jennie-jennie Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Wheelwright, I always find your posts very helpful. Link to post Share on other sites
Laura123 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Well, this week was the first time i've not heard from him in the (almost) six months i've known him. That's it for me. I've decided that if he can't be bothered then really, why should i keep on taking the scraps. it hurts to look back and think how wonderful it felt at the beginning, but it just doesn't exist now. hanging on to something that doesn't exist anymore. it really is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Laura123 it really does suck when this first happens. When my XOM ignored me for a whole day. The very next day he ended things with me. Should have seen it coming. F**k him. Go NC. Do not answer your phone or emails when he tries to contact you again. You deserve more of a man than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 Glad to see this thread has been revived. I just wanted to let all of you struggling with NC know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have been NC for like 16 or 17 weeks I think (I actually lost count!) and I am feeling ALOT better. The other day I was washing dishes and realized that when I thought about her face there was no real emotional or somatic charge. This was huge for me. Lately my mood is good, I have energy, I eat like a horse, I exercise like a beast, and I smile ALOT. So to all you NCers out there....EYES ON THE PRIZE. The prize is serenity...and it is worth it's weight in gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Laura123 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Laura123 it really does suck when this first happens. When my XOM ignored me for a whole day. The very next day he ended things with me. Should have seen it coming. F**k him. Go NC. Do not answer your phone or emails when he tries to contact you again. You deserve more of a man than that. Definitely. It went from at first about 5 times a day for a month to once a day, a daily email went to then a weekly email and now this week for the first time, none. I did confront him about it, I said, hey, if you're losing interest, i'd rather you just tell me. of course, him being a coward, he didn't. it keeps the tap running for him as long as he wants it but not running for me as long as i want it. i decided today that if he didn't contact me by 5pm, that was it. he didn't. so that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Laura123 Posted November 20, 2009 Share Posted November 20, 2009 Glad to see this thread has been revived. I just wanted to let all of you struggling with NC know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I have been NC for like 16 or 17 weeks I think (I actually lost count!) and I am feeling ALOT better. The other day I was washing dishes and realized that when I thought about her face there was no real emotional or somatic charge. This was huge for me. Lately my mood is good, I have energy, I eat like a horse, I exercise like a beast, and I smile ALOT. So to all you NCers out there....EYES ON THE PRIZE. The prize is serenity...and it is worth it's weight in gold. it's good that you have your appetite for life and for food and most importantly for life. i've found lately by god they don't half take that away from you. the prize is not hurting any more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devil Inside Posted November 20, 2009 Author Share Posted November 20, 2009 it's good that you have your appetite for life and for food and most importantly for life. i've found lately by god they don't half take that away from you. the prize is not hurting any more. Well if that is your prize then focus. This guy is about to lose more than he knows...and you...you are about to gain your life back. Link to post Share on other sites
lissar Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Someone at one point asked about starting a NC...if you just start ignoring someone...well that's been done to me twice now by the same person and it's not right. I think doing things that way is both rude and disrespectful. I even told him this after we started talking again...and still he took the same route the second time around. If you have something to say, even if it's painful, say it and then move to NC. I know some people may think it's better to not say anything at all then something hurtful...but from the other side's perspective, I'd much rather him have told me "thanks but no thanks." I think it would've made it easier for me to let go. So I had to start my own NC...24 days and counting. Link to post Share on other sites
mybrowneyedgirl Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 I agree. My mm never told me NC. there were a few emails from him and his wife together but never said not to contact him. one day i called, he said there was nothing to discuss! like at least have the decency to tell me we're not talking anymore!!! it was painful, it didnt have to be THAT painful. hardest part of it all is that im the only one doing NC. he still comes and talks to me when he feels like it. i didnt want the NC - he obviously did...so he should be the one sticking to it, not me. but really, if you cared for this person at one time and you want to go NC then just tell them. it really is torturous waiting for a phone to ring and then figuring it out on your own. Link to post Share on other sites
Laura123 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 (edited) Hi, I don't know if the last couple of replies had anything to do with what I wrote, but I'm thinking that if he contacts me again, just to ignore him because ever since, hm, end of July/beginning of August, I've seen the contact tailing off, now we don't work in the same place I get a once a week email. He said he is paranoid in case someone finds out and can't meet me until after xmas until it all dies down (what dies down?). it'll never happen again anyway, like he's going to suddenly want to start seeing me again, he doesn't really want to now now because if he did then we would be. It angers me when he tells me he is worried about any implications for him, I'm the one that lost my job! they knew at work what was going on, so of course, i got the sack. he's simply been there longer than me and i was in my probationary period. i am the one that has lost! i was working in a temporary contract for 6 months after moving country and it took me 5 of those months to find that job, i really wanted it, now i'm working in another job which i hate all because of that, plus i couldn't really concentrate when he first sent me 4 hours of messages a day and then i really couldn't concentrate when he would ignore me all morning, that was even worse. now i check my email about 10 times a day and facebook. he's busy all over it commenting left right and centre, and can't be bothered with me. it only dawned on me on thursday how much i am hurting myself and how much i lost for someone who used me and now has no further use for me. hey, maybe he's using someone else now. so maybe if i just disappear then he gets what he deserves, not that i think he will really notice anyway, and if that is the case, what is the point? he said we are friends. i don't know why though, he ignores me and we never meet up. i don't know if my feelings can take that much casualness from him. Edited November 21, 2009 by Laura123 Link to post Share on other sites
Laura123 Posted November 21, 2009 Share Posted November 21, 2009 Sorry, hope i haven't killed this thread off for you, think i was just trying to make sense of some things. i guess not contacting someone that hurts you really has to be the only way to go, otherwise contacting them would not hurt and the need for no contact just wouldn't be there. Link to post Share on other sites
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