UrKillinMeSmalls Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 That being said, once my son is at my eye level or taller, should he ever get it in his head to raise his hands to me in anger - he might end up needing medical attention. You're already planning on him doing that? Sheesh. What kind of kid did you raise Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I used to do child protection intake for my local social services. I basically investigated allegations of child abuse and neglect. I can't speak for every state, or every worker...but what you did was not child abuse unless you did it to the level that left a mark or a bruise. I was going through a tough time with my then 15 year old daughter about 9 years ago and had a police officer at my house asking him questions after an incident where she ran out after being grounded. I described some of her behavior and he actually advocated a slap in the face! I was kind of surprised, and couldn't really imagine myself going to that length, even with her behavior the way it was. At one point she was mad at me for not allowing her to go somewhere I thought was inappropriate. She started grabbing her things (she had purchased her own answering machine and was unhooking it) and I asked her what she was doing. She said, "I'm gonna go live with dad!" I said, "No you're not" (not good supervision over there) and walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her in a gentle bear hug of sorts and force-walked her into her bedroom put her in it, and shut the door. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You have less experience than my parents, grandparents, assorted aunts and uncles. And twenty years from now I'll have 249 years worth of experience, and I bet my opinion will be the same. I'm not telling you you're wrong for (hypothetically) not spanking, so I think maybe should refrain from insulting people who are actually doing the work. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 IMO, there are no right situations for domestic violence. Like I stated earlier...like you...there is no spanking in my home...i don't believe in it...I am a family therapist..I have about a million other parenting techniques at my disposal. However...comparing a swat on the backside to DV is kind of a stretch. I'm also not going to tell another parent that have to do what I do...as long as it's not abusive or the sole means of discipline...spank away. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 IMO, there are no right situations for domestic violence. Domestic violence! LMFAO!!! See, GT. This is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 TBF, I usually agree with you and listen to your advice, but as a parent for over thirteen years now, I have to add in that spanking is necessary at times. It should not be done often or as a way to vent anger, but it is needed. Reasoning with a child who is defiant and who realizes that she or he has done wrong can be counterproductive. When a child senses that he may have a chance at getting his or her way, then reasoning becomes only a way to negotiate. This can begin at a very young age. It is important at times that his or her actions must be punished, and one of those tools is spanking. However, use it too much and it no longer has any effect. Using it and letting the child think it only happens if dad is angry defeats its purpose. Explanations have their place. Reasoning with the intent of only explaining why some action was wrong or why an action is being punished works. But to reason while the child responds back and forth with his or her rebuttals leads to a disrespect of authority. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 And twenty years from now I'll have 249 years worth of experience, and I bet my opinion will be the same. I'm not telling you you're wrong for (hypothetically) not spanking, so I think maybe should refrain from insulting people who are actually doing the work.I've yet to insult anyone, just stating my opinion about spanking as a form of discipline. In many countries, it's illegal. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I was going through a tough time with my then 15 year old daughter about 9 years ago and had a police officer at my house asking him questions after an incident where she ran out after being grounded. I described some of her behavior and he actually advocated a slap in the face! I was kind of surprised, and couldn't really imagine myself going to that length, even with her behavior the way it was. At one point she was mad at me for not allowing her to go somewhere I thought was inappropriate. She started grabbing her things (she had purchased her own answering machine and was unhooking it) and I asked her what she was doing. She said, "I'm gonna go live with dad!" I said, "No you're not" (not good supervision over there) and walked behind her and wrapped my arms around her in a gentle bear hug of sorts and force-walked her into her bedroom put her in it, and shut the door. I would never advocate a slap to the face...but if it happens...and it wasn't something forceful enough to leave a bruise or a mark it is not abuse. It is, however, a sign that there needs to be some discussion...ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 You have less experience than my parents, grandparents, assorted aunts and uncles. easy man, different families have different temperaments. not spanking ever might work for the kids in your family, but its not fair to pass judgment on other families for doing it. they did not say they liked it, or that they did not try other things. they're saying that in a very real way they felt that in certain circumstances they felt that it was the best thing they could do for their kids. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I would never advocate a slap to the face...but if it happens...and it wasn't something forceful enough to leave a bruise or a mark it is not abuse. It is, however, a sign that there needs to be some discussion...ya know? Absolutely. That's why it's merely an attention-getter as an occasionally necessary prelude to a conversation, which is what Donna did. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I've yet to insult anyone, just stating my opinion about spanking as a form of discipline. In many countries, it's illegal. I for one did not take it as an insult. And I do respect your opinion. After/if you have children, then this opinion if still the same will probably register better with those of us who have them. Some things need to be experienced day after day to understand how raising one's own children IS different than watching other's children. And that is not to demean your opinion. It is just that experience does teach us. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 You're already planning on him doing that? Sheesh. What kind of kid did you raise A better child than you ever could have been. I say that sincerely despite the fact I know nothing about you. He will be a better adult that you as well. I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I would never advocate a slap to the face...but if it happens...and it wasn't something forceful enough to leave a bruise or a mark it is not abuse. It is, however, a sign that there needs to be some discussion...ya know? I wouldn't either, which is why I just force-walked her into her room instead. We're very close now. As for the episode in the car with my son, I wouldn't call that a slap at all. To me a slap indicates an intention to cause physical pain. I'm certain there was no physical pain to my son - just a little bruising of his ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 yikes, this has turned ugly!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Peaceful Guy Posted October 7, 2009 Author Share Posted October 7, 2009 i guess people feel kinda strongly about their kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I'm not going to agree or validate spanking as an effective parenting tool. And yes, I do feel strongly about it. It's not necessary and has been proven to not be necessary, anaecdoetally and in a study about IQ, where spanking lowers IQ and results in more aggressive behaviour and retards social and emotional development. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/09/25/earlyshow/health/main5339338.shtml http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/09/spanking-iq.html http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Spanking+lower+child/2032569/story.html Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I've yet to insult anyone, just stating my opinion about spanking as a form of discipline. In many countries, it's illegal. I felt that the statement that spanking was for the ease of the parents and not for the benefit of the child was an implication that spanking was somehow the "lazy man's route" (i.e., bad parenting) when in fact nothing could be further than the truth. I hate giving my children swats; but it's sometimes a necessary tool in my opinion. If I misinterpreted what you wrote, I apologize. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Spanking is about ease to parents v. what's good for the children. I'm sorry, but this was insulting. Insinuating that any parent who swats their child on the behind is doing something BAD to their child (which IS the antonym of "good" after all) and only because we want to take the easy way out. Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Inside Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 i guess people feel kinda strongly about their kids! So true. There is probably nothing in this world that would ever bring me to the point of using violence against another person. However...if someone ever hurt my children...then it's on. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 yikes, this has turned ugly!! Spanking threads have a way of going that way; alot of strong opinions on both sides of the argument. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Wow, GT! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Wow, GT! Politically we may be as far apart as a Bolshevik and a Falangist can be, but I think we're pretty much of one mind on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I'm sorry, but this was insulting. Insinuating that any parent who swats their child on the behind is doing something BAD to their child (which IS the antonym of "good" after all) and only because we want to take the easy way out. Well I agree with the fact that spanking a child who can be verbally reasoned with is due to an adult taking the lazy route. But I also know that trying to reason with a wailing 3 year old is pointless and irresponsible. A kid who is so worked up you have to yell just to be heard is a kid in distress. A pop on the pull up-ed behind brings them back down; nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I'm not going to agree or validate spanking as an effective parenting tool. And yes, I do feel strongly about it. It's not necessary and has been proven to not be necessary, anaecdoetally and in a study about IQ, where spanking lowers IQ and results in more aggressive behaviour and retards social and emotional development. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/09/25/earlyshow/health/main5339338.shtml http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2009/09/spanking-iq.html http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Spanking+lower+child/2032569/story.html All three of my kids are very bright. One wasn't as inclined to do his homework as the others, but the other two were consistently in "honors classes" and my youngest was in "math masters" every year in grade school and is now in advanced classes in high school. Again, I think you are confusing "child abuse" with spanking. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Well I agree with the fact that spanking a child who can be verbally reasoned with is due to an adult taking the lazy route. But I also know that trying to reason with a wailing 3 year old is pointless and irresponsible. A kid who is so worked up you have to yell just to be heard is a kid in distress. A pop on the pull up-ed behind brings them back down; nothing more.No one, adult or child, when they're in a full blown temper tantrum, can be effectively reasoned with. There are other ways to bring them down, rather than negative attention. No attention brings them down pretty fast. Link to post Share on other sites
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