letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Ive been seeing a girl now for about 2 months and things have been going well. A couple weeks ago an ex bf from a long time ago got back in touch with her and they went played mini golf. I have no issues with my ex girlfriends and their boyfriends as I dont think its impossible to have a healthy relationship with a former boyfriend or girlfriend if both are on the same page as far as friendship goes. She's one that stays friends with the exes. Cool. However, I was in the area of where she works and hadnt seen her in a couple days so I told her I would stop in. I get there and her ex bf is there and the girl ive been seeing was just hanging out with him and another ex (both friends) the previous night. I met him and everything seemed cool and I am not one to be insecure as I have a lot going for myself and I'm attractive, etc. I have no problem starting over and finding someone new. So still I wasn't bothered. She got off work shortly after I arrived and we talked for a few. I asked her if she was hungry (it was dinner time) she said she was going to eat with her exes. This sort of seems completely weird to me and I want to say something not out of concern but for the sheer fact that this doesn't sound or seem like normal behavior. Granted, she hasn't seen them in awhile but why are they even back in her life now? We have plans for this evening and her b-day is coming up and Im positive I will be out of town for it so I'm doing something for her tonight. I didnt give her much detail about it. I was also somewhat short with her because I was out with friends but I get a text from her that says "you confuse me." I was kind of surprised. I responded with something along the lines of "dont be silly, just have to learn to read me..." she responds with "you are worse than a woman." I actually find women pretty easy to read most of the time with the exception of a few curve balls thrown in once-in-awhile. I'm just not sure why I am being pegged as confusing as I show and reciprocate interest while also playing it cool. I am as far away from needy and clingy as can be and I dont know if this is what she is used to but its not me. We haven't made our relationship "official" shes made hints recently but I wasnt sure if they were big enough to bring the topic of "us," up again--we had previously discussed our relationship. Im thinking that perhaps this confusing business might be a good time to bring up the topic of us one more time. Sorry for the long post but can anyone share some insight and perhaps give opinion on if the thing with the exes is considered normal behavior by any means? Many thanks.
Author letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 No one wants to jump in and answer?
Brady_to_Moss Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 You don't seem to like her too much to say you have no problem starting over
AlektraClementine Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I would find it difficult to make a relationship "official" with someone who had so much contact with exes. But that's just me. Interesting is her remark about you being "confusing" and hard to read. That almost leads me to believe that what she's confused about is your levelheadedness regarding her behavior. She may be the type that likes a little jealousy on your part. Just a thought. I'd be careful about the "talk". Make sure she's someone you want as a girlfriend. Someone who shares your views on things. Any things.
Author letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 I do like her quite a bit but I wont waste my time on someone who isn't worth my time. Thus, if some girl im seeing is hanging around with exes frequently I find this too be a little strange and would have no problems dropping her. Though I might be bummed I've found that no one is worth be unhappy over. I'm happy with my life and a relationship adds to it, it doesnt complete it. Therefore I dont waste anytime sulking over someone, I move on!
New Again Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Honestly, I don't know that I have much to say to this, since I DO have an issue with my bfs being friends with their ex's. I just think it's weird, and mostly I'm not OK with it. Current bf is the only bf who has ever remained friends with ex's, so first time I've ever had to deal with it. Between posting on here and talking to my friends, it seems that it's pretty "normal" for people to remain "friends" with their ex's (especially their most recent), only to have that relationship (I refuse to call it friendship, because I honestly 100% do not believe it is a true friendship) cause problems in new romantic relationships. But, a lot of people on here insist that it is normal and OK. Everyone has different boundaries, ya know? What matters is how YOU feel about it, and it seems to me that you're saying you're OK with it...but if you have to ask, and you're wondering if it's normal, it must not really be OK with you. I think AlektraClementine made some really good points, and she's a smart girl
Author letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Maybe I should elaborate... I am fine with my girlfriends to remain friends with their ex bfs. However, when it comes to spending multiple days hanging out--that seems a bit odd. Thus, I dont like the fact they see each other somewhat regularly.
Green Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 I wouldn't be cool with this. but then again you havn't stepped up to the plate and told her you want her to be your gf. Look tell her you want her to be her gf, but that she can't be hanging out with other guys. And if she asks you a question don't be cryptic just explain urself.
Author letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 I wouldn't be cool with this. but then again you havn't stepped up to the plate and told her you want her to be your gf. Look tell her you want her to be her gf, but that she can't be hanging out with other guys. And if she asks you a question don't be cryptic just explain urself. Well I expressed interest in being exclusive about a month ago. So I would still think this would be along the lines of asking.
New Again Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Maybe I should elaborate... I am fine with my girlfriends to remain friends with their ex bfs. However, when it comes to spending multiple days hanging out--that seems a bit odd. Thus, I dont like the fact they see each other somewhat regularly. Friends hang out, don't they?
Author letinmotion Posted September 5, 2009 Author Posted September 5, 2009 Definitely, its just all of a sudden and ive talked to quite a few friends who say its weird so it leaves me thinking a bit.
New Again Posted September 5, 2009 Posted September 5, 2009 Definitely, its just all of a sudden and ive talked to quite a few friends who say its weird so it leaves me thinking a bit. Well like I said initially, yeah, I think it's really weird, so I'm probably not too helpful on this topic Wish I had some insight for ya though.
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