The Collector Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 The only appropriate age to hit your child is when they are grown adults like you are and it's a fair fight. Otherwise just take away their toys or something.
samsungxoxo Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 The only appropriate age to hit your child is when they are grown adults like you are and it's a fair fight. Otherwise just take away their toys or something.Yea, which is when I was 19 and hit back my mother in an over heated argument on two occassions making her cry like away.. Don't hit me if you don't want to get hit back in return.. Period..
The Collector Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I don't have any kids but I've done a fair amount of child caring. I also come from a family where children were effectively punished without physical chastisement. I believe there are millions of families able to do the same, so the 'if you had kids you'd realise' argument doesn't really work.
hotgurl Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I don't understand how spanking a child running in a road is going to make them learn not to run in the road. Be all means control the child in the moment and make it clear that you can't do that. Also spanking to stop a tantrum? It seems weird to me. I have always used time outs taking away privaliges and grounding. Also I also talked to my daughter about hwy she was being punished why what she did was wrong. i invited her to join the discussions asking her what she thought. In most cases she knew what she did was wrong and usually handed herself a harsher punishment than I would have. when she was older there was one incidence with a class mate. I made her apologize and write a paper on what she did, why it was wrong and how she could have handled it better. The key is that we can talk. I don't talk at her I talk with her. It is important esp in teen years so your kids can come to you with thier problems. She is a good kid. I always felt spanking was terrible and degrading to the children.
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I guess as easy as it was for you to assume what I meant. I know what you ment, but obviously for you to know what I ment it wasn't that easy as you got it wrong.
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) Got any kids? When a child is getting ready to do something that may cause them serious physical harm for the 10th time after they have been disciplined in numerous other ways, are you gonna let 'em go at it an 11th? When my 5 year old went running after a ball into the street (yes, I was outside watching him play, but I don't leash my kids) for the nth time after being told not to and disciplined in many ways over it, he got a spanking. Never happened again. All this "spanking kids is abuse" is all well and good until your child is lying broken and bleeding under the tires of a car. Excuses, excuses. As I've said several times now, you can disapline kids/teach them without hitting them. If you can't find anything that works, pick up a book on parenting skills or take yourself and your child to a counceller or something who can help. Edited November 4, 2009 by Ross PK
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Now it's again not okay? Would you please make up your mind? Or is it only not okay for me? Lol, you've obviously still not figured out what I ment. If you want to allow your children to be in danger because you feel a spank on the behind is "abuse" more power to ya. But when the tires screech and you run toward your seriously injured child (if you ever have any, that is - lol) you'll remember this little exchange. Did you not read my last post?
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 You said... After he said this: But when I mention that I finally spanked my 5 year old child after numerous other types of discipline to try to keep him from running in front of traffic, you say, "Excuses, excuses." So apparently in your very decidedly inexperienced opinion it's okay for anyone but ME to use corporal punishment, even in the case where I'm trying to keep my child from killing himself. THAT, I get. I was responding to the rest of his post, not the part where he said he used to spank his kids. I think that was obvious to anyone. If you need me to talk you through anything else, just let me know.
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) Merely calling it like I see it. Nope. This is how it is. People aren't telling you what you want to hear, people aren't patting you on the back and reassuring you that what you're doing is okay, it's making you feel guilty about what you are doing, and you now feel the need to strike out to make yourself feel better. Edited November 4, 2009 by Ross PK
Ross PK Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 Nope. This is how it is. People aren't telling you what you want to hear, people aren't patting you on the back and reassuring you that what you're doing is okay, it's making you feel guilty about what you are doing, and you now feel the need to strike out to make yourself feel better. Actually a good number of the people in this thread agree with me, as did Silverfish, who YOU "patted on the back" for his parenting methods. For some reason you have to strike out at ME. In my vast experience with "men" I've found this phenomenon nearly always stems from some sort of self perception of inadequacy. I've just explained things to you yet you still obviously don't get it. 'Come in number 2, your time is up!'
Crusoe Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 I believe the appropriate age to spank a child is as soon as they can grasp the concept of right from wrong. I believe spanking is a horses for courses thing, it all depends what type of kid you have got. Some respond to a whack, some don't. I consider one of the greatest teachers of my life to be my old mans right hand. I took some mighty thrashings back then, deserved every one, a lesson was learnt from every one, and am thankful for every one. Its called tough love.
Crusoe Posted November 4, 2009 Posted November 4, 2009 (edited) This is it precisely. I have always tried every other method first, and once my kids were old enough to take things away instead, that's what I've done. Some people are perceptive enough to discern their children's differences; strengths and weaknesses; likes and dislikes; what works and what doesn't. All three of my children are different from each other. A parent can't just read somebody's book and suddenly become an expert. And someone who has never had nor probably ever WILL have a child is CERTAINLY no expert. Exactly, it is an art to be able to read someone and gauge how to best educate them, and that's what properly timed whack on the arse is, education. Edited November 4, 2009 by Crusoe
Ross PK Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Um, I've read some of your threads. What's that got to do with anything? And taking on a smiley on the end of every sentance you write doesn't hide your frustration.
Ross PK Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) I ment tacking, not taking. This is it precisely. I have always tried every other method first, and once my kids were old enough to take things away instead, that's what I've done. Some people are perceptive enough to discern their children's differences; strengths and weaknesses; likes and dislikes; what works and what doesn't. All three of my children are different from each other. A parent can't just read somebody's book and suddenly become an expert. And someone who has never had nor probably ever WILL have a child is CERTAINLY no expert. I guess I must be wrong thinking a man hitting his wife is wrong then, since, I've never had a wife. Edited November 5, 2009 by Ross PK
samsungxoxo Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I guess I must be wrong thinking a man hitting his wife is wrong then, since, I've never had a wife. Nope it's just wrong. You don't have to have a wife to know a man hitting a grown woman is wrong. Unfortunately there will always be those scumbags around the world.. For sure they wouldn't be getting into a fight with a man as strong or more than them...
The Collector Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Nobody likes their method of parenting criticized. A child can feel loved with parents that spank, and unloved by parents that don't (and vice-versa if that isn't clear). But I certainly don't think there is any correlation between those who don't spank and those whose children get hit by cars.
Ross PK Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Now we're equating a wife beater with a parent administering a controlled swat on a child's behind? No one said it was exactly the same, but obviously, once again, it seems the point we're trying to make has flown straight over your head. The over dramatization in this thread is ridiculous. Tell that to the British Criminal Justice System. Spanking Can be dangerous - it is easy to forget how delicate children are, particularly if you are frustrated or angry. What feels to you like a light slap can have the potential to cause real harm to a small child. Sets children the wrong example - rather than correcting misbehaviour, it can teach children to hit out at people who are doing things they don't like or who don't do what the child wants them to do. Has effects which last long after the physical pain dies away - young children will not necessarily associate the punishment with their behaviour. It can make them angry and resentful and can be damaging to their confidence and self-esteem. Giving children equal protection under the law on assault is a fundamental human rights principle, there can be no justification whatsoever for the smallest and most fragile of our citizens having less protection than we take for granted ourselves. If you want anymore snippets, just let me know. And all from those who've never raised a child. Once again, my point just flies over your head every time. Edited November 5, 2009 by Ross PK
Crusoe Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Tell that to the British Criminal Justice System. Spanking Can be dangerous - it is easy to forget how delicate children are, particularly if you are frustrated or angry. What feels to you like a light slap can have the potential to cause real harm to a small child. Sets children the wrong example - rather than correcting misbehaviour, it can teach children to hit out at people who are doing things they don't like or who don't do what the child wants them to do. Has effects which last long after the physical pain dies away - young children will not necessarily associate the punishment with their behaviour. It can make them angry and resentful and can be damaging to their confidence and self-esteem. The word "can" in these statements is a possible, not a probable and certainly not definite.
silverfish Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Just to clarify - I am a single MOTHER to 2 boys
Ross PK Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The word "can" in these statements is a possible, not a probable and certainly not definite. Isn't that still bad enough though? Or is just because there's a chance things could turn out to be okay be good enough to dimiss it all?
Ross PK Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Watch out, silverfish. You may have just opened yourself up to a whole lot of verbal abuse. Here's the thing: I'm not going to tell someone who does NOT spank that they are parenting wrong. ANYONE using ANY method can parent correctly or INcorrectly. You could be a parent who NEVER has spanked their child and be a lousy parent. I've known parents who have wrapped their children in cotton - never letting them experience ANYTHING - to the point that they find themselves helpless as adults. The goal is to get them through those dangerous years intact - the years where they have no clue what touching a hot stove can do or what can happen when you stick a fork in an electrical socket; to teach them right from wrong in simple terms first, and then give them a sense of integrity as they get older. Teach them how to fend for themselves; teach them a good work ethic. How to be honest and true and not use people. There are SO many facets to being a good parent. Some haven't a clue what it's all about and maybe never will. Look, I'd like to help. Have you thought any more about that book?
silverfish Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Nobody likes their method of parenting criticized. A child can feel loved with parents that spank, and unloved by parents that don't (and vice-versa if that isn't clear). But I certainly don't think there is any correlation between those who don't spank and those whose children get hit by cars. You might be right. I have a child (the biter) who, as a toddler, would run away from me while the baby was in a pram. EVERYONE told me to let him run because 'he'll come back'. Well, he didn't, he just ran and ran, through the park, through the playing field, towards the very busy road.... Now, imagine my dilemma when faced with the choice of leaving my very tiny baby alone in his pram to chase for about 15 minutes after my boy...I had people I'd never met grabbing his arm and restraining him til I got there. When I got there, on several occasions, I smacked him on the leg. That and the biting (again of the baby) were the few times I did smack him. I also grabbed the baby (when he was older - about 6 ish) by the hair to stop him running out into the road after a ball. It was either grab his hair or splat... I felt awful afterwards, but you have no idea what it's like to be physically responsible for another human being (or two) when they are that reckless. I don't believe in using reigns on children (they arent dogs) and yeah, talk to them, but kids are wilful and dont do what you say. They rebel, because kids dont want to do what their parents say all the time
Crusoe Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) Isn't that still bad enough though? Or is just because there's a chance things could turn out to be okay be good enough to dimiss it all? There is no rulebook in life, not in any aspect of it and you can't live life by one. Everyone is different, everyone responds to things in different ways. I was the type of kid who if he saw fire, would immediately want to stick my hand in it. If my parents told me fire equalled "big hurt" I would want to stick my hand in it even more. So how do they stop me sticking my hand in fire? Bribe me? Cheers, I'll take the wollypop and then stick my hand in fire. Take away a favourite toy? What, for not sticking my hand in fire? Show me pictures of people who have been burnt in fire? Hey cool, now I really really want to see what that fire does to my hand. I am a 6 year old kid with a 150+ IQ who cannot accept anything as the truth until he has experienced it. Give me a toy and I am going to tear it apart to see how it works, give me a entire field to play in and I am going to go explore the woods the other side of the fence. So how do you stop me? You walk me to the fire, give me an almighty belt across the backside and tell me that if I ever stick my hand in fire I will get a hundred more belts across the backside. Yup, OK, I understand now, hand in fire equals a sore arse, I wont be doing that anytime soon. My sister? You see that hot orange thing Darling? That really hurts if you touch it. Ok I wont touch it Daddy. Horses for courses. Edited November 6, 2009 by Crusoe
silverfish Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 haha yes sounds like I've got 2 little crusoes on my hands. I'm particularly wary of roads as my boys Dad nearly died in a traffic accident when he was a child and they are a lot like him (however hard I try and beat it out of them ) My friends son (and I kind of like this story) - he chewed through a live electricity cable while she was mowing the lawn. She thought he was asleep in his cot at the time. Obviously he got bored, or something.... Anyway, he's now my babysitter, very sensible young man he is too, I'm glad he lived to tell the tale.
Crusoe Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 haha yes sounds like I've got 2 little crusoes on my hands. I'm particularly wary of roads as my boys Dad nearly died in a traffic accident when he was a child and they are a lot like him (however hard I try and beat it out of them ) My friends son (and I kind of like this story) - he chewed through a live electricity cable while she was mowing the lawn. She thought he was asleep in his cot at the time. Obviously he got bored, or something.... Anyway, he's now my babysitter, very sensible young man he is too, I'm glad he lived to tell the tale. Ahhh, electricity, learnt that one the hard way too. Toy cars, two pin sockets and dribble make baby Crusoe fly. Didn't make me sensible though. As one drunken night, re-enacting the story to some equally drunken friends, Crusoe flew again. Good luck, it sounds like you are going to have some fun over the next few years.
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