MN randomguy Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Man you are damned if you do, damned if you dont. If you are a raging drunk, people dont want to date you. If you are an ex raging drunk, who has gotten sober and turned your life around, people dont want to date you because they think you will always fall off the wagon and have tons of baggage. Now, it seems if you DONT drink some people dont want to date you either! WTF?? Guess there's a lid for every pot. You're not going to please everyone. I've been out, and people have been SHOCKED because I dont drink. They have almost wanted to pour booze down my throat. Ha ha, Been there too. Although its less of an issue with age. I am what I call a social drinker. Its important with potentially addictive substances that you know that you can put it down whenever. Late last year I realized that drinking was invovled with nearly every one of my social events. So, I went 3 months without drinking. I think its an excellent practice. If not drinking drastically changes your lifestyle, maybe you need to make some changes. As far as dating someone who doesn't drink? I'm all for it. I wouldn't drink around her. If it got serious I'd say that you'd want to merge your lifestyles. I'm not going to go out drinking on a Friday night and leave her home alone. Prudes? probably, who decides who's a prude? Would you rather err on the side of skank?
alphamale Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 You must hang out with some really boring women! I mean no disrespect, but I really do mean it when I say that a lot of non-drinkers, male or female, are super fun. I find that they tend to be more creative. Rather than just bars, they always think of interesting outings. You should try it! i feel like a coupla beers, maybe i'll pick some up on the way home from fedex/kinkos
BobSacamento Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 With time I think it will only lead to the sober one blaming certain things on the drinker because of the drinking. People do different things when their drunk. Sometimes bad and sometimes good. It can cause people to speak the truth when others would rather not hear. They don't call it liquid courage for nothing.
Author westernxer Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 My boss gauges character by whether people drink. You're more likely to have his respect if you're a drinker. I assume he doesn't enjoy the company of people who don't, and he probably doesn't trust them. People in my last office were like this, which is partly the inspiration for this thread. The overall mentality of these people was highly detrimental to long term emotional stability, not to mention a healthy work environment. LOL It was a learning experience to say the least.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I like to date men that I have something in common with. I enjoy having a coffee in the morning and would like if he enjoyed coffee as well. Same with red wine. If a bottle is open, I would like to share it with someone, and it often becomes a topic of conversation, very social. Even beer! Have you tried the new Bud Lime? I would not date a non-drinker. I would feel limited.
Trialbyfire Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 No offense to anyone but it's as if some members feel alcohol is a lifestyle, instead of a beverage.
Author westernxer Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 No offense to anyone but it's as if some members feel alcohol is a lifestyle, instead of a beverage. It is, unless you live in the Middle East. LOL
Citizen Erased Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 No offense to anyone but it's as if some members feel alcohol is a lifestyle, instead of a beverage. It's a lifestyle here. Bunch of drunks.
johan Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 It is, unless you live in the Middle East. LOL Those middle easterners don't like pork either. That's where I draw the line. For me pork is a lifestyle.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I wouldn't date someone who drinks too much. As for non-drinking at all, tricky. It depends what the reason is for it. If they used to cut loose and have stopped I'd be fine with it. If they have never cut loose, I can't see how I'd ever be able to stand on some common ground with them.
monkey00 Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I'm not a regular drinker, but i do drink socially. But I have to say though there does tend to be a consistent pattern dividing drinkers from non-drinkers. The women I've dated that were non-drinkers were pretty boring people and there weren't very socially friendly either. On the other hand, the socially drinking women I've dated tended to be more fun, open-minded, bubbly, and flirty (not to say that this category doesn't have boring women). I think you can pretty much narrow down this pattern being that it applies to both sexes. But at the end of the day, I would still prefer to meet and attract a woman while she's sober - rather than buzzed/drunk...at least I know the attraction is genuine. Beer goggles can quite the trickster.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Would you date someone knowing they don't drink? Yes. But then, I was raised LDS (ex-member for 7 years). So I actually know that there's plenty of fun to be had even without alcohol involved. The most drinking I've ever done in my life has been 2009, alone. Before that, I rarely drank - like once a month.
Author westernxer Posted August 3, 2009 Author Posted August 3, 2009 Yes. But then, I was raised LDS (ex-member for 7 years). So I actually know that there's plenty of fun to be had even without alcohol involved. The most drinking I've ever done in my life has been 2009, alone. Before that, I rarely drank - like once a month. We share a common thread. LOL
tami-chan Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Why not? alcohol or (absence of it) does not make a person as long as it is consumed in moderation. I do not drink alcohol at all, but that's because I just don't get it.
Sam Spade Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 As long as the non drinker doesn't care about you drinking, then you shouldn't care about whether or not THEY drink. To each his own is how I see it. Exactly, so if someone has problem with non-drinking (and vice versa), than you don't have not much in common anyway. If the drinking is strictly casual/social, then it absolutely doesn't matter what's in the glasses. If getting buzzed is actually the goal, then yes - it will be an issue for some people. That said, I've never felt awkward even with my heavily drinking friends, even when they have more than a few, and they don't care either. They've never made fun of me for quitting, and most are actually openly impressed.
Sam Spade Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 If they have never cut loose, I can't see how I'd ever be able to stand on some common ground with them. There may be some truth to that, but to a minimal extent. I've seen plenty of heavy drinkers with no social skills, and many cool cats who almost never drink. Not having had a drink ever is not the problem per se, but may suggest unfamiliratiry with basic bar manners. But natural cool personality usually trumps that, plus it's almost impossible to find a person that has never actually been drunk. Even my goody 2 shoes girlfriend who pretty much doesn't drink, has had a bunch of club nights where she'd get buzzed, make out with a random dude, or start smiling a lot after 9 gello shots :love:.
deux ex machina Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 This is a spin-off of a thread about dating alcoholics. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=197113 Now for the flip side... I refrain from drinking and have done so for a couple of years now (lifestyle choice). Makes socializing a bit awkward, as it limits my options during evening hours. Playing it sober in a room full of happy drinkers is such a drag, too. You're either in or out. True enough, but it is funny to watch them dance.
Citizen Drawn Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 There may be some truth to that, but to a minimal extent. I've seen plenty of heavy drinkers with no social skills, and many cool cats who almost never drink. Not having had a drink ever is not the problem per se, but may suggest unfamiliratiry with basic bar manners. But natural cool personality usually trumps that, plus it's almost impossible to find a person that has never actually been drunk. . Not sure it's as much about personality as it is about background. I'd have trouble relating to someone who didn't grow up partaking in the free spirited and experimental nature of youth. They probably wouldn't get a lot of me either.
mortensorchid Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I don't drink. I haven't had any alcohol to drink forever. I did not attend AA, I did not have any accident or some life changing moment. I just made a choice not to years ago and stuck to it. I find that when others find this out about me, they wonder why I do this. Maybe it's based on their own guilt or issues about alcohol, but whatever their reasons FOR drinking are I never ask them. Whatever people choose to do with their time does not affect me one way or another. I am not opposed to being around people in any way, shape or form who do drink. I think they feel the same way about me. You're just a part of the backdrop, people are just concerned about their own thing. It's nota big deal.
JamesM Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 As someone who rarely drinks any alcohol...and has never touched a drop of beer ....I can say that no woman ever did NOT date me because of it. I am not against drinking in moderation but I would not date a woman who likes to party with alcohol to the point of getting drunk. We would not have much in common. Having a drink on occasion is different. When I dated, most every woman I dated did drink to some extent. My wife included. The issue was never drink but the attitude I had towards it. I condemned no one and still do not. I simply made a choice early on in life based on the statistics I saw regarding alcohol and how it affected families when abused. I know of too many families and friends whose life was forever changed due to the abuse of alcohol. This helped me to decide that alcohol is not something that I need too much of in my life. Yet that does not mean that someone who can control their drinking should not be a part of my life. Ironically, my wife was more of a drinker than I when dating, and now it is I who enjoys a wine now and then. She drinks maybe once or twice a year. People change. I think the question is not usually "Will I date this guy since he does not drink?" but "What is this guy's attitude towards drinking in general?" IMO, if someone feels that their alcohol is more important than a person, then so be it. It is better not to date such a person anyhow.
shadowplay Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I don't understand the obsession with alcohol in our culture. It's just something I can't relate to at all. The few times I've been drunk, it made me feel terrible and sick. I find it ironic that drinkers often dismiss non-drinkers as "boring" because to me there could be nothing more boring than spending a night getting drunk. Drinking shouldn't be considered an activity or source of fun. I can see it as a social lubricant, but not as a main event. Drinkers who claim to dislike non-drinkers are just insecure and resentful.
tigressA Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 I have a really low tolerance for alcohol; usually it's two mixed drinks and I'm done for the night. I haven't had an alcoholic drink in well over a year. I'm 22. I went out for my 21st last year, but after that I didn't see the point in going to bars or hanging out in people's living rooms/basements/etc getting drunk, so I just stopped. I try not to get down on people for drinking a lot, but it's hard because my younger brother was arrested twice for underage drinking and once had to go to the hospital to get his stomach pumped; he could've died from alcohol poisoning. I know several other people who were hospitalized and/or died from excessive alcohol consumption. A lot of my friends drink quite often; sometimes I've felt uncomfortable around them. I don't think I could date someone who is a heavy drinker. My ex-FWB had 19 shots when he went out for his 21st and I ended up yelling at him over the phone for it; I cried to my roommates because I was so worried about him.
hitzpink Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I don't think I'd date a guy who doesn't drink. My experience with non-drinkers is that they tend to be super judgmental about drinking and consider themselves morally superior to those who "need" alcohol to have fun. I don't NEED alcohol to have fun, but lets be honest, it can add a good deal of fun to some situations. And I don't want some debbie downer looking over my shoulder and informing me that I've already had three drinks as if I just downed the whole keg! Plus, in my experience, it's those who refuse to drink who really need a drink the most...lol.
dreamergrl Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 It's a tough one for me. I enjoy a Friday night out, kicking back a few, shooting pool or darts.. I don't sit at home with a beer in front of the t.v., but going out every now and then is something I enjoy. I don't like being piss drunk by any means though. In my experience, and I'm sure this is not every non-drinker, I've gotten questioned why I want to go out on a Friday or Saturday and do this. According to those I've interacted with, there was a million things better to do with my time. So I moved on. Where I grew up, it is very normal to hit the bar up with friends on a weekened night, catch up, play pool, ect ect.
2sure Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 In an ideal relationship only one partner drinks. The other drives.
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