Still love exbf a great deal, but unsure if I should give him a 2nd chance...

[Butterfly5525]

My exbf after breaking up with me a little over 2 months ago is now practically begging for a 2nd chance. Even after the pain he caused me with the break up, I definitely still love him and have missed him alot. However, I'm also pretty scared that if I give him another chance, that he might just break my heart all over again by breaking up with me yet again. If you guys could please click on the link below to read the initial thread I posted about my situation over on the Breakups board, and let me know what you think, I would greatly appreciate it. If you are able to scroll through the whole thread to see an overview of beginning of breakup through now, that would probably be best. Thanks so much...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=2375463#post2375463

[mimiminx]

Hi Butterfly,

I read your entire thread again. I could kind of see this one coming. Since he did put you through pain and heartache, I would be very cautious about getting back together. It's very hard to say what CONDITIONS he must meet... I think that's up to you! What would make you happy? I would approach this one with extreme trepidation. I would give it time. If it were me, I think I would tell him that I need some time to think about it! If he really loves you he will respect that!!! I have started going to therapy myself and she is actually a couples counselor as well. If you are going, maybe you can go individually and discuss this with a professional. Sometimes it helps.. friends, family, and total strangers on Love Shack are quick to point out their opinions but ultimately it is about doing what YOU feel is right. It is YOUR relationship!

He may be desperate to get you back and will say anything to please you right now... please don't just take his words. Wait for the actions!!!

You brought up the Facebook thing, that kind of bothers me too. My ex and I are still friends on Facebook, he's got up all our pictures still. To me, this sounds very manipulative what he's doing to you about that. It clearly bothers you and he's not doing anything about it?! I just don't like that- it shows that he's being secretive to me! Also you had mentioned that after being together for almost 2 years, he didn't want to live with you? Unless he's against living together before marraige... Also, him bugging you to have sex, that's kind of shytty. He's really not showing much respect for you hon! That's really not right for him to be doing that. He broke your heart, put you through the ringer, and is expecting to jump into bed with you?! That alone would be a red flag for me.

Ask yourself what you want from him and if you think he can give it to you. It's hard in loneliness and heartbreak to just want to get back together and think everything's going to be ok. The underlying problems that you've voiced do not magically go away. They take effort and respect and a commitment to the relationship.

I hope this has helped a little.. my advice to you is that you ask him for some time to think about it!! Put your foot down with him... i also think it is a great idea to have NC right now. It helps you focus on what you want and need, which is ultimately the most important thing. Make lists, that helps me... what are the PROS and CONS of him, the relationship.

Good luck!

[NopeNah]

All I can say is second chances rarely workout. More times than not the same issues are still there by one, if not both party's, that caused the initial break up. That's how it went with my recent "second" go at it... Tread lightly and go SLOW..is my advice if you choose to give it a try.

[mimiminx]

Hi Butterfly,

I read your entire thread again. I could kind of see this one coming. Since he did put you through pain and heartache, I would be very cautious about getting back together. It's very hard to say what CONDITIONS he must meet... I think that's up to you! What would make you happy? I would approach this one with extreme trepidation. I would give it time. If it were me, I think I would tell him that I need some time to think about it! If he really loves you he will respect that!!! Maybe if you went to counseling yourself first, during this time, it might help you with your decion! I have started going to therapy myself and she is actually a couples counselor as well. It's helped me to discuss what I'm going through with a professional. Friends, family, and total strangers on Love Shack are quick to point out their opinions but ultimately it is about doing what YOU feel is right. It is YOUR relationship!

He may be desperate to get you back and will say anything to please you right now... please don't just take his words. Wait for the actions!!!

You brought up the Facebook thing, that kind of bothers me too. My ex and I are still friends on Facebook, he's got up all our pictures still. To me, this sounds very manipulative what he's doing to you about that. It clearly bothers you and he's not doing anything about it?! I just don't like that- it shows that he's being secretive to me! Also you had mentioned that after being together for almost 2 years, he didn't want to live with you? Unless he's against living together before marraige... Also, him bugging you to have sex, that's really crappy. He's really not showing much respect for you hon! That's not right for him to be doing that. He broke your heart, put you through the ringer, and is expecting to jump into bed with you?! That alone would be a red flag for me.

Ask yourself what you want from him and if you think he can give it to you. It's hard in loneliness and heartbreak to just want to get back together and think everything's going to be ok. The underlying problems that you've voiced do not magically go away. They take effort and respect and a commitment to the relationship.

I hope this has helped a little.. my advice to you is that you ask him for some time to think about it!! Put your foot down with him... i also think it is a great idea to have NC right now. It helps you focus on what you want and need, which is ultimately the most important thing. Make lists, that helps me... what are the PROS and CONS of him, the relationship.

Good luck!