Gamine Posted August 15, 2009 Share Posted August 15, 2009 You can't save him. I think that it is perfectly wonderful to have someone who cares enough about another's well being to assist them in becoming a better person and for exploring their true selves. What you are doing is good provided that you are doing it out of genuine concern and not expecting any payoff. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 Nonetheless, the fact that you have helped another person to grow, become more mature, stronger and more honest, is in my opinion a good thing and something to be proud of. Good luck Helping him grow through cheating on his marriage with him? No matter how you twist, spin or rationalize it, that statement doesn't make sense... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
foreal Posted August 16, 2009 Share Posted August 16, 2009 I've been trained not to give too much info as I've been the OW but I think this will work. What do you mean you have been 'trained'? As in 'coached' by the MM/ or trained by society? It is an interesting choice of words....but what do you mean, TRAINED? just curious... Link to post Share on other sites
torranceshipman Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 I was also going to ask about the 'trained' comment. Do you mean conditioned to accept less, and base your actions around protecting his R with his W? The thing you said about his saying 'i need to cancel' as opposed to giving a lie/excuse to cancel being a huge step forward - that is really sad, I think. It's like he gives you so little, and this minute (but still disrespectful) improvement is something that you are massively grateful for. He gives you so little because you are an OW, but I can guarantee he would never treat the W like this, as she is his priority. So you see, he is completely capable of respectful actions, but chooses not to go down this path with you. It's mean to talk about the W like you do, too - I am sure she is not that bad, and as other posters say, you only know what he tells you. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 Helping him grow through cheating on his marriage with him? No matter how you twist, spin or rationalize it, that statement doesn't make sense... Mr. Lucky A lot of things don't make much sense in life... Possibly I misunderstood what she said, but it didn't sound to me like they were still engaged in an affair. Possibly I was wrong. It did, though, seem like he has changed during the course of whatever it was they've been through according to what she said. But... I don't think it is impossible for people to grow even when in the middle of a bad situation, and I don't think it's impossible for an OW/OM to help that process along. Link to post Share on other sites
NOTSURE7 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 as a wh who had a full blown pa, i can tell you this woman is dreaming and believing nonsense...holding onto hope that is never coming. does she really think this om is just sticking around with this so called terrible wife of his, i mean really... does she really think this man has made these incredible changes because of her(ow), and i guess she thinks his wife hasnt noticed all of these amazing transformations either? and maybe did she stop and think that his wife could have alot to do with his changes and thats why he dosent have any desire or will he ever leave his marriage.saying the word divorce and actually doing it are two compeltely different things...when you want your cake and to eat it too,you will say anything. i can tell you first hand from a master of keeping my ow hanging on with my words,this woman is wasting valuable years of her life waiting for the day when he finally has the cahones to tell this poor ow that he is just playing her and always has been.beleive me its coming and he is never leaving his w. Link to post Share on other sites
NOTSURE7 Posted August 17, 2009 Share Posted August 17, 2009 oh and as a side note, he probably is just using her now for the ea portion because he probably has another ow out there somewhere who is satisfying him sexually.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 :)Jessie you are more than welcome. I would like to thank you on behalf of his pathetic wife. As long as you have that big steaming pile of nothing who is a waste of good skin...she is free to find a real man. Who wants a prick who doesn't want to get away from such a horrible woman that is ruining his life. Oh by the way, is the ink dry on those divorce papers yet:rolleyes::lmao: Hysterical! Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Wow whichwayisup...thank you for posting that. That was a long time ago. I'm not that person anymore. I was trying so hard to be dignified and let it go like a good little OW should do. I am so glad I didn't stay like that. That JessieT was so broken and so sad. I'm sure most people on this board liked her better though. He came back, they always do. And if you're like that JessieT was, they'll suck you dry. Unless you're really good at NC. I wasn't so good at it then. I was however mortified that I wasn't as strong as all you who always do the right thing no matter what. I've worked really hard to be stronger than that now. And I've lost a lot of respect for his wife. And I've gained respect for him. I know more now than I did then. And how is having an actual grown up for a father who either has a great relationship with the mother or has divorced her so that they can both find an appropriate relationship a bad thing? You especially can't say it's a bad thing if the new person isn't me. You're right, it probably still is an EA. And as for me meeting someone new, I'm actively dating now, so we'll see how it goes. There's a pretty promising guy on the horizon. We'll see if this EA hamstrings me or not. Hmm, maybe I was being defensive. I think it's more I forgot that even though I'm just sidepork it's still really fun for the overachievers in this world to mock me. I would have thought something so gruesome as sidepork would be below everyone's notice. And actually, I wasn't trying to be condescending. I really was thanking the BS's. Without them I wouldn't be where I was today. And although you might think that stinks, I'm pretty darn happy with who I turned out to be. This is kind of disturbing. You lost respect for his W, gained some for him and where is YOURS???????????? Are you proud of this "new" person you have become? You may not be broken and sad, you're probably shattered and miserable. Why invest so much energy and time on someone that can't even stand up for himself? Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I haven't started a thread here in a while, so I know you aren't thanking me. But, if there is anything I can do to help you get this MM to divorce his wife, please let me know. Just a BW here to help you and MM be together forever because it sounds like you are meant for each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I won't defend who either he or I was in the past. He was a wuss meaning he isn't a wuss now?...ok, so when will he be divorcing his wife? i mean after all, if she is such a witch as he led you to believe, then what is the point in staying with her? it's why he chose to cheat instead of deal with things in the first place. ok, so again, when will he be serving her with divorce papers? We fought and made up and fought and made up and continued the affair for what seemed like a really long time. He lied, he was a jerk, I was clingy and needy. ok, he lied, was cheating on his wife, you knew this, and you call him a jerk, and rightfully so. you were sleeping with another woman's husband. so what does that make you besides clingy and needy?...hmmmm? point is, you don't get to call him a jerk and play the "i'm so innocent" card since you were involved in it too. And he started trying really hard to fix his marriage. Why on earth would that be a bad thing? uh, because according to you she was some kind of human scum. What is to fix with someone if in fact she was the way you said she was? It's his marriage, he should try to fix it. and you should have stayed out of it and should stay out of it while he is trying to "fix" it. but its a moot point really....she's a witch afterall, right? But the silly thing was that he kept trying the same things that he did before he met me. But this time he had a counselor and he had me. Does that sound egotistical? Maybe. But seriously what friend wouldn't push him to try marriage counseling? friend? is that what you call it? And it's progress, and it's something to be proud of. He's working really hard to grow up and I think it's great. hmmmm....well now its as if the wife wasn't a problem, maybe just some lies told to you by him to gain sympathy, and now it is HE that needs to grow up. If what you said is true, he needs to MAN up and leave her. Again, if she is as bad as you say, there is nothing to fix. Thats why I don't think its as bad as you or he said, and was just one of those spouse bashing things to gain sympathy sex from someone else. Maybe it sounds dumb but I don't need him to leave his marriage for me. I need and want him to do the thing that is right for him. And if he chooses to stay married to his silly pathetic wife, good for him of course you feel the need to call his wife silly and pathetic, but I think it is you that is such. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Yes yes, of course I couldn't possibly know any truths about his life, I was just the gullible little sidepork... So obviously I'm just a disillusioned idiot by George, I think she's got it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Need to ask..How can you go from this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143835/ to then calling his wife names? What happened to your guilt for his wife and child? I read that he does have a kid. I was wondering this myself. One would think if his wife is so "pathetic", there wouldn't be any guilt. hey, whatever she needs to justify her despicable actions I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 And actually, I wasn't trying to be condescending. I really was thanking the BS's. read your post again, you must really think we are stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Actually, I really do think that she was thanking the BSs. She actually thinks she has one up on his W and that we helped her gain that place. I don't agree with her conclusion, but I do think she is grateful for the perception that she now has the upperhand. Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 This post is crazy... why on earth would an OW ever thank a BS. This post makes no sense to me The OW interferes with a marriage and thanks the BS. I am a xMOW and this whole post just seems like an oxymoron. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Actually, I really do think that she was thanking the BSs. She actually thinks she has one up on his W and that we helped her gain that place. I don't agree with her conclusion, but I do think she is grateful for the perception that she now has the upperhand. Perception = fog Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Yes yes, of course I couldn't possibly know any truths about his life, I was just the gullible little sidepork... So obviously I'm just a disillusioned idiot and there's really no need for you to waste your time responding. Yes you were/are. Obviously, if he's still with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
NOTSURE7 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 as a wh who had a full blown pa, i can tell you this woman is dreaming and believing nonsense...holding onto hope that is never coming. does she really think this om is just sticking around with this so called terrible wife of his, i mean really... does she really think this man has made these incredible changes because of her(ow), and i guess she thinks his wife hasnt noticed all of these amazing transformations either? and maybe did she stop and think that his wife could have alot to do with his changes and thats why he dosent have any desire or will he ever leave his marriage.saying the word divorce and actually doing it are two compeltely different things...when you want your cake and to eat it too,you will say anything. i can tell you first hand from a master of keeping my ow hanging on with my words,this woman is wasting valuable years of her life waiting for the day when he finally has the cahones to tell this poor ow that he is just playing her and always has been.beleive me its coming and he is never leaving his w. Link to post Share on other sites
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