sean1970 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 I hate to be a downer here but I don't think that will be true. Only a very few people actually looks back at what then did and gain insight. Must keep just moving and distracting themselves so they dont have to face the truth. It take a great deal of courage and strength to do so and many just are not able to. I think people can change, but most don't because it is easier not too. I hate that this is true... Link to post Share on other sites
blackbear_703 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Thank you so much for posting this JL. All of what you wrote applies to my situation and it makes me feel a whole lot better just reading it and realizing it wasn't my fault our relationship fell apart. I did everything I could to make my ex happy and stood by her for the past few years as her friend and lover. She decided to trash the relationship and in the end throw it away altogether, so it's her loss much more than it is mine. I will most certainly read this again...probably more than one time! I've needed a good reminder that the collapse of our relationship wasn't really my fault at all, despite all her finger pointing and vague reasons for breaking up. Thanks again and take care! Link to post Share on other sites
rickd Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 wow thank you so much for that post jl. it was like you were writing about my ex and her family! your post is inspiring and i wish i would have read it a month ago while i was beating myself up for (what i now see as) no good reason! great work! Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 This is good advice. For the longest time I thought of how I was going to improve myself, and sure I will, that's inevitable with life. But what I've come to realize, through much LS reading is that I have to really be proud of who I am... and I am. Its gotten to the point where I'm certain if my ex ever asked me back.. I'd say, "Whatever problems you had with me before are still there, because I'm still the same at matters of the heart." I don't expect him to ever come back, but knowing that I have that understanding makes me feel a lot better. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenix1 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Thanks for this post. Ironically today I have been just stick in the place of self blame. If only....blah, blah. The truth is, although I'm not perfect and there were probably some things I could have done differently, I did the best I could. I tried and tried and tried. I am basically a good person that gave my love to someone that did not value or appreciate it. Not my fault, their's Link to post Share on other sites
LoveOrb Posted January 30, 2010 Share Posted January 30, 2010 I hate to be a downer here but I don't think that will be true. Only a very few people actually looks back at what then did and gain insight. Must keep just moving and distracting themselves so they dont have to face the truth. It take a great deal of courage and strength to do so and many just are not able to. I think people can change, but most don't because it is easier not too. This is true, it is possibly one of the hardest things in life for someone to do about themselves. Realize their faults and actually ACT upon them. Make changes for YOU because in the end it makes a better YOU. I'm going through a second chance breakup and yes my heart wants another chance. But I see right now that some of the things I told her when she took me back were me lying through my teeth to get her to take me back. I hate myself for that but this is a live and learn experience. I know now that if I don't make these changes for MYSELF, then not only will I never EVER get another chance, I simply don't deserve to be with another woman. Something me and my best friend who's helping pull through this talked about this morning. I told him this with full confidence of what I was saying, and I stand by it now. Guys like me and him are TRULY a rare commodity. We are both able to see issues we had with ourselves after a breakup and actually DO something about those issues. There are plenty of guys out there that will have their ways and never change them for anything or anyone. They are fully comfortable in what they are and don't believe they need to do anything about it to make themselves better. Now replace Guys with Gals and it works both ways. If I ever get to talk to my ex again about us... I will let her know that while I accept ALOT of the blame for the second time, I can at least admit to actually realizing it, while she is probably on her pedestal still thinking she is perfect for any guys who want her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JL911 Posted October 20, 2010 Author Share Posted October 20, 2010 You will be happy to know that I am still very happy with my now fiance! Link to post Share on other sites
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