"You're prettier than I am"

[chev mal fet]

For several reasons, I've had trouble meeting girls in the recent (and not so recent) past, so a few months ago I joined a free dating website just to see if it would lead anywhere. My heart really isn't in it though, so I don't use the site much.

 

Yesterday, an old friend from high school told me that she stumbled across my profile on the site and immediately thought of one of her college friends who seems like a perfect match for me. My friend suggested that I drop this girl a line and see if anything comes of it.

 

Sounds good, right? Here's the problem: I saw pictures of this girl, and she is very attractive. She is clearly out of my league. While I modestly acknowledge that I have many things going for me, I don't have any illusions that I am a male model. I'm a hair shorter than average, for one thing, and while I am no gargoyle, I must be realistic and admit that if not for our mutual friend, this girl would likely not give me a second glance.

 

Still, the girl saw my profile and pictures on the dating website and said "it couldn't hurt." Like I said, my high school friend believes we are compatible in all the important ways - values, morals, religion, intelligence, personality, interests, and even heritage. It's just the physical aspect that makes me worry.

 

So I guess my question is, how do I approach this? I figure the expected method is going to be for me to send her a message on Facebook, but I have the persistent feeling that I may come across as presumptuous - who am I, an average-looking guy, to approach someone like her, who surely has rejected men much more attractive than I am? Should I act self-deprecating and casually and light-heartedly acknowledge that, yes, she is clearly prettier than I am? (That line worked for Seth Rogen in "Knocked Up," so surely I'll have the same luck.) I'm confident in my ability to be eloquent and, God willing, even charming when I write to her, and I am confident in my ability to impress when I have the luxury of the written word instead of having to immediately face her in person, but I could still use a word or two of advice, encouragement, perspective, etc.

 

Thanks for reading.

[HsMomma]

OP,

 

You said that a mutual friend of you & this girl saw your profile & thinks the two of you would be great for one another, right? I'm assuming this friend knows both of you pretty well...so, I say don't worry about superficial things. One of my girlfriends, who is an absolutely stunning woman, was telling me how hard it always was for her because guys were afraid to ask her out (she's being truthful, not at all conceited - I mean, she is truly stunning). She said that, while she realizes that people see her as beautiful, it really sucked sometimes because she was lonely (this was before she met & married her now husband). Every guy seemed to assume that because of what she looked like, they automatically wouldn't stand a chance with her.

 

Know what? She married a guy who I think is nice looking, but he's certainly not a stunner like she is. You know WHY she married him? Because he was the first guy to truly be interested in who she was enough to get to know her, and once he did, he learned that she's a phenomenal person as well as being so gorgeous.

 

Who you are is much more important than just the package the outside world sees. You seem to be a nice guy who is bright & articulate & I don't doubt that you can "be eloquent and, God willing, even charming when I write to her, and I am confident in my ability to impress when I have the luxury of the written word instead of having to immediately face her in person" (your words). Let yourself BE yourself & I think you may just be pleasantly surprised.

 

Good luck to you!

[lora22]

I think you're putting way too much emphasis on superficial matters. Everyone poops, ya know?

[Trialbyfire]

She's seen your profile, so it's not a cold approach. What have you got to lose?

 

Just approach her like anyone else and if you click, it happens. A man who's relaxed and being himself, is far more attractive, than someone stuttering around.

 

As Nike says...JUST DO IT!

[monkey00]

Your chances are going to be much worse with her if you're not confident about it. Women don't like guys who don't believe they aren't deserving of the girl.

 

If your friend thinks you guys would click and you think she's hot. Totally go for it man. What have you got to lose? At least you know you gave it a shot rather than to have never known what could've happened. This is one of those things in life that's worth the risk

[You'reasian]

 

Sounds good, right? Here's the problem: I saw pictures of this girl, and she is very attractive. She is clearly out of my league. While I modestly acknowledge that I have many things going for me, I don't have any illusions that I am a male model. I'm a hair shorter than average, for one thing, and while I am no gargoyle, I must be realistic and admit that if not for our mutual friend, this girl would likely not give me a second glance.

 

Still, the girl saw my profile and pictures on the dating website and said "it couldn't hurt." Like I said, my high school friend believes we are compatible in all the important ways - values, morals, religion, intelligence, personality, interests, and even heritage. It's just the physical aspect that makes me worry.

 

So I guess my question is, how do I approach this? I figure the expected method is going to be for me to send her a message on Facebook, but I have the persistent feeling that I may come across as presumptuous - who am I, an average-looking guy, to approach someone like her, who surely has rejected men much more attractive than I am? Should I act self-deprecating and casually and light-heartedly acknowledge that, yes, she is clearly prettier than I am? (That line worked for Seth Rogen in "Knocked Up," so surely I'll have the same luck.) I'm confident in my ability to be eloquent and, God willing, even charming when I write to her, and I am confident in my ability to impress when I have the luxury of the written word instead of having to immediately face her in person, but I could still use a word or two of advice, encouragement, perspective, etc.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Don't sweat it.

 

Heritage is a tough one. For instance, if my buddy is of German and Brazillian ancestry, but a Canadian - are you talking about Canadian? or German and Brazillian? What if the Germans think he looks Brazillian and the Brazillians think he looks german? lol

 

Mixed race ancestry can be kind of a tough one to match, no?

 

As far as meeting her in person, do so in an event or activity that the two of you enjoy. It'll make connecting much easier. Just be your natural self, don't sweat it.

[chev mal fet]

You said that a mutual friend of you & this girl saw your profile & thinks the two of you would be great for one another, right? I'm assuming this friend knows both of you pretty well...so, I say don't worry about superficial things.

In honesty, I haven't seen much of this friend since high school (we graduated in '05), and even then we weren't best buds - maybe casual friends is the best way to put it. She decided that her friend and I may be compatible because of what she read in my profile more than what she remembers of me from high school, I think.

 

But that's beside the point. Thanks for the encouraging words.

 

I think you're putting way too much emphasis on superficial matters. Everyone poops, ya know?

I'm not trying to be superficial, just realistic. I mean, for better or for worse, appearances matter. I'd rather not just mindlessly spout "all that matters is what's inside" as if that's a universal truth (even if I wish it were).

 

Heritage is a tough one. For instance' date=' if my buddy is of German and Brazillian ancestry, but a Canadian - are you talking about Canadian? or German and Brazillian? What if the Germans think he looks Brazillian and the Brazillians think he looks german? lol[/quote']When I said "heritage," I meant more our distant ancestries. That is, we are both Italian - but hardly right off the boat. This is a non-issue for me, but I know a lot of people (and especially a lot of Italian people/families) think it's important, which is why I mention it.

 

Thanks for the responses, all. I'm going to write to her and see how it goes.

[Thomas X Forever]

God I'm gonna get CRUCIFIED for this next paragraph, but hear me out.

 

I am a male model, and it means NOTHING. I have had a HORRIBLE time picking up girls since my last ex and me. Seriously. So that should go to show you how UNIMPORTANT looks are. God, that sounds like I'm secretly bragging or something, I don't mean it to come out that way. I'm only a quarter as conceited as I sound.

 

Plus, all guys think they're average looking. At least all normal ones. (Narcissistic ones on the other hand.... uh) so you're probably better than you think. Keep your head up and don't be putting this girl on a pedestal. YOU'RE better than HER. NOT vice versa. She's LUCKY to have YOU.

 

Ah, if only I could apply my logic to myself.

 

The grass always seems greener, my friend

[boogieboy]

You cant worry about what she might think of you.

 

She has to like you no matter what you look like.

 

She is taking this setup for a reason, she wants to try.

 

You just be you, and dont worry about impressing her, dont worry about the outcome. You treat her like an average girl that wouldnt make you nervous.

You dont need her, and you dont need to impress her. As long as you have interesting things and stories to talk about, you'll be good. You might even find out that mentally, shes not on YOUR level....