And...he texts me again.

[TaraMaiden]

I am absolutely completely sure you are NOT a rude n person, which is precisely why I guess you still respond to her. because it is rude not to. You're not that type.

 

But, I guess we could turn this on its head, and point out that she's being disrespectful ainconsiderate and rude in coercing you into responding, and putting you into the position of having to resort to rudeness to get the message across.

 

It's awful when people make us be something we're not, because it feels, somehow, as if they've won.

 

But speaking quietly, and with firmness and determination, sometimes helps.....

 

Alternatively, what you can do, is the next time she comes to your desk and makes idle conversation, is actually to get up, get close to her face, stare her in the eyes, and quietly say:

 

"I do not appreciate you bothering me like this.

I don't want to talk to you now, or in the future.

get it through your head: I want you to leave me completely alone, because we are no longer together. So go away, and stop bothering me. I'm not going to say it again - now please leave."

And just stare.

Whatever they say, at that point, either ignore it, or walk away.

 

it must be awfully painful for you to have to got through this, but bear in mind she's goading you into engaging with her - and is careless with your feelings, oblivious to your pain.

That's not fair.

I hope you can resolve this for yourself.

[jlr]

You're not being rude. The other person is being rude.

 

Especially in cases where they dumped you and left you to deal.

 

Now you're supposed to help them when they need it?

 

You're not being rude by ignoring it. You're stopping yourself from being a doormat.

 

I know you are the type of person who wants to help people. Me too. But sometimes you have to realize these people aren't asking for help, they're being immature and skirting the issues by asking you dumb **** (directions, ipod, etc) - they're using you to get their fill. To make themselves feel better.

 

So it's not being rude. It's loving yourself enough to not allow yourself to be hurt.

 

Even though I don't always take my own advice - we DO control the no contact. We have to get to a point where we just ignore it and don't care that we do.

[t0ri]

The very fact that you're willing to respond and exchange banter to him says "Yeah, she still wants me."

That's really irritating. And if I were to not reply, he'd assume the opposite?

 

Unless what he is saying to you is

"How can we make this really work? What do I do to have you back?

I want you in my life, permanently,"

All he's doing is stringing you along and keeping you at heel.

 

This is exactly the same in dog behaviour, you know....

feed dog titbits, and after a while, reduce quantity. it will always stick at your heels, hoping for more....

 

This is so clear and true. Why can't I remember this when the time actually comes that he texts me

 

Even if it is their way of trying to establish ground with you - if they aren't mature enough to admit it or talk about the real stuff, what's the point???

 

Another good point.

 

Back to NC I go. It's no problem for me to not initiate contact with him, and now that my confusion has been cleared up, I don't think it'll be difficult to ignore him either. IF he texts me again, that is.

[Nynnja]

Alternatively, what you can do, is the next time she comes to your desk and makes idle conversation, is actually to get up, get close to her face, stare her in the eyes, and quietly say:

 

"I do not appreciate you bothering me like this.

I don't want to talk to you now, or in the future.

get it through your head: I want you to leave me completely alone, because we are no longer together. So go away, and stop bothering me. I'm not going to say it again - now please leave."

And just stare.

 

^This^ wins my vote lol