setting up an affair. Even if it doesn't get physical it will feed his ego. But, it will end up hurting you. Guys really don't just open up to their long lost ex gf's unless they are trying to play the sympathy card. Think with your brain not with your heart. People who act on emotion usually end up losing big. You know the old saying never act while angry, it goes the same for all emotions. I think your bigger problem is your communication with your H. If nothing physical has happen between you and the OM, then just cut the guy out of your life and don't tell your H. Next, be honest with your H about not being happy. Talk with him and figure out a way to connect. Bike rides, date nights, sporting event.....whatever. Don't fill you void with a this guy, he is just a predator. If something physical has happen then tell your H everything. Work on yourself before you complicate everything ten fold by adding an OM Link to post Share on other sites
jennie-jennie Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Wouldn't it be easier for the long lost boyfriend to go and find a single woman out there? There is only one reason for him to get involved with a MW from his past - because he loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Church Bells Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I think people who post here should be forewarned that if you're 50 or older and a woman, don't bother because your experience is thought of as nothing more than a mid life crisis event. My parents were separated when I was 7 (dad an alcoholic) and my mother reared 4 kids on her own. I knew that I was never going to leave my kids without a father knowing how important the father is and kept my marriage together. My mother remarried at age 53 and has had a great marriage for the past 18 years. Life did not end in her 50s, but got a lot better. Not that that has anything to do with me... point being that life doesn't end for women when they turn 50. I think the ageism is ugly here and am getting very turned off from posting at this place. mareile, It appears that you've made up your mind, and are solidly in the "justification" stage, which occurs just prior to your EA turning into a PA. It is a shame that you're willing to give up 20+ years of being a faithful W to a "terrible partner" by giving him the perfect out to D you, and use your ifidelity against you to paint himself as the victim to all of your family, friends and acquaintances, but IMHO, you're doing this with full knowledge of how much pain and damage you will be inflicting ... so I suppose he's really NOT the worst spouse in this M, as YOUR ACTIONS will now trump YOUR WORDS!!! Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 I think the ageism is ugly here and am getting very turned off from posting at this place. Is the because you dont agree with us ? what is that you are looking for ? What if I said, your husband is a POS, he does not deserve you, you need to hook up with your lost love, will that make you happy ? I dont see anything wrong with you divorcing your husband and living ever happily with your lost love. However, your shared 20+ years of your life with your husband. You raised children together. There is lot of history that you built together. There was obviously lot of abuse that you put up with. Is it fair to put the blame entirely on him for bad marriage ? Think about it. And if you do and you feel there is nothing more you can do, fine, come clean with your husband, tell him what you did with this OM, tell your husband that you want to divorce him. That he does not deserve you (yes not the other way around) and then walk out of the house. I believe that people can fall in love many times over if they put time and energy into it. I am ok with it. That problem I have is when you do it behind someone's back and then try to justify it. Man up (pardon the expression) OP for what you did and then make a decision. It is not difficult when you think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mareile Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 mareile, It appears that you've made up your mind, and are solidly in the "justification" stage, which occurs just prior to your EA turning into a PA. Not so fast. There is a 120 mile distance between us. We did meet for coffee one time, when I was out to see my mother. We are both from the same area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mareile Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 (edited) Okay. Well, I'm 47 and I'm curious: in what way do you feel the posters have been unfair to you? That wasn't my meaning. There were a couple of posts that minimized the situation ( "mid-life crisis" / "man taking advantage of middle-aged woman"). Jenny on the other hand, knows differently. And she knows what I'm giving up, though we have chosen different paths. Like I wrote in the caption - found and lost - because I know it's not something I can have. Edited October 24, 2009 by mareile clarify Link to post Share on other sites
Author mareile Posted October 24, 2009 Author Share Posted October 24, 2009 Think with your brain not with your heart. People who act on emotion usually end up losing big. You know the old saying never act while angry, it goes the same for all emotions. I think your bigger problem is your communication with your H. If nothing physical has happen between you and the OM, then just cut the guy out of your life and don't tell your H. Next, be honest with your H about not being happy. Talk with him and figure out a way to connect. Bike rides, date nights, sporting event.....whatever. Don't fill you void with a this guy, he is just a predator. If something physical has happen then tell your H everything. Work on yourself before you complicate everything ten fold by adding an OM I have to say this site has helped me in two ways. For one the reading and posting here, instead of rereading or returning emails to the OM, has helped as some form of distraction from it, compared to how it had been before joining. Though I'm still thinking constantly about it, I'm not as beside myself about it. Second, I feel as if I've heard the voice of my H through the voice of BH's here, and that has also had a deterent effect (the thought of my own H finding out is unthinkable). Up to know I thought the most I could ask for between us is the continued amicability we've had in recent years, but reading stuff here has got me considering that maybe something beyond that can be rekindled. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts