bonsei Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Are you being desperate if you convert to a faith which you dont agree? you love the person very much but her/his faith requires you to convert or you cant marry. Or you wont convert to his/her faith and his/her faith is against someone outside his/her church but he/she loves you, she/he will hide from her/his church to be with you? what do you think? What advice can I give my friend who is doing this?
butcher's hook Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Who doesn't agree, you or your friend in the relationship with the person asking for the conversion?
caramel c Posted August 27, 2009 Posted August 27, 2009 Listen, if you fall in love and want to marry someone from another faith that alone is not reason enough to convert. Occasionally, a person whose faith is not very strong will meet a person whose faith is very strong, and that person of little faith will open up to it and genuinely take steps in learning and accepting and loving that faith. There is nothing wrong with that. I think that is beautiful. However, just for the sake of getting married, when your heart and your head are not into it, this is not right. It is fraudulent.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I think it's highly important for everybody involved to be true to THEMSELVES. If person being asked to convert is comfortable with that in order to be with the one they love and they don't lose a part of themself in doing so - SUPER. Alternatively, if person refuses to convert and religious person has to leave their religion to be with non-religious person...if they still feel whole and complete in spite of losing their religion - SUPER. It all boils down to being true to yourself. Don't ever try to mold important parts of your identity to suit a love interest. As I said in the other thread - I'm Agnostic and think religion is one big, disgusting pot of hypocrisy. To convert to a religion to be with a man would be a very deep denial of who I am. I would not do it.
001bh Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 This is why I'm an atheist. Why should religion dictate who you can and cannot fall in love with? YES you're being pretty desperate if you have to convert just for love. I thought we lived in the modern world where people can make their own decisions. Obviously if you love some one so much, I suppose you'd do anything to be with them......I just think it's going a little too far.
dreamergrl Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Wasn't there a thread on this just the other day?
Jaytb Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 expecting someone to convert is just too much. I don't know why people let religion rule their lives so much. There's nothing wrong with an interfaith marriage, and if a religion doesn't allow it, then that person should just leave that religion. If someone in the relationship is requiring a conversion from their partner, then that partner should just leave. Saying to your partner "this is what you will believe" is just plain intolerance.
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Are you being desperate if you convert to a faith which you dont agree? you love the person very much but her/his faith requires you to convert or you cant marry. Or you wont convert to his/her faith and his/her faith is against someone outside his/her church but he/she loves you, she/he will hide from her/his church to be with you? what do you think? What advice can I give my friend who is doing this? Yep. And your friend is being dishonest. This is why people of dissimilar faith shouldn't date. That, or before you date, the conversion requirement needs to be made clear. The marriage won't last, that's for sure, and he/she is going to cause a lot of problems in the long run, especially if they have kids. It's just a recipe for disaster.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Wasn't there a thread on this just the other day? Yes, but that was just a question on if you would. This is a "what do you call said loser that converts?" LOL
dreamergrl Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Yes, but that was just a question on if you would. This is a "what do you call said loser that converts?" LOL Thanks for catching me up :bunny:
butcher's hook Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 expecting someone to convert is just too much. I don't know why people let religion rule their lives so much. There's nothing wrong with an interfaith marriage, and if a religion doesn't allow it, then that person should just leave that religion. If someone in the relationship is requiring a conversion from their partner, then that partner should just leave. Saying to your partner "this is what you will believe" is just plain intolerance. yeah but on the flip side expecting someone to abandon their religion is also asking for too much. I think Cali said it best, don't get involved romantically if you can't see yourself converting. Some religions just don't accept people abandoning it we are talking generations and a family who will disgrace/disown the person jumping ship. That is too much to ask of someone.
Jaytb Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 yeah but on the flip side expecting someone to abandon their religion is also asking for too much. I think Cali said it best' date=' don't get involved romantically if you can't see yourself converting. Some religions just don't accept people abandoning it we are talking generations and a family who will disgrace/disown the person jumping ship. That is too much to ask of someone.[/quote'] so whose religion wins out? what if both the man and woman want the other to convert to their religion? Then who decides what? I think if a religion won't accept an interfaith marriage, then it's an intolerant religion in my opinion, and I guess the only solution is just to not date or marry them.
butcher's hook Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 so whose religion wins out? what if both the man and woman want the other to convert to their religion? Then who decides what? I think if a religion won't accept an interfaith marriage, then it's an intolerant religion in my opinion, and I guess the only solution is just to not date or marry them. I totally agree with you. That is the problem with these hardcore religions that outcast anyone who is not of their faith. But it is a reality people should take into account when entering into a relationship that in order for the longevity of that relationship to prosper, there will have to be concessions made and quite often it will be in favour of the fundamentalist not so much the other way around.
001bh Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Alright so hypothetically which religion wins out over the other? person A's religion is Kiss and person B's religion is Led Zepp. How do we make a compromise here?
butcher's hook Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Alright so hypothetically which religion wins out over the other? person A's religion is Kiss and person B's religion is Led Zepp. How do we make a compromise here? That's a no brainer, Zepplin. As much as I love "I was made for loving you" and all...
butcher's hook Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Yes! finally someone who agrees with me! Yah man! Kiss is too campy to consider them in the same league as zepplin. I guess that means we can get married then!
westernxer Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 You don't have to convert to a different religion to be desperate. LOL
quankanne Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 I'm Agnostic and think religion is one big, disgusting pot of hypocrisy. To convert to a religion to be with a man would be a very deep denial of who I am. I would not do it. I agree ... I'm a cradle Catholic and very protective of my beliefs, but I wouldn't subject someone I love to having to choose to prove that love, because that just causes resentment in the relationship. the litmus test would be "can we respect each other's beliefs even if we don't agree with/see the big hooha about it?" a lot of couples find a happy meeting spot somewhere close to the middle, but even that gets a good stomping when babies get involved. husband is a Protestant, but first thing out of his mouth was "we can raise the kids Catholic." Unfortunately, cats don't take to baptism well :laugh:
Isolde Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 If it's Latvian orthodox, then no problem! There goes the last shred of hope... lol
CaliGuy Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Alright so hypothetically which religion wins out over the other? person A's religion is Kiss and person B's religion is Led Zepp. How do we make a compromise here? You don't. If you are strong in your faith, you realize that this person isn't right for you and you MOVE ON. You find someone else who shares the same faith. Period. If you toss your faith away for another you don't believe in just for marriage, you are simply lying to yourself and you are not really a person of deep faith.
Lish Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 Without even reading the OP and none of the other posters opinions, yes, it's desperation & stupidity if you convert to a faith you don't agree with. If you are uneducated about religion and have never paid much attention to it... if you learn about the faith and it's for you.. then that's fabulous. However, if you disagree with a faiths beliefs and force yourself to believe in something you don't...or live your life in a lie, then this is like....... an expensive ticket (the wedding cost) to a life of misery and probably divorce.
Isolde Posted August 28, 2009 Posted August 28, 2009 The OP's question was answered by other posters. Yes, it is obviously desperate. As I said in another recent post about conversion, people's mileages do vary. Some consider religious belief an individual thing only, while for others it does extend more deeply into how they view marriage and family, so the latter shouldn't date people with different beliefs. I guess IMHO you don't have to believe the same things as your spouse, but enough of the CORE beliefs and values should be compatible.
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