!! Girlfriend Wants Unexpected Break

[123frederikt]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Hello I am in a little bit of a tricky situation and I don’t know what to do.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So 2 days ago I came back from vacationing with my family and went to see a girl that I have been dating for almost 10 months now. After traveling for more than 10 hours and despite being severely jetlagged the first thing I do is stop by here house to see her. I brought her a present and a flower with me to show her how happy I was to see her. When we talk for a little it becomes apparent that she is not okay, there is something wrong. I finally coax it out of her that she wants a break for like a week to a couple of weeks. She is so sweet and means the world to me. I absolutely love her more than anything, but this absolutely devastated me and caught me completely off guard. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]When it comes down to knowing why she gets upset I am pretty good at understanding her but this is the first time I have no clue what she wants. I am so confused and I don’t really know what to do. That’s the situation and here are the specifics if anyone’s interested. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So my girlfriend and I have never gotten into a real fight. We loved each other very much up to and during the vacation. Right before I left I visited her and we spent a really great night together, she made me promise to keep in contact via Skype, text, email, and post cards. I promised I would. She looked really upset that I was leaving; likewise I told her that I was going to miss her and couldn’t wait to see her again. I kept my promise; I emailed her almost everyday and did my best to keep in contact. We have sent almost a hundred emails in a 3 week period and the last one I sent her I told her how much she loved me and how much she really meant to me. She has had some problems with past boyfriends leaving her heart broken so I promised I would always be there for her. She replied by saying that was the most incredible email she had ever seen and that it was exactly what she needed. Feeling confident I left for D.C. the next day more than excited to see her.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]The actual details of the conversation we had the night I got back are to say the least troubling. She told me that she wanted a break to “figure things out,” she wouldn’t specify about why exactly she just said “I need this for myself and it will help us in the future.” I was to upset to then and too scared now to pry. Through out the conversation she never said that she wanted to break up, just a break. She told me that she “didn’t expect me to understand” and that she would do everything she could to win me back after the break. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I treated her well and feel like I gave her everything, she tells me that “I treat her like a princess.” I opened up to her and she was the only person I really trusted and knew well. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]It’s been 2 days and she still texts me, last night she sent a message that said something along the lines of “baby I’m so unbelievably sorry,” to which I don’t know how to respond. I love her enough to want to give her space and respect her wishes but I don’t want her to forget about me. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I am out of luck. Now I’m left feeling lonely, broken, and betrayed scared of what the future will bring. I was completely taken aback I wonder what happened, and I am beginning to feel like I cant trust anyone. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thoughts guys?? Thanks I appreciate all the input I can get. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Thaddeus]

A "break" is her way of saying, "I want to break up with you but don't have the backbone to actually do it, so I'm hoping I'll just fade out of your life."

 

Wanna know why?

I treated her well and feel like I gave her everything, she tells me that “I treat her like a princess.” I opened up to her and she was the only person I really trusted and knew well.

That's why.

[adamt]

A break is just a delayed break up. If someone is into you why would they need to be away from you to work out they want you. its hard because you think you can talk them round but you can't. when she comes back let her say her stuff before you jump in, just tell her how you feel and how you can change. then if she wants to break up then let her go, do not beg or hassle her. you can only hope that she misses you if you dont contact her.

 

In the meantime, cover all options and think how you will begin to move on. Get out with your friends and keep yourself busy. It wont hit you until you officially break up.

[Ash_fiasco]

well man tell you jst one thing...dont believe too much on girls.....the thing is that once you fall in love with someone sincerely and truly then what comes is the level of trust u have on her.....and when she just says i m sorry or whatever like most of the girls do all you can do is just to stay and watch your heart breaking...well i think sometimes that is dat whether all gud guys are meant to get screwed.....dont worry stay strong and i know it hurts bad but the thing is dt nothing you can do it completely depends on her that whether she wants to stay or not nd rather try to gt urself busy so that you can stop thinking about her and dont get frustrated

[Ash_fiasco]

man i had the same kind of thing nd it was blowing up my mint nd the girl left me ruining me and my life but what the hell i can do....it's bad ideology what the girls have and it sucks.....i would rather say ya to stay positive and give you a positive advice on not believing too much on the girls...just tell you one thing that you might have experienced that guys are much more trusty and believable as compared to the girls...coz they have their own world....and things dont matter much to these girls in this modern era...it's good to be a professional rather than taking and thinking everything from your heart....if the girl dont bothers about you then why the heck should you get yourself disturbed think like that and believe me girls arent that trustable for real

[JL911]

Its going to be hard. I had the I need a break from you kinda thing when things started getting weird. Seemed to come out of left field on me...We took a week off I got to think about things and I guess she did too...She broke up with me...

 

Im still sad, but trying to pick up the pieces...Its hard...Its depressing...but its normal and a terrible thing that we all must face in today's world. I thought about being friends, but I couldnt...It's not fair to myself...I walked away and took it on the chin and cried my eyes out...

 

Life is very hurtful and unfair to us sometimes. When you think you have it all going the way it should be it all gets yanked out from under you. I know I was good to her, I know that in time she is going to figure it all out, but it is going to be all too late for second chances. I will have finally pulled myself out of the rut and moved on and THATS when they come crawling back.

 

You need to look at this with a positive perspective. All the stupid cliches of how time heals all and whats meant to be will be. And you'll find someone better really do you no justice when the boom has just been lowered on your heart, but it is all true. The first few weeks are the worst...

 

I recently just started talking to a beautiful girl named Hope. Blonde hair green eyes, wow she takes my breath away a bit. She is stunning and fun and I think I could develop feelings for her. She is fun to talk with and I am thinking about asking her out to dinner here in the next week or so...

 

On the flip side I also met a girl named Nicki who is also very cute, witty, matches my sarcasim, and likes hockey as much as I do and is only 20min away from where I work. Same deal with her...Im going to ask her out...

 

While I know that right now I am not ready for a serious relationship, I know that already I have found contact with 2 wonderful young ladies who are single and enjoy my company and conversation. It boosts my confidence some and makes me realize that while it is so terrible that things did not work out with my ex, there is hope to find love again and an even better love. I realize no one wants to hear this while their heart is being ripped out and stepped on, but it is true.

 

I still have my days bro where I just want to be left alone and deal with my BS myself. I still want to call her.. I still hope she calls me.. But shes not.. She made a hasty decision to throw away someone who was such a huge part of her life and she hasnt really looked back yet.....So you need to do the same thing and just CUT HER THE F*CK OUT OF YOUR LIFE....No Calls, No Emails, No IMs, NOTHING. A break up is just that, there are no friends after, no matter what or how many good qualities you posess and she misses, that is what she is giving up for whatever stupid reasoning she gives...She has to live with it...Not you...You wanted to keep going...

 

You gota man up and be a man and take it on the chin and cry in private or with your family. She dont need to know how much she hurt you, but truth be told is they know.. DO NOT BEG or PLEAD...Eventhough it is human nature it will do nothing but push her further away and pat her ego....

 

You can only say to yourself you did all you could for this person, and walk away with your head held high...It was not your decision...it was theres...It is their burden to bare now...They left you and probaly wont find someone to replace what you had very easily...

 

Now it is time for you to become a better person and move on to better things...Even if it seems hard, we are all in the fight together...this whole board is going through the exact thing you are Men and Women alike. We are all in pain and grieving...We are all supportive...We are all going to make it and find our pot of gold at the end of the rainbow...

 

You need something, advice, someone to rant to, anything you just post man...You need someone to email let me know Ill get you my address.

[borbiusle]

My situation with my ex-gf is similar to yours. She's been through alot of breakups(2 boyfriends she's had have died), she had big trust issues, told me I'm the best BF she's ever had. After dating for 6 months, I go on vacation for a month to visit my mom. She doesn't like this at all but we talk about it for about a week and everything seems fine. I come back, she gives me the "I'm confused, I need a break" speech, while crying over the phone about her problems. I go over to her house the next day to see if she's alright, she's visibly annoyed by my presence and finally tells me she lost feelings for me a long time ago but still wants "to be friends". I haven't talked to her since.

 

I felt betrayed, angry, sad, I'm still a bit depressed about it. I put alot of faith in her and fell for her victim mentality. As long as you remove every reminder of her from your life and stick to not talking to her, your head will clear up, she won't seem so great in retrospect. Talking about it helps too, gets alot of it off your chest.

[123frederikt]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Hello, [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thanks for the outpour of advice; I really appreciate all the help I am getting from probably complete strangers. This is really hard and it’s really nice to hear from all of you and know that other people have been through the same thing.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]During the time of my last post I was clearly upset and definitely scared. But presently I have accepted the break and I don’t feel that bad about my situation. My circumstances have changed for the better I believe, surprisingly. I feel like I have actually made some progress. [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]So here is an update on what has happened lately if anyone cares to know.[/sIZE][/FONT]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] The day after I came back, that is the 26th, I was naturally really upset about the whole ordeal. She sent me 2 text messages in the morning saying “I’m really sorry baby” and “Please, I love you, believe me.” I didn’t respond to either and spent a little time thinking things through myself. It all happened so suddenly and I was still in shock. Most of all I wanted answers, I wanted to know why. So I made the mistake of confronting her about it. The only text message I sent her all day was “Hi baby, we need to talk.” [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I go over to her house at around 5ish and I plan to tell her that I love her and I don’t want her to do this. Once I was physically in front of her all premeditated thought disintegrated and I spent most of the time upset. All this conversation ended in was much of the same “I love you, you have to know that” and “I just need to do this for myself.” [/sIZE][/FONT]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Back home, I did a little research and because confrontation clearly didn’t work I decided to try a different approach and play along with it. I found this website that was really helpful [COLOR=#800080]http://www.livingmanicdepressive.com/F_014.html[/COLOR] [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]The next day, that is today, I gave her a call at about 12 and asking her if I could come over with lunch. She agreed and I came over. We ended up going out to lunch at her favorite sushi restaurant. We had really a really good conversation about our daily lives and just small stuff. At this point I tried to be nice to her but held back at the same time as they explained in the link above. It seemed to work and I had a good time. I ended up paying for sushi and getting her car for her when it started raining so she didn’t have to walk. She seemed thankful and appreciating.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]After I went back to her house and we watched a movie “Taken” (great movie by the way) which was nice. It was an all around nice time. After we went up to her room and she told me that she was upset about her past boyfriends and that she was feeling crappy. We had a nice talk but I was very careful to adhere to what the website said, being friendly but not openly telling her that I still really like her. I left the house feeling a lot better about everything.[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I still don’t know how this will turn out but I feel pretty optimistic, the link is really great, check it out. The description almost matches my situation perfectly I think my girlfriend is depressed. [/FONT][/sIZE]

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[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Thoughts?? Thanks a lot guys I appreciate it. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[vivrantflo]

Sorry man.. when a woman needs to "figure things out" there's a 99% chance there's another dude she has some sort of interest in.

 

Breaks never work out, so please treat this as a permanent break up.

 

Let her stew in her decision to break up with you.. by going NC. Don't anticipate her coming back, but try to heal and get over her.

 

You have not made progress in getting her back. She's being very civil to you, cause she does care about you, and doesn't want to hurt you. She just doesn't want to be with you romantically.

 

I know it hurts man, but im pretty sure this is the case