Thaddeus Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Another thread where someone said that they simply didn't feel marriage was for them got me thinking about this, because there are plenty of threads that say things like, "He loves me but won't marry me, should I leave?" and similar. And often the advice most often posted goes along the lines of, "If he's been getting the milk for free, why should he buy the cow?" So to those who are contemplating marriage, either soon or sometime in an undefined future, what do you feel are the advantages of it? What, specifically, do you feel will improve in your relationship if you go through a ceremony or have some sort of official document? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Well, I am not contemplating marriage since I'm already married but I'll bite. For us it was never a matter of improving on anything. Everything was already great as it was. If anyone getting married thinks it will "improve" their relationship..uh, uh. Think again. That's not why we got married. For us it was a matter of formally taking the step of announcing to the "world" and, more importantly to each other, that we were from that day forward, sharing our lives. We became partners in every sense of the word, (including legally.) That, and the fact that we're both kind of old-fashioned and don't believe in having children out of wedlock. Link to post Share on other sites
stuckinoz Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Advantages? Well...I guess it depends on each individual. For my husband & I - we were 17 & 19 when we got engaged & lived 700+ miles apart. It was 1980 & everyone was "DOING IT"....So we figured, what the hell.....Lets Get Married Raised very religiously - didn't believe in kids out of wedlock. Advantages NOW....29 years later! 2 AMAZING kids. Can live better/more comfortably as 2 instead of one. Having a life companion to take care of you in your old age is a bonus too. - OH.....LOL & the love thing Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Advantages? Well...I guess it depends on each individual. For my husband & I - we were 17 & 19 when we got engaged & lived 700+ miles apart. It was 1980 & everyone was "DOING IT"....So we figured, what the hell.....Lets Get Married Raised very religiously - didn't believe in kids out of wedlock. Advantages NOW....29 years later! 2 AMAZING kids. Can live better/more comfortably as 2 instead of one. Having a life companion to take care of you in your old age is a bonus too. - OH.....LOL & the love thing LOVED your post stuck, but you know what the devils' advocates are going to say, right? You can have all the advantages you have now without being married. But I also wanted to add that my H and I like the fact that we're family. That I'm his wife and he's my husband...not boyfriend/girlfriend. Oh and congrats on 29 years! WOW! That's fantastic. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 knowing that you're making this leap of faith into the future together. I'm a third wife, and when DH and I met, he was VERY down on marriage because #2 screwed him over big time by wiping out his bank account and taking about $30K. So yeah, he was VERY bitter. But eventually, something in his redneck brain told him that I could be trusted, and he said he wanted to marry me. That was 17 years ago. for me, the advantage has been that love and respect have conquered the day, and that he could be in a somewhat healthy, LASTING relationship. Nothing you can take to the bank, but it sure makes growing old together a very, very sweet trip that merely living together cannot do ... Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 The advantages of marriage: 1) If your partner is of a different nationality, they are allowed to live in your country with you, and vice versa 2) No risks with inheritance - in most cases the husband/wife gets everything, whereas if someone was just your bf/gf then their kids/parents/siblings would have more of a claim on their assets - big problem if you've spent a long time building up joint assets. 3) No inheritance tax when one partner dies and leaves everything to the other partner, and no capital gains tax when transferring assets between partners. 4) In an emergency, a married partner is your "next of kin" and has the right to say what happens, rather than other family members who could be classed as next of kin if you weren't married. 5) Child custody - there are no joint parental rights if you're unmarried, unless a court has formally established such rights. iMarried couples have joint parental rights. If the parents are unmarried the mother usually gets sole custody, creating issues if the couple separate. If the mother dies, the unmarried father may have more difficulty gaining custody. 6) Married women can claim state pensions based on their husbands' contributions if they have not made enough contributions in their own right. 7) You are entitled to financial recompense if a marriage breaks down (e.g. divorce settlement, alimony etc) - if you were just living together you're not entitled to anything. 8) Assets such as bank accounts are jointly owned by a married couple, regardless of who put the money into the account - not so for unmarried couples. 9) A married partner has a legal duty to support you in times of hardship, e.g. if you lose your job. This isn't the case for unmarried couples. 10) If you're living with someone in their property, you have no rights to your home if the relationship ends. If married, both partners have rights to live in the matrimonial home. 11) Married husbands can put their wife and kids on their health insurance - it's much more complicated for unmarried couples to get any type of joint insurance. 12) Unmarried couples may experience difficulties in getting bereavement or sick leave to care for their partner and/or children. 13) Unmarried partners are unable to claim public safety officers death benefits or spousal veterans benefits. 13) Unmarried couples are unable to claim wrongful death benefits if their partner has a fatal accident caused by negligence. I'm sure there are many more benefits of marriage, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Marriage makes sense from a legal perspective - as long as you're pretty sure you're staying with that person! If you think they might cheat or you might divorce, then if you're the partner with greater assets and more earning potential you're much better off keeping the relationship informal to protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
HsMomma Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 From the romantic point of view, I get to grow old with the man who loves me without reservation. I get to live with/laugh with/love my best friend til the day one of us dies. I get to come home to the man who treats me like I'm the most wonderful thing he's ever seen & if I've had a bad day, gives me a shoulder to cry on. He helps me to be the best me I can be & that's a huge plus in my book. Marriage for us was like winning the gold medal at the end of a long, long race. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Marriage is the ultimate commitment for life-bonded partners. You want to declare it before God, if you believe and declare it before everyone who's important in your life and then make it legally binding. "This is my man." "This is my woman." Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 "This is my man." "This is my woman." As long as you sign the prenup..... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 As long as you sign the prenup..... OMG, too funny! Yeah, how romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 As long as you sign the prenup..... Is it tag team time again? One in each thread? You and wuggle? Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Is it tag team time again? One in each thread? You and wuggle? TBF Stop being the defensive victim. I know you have accused Wuggle and I of being bullies but please get over yourself. I post where I want. He posts where he wants. We rarely post in the same thread. I just totally disagree with prenups. To me, entering into one means you see a marriage as a business deal with a finite life. As long as he/she abides by the contractual agreement...., no breach.... etc Real life, real love is not like that. I entered my marriage as a life long commitment. This is it. Everything. The full deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 TBF Stop being the defensive victim. I know you have accused Wuggle and I of being bullies but please get over yourself. I post where I want. He posts where he wants. We rarely post in the same thread. I just totally disagree with prenups. To me, entering into one means you see a marriage as a business deal with a finite life. As long as he/she abides by the contractual agreement...., no breach.... etc Real life, real love is not like that. I entered my marriage as a life long commitment. This is it. Everything. The full deal.anne, the two of you do it all the time to me. I'm an analyst by trade, noticing patterns and the two of you display bullying tactics by baiting and engaging me in separate threads, at the same time. Quit playing the victim. As for prenups, it wasn't raised by me in this thread. If you want me to drag things from other threads into this one, about you, I can. How do you justify infidelity in a marriage? Only both you and wuggle know. I don't call that a functional marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 How do you justify infidelity in a marriage? Only both you and wuggle know. I don't call that a functional marriage. Miaow!!! :lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 TBF Stop being the defensive victim. I know you have accused Wuggle and I of being bullies but please get over yourself. I post where I want. He posts where he wants. We rarely post in the same thread. I just totally disagree with prenups. To me, entering into one means you see a marriage as a business deal with a finite life. As long as he/she abides by the contractual agreement...., no breach.... etc Real life, real love is not like that. I entered my marriage as a life long commitment. This is it. Everything. The full deal. I totally agree with this. And I for one, would not only never demand a pre-nup, I'd never marry a man who expected one either. That said, I really don't judge those who do expect one and have no problem entering into a marriage where one is required. If it works for other people, fine. It's just not for me. Yes, marriages fail. But for me, it's all or nothing..no half measures. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 Miaow!!! :lmao::lmao: Just telling you that I disagree with cheating, as much as you disagree with prenups! Seems to me that cheating, isn't all in... Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I wouldn't mind marrying so I can tag team someone. Sounds like fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I wouldn't mind marrying so I can tag team someone. Sounds like fun. Not sure what that's all about but I wish Mr T would come on here sometimes. He could really straighten out and teach some of the LS men-folk a thing or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 I totally agree with this. And I for one, would not only never demand a pre-nup, I'd never marry a man who expected one either.Where I wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't sign one. That said, I really don't judge those who do expect one and have no problem entering into a marriage where one is required. If it works for other people, fine. It's just not for me. Yes, marriages fail. But for me, it's all or nothing..no half measures.Yes, other people's marriages aren't for me but if they're happy the way it is, that's all that counts. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 So what are the advantages of getting married? Hmmm... umm... hhhhhh... uh, I'll have to get back to you on that one, Thaddeus. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Where I wouldn't marry someone who wouldn't sign one. I know. And that's fine. If the two people involved have no problem with it, that's all that matters. Yes, other people's marriages aren't for me but if they're happy the way it is, that's all that counts. Yes, I've always believed that. That goes for so many things. Some couples keep their money separate, take separate vacations, etc. etc. Again, not for me but if it works for the couple involved then it works and that's all that matters. Relationships can be tough and full of challenges. Whatever works for each couple to bring them peace and happiness (without hurting anyone) shouldn't be judged really. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 Yes, I've always believed that. That goes for so many things. Some couples keep their money separate, take separate vacations, etc. etc. Again, not for me but if it works for the couple involved then it works and that's all that matters. Relationships can be tough and full of challenges. Whatever works for each couple to bring them peace and happiness (without hurting anyone) shouldn't be judged really.You know this is the second time for me. Without the compatibility of values, thoughts, perceptions, with S., I'm not certain I would be considering it again. This doesn't mean I stopped believing in marriage. Just not certain it was for me again. I'll always enable people who love, trust, respect and like each other towards marriage, if this is what they want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 You know this is the second time for me. Without the compatibility of values, thoughts, perceptions, with S., I'm not certain I would be considering it again. I hear you. I felt exactly the same way at one point before I left the ex and met Mr T. This doesn't mean I stopped believing in marriage. Just not certain it was for me again. I'll always enable people who love, trust, respect and like each other towards marriage, if this is what they want to do. Yep, same here. And like you said, it's not for everyone. And not everyone "gets" what it's about or even believes in it. And it's not something I'd ever try to sway anyone into believing or doing if they're not of a mind to you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Drawn Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 TBF Stop being the defensive victim. I know you have accused Wuggle and I of being bullies but please get over yourself. I post where I want. He posts where he wants. We rarely post in the same thread. I just totally disagree with prenups. To me, entering into one means you see a marriage as a business deal with a finite life. As long as he/she abides by the contractual agreement...., no breach.... etc Real life, real love is not like that. I entered my marriage as a life long commitment. This is it. Everything. The full dea I don't agree, for some people real life and real love is about a series of contractual agreements, it's part of their psychology if they're raised in a family that's structured as an efficient machine. It tends to breed success in terms of material wealth and to protect that by means of a pre-nup makes perfect sense to them as an expression of real love. Being mundane and efficient like that does have it's benefits, it tends to simplify life. Personally I couldn't perform life as a set of functions rather than experiences, so I'd have to fall into the what's yours is mine camp. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 29, 2009 Share Posted July 29, 2009 What are the advantages of getting married?? from a mans POV? nothing really Link to post Share on other sites
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