junglejim Posted September 28, 2009 Share Posted September 28, 2009 I have more female friends than male and I don't want to nail all of them. So the bottom line is yes you can have male friends. Something that I'm not sure was mentioned is the fact that you will tell your male friend some things you do not tell other friends or you will discuss your partners with him. As a result of some of the things my female friends have told me about their relationships and how they behave or what they require in them, I am CERTAIN I have no desire to be anything other than friends. There are no real angels. If you are really hot and a genuinely good person who is fun to be around then you will find it more difficult than most to have male friends. It works the same way if you were friends with Brad Pitt (or equivalent), if you were attracted to your friend, and because of your friendship thought he was a great man that you admired, might things become a little complicated for you? Link to post Share on other sites
arcsigner Posted September 29, 2009 Share Posted September 29, 2009 I have to say the ladder theory makes sense. Basicly the short answer is no. Guys will always develop a need for a realtionship with a girl they get too close with, and this is not just sexual. And as the ladder says the only reason that you wouldn't want to have sex with attractive friends/think you lose physical pull towards them is becuase they become lower down on the ladder, either you are with someone higher on the ladder, or there are lots of girls above your friend on the ladder. I mean guys saying that they have attractive friends who they dont want to sleep with or have a romatic realtionship with, what if you were the last people alive on the earth and expected to re-populate, I'm sure you'd have no trouble, becuase that situation puts only one person on the ladder! But i think the longer answer would be yes guys can be freinds on several different conditions: The guy isn't attracted to you, he has a GF higher on the ladder, or the most common one i think is that there are girls the guy knows who are higher and therefore your to low to be considered for now. Apart from the syncasism of the pi chart and the emphasis on sex rather than realtionships i think the ladder theory seems worryingly sound. Link to post Share on other sites
ToShyToTellMyNick Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I can only speak about me, and no I can't =/. If she's not sexy then I won't even talk to that woman. I may sound like a really jerk, but thats how I think, maybe in the future I'll know a nice no sexy person and then I'll have a real female friend. Link to post Share on other sites
looking4 green grass Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 based on the "test" in the ladder, I'm going to go with a no on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted September 30, 2009 Share Posted September 30, 2009 I wonder has this changed anyones mind on the subject? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 A girl may only want friendship, but the guy's thoughts will eventually wander into other territories. I have a very close female friend, and even though I'm happily married, I've thought about "what if". Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 2, 2009 Share Posted October 2, 2009 to answer the questions directly. Yes What responses are given though are based on past experience and the integrity of persons. Only two things have stopped me from being friends withe the opposing gender- Age and mentality. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordanjames Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I think men and women can be friends if there are boundaries. If both people know the score. Now I also believe if one friend is gay and the other person is straight then I think they can be friends because there is NO SEXUAL TENSION. Link to post Share on other sites
Asami Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I have to say the ladder theory makes sense. Basicly the short answer is no. Guys will always develop a need for a realtionship with a girl they get too close with, and this is not just sexual. And as the ladder says the only reason that you wouldn't want to have sex with attractive friends/think you lose physical pull towards them is becuase they become lower down on the ladder, either you are with someone higher on the ladder, or there are lots of girls above your friend on the ladder. I mean guys saying that they have attractive friends who they dont want to sleep with or have a romatic realtionship with, what if you were the last people alive on the earth and expected to re-populate, I'm sure you'd have no trouble, becuase that situation puts only one person on the ladder! But i think the longer answer would be yes guys can be freinds on several different conditions: The guy isn't attracted to you, he has a GF higher on the ladder, or the most common one i think is that there are girls the guy knows who are higher and therefore your to low to be considered for now. Apart from the syncasism of the pi chart and the emphasis on sex rather than realtionships i think the ladder theory seems worryingly sound. Interesting theory. I would have to say no on men and women being friends..and my answer is based on my experiences.. Link to post Share on other sites
oysterman Posted October 3, 2009 Share Posted October 3, 2009 I have found that it works best when the sex part gets out of the way; until then, it hangs precariously over the relationship. My best female friends are those where we've "done it" and move back on to the friendship part - and it's an extremely strong friendship thereafter whether sex comes back into play or not. If the sexual tension remains unresolved, the romantic feelings get in the way of the friendship until something happens. Today I got "friend-zoned" and now I have to deal with the heartbreak part...and I wonder whether the friendship will stay...us guys seem to have a primal urge that, left unresolved, contaminates the relationship. This will be my first close female friendship that didn't get to the sex part...I hope we can remain close lifelong friends, because she is one special lady. The friend-zone seems to be acceptable if we have conquered the sex part and then can move on. Link to post Share on other sites
junglejim Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 There is one reason why a guy can be friends with a hot girl without wanting to go further. As her friend, if she feels she can trust you and be honest with you, you are likely to discover things about her personality, choices she has made etc that she would never tell a prospective partner. This has certainly happened to me and as a result, in some cases it has not only killed any fleeting desire I may have for them sexually but it has also killed any desire to maintain the friendship. I have several good looking female friends that if it was just about their looks and they were single, I would have jumped them and I have certainly been offered the opportunity. However, for me, if I discover something that I do not like, especially if it is the way they treat a boyfriend/husband, their kids etc. not only do I let them know that I think it stinks, I also understand that I may have been in the same boat had we stepped over that line. So as a lesson for the women, if you ever think you may want to turn a friend into a boyfriend, be careful what you tell him. It may just come back to sink your plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Palmer253 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 IMO Men and Women can only be friends if: Neither are attracted to each other (sorry ladies but that means you're gonna have to be 300lbs+ or have some serious physical issues going on otherwise you will start to grow on the man) You've been friends since you were kids (pre-teen to be safe) The man is fully gay (sorry but if the woman is fully gay the man will still fantasize about you hooking up with your girlfriends and will eventually want to join ...that's pretty much the only situations I can think of where men and women can be CLOSE friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Hop_prophet Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I have known a woman 9yrs purely as a freind, there was a time we both fancied each other You are not platonic friends if you are attracted to each other. One thing to expect, though, is that you'll find that some get a crush on you. Duh... This means you are not platonic friends But ironically, my best best male friends are guys that I once had sex with.. and now.. I'm sooo over them sexually.. and I think they are too.. Yeah right, it already happened at least once. I can pretty much guarantee they are picturing it whenever they see you. the mass majority of my freinds are women. i always wind up in this thing called the freindzone when i am seeking other things. Not platonic if you seeking other things I'm curious because one of my guy friends who was most adamant about the non-possibility kind of bummed me out. Now I am all paranoid. Your "friend" is admitting that he is not your friend. Neither are attracted to each other (sorry ladies but that means you're gonna have to be 300lbs+ or have some serious physical issues going on otherwise you will start to grow on the man) This is right on the money. If you throw two single people together, mix in some drinks, and freely offered sex from the female then platonic friendship is not gonna be the result unless the woman is ugly... and even then she will probably have some attraction to him. Women always seem to think otherwise but they just don't get it. Any man who says otherwise is in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
tryagaintoday Posted October 9, 2009 Share Posted October 9, 2009 I agree with Hop_prophet 100%. There is only a 0.000000000001% chance that we are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
memorygospel Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Well its a very complex question, yes a guy and a girl can be just friends without any romantic interest but never the same way as a guy-guy or girl-girl friendship if you know what I mean. Also the odds are extremely high that in most cases at least one person in the friendship will have romantic motives or thoughts BUT it is still possible. It's like saying is it possible to win the lotto? LOL Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I have never been friends with a male that didn't result in one, or both, of us having romantic thoughts about the other. I have two male friends now that are strictly platonic: One is gay, and the other had feelings for me a few years ago and does not live in my state anymore. So... I'd say no, based on my experience, my mother's experience, and nearly all of my girl friend's experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Tori, sorry to hear or read that maintaining a freindship with the opposing gender is not feasible. WOnder if it has anything to do with pre-conceived opinions of guys in general. Sad that you are missing out on such friendships. I have some that are endearing friends. They are brotherly. And yes its feasible. You can love a friend and not have it lead to the bedroom. Learn to set the boundaries and regard them. Link to post Share on other sites
t0ri Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 Tori, sorry to hear or read that maintaining a freindship with the opposing gender is not feasible. WOnder if it has anything to do with pre-conceived opinions of guys in general. Sad that you are missing out on such friendships. I have some that are endearing friends. They are brotherly. And yes its feasible. You can love a friend and not have it lead to the bedroom. Learn to set the boundaries and regard them. I don't think my male friends developing feelings for me has anything to do with "pre-conceived opinions of guys in general." I just think if one person is attracted to another, feelings will develop if you have a true friendship. If two people can put aside attraction, and focus on each other as people and friends, not potential lovers, then that's great! It just hasn't been my experience to have a friendship with a straight male without feelings, on either part, ever appearing. Nice to hear it is and has been feasible with you, though! Link to post Share on other sites
deux ex machina Posted October 13, 2009 Share Posted October 13, 2009 ... Thoughts on this? Am I one of the last remaining people that wants to cling to the possibility of there being no strange tensions? I'm curious because one of my guy friends who was most adamant about the non-possibility kind of bummed me out. Now I am all paranoid. I think men and women can definitely be friends, and just that. Guy friends are great, I love them. Platonically. Link to post Share on other sites
Cornholio12 Posted October 14, 2009 Share Posted October 14, 2009 Seeing as how I've been friends with members of the opposite sex with no attraction whatsoever, YES, men and women can be friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Star Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 hello frustrated. Yeah you have a clear right to be frustrated as I can imagine it's an incredibly irritating thing for a woman to hear - but I would go so far as to call it true, simply from personal experience and that of my friends. The sorts of friendships between men and women that seem to last are based on an attraction between both parties - an attraction that might be only experienced by one party - and sad for us guys this is usually us. I can understand how in these situations it might be unfortunate for the woman who would simply like to enjoy the man's friendship but it's so much worse for the dude! Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 (edited) Anecdotally, I think it's eminently possible for males and females to be just good friends without either side nursing unrequited love for the other. I think, though, that the likelihood decreases in proportion to the "bloke's blokiness" of the guy. Strictly Men's Men don't tend to be interested in platonic friendships with women....and to be honest, I think we're not always terribly interested in platonic friendships with them either. My closest friend's boyfriend is a classic example. From a man's perspective he's probably a great guy. Always stands his round in the pub, is an expert on sport etc etc. Sound enough guy, but despite my close friendship with his girlfriend he isn't someone I could ever be friends with. He isn't comfortable around women, and only barely tolerates them in the girlfriend role. When it comes to friends of his girlfriend's - forget it. Her ex husband, on the other hand....he and I got on very well, but he's a ladies' man rather than a bloke's bloke. Ladies' men genuinely enjoy and are comfortable around women. They don't have that "femiphobia" that a lot of determinedly bloke blokes have and they don't have to be sexually/romantically involved with a woman to get along with her. It can be really hard to pinpoint what separates a ladies' man from a bloke's bloke. A rough and tough builder might look like a bloke's bloke, but he might also "get" women brilliantly, seem to be comfortable around/genuinely enjoy our company. On the other hand, a pristinely manicured metrosexual might look like a ladies' man, but might act as though women are a different species. Bloke's bloke in ladies' man clothing. Most men I know seem capable of balancing bloke's blokiness with being a ladies' man....but that's probably primarily the reason I know them. I've never hung out with total blokes' blokes who don't regard women as having any significant role outside the kitchen/bedroom or any "good friend" potential. There'd be no reason for me to be friends with men like that, and if a guy with that kind of outlook is suddenly angling to be friendly with me I'll assume that the motivation is purely sexual. In any event it rarely happens. For better or for worse I tend to click better (both platonically and romantically) with ladies' men. Edited October 18, 2009 by Taramere Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted October 18, 2009 Share Posted October 18, 2009 hello frustrated. Yeah you have a clear right to be frustrated as I can imagine it's an incredibly irritating thing for a woman to hear - but I would go so far as to call it true, simply from personal experience and that of my friends. The sorts of friendships between men and women that seem to last are based on an attraction between both parties - an attraction that might be only experienced by one party - and sad for us guys this is usually us. I can understand how in these situations it might be unfortunate for the woman who would simply like to enjoy the man's friendship but it's so much worse for the dude! LOL! Oh, come on, this is like asking if Mt. Everest can be climbed, and because I personally can't do it, then no it can't. My best friend of 27 years is a guy. We met when we were both single. He wanted to date, I didn't. He chose to hang out anyway. He dated my friends, I dated and married his brother. Whatever 'crush' he might have had on me in the beginning fizzled out pretty quickly. We have and still do things together a lot without our spouses present, just like he does with his guy friends and I do with my girl friends. Yes, it is possible. Maybe everyone can't do it, but as long as some people can, it is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Big Star Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I sincerely think that men and women can be just friends.. without ANY sexual 'vibes'.. absolutely none.. But ironically, my best best male friends are guys that I once had sex with.. and now.. I'm sooo over them sexually.. and I think they are too.. (but not sure about that one ).. but anyway.. they know where I stand and if they want to remain in my circle of 'just friends' they have to abide by the 'rules' .. no sex.. just good clean straight fun.. It's important that you mention the fact that you'd once had sex with these guys. I think that in these situations it is possible to have a more balanced friendship with people of the opposite sex afterwards - not always though, of course! Just because I think it's easy for guys to move on after sex, and obviously it's the same with some girls. If it's an attraction that has never been in any way consummated then I think it's waaay rougher terrain for both parties in terms of friendship Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I can only speak from the male point of view. Is there usually some sexual tensions between men and their female freinds? Sure, absolutely. Most men--especially younger men--rarely go out of their way to befreind women they're not attracted to. But so what? We also see attractive women walk past us on the street every day. We don't feel compelled to pursue them. Why should we feel compelled to pursue out female friends? Guys just need to grow up. If you think your female friend is hot, but she's not interested, that settles it. Leave it alone. Just be her friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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