Jilly Bean Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 I use both hands all day long. I have to go to my boss, who's only been my boss for a few months, and say hey look I can't use my right hand for a while and hand them a doctors note. Also my currant dress code for work does not include long sleeve shirt. I do have a wrist band, but I'm now prepping myself for the many questions I will be asked, and I get a lot of customers a day and will be asked. Also my work speed is going to slow down, no bending of the wrist, I found out the hard way today that it makes my wrist bleed all over again. I've been using my left hand to type mainly, using a right handed finger here and there. Wear a wide bracelet, sweetie. You can pick up a cheap plastic-y one in any store. Consider it your new jewelry. Link to post Share on other sites
boldjack Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Dreamer, sweetie, you will be fine. Just don't over think things and stress yourself. You are a beautiful, intelligent, charming woman. Go to work, and don't let anything or anyone get to you. Jb is right, wear a wide bracelet, and nobody needs to know what happened. Relax for a while and don't sweat the guy, until after you have seen a professional. Then if you feel up to it, you can talk to him, and will have some information, to explain to him, what happened. We are all here for you.:love: Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Well it's off to work today. At least I'll be distracted. I have nice managers, so they may put me some where slow, or maybe I'll start my new training today since it isn't such a strain on my wrist. Link to post Share on other sites
silic0ntoad Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Well, having the flu and not going on a date is a bit different then having an AA and ending the date by leaving in an ambulance. I feel very embarrassed - not just because of him, but who knows how I was in the bar. The low cost therapy I was looking into can't get me in for weeks. I've got 12 larazepams left, I took one before bed last night, and took one when I started getting upset about not remembering tonight. I don't quite understand cognitive behavior therapy, my diet, I'll have to go less on the caffinated drinks, try to stay away from too much sugar. I'm hesitent to be on a drug on a normal basis, as last time it left me feeling with no emotions. I was just numb to everything, and that's no way to live. I need to find a happy medium. I still want to feel things and have emotion. I want to go back to how I was feeling the last few weeks, even the last few months. It's been great. I need to find the trigger so it can be avoided. I need to find out if it was all the stress, excitement, and all that went with the moving to a new state - as I didn't let it effect me mentally. I need to find out if I should have just accept it, and dealt with it, and moved on instead of just shrugging it off. Not being able to get into therapy for a few weeks isn't going to help this process. Hey dreamer- I've read your threads... I can say with all sympathy I know what you mean as far as wanting to know what happened. Let me put it to you like this. What has happened, you can't change. Whatever happens when you have a panic attack/anxiety attack, isn't you doing it, it's your disorder. You'll never get that night back, or find out what happened. But really, there's nothing you could have done to change the outcome. And looking for answers as to what happened simply won't help you. Why? Because the next time you have an attack, you won't be able to do anything while the disorder has control. Relax. I would try and take a long hot bath, go get a massage, and relax. You'll be ok. You don't need answers to those things to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 Good luck on your day at work, dreamer! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Work went well, I came up with a story so I didn't have to answer so many questions. Work went by really fast actually. It was a nice day. Although, I feel a bit bummed here at home. My wrist hurts, sore. It's not bleeding anymore, but I feel pain going up and down my vain, if that makes sense. My managers where great in having me doing stuff that I could do mainly with my left hand. But it's still sore. My main boss almost didn't let me work because I had brought it the note from the doctors saying to keep me off my right hand, but I promised to let them know if it got so sore I couldn't use it well. I thought I remembered something this morning, but I don't know if it was just me trying so hard to remember, or if it was a real memory. I actually had fun at work today. I might even being getting in sooner to see a therapist. It may not mean anything, but I was talking to a person I've been kind of chit chatting here and there with. I can't remember how it came up, but she told me that when she had a big move and had some hard things to over come, and even a lot of excitement, she avoided dealing with the added stress, and finally it just hit her, and she just had a really bad night. She referred me to someone I could go talk to, and maybe get some assistance on the costs of seeing someone. I'm kind of bummed because I've been having such a happy time here, and now I feel ashamed of myself. I've realized that A is probably scared ****less from the whole thing, if someone sliced their wrist in my house, and had an attack and I had no clue about it, I'd be too. So I guess getting my stuff that I had to change into is probably a lost cause. Maybe he even was already seeing someone else, he hasn't been on the site we met on. Oh well. I treated myself to a good lunch today. I'm kind of looking forward to my birthday bash in a few weeks. Some girls at work said they'd come. So much on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 It's not just about him. It's about the entire thing all together. I don't like not knowing. I don't like the wondering. I don't like the missing parts of my night. I don't like the scar I'm going to end up with. I don't like that this happened at all, and I don't like that it involved another person - regardless of who it was (and how long I've known the person - I can do the math and I already know how long it's been thanks). If this was just coping for a break up, then I put it in the wrong spot, an accident. I already asked to have it moved. I can imagine your frustration with the black outs. Did you get more information regarding them? I have anxiety attacks also, but I've never blacked out or blocked out anything during them. I wouldn't know that it isn't persay impossible just wondering if that's really it or if it's something else you're experiencing. I don't want to scare the pants off you, but it almost sounds possible you could be "splitting" as a coping mechanism. Are you currently aware of why you have the panic attacks? I.E have you been through some kind of trauma etc. ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I can imagine your frustration with the black outs. Did you get more information regarding them? I have anxiety attacks also, but I've never blacked out or blocked out anything during them. I wouldn't know that it isn't persay impossible just wondering if that's really it or if it's something else you're experiencing. I don't want to scare the pants off you, but it almost sounds possible you could be "splitting" as a coping mechanism. Are you currently aware of why you have the panic attacks? I.E have you been through some kind of trauma etc. ?[/QUOTe] What do you mean by splitting? Well I've been through all sorts of things. I was nine when I first was abused, by my step mom - physically, my first step dad was verbally abusive some times, I was pregnant at 19 and miscarried because my bf at the time beat the crap out of me and I ended up in the hospital. Since I've had a bf who was a cutter, an alcoholic bf. Stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 What do you mean by splitting? Well I've been through all sorts of things. I was nine when I first was abused, by my step mom - physically, my first step dad was verbally abusive some times, I was pregnant at 19 and miscarried because my bf at the time beat the crap out of me and I ended up in the hospital. Since I've had a bf who was a cutter, an alcoholic bf. Stuff like that. Splitting is a coping mechanism that happens as a result of severe trauma. Sometimes it manifests itself into other complete personalities, sometimes not quite that severe, it just would depend on the degree of splitting. Again, I'm hardly one to diagnose something that serious, I just know extensive knowledge on the subject and it sounds like a MAYBE possibility. It sounds like these episodes that feel like panic attacks, result in your mind splitting, hence the black outs and blockages etc. If nothing else it's an avenue I would persue by a qualified professional; not the internet, not websites, and not a medical doctor if anything else to rule out that it is not that and thus help you narrow down. It does sound like there is much more going on here than just an anxiety disorder. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Splitting is a coping mechanism that happens as a result of severe trauma. Sometimes it manifests itself into other complete personalities, sometimes not quite that severe, it just would depend on the degree of splitting. Again, I'm hardly one to diagnose something that serious, I just know extensive knowledge on the subject and it sounds like a MAYBE possibility. It sounds like these episodes that feel like panic attacks, result in your mind splitting, hence the black outs and blockages etc. If nothing else it's an avenue I would persue by a qualified professional; not the internet, not websites, and not a medical doctor if anything else to rule out that it is not that and thus help you narrow down. It does sound like there is much more going on here than just an anxiety disorder. Splitting was the first thing that came to my mind after reading about her episode. I was hesitant to say anything because splitting only occurs if there was severe trauma in the past and I wasn't sure if this was the case, but it now does sound like a possibility. It really sounds much more severe than an anxiety disorder, panic attacks or any of it's variants. Being drugged is the only other plausible explanation that I could come up with. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I'm kind of bummed because I've been having such a happy time here, and now I feel ashamed of myself. It was not something you consciously did so don't feel embarrassed. I don't think it's a good idea to make a huge deal out of this. There is no point. Just take it as another date gone bad. You just met this guy so is not like you lost something too important, water under the bridge. And you are ok now. (You won't be though if you keep wondering, what happened when I fell asleep? I should talk to a therapist forever about it.. get on meds, and be diagnosed with something). About meds that you don't want to get into. I know that CO is a medical marihuana state, that is another alternative. Try and get rid of that wrist thing as soon as you can otherwise they might fire you. Try and get that cute bracelet going and act like you are perfectly alright (not like some medical case, a liability). You can't trust them. Good luck Dreamer. Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Well, I don't feel that ignoring this will make it go away. Sometimes repressing things can make the episodes more frequent or worse. The very positive thing is that Dreamer doesn't have those episodes frequently or this severe, so if splitting is present, it's very mild. I do think that on average, personality disorders are over diagnosed and therapy is over rated. But it does have its uses and in this case, especially given Dreamer's traumatic past it can and will be very beneficial. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Well, having the flu and not going on a date is a bit different then having an AA and ending the date by leaving in an ambulance. I feel very embarrassed - not just because of him, but who knows how I was in the bar. The low cost therapy I was looking into can't get me in for weeks. I've got 12 larazepams left, I took one before bed last night, and took one when I started getting upset about not remembering tonight. I don't quite understand cognitive behavior therapy, my diet, I'll have to go less on the caffinated drinks, try to stay away from too much sugar. I'm hesitent to be on a drug on a normal basis, as last time it left me feeling with no emotions. I was just numb to everything, and that's no way to live. I need to find a happy medium. I still want to feel things and have emotion. I want to go back to how I was feeling the last few weeks, even the last few months. It's been great. I need to find the trigger so it can be avoided. I need to find out if it was all the stress, excitement, and all that went with the moving to a new state - as I didn't let it effect me mentally. I need to find out if I should have just accept it, and dealt with it, and moved on instead of just shrugging it off. Not being able to get into therapy for a few weeks isn't going to help this process. Dreamer, For right now take the meds. Worry about getting off them later. If they help you out while you work through this there is nothing wrong with it. As for therapy, once you do start, I'm sure you will be able to work through things. Really, no sense in worrying about this guy here. The most important thing to focus on is getting yourself better. Forget about what anyone else thinks. It's about you right now. And please believe that. Best of luck. You will be ok girly. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 The guy is just an example though. I don't like something being able to come in and ruin something potentially good in my life. I'm not all upset because he chose not to see me again. I'm upset because my AD or whatever everyone thinks I have caused something and I can't fix it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Oh and btw, I'm not acting like a medical case at work. I've only talked to one person about about it. Everyone else thinks it was just an accident. I was happy at work yesterday. I'm not going to get fired, and they have no cause to fire me. I preformed my job just fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Hey DG.. Glad your day at work went well... You will be just fine.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Oh and btw, I'm not acting like a medical case at work. I've only talked to one person about about it. Everyone else thinks it was just an accident. I was happy at work yesterday. I'm not going to get fired, and they have no cause to fire me. I preformed my job just fine. Yes, you may be the employee of the month. But if you come to work and say, I can only do my work with one hand, have medical papers, and they are even worried if that is a good idea.. If you do that for long, I don't think you'll last. You just started. I'd see to get that wrist thing removed unless is absolutely necessary (which I doubt, you have a minor cut that should heal in a few days). Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 The guy is just an example though. I don't like something being able to come in and ruin something potentially good in my life. I'm not all upset because he chose not to see me again. I'm upset because my AD or whatever everyone thinks I have caused something and I can't fix it.So that you know, I know how you feel about being unable to fix something. But when that happens, learning to let things go really helps, since you can't do anything about it and going over and over it in your head, only serves to hurt you. While I'm not religious, I'm going to post an excerpt of the Serenity prayer, since it encompasses letting go. If you're also not religious, replace God with self, in the way that we each need to learn to let go: God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I just have a bandage around it because it some spots it was still bleeding. The doctor told me to keep it wrapped and changed and clean. My work restriction ends after today. I'm not going to get fired. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 So that you know, I know how you feel about being unable to fix something. But when that happens, learning to let things go really helps, since you can't do anything about it and going over and over it in your head, only serves to hurt you. While I'm not religious, I'm going to post an excerpt of the Serenity prayer, since it encompasses letting go. If you're also not religious, replace God with self, in the way that we each need to learn to let go: God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference. Thank you for that TBF. I'm going to write down and keep it on me. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 I'm glad things are falling into place at work and in regards to therapy! I echo everyone who says: you will be ok Dreamer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamergrl Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 I was talking to my mom this morning (she knows about it all, and she knows me better then anyone). She reminded me that no one is perfect and that she knows that this isn't something that is normal for me. She knows that my attacks aren't this severe. That she also knows that I have a tendency to let things build up instead of dealing with them. She thinks that everything in the last 2 or three months finally piles up, good and bad, and just got to me. We'll see what the therapist says. Hopefully my mom's right and and I'll learn how to not let things build up so this doesn't happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Dreamer, i don't know what to say that will truly help you, but that like many of us on LS, we're always thinking of you and wish you well I don't think my friend Jamie's AD can relate to yours, since he also suffers from depression & paranoia. All i know is what it's like to be on the receiving end of his outbursts. Link to post Share on other sites
boogieboy Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Dreamer I wonder if figuring out if the trigger for the attack will help you understand things better, and give you piece of mind? Do you remember what you ate or drank that night? You mentioned caffiene, sugar, things you shouldnt eat. Maybe some environmental things were going on around you to trigger it. You remember backing away from the table when you felt it coming on. SOmething about that whole situation set you off, so there has to be ways to prevent it from happening again. Were you nervous about the date? (i doubt it) If this never happened this way before, maybe a combination of things or chemicals came together to trigger it? Link to post Share on other sites
SadandConfusedWA Posted September 26, 2009 Share Posted September 26, 2009 Dreamer, am I on your ignore list? Link to post Share on other sites
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