butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 history so far shows he is incapable of doing that. Telling her will end things for sure she will want nothing more to do with him and he her. End of story. If he wants to tell her I don't see why anyone would talk him out of it, it's the right thing to do, they are still in contact they can't seem to end things cut and dry what is the reason not to tell her? Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 It's not that they can't seem to end things, the real reason is that ''they don't want to end things''. If you want to stop doing something that is bad for your mental state and health then you would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 It's not that they can't seem to end things, the real reason is that ''they don't want to end things''. If you want to stop doing something that is bad for your mental state and health then you would do it. Ok and?!?!? Maybe he doesn't want to end things, maybe this is his way of seeing if they can reconcile and have a second go at a healthier relationship with all their dirty secrets out in the open? So what? That's for him to decide not for us to decide that. Either way he will feel a lot better for unburdening his mind and heart from letting her know what he also did. If you want to stop doing something that is bad for your mental state and health then you would do it If life were really that cut and dry with affairs of the heart.....it is that easy but it's not that simple sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Ok and?!?!? Maybe he doesn't want to end things' date=' maybe this is his way of seeing if they can reconcile and have a second go at a healthier relationship with all their dirty secrets out in the open? So what?[/quote'] Maybe but in his post he pointed out that he will never forgive her and wants nothing to do with her. He doesn't want a relationship again with her so ok I gave out the simple answer. But ok, in the end he's the one who decides on what he will do about it. If life were really that cut and dry with affairs of the heart.....it is that easy but it's not that simple sometimes. I guess that's my view. I like making things as simple as possible..... I dunno, I just find it that there's no need to get so worked out emotionally on the same issue. I think it's time for the OP to take a long walk or do some jogging and breath air, free himself from stress.. Link to post Share on other sites
butcher's hook Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Maybe but in his post he pointed out that he will never forgive her and wants nothing to do with her. He doesn't want a relationship again with her so ok I gave out the simple answer. I hear you but he's also said he would not go back and keeps going back so.... But ok, in the end he's the one who decides on what he will do about it. I guess that's my view. I like making things as simple as possible..... I understand, sometimes you just have to do things the hard way before they become simple. Breaking up is a process and in particular when there has been infidelity involved in this case he has spent all his energy demonizing her and holding tight to the idea she was the monster here who cut him and in turn he has been internalizing a lot of his own demons. They need to get out is what I say, and let the chips fall where they may. If he weren't suffering so much I'd say let it go too, since it's done but it's not done for him not emotionally speaking at least and I think it may have to do with his guilty conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 She got caught. That simple. And no, I would not have continued cheating. I was reaching a point where I wanted to stop doing that to her. Unfortunately, I just had a revelation that makes me not want to confess that I cheated too. I realized that doing this will make it much easier for her to move on, feel less regret about what she did to me, and sleep with someone else much sooner. I can't let that happen. My conscious makes me want to confess though. I'm so hurt and lost and confused. So, you would of stopped cheating (so you say) and you would of stayed with her, and most likely never told her about your cheating. Hmm. I'm gonna go with yes, you should tell her. Why? Because you're right, it's going ot bring some clarity to her life why you two are not right for one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I've been posting on here a lot since I found out my ex-girlfriend was cheating on me a month ago and proceeded to dump her. It's been extremely intense. At times I've felt great. At times I've felt horrible. I've gone from strict No Contact to having sex with her again and back to No Contact. I don't want to make this too long by giving too many details, but just know that everything since the break up has been crazy. Emotions have been up and down. Rebounds. Anger. Jealousy. Break up sex. Crying. Fights. Happiness. Feelings of moving on. Whatever you can imagine. There's no method to the course this relationship has taken. Despite everything, I know is that I need to move on and get rid of her for good. Finding out that the girl I loved cheated on me has really messed up and keeping her in my life does nothing positive for me. Last night I had a really terrible breakdown and had a painful conversation with her. Both of us hurting so much. Both of us in so much pain. I've said "this is the last time I'm ever talking to you" so many times, but I really want last night's convo to be the last one. No more going back. It felt like the right way to end things. Everything has been said. In the past month, we've been from extremes of not talking whatsoever and me hating her guts to having great sex and holding her in bed. We've exercised every angle of a breakup and now comes the time when we both have to move on. It will be difficult and I do get weak for her, but I'm determined to really maintain No Contact with her and keep moving on with my life. But of course, I get this idea about confessing my wrongs to her for total closure. I just feel like as much as I hate her and as much as she hates herself for what she did, I should come clean and say, we were really weren't right for each other. I was cheating on you too. It's sad because even though we cheated on each other, I know there was something real there. I know we did have very real love for each other, but it's over now. Parts of me feel like I should confess this, allow us to both realize what a ridiculous moment in our lives this was, and try to move on and let everything die. What should I do? Hmmm when you found out she cheated, why didnt you tell her what you done and try to work it out. I mean you both did each other wrong or was hers so unforgivable? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 It will be difficult and I do get weak for her, but I'm determined to really maintain No Contact with her and keep moving on with my life. But of course, I get this idea about confessing my wrongs to her for total closure. I just feel like as much as I hate her and as much as she hates herself for what she did, I should come clean and say, we were really weren't right for each other. I was cheating on you too. It's sad because even though we cheated on each other, I know there was something real there. I know we did have very real love for each other, but it's over now. Parts of me feel like I should confess this, allow us to both realize what a ridiculous moment in our lives this was, and try to move on and let everything die. What should I do? If she had come out and told you with honesty... then you would be compelled to return honesty in kind. However, since she got caught... you don't owe her any kind of truth. In fact... it's better you just leave things as they are. My suggestion is just doing the no contact thing. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 So many reasons. Too many reasons. I don't think women understand just how difficult it is for a man to handle being cheated on. Are you ****ing kidding me? Because I'm a woman, it didn't cut me as deeply? That's a pretty arrogant statement to make. There's no way in hell I would call my pain "worse" than somebody else's. WTF makes YOU so special, honey? Because you have a penis? Link to post Share on other sites
Bejita463 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 WTF makes YOU so special, honey? Because you have a penis? Yeah. We can pee while standing up, therefor we are facing the toilet or urinal. This makes our backs more accessible and we get cut more deeply when struck as a result. I thought that was all common knowledge. Moral of the story? Don't confess to, or get caught cheating by a boyfriend who is peeing. Show some consideration. For the sake of being slightly on topic, I think OP should stop coming up with reasons to break NC, and start coming up with reasons to maintain it. Link to post Share on other sites
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