LakesideDream Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 IO.. what all this hate towards me... What have I done to you? honestly? tell me.. Oh Lizzie, that's the easiest question to answer. You are happy. Simple as that. You live a lifestyle that runs counter to many of the participants here on LS's "moral codes". When a BS encounters someone who is unaplologetic, frank, even matter of fact about their extra marital escapades it makes them furious. They want everyone to be as angry and bitter as they are. Pain is their currency. They are not able to accept alternatives. The world is full of male "players". Finding a mature woman who embrases that lifestyle threatens them. They are not willing to accept the existance of a "black sheep" in their midst. Maybe a "wolf at the edge of the flock" would be a more apt description. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 again, I mean absolutely no offense to Lizzie. I don't "know her", and I do consider her a "friend" here at LS... And I know she has offered some very good supportive advice, I see it all the time.. However, in her honesty, which is great, it can cause some issues as we have seen.... With all your respect Stamp.. I don't know why this thread has turned about me... Other OWs on this forum never apologized for being a OW.. we have very similar stories.... one had many MMs .. and that was her choice.. I will not name her.. I will let her say it herself.. but there are many who are enjoying their MM... they're not always agonizing.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Oh Lizzie, that's the easiest question to answer. You are happy. Simple as that. You live a lifestyle that runs counter to many of the participants here on LS's "moral codes". When a BS encounters someone who is unaplologetic, frank, even matter of fact about their extra marital escapades it makes them furious. They want everyone to be as angry and bitter as they are. Pain is their currency. They are not able to accept alternatives. The world is full of male "players". Finding a mature woman who embrases that lifestyle threatens them. They are not willing to accept the existance of a "black sheep" in their midst. Maybe a "wolf at the edge of the flock" would be a more apt description. Again LSD.. I think you're right.. Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Oh LSD, most of the people on LS (not just on this board) are happy but they don't feel the need to rub it on other people's face There is no need to start a thread on meeting someone new and wanting to boink that new guy but oh well, some people get away with that sort of thing. I don't feel the need to be a tatter-tale to the upper people. So highschool. I guess some people haven't left highschool behind. How silly of me to think that there is fairness played on LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 IO.. what all this hate towards me... Ahh Lizzie, because you are unapologetic for the things that you do, and because it's easier to slam you. You are the evil incarnate because you are honest enough to tell the truth. I've learned a lot from reading your posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Ahh Lizzie, because you are unapologetic for the things that you do, and because it's easier to slam you. You are the evil incarnate because you are honest enough to tell the truth. I've learned a lot from reading your posts. Thanks Kasan.. you're a sweetie. I also learn from others as well.. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony Posted October 1, 2009 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 1, 2009 Lizzie60 IS NOT the topic of this thread. Please read the original post in this thread and let's stick to the topic. The first five or six posts were terrific...let's get back to that. What we are trying to discuss here is the definition of support and how we can offer support to the people who come to this category. Many thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Wrong.. I,ve read many posts from OWs who do not necessarily want to be their MM's one and only... I was also in long-term relationship MOST of my life.. in fact 35 years... so I think I know what I'm talking about ...from all sides.. and I think I can give great advices.. if I judge from my many friends on LS who pm me or email on a regular basis.. Some email me outside LS for some advices.. so I guess it proves something.. LOL But your mindest now is soooo very different - you've admitted so. Nothing wrong with that. It's your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 So what are people more concerned about, their ego about how many people will take their advice or the functional well-being of the opening posters in threads? Consider this a rhetorical question. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I have no idea where you got that but you are WRONG! It's how you do it. If you make the person feel like a low class whore, you are NOT being supportive. If you are kind in the way you give your advice, then that would be correct. You can say ANYTHING IN THE WORLD YOU WANT IN THESE FORUMS as long as it comes across as being kind, supportive and in the best interests of the person needing advice. I thought this was common sense...but I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Being supportive does not mean you endorse the behavior. You can be very supportive of your children and still be very angry that they stole a Tootsie Roll from the convenience store! You mean like asking if they think it is time to divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Lizzie60 IS NOT the topic of this thread. Please read the original post in this thread and let's stick to the topic. The first five or six posts were terrific...let's get back to that. What we are trying to discuss here is the definition of support and how we can offer support to the people who come to this category. Many thanks! She and I are now discussing various types of support from various types of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Several posters treat "support" in the OM/OW Forum as meaning encouragement and support for NC. Others interpret "support" as being support for continuing an affair and for conducting everyday life etc while in an affair. My view of support is giving advice to the best of my ability to try and help the poster see the sitaution from an outside perspective by adding my thoughts of a good way for them to rectify the situation. Weather that means NC or continuing the affair, which honestly I would never suggest in the first place due to the number of hurt people I've encountered here that stayed in a affair. I believe I've seen a bit of both on here to answer your question as to if support would encompass both. Which is it? Or does "support" encompass both types of "support"? If so it's a little different to the support offered for other types of "addictive" behaviours. IMO in a way it's the same type of support that can be given to those with an addictive behavior. An affair has an addictive part to it. It's easy to get caught up in the rush and joyful feeling's on can get from beign in that type of situation. Now, just the same for someone who is taking a drug to feel good. And how does one get over an addiction? Well IMO they have to want to. They have to see that the negatives of what ever they are using as their fix, out weight the good. So, I think in a way the support is the same because the same sort of message is beign sent. I hope I made sense. I found this to be sort of a complex question to answer. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 I'm not sure I can understand how recommendations for the judicious use of therapeutic sex with professionals or those in the private sector along with highly descriptive, sexually explicit kudos to one's sexual prowess can constitute advice. Including the cleavage avatar. If support or a course of life direction... is offered... the person receiving it SHOULD KNOW who is offering it and IMO it is deceptive not to do so. It isn't that I do not believe that advice cannot be offered on relationships with MM by a professional, however this aspect of life experiences contours the opinion... and remind the poster (if they are new to LS) from whence this opinion comes. I think it is important to disclose for everyone. I have come to this POV from reading and participating in other threads where remarks made (in jest or in advertisement) concerning sex and talents in that department to men who were already expressing vulnerabilities in this regard and who were here for help in coping with them. Offering the very service that they were here to try and avoid. So is that help? I don't know if it meets 'support' or 'help' in all honesty. As for 'bitter BS's' and 'unapologetic OW' I personally found that the hard words helped me work through my issues and the kind words (although not many) helped me stay on the right track. Well I have to disagree... we certainly don't know the background of EVERYONE who offers advices on any forum.. so this is totally irrelevant... IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 You're right.. I don't really care ... but to have it constantly rubbed in my face as if I can't give good advices just because of my lifestyle.. it gets very frustrating at times.. I don,t think that any OW or any woman on this board has had as many 'lovers' as I have...single and/or married.. so I think I might know a thing or two about men... maybe more than those who are angry at me and only had one lover (their H).. Nothing wrong with having only one man... but to say that someone has better advices just because they have never cheated or never been with other men than their H.. is a little 'dumb'.. But by the same token Lizzie, you saying "Bitter" BS a lot to those that respond in this forum isn't always helpful. Many times there are OW on here who get advice from a BS and there is at least 1 OW who will pop off with "don't listen to those Bitter BS's" or "watch out, there are a lot of bitter BS's here". I am not one of those, but if it isn't okay to say that OW portray whorish behavior, why is it okay to constantly call BS's bitter? Link to post Share on other sites
Leia Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Quoted wrongly. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 But by the same token Lizzie, you saying "Bitter" BS a lot to those that respond in this forum isn't always helpful. Many times there are OW on here who get advice from a BS and there is at least 1 OW who will pop off with "don't listen to those Bitter BS's" or "watch out, there are a lot of bitter BS's here". I am not one of those, but if it isn't okay to say that OW portray whorish behavior, why is it okay to constantly call BS's bitter? Sorry. but I don't think I throw this word (bitter) right and left.. I will if I feel the BS is attacking the OW.. otherwise I don't use that word... IMO.. whorish is very very different than being bitter.. I don't even see why this is compared.. I don't think I ever said "don't listen to those Bitter BS's" or "watch out, there are a lot of bitter BS's here"' to anyone.. If you know I did.. please get that post for me.. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Did not read the thread, so this is just my answer to the OP. As A BW, I came to LS to get a better perspective about OW in general. I got what I came here for because people were honest. I may not have liked everything I read, but it was the raw truth and even if it hurt at times, it helped me understand. IT was the "support" I came for. I really don't see any problem with people being "bitter" about their situation on either side because it's reality. What a waste of time it would be in everyone sugar coated their responses because they didn't want to upset anyone. This is about betrayal, it is an upsetting topic in itself. For example. lets say you get a ticket and go to traffic school. The teacher is going to do everything possible to make sure you don't make that mistake again. They will even show you gruesome films of fatal accidents. The thought being, if you see the destruction your actions have caused, maybe you won't make that mistake again. I would think that if OW could see the reality of a "bitter" BW, it may help them decide what to do in their own situation. Why would anyone want anyone OW or BW on this forum to hide their true feelings? Seems to me you can't get support if you don't know what is being supported. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 A quick question for the OW. What would happen in real life if you met the BW and she called you some "no so nice" names? Would you ask her to say it in a nicer way? Why can't this forum be like real life? Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 Not only is encouragement offered, but footnotes to authors who advocate that 'certain types of affairs can be healthy for some marriages'. As if prostitution runs a parallel with healing therapies. If this is genuine, then may it be suggested that the client, if married, is required to have the signature of the spouse prior to services being rendered? This way, the therapeutic nature of the transient service may be enjoyed to the fullest extent by all concerned. Is this your PC way of saying the BS should know so they, too, can get some on the side and feel okay about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 An overwhelming majority of those participating on LS do share this information. When a person is facing a crisis where they are sharing an inner struggle that represents a difficult or painful/potentially painful outcome IMO it is essential to know. In other words, if I am a drug addict struggling with whether I should go to the corner and meet up with my dealer or go to an AA meeting... I'd like to think that those active users would refrain from providing highly descriptive encouragement to go to the dealer... along with recapitulations on how wonderful getting high can be. IMO that is the line that is crossed moving from being supportive. And... borders on the mentality that 'misery loves company'. Not only is encouragement offered, but footnotes to authors who advocate that 'certain types of affairs can be healthy for some marriages'. As if prostitution runs a parallel with healing therapies. If this is genuine, then may it be suggested that the client, if married, is required to have the signature of the spouse prior to services being rendered? This way, the therapeutic nature of the transient service may be enjoyed to the fullest extent by all concerned. Well.. we'll have to agree to disagree on that one.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 A quick question for the OW. What would happen in real life if you met the BW and she called you some "no so nice" names? Would you ask her to say it in a nicer way? Why can't this forum be like real life? To answer your question.. maybe I would also call her 'not-so-nice' names.. There would be no Tony around.. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 . And... borders on the mentality that 'misery loves company'. Yes and if I don't share in someone's misery, doesn't make me bitter. If my way of supporting someone is telling them my opinion based on my own life experience, I would hope they would take it as just that. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 To answer your question.. maybe I would also call her 'not-so-nice' names.. There would be no Tony around.. I have no doubt you are telling the truth in this post. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 No, not at all. It is my way of saying that a marriage contains two within the contract and if a third party professional/amateur is being brought in for a 'therapeutic function within the marriage' all should sign off on it including both spouses. Espousing prostitution or affairs as a 'therapeutic' intervention and providing footnotes to back it up is interesting to say the least. If there are three people involved in a 'triangle' and the agreement is that it involves only two, AND if a third party is being brought into the marriage to 'make a better marriage' then IMO all three should know about the other. Otherwise, it isn't better for the 'marriage' at all. It is just a gross rationalization for self dealing. You are one smart cookie. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted October 1, 2009 Share Posted October 1, 2009 No, not at all. It is my way of saying that a marriage contains two within the contract and if a third party professional/amateur is being brought in for a 'therapeutic function within the marriage' all should sign off on it including both spouses. Espousing prostitution or affairs as a 'therapeutic' intervention and providing footnotes to back it up is interesting to say the least. If there are three people involved in a 'triangle' and the agreement is that it involves only two, AND if a third party is being brought into the marriage to 'make a better marriage' then IMO all three should know about the other. Otherwise, it isn't better for the 'marriage' at all. It is just a gross rationalization for self dealing. That's reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
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