Author trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Hes baiting you into a fight and playing with your emotions. Don't let him do that. Thats what lawyers are for! Next time just tell him you will forward that message to your attorney, he'll change his tune. TOJAZ I know, I askded him for the attny's name and he woudlnt tell me...I told him mine, anyone he gets now will back off,k they are the best.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Checking out now, it's been a long day and a harder night.....rest. Hugs all!
tojaz Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 Your lawyer can get all the information for you, I wouldn't even talk to him at all if he's going to be an a$$, just exposing yourself to the abuse. get some rest, better day tomorrow!
Author trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Your lawyer can get all the information for you, I wouldn't even talk to him at all if he's going to be an a$$, just exposing yourself to the abuse. get some rest, better day tomorrow! Ya know, I'm just sitting here trying to figure out where the heck that conversation went yesterday.....yesterday he's telling our son that he is coming up today to move the Maple trees for me, next minute he is telling me he isn't going to pay child support until I get the SA. And he accuses me of being nice one minute and hateful the next...I haven't done anything to this man but show him where he left the marriage with more debt than assets because he griped over buying his child school clothes. I think that he is broke and is trying to get me to turn over the marital assets so he can sell them. Heck, we have hardly any marital assets that he can get his hands on due to the prenup, only debt. My H is under this false impression that I have all this money, but he doesn't realize that I am paying all the debt which is almost 90% of my income, 40% of that is the joint debt. I've never been able to explain finances to him, he thinks that money grows on trees. He turned over all the finances to me years ago because he couldn't manage anything and kept getting credit cards then brought it up in counseling that he wanted to be in charge of the finances. He has a BK that comes off this year due to his getting 12 credit cards years ago and he couldn't manage those. I am dealing with an idiot!!!
tojaz Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 I am dealing with an idiot!!! Use that to your advantage! The less he understands, the less he knows to ask for, or to ask his attorney about! Your gonna be fine, just let him run in circles. TOJAZ
PWSX3 Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 My H is under this false impression that I have all this money, but he doesn't realize that I am paying all the debt which is almost 90% of my income, 40% of that is the joint debt. I've never been able to explain finances to him, he thinks that money grows on trees. He turned over all the finances to me years ago because he couldn't manage anything and kept getting credit cards then brought it up in counseling that he wanted to be in charge of the finances. He has a BK that comes off this year due to his getting 12 credit cards years ago and he couldn't manage those. I am dealing with an idiot!!! I find it interesting how some of these spouses think. Mine always blamed me for everything so now that I'm not there & the same things are happening who can she blame now????? Oh could it be me? Heck no they will find another excuse......
Author trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 I find it interesting how some of these spouses think. Mine always blamed me for everything so now that I'm not there & the same things are happening who can she blame now????? Oh could it be me? Heck no they will find another excuse...... Good point, I'm sure when he has nothing, it will be my fault....sigh.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 10, 2009 Author Posted October 10, 2009 Use that to your advantage! The less he understands, the less he knows to ask for, or to ask his attorney about! Your gonna be fine, just let him run in circles. TOJAZ You know, this is the part, the exact reason why I said we needed a prenup and got one. I guess I am wrong and am supposed to go quietly into the night, raise our child and pay off the bills that we both ran up.....I have no choice but to pay them or I ruin my credit. H got ticked last year because one credit card company closed his account and decided not to pay any of his CC's anymore. He ran out on those responsibilites, not surprising he would run out on these as well. The thing is, I'm only trying to explain to him how the courts are going to look at this....I'm done....I hope he does have an attorney....let them explain it to him.
tojaz Posted October 10, 2009 Posted October 10, 2009 It's not your responsibility to explain how life works to him. Hes going to find out hard and fast what thats all about! TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 Ok, tired of depressing stories, so had to share a funny, ha-ha. Last weekend, my son went with his father to the movies....he's been wanting to see that movie ZombieLand. He's a "tough" 14 years old living in a "that movie scared the crap out of me" body...lol. So for the first two days, he wouldn't sleep in the converted "Man Cave" turned son's room downstairs. I would wake up and he would be on the other side of my bed....(big chicken). So last night, he had two friends spend the night and they all rearranged the "Man Cave" and set up camp. About 1:30 am, the house phone starts ringing...over and over again. I finally pick it up and look at the number, it's my son's cell phone. I answer it...."Mom, there's someone in the house, we can hear them running around, it's like a boom, boom, boom! Come down here now!". So, I go down to the front door landing and they are all standing at the bottom foyer scared sh****less. We listen for this noise and all of sudden, there's a boom, boom, boom coming from my office. I nearly pee'd my pants when one of his friends literally jumped 3 foot off the ground, it was fricking hilarious. Just picture three screaming boys between the ages of 11 to 14, screaming like girls...lol. So I go down to the office, turn the light on and tell my son to turn the bass speakers off on the desktop computer. There! Zombie abolished!! LMAO!!!
tojaz Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 :laugh::lmao: Gonna take him a long time to live that one down! Way to go ZombieKiller!
Author trippi1432 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 OMG! Madness, just complete madness. He's still ranting over the fact that he is responsible for the joint debt, said he was being nice to be by giving me more that what he felt was required to give me in the form of CS...maybe that was his intentions, but I've only seen one of those and it didn't equal what the court would deem appropriate. Even questioned me on what I spent it on since he doesn't feel that it is fair that he has to pay CS and buy school clothes for his child. Let's see, child's upcoming field trip, school lunch tickets, and clothes and his computer for school. Where is it that men fail to recognize that children are not an inexpensive toy that you can shove into a corner. It takes money to keep them clothed, school events, school lunches, electricity on, water on, entertainment for them...etc, and I am supposed to do this, pay my own bills plus the bills that he accumulated with me. Now he is "crying" that he can't afford an attorney, won't be able to afford his own place and he is going to have girlfriends and have his own life....FINE...do that, but it was his choice to walk away from everything he had because he decided he couldn't handle responsibility anymore. I have no sympathy for him. As a single mother before, I worked 3 jobs to keep my daughter clothed, a roof over her head and a car that could get me to work while her father partied it up. He had it all right here, a home, a wife, a kid, his bills paid for, a life he never had but dreamed of and he pissed all over it. Disrespected it, treated it like it was garbage and then decided to walk away from it. I'm not taking the blame anymore, I didn't cause his obsession with alcohol, his obsession with gambling, his OCD or his emotional alusiveness...he caused those himself, they were present before I ever came into the picture. Until last week, I might have given him a one more chance to redeem himself, a chance to work on things, but now, this person that he has become, I wouldn't want him back if he came begging on his knees. Once I shell out those $$ for the SA, there is no turning back. Sorry to sound like I am ranting on men, I'm sure that there are women out there that turn their backs on their families and think that they can walk away scott free as well. Divorce is ugly, I wish I hadn't wasted 15 years of my life on someone who could make me so bitter.
tojaz Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 Well, I'm a man and I say rant away, some of us deserve it! Just remember that theres still a few good ones out there. You sound like your being plenty resonable, so if he wants the courts yo decide rather then dealing with you, I'd say give him what he wants! Including back pay to the start of the seperation! TOJAZ
PWSX3 Posted October 11, 2009 Posted October 11, 2009 I heard something last night that was interesting. When two people start an argument & one shares his/her side & then the other shares his/her side, the next one to talk usually loses..... I would just let him leave a voice mail, listen to it & if it doesn't have anything to do with your divorce then don't reply. Less you talk to him the better, that is all he wants is for you to feel bad & sad for him.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 11, 2009 Author Posted October 11, 2009 I heard something last night that was interesting. When two people start an argument & one shares his/her side & then the other shares his/her side, the next one to talk usually loses..... I would just let him leave a voice mail, listen to it & if it doesn't have anything to do with your divorce then don't reply. Less you talk to him the better, that is all he wants is for you to feel bad & sad for him. Advice noted, thanks. It would probably do me some good mentally.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 This is from a facebook application: What God Wants you to know: My message today: On this day of your life we believe God wants you to know ... that you cannot wait anymore. The moment has finally come. You have no choice. You have to take that step now. Now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, - Now! If anyone else is reading this, they would be confused. But not you. You know exactly what we mean. Do it. Now. WOW!
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Ok, other night H tells me I need to move on as he is moving on...I assume that means he is seeing someone or is thinking about it. So, I get a text from him last night wanting to know if he has son for Thanksgiving. I tell him yes since son wants to see his grandmother and it is his weekend. I have him for Xmas and New Year's this year. Then H texts me back and says that he is going to the beach that weekend and son is welcome to join....not sure why he would ask, it's his weekend. So I text him back and tell him that is fine as long as girlfriend is not going....too soon to expose son to that stuff. H texts back and says that girlfriend is not going. Good, and I explained to him that we do not need to be bringing other ppl into our son's lives right now while he is adjusting to the divorce. Son was in the room while texts were going back and forth and he caught the gist of some of what was going on, so I asked him if his he knew if his dad had a girlfriend (wanting to find out if H is already doing this, bringing someone else around him), and my son stated that his dad was just trying to tick me off. So I explained to our son that we would not do that to him, but that eventually he was going to have to accept that Mom and Dad were going to move on with their lives. I don't want him getting these ideas that we are going to get back together, because it's just not going to happen. I used to "romanticize" those ideas too when I was a kid and I know how much it hurt. So, he acts like everything is ok, says he doesn't care if his dad dates but doesn't want me to (just being protective). Later I find out from a friend of his that I was giving a ride to work that our son was very upset about the prospect of his dad having a girlfriend and thought that it was too soon for his dad to just throw his mom away and start dating someone else. Next, I get a call from H, which I let go to VM, concerning a text message he got from son wanting to know if his dad had a girlfriend. I asked my son about it and he said he did text his dad and wanted to know. I text'd H and told him that due to his comment about moving on, the girlfriend not going to the beach and his spheel on the phone last night that he was going to have girlfriends and I just needed to get over it, I did have a discussion with our son about the fact that we agreed not to be bringing strangers around our son. All I got from the H was an OK. So, I know that this is going to somehow be all my fault that I even brought it up and the H will turn it against me....always does, but somebody who is the adult in all of this needs to be one talking to the son and helping him through all of these changes. When his father has him, he doesn't even talk to him, acts like nothing has changed and just avoids the whole thing. Am I wrong to worry about my son's emotional well-being through all of this or should I just ignore it too and live my life and hope the kid accepts it???? That just doesn't seem right to me.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 This is such a hard one. I have been thinking about how I will handle this one if I am able to 'move on' (hate those words). I have decided that I am not going to bring any other man into mine or my daughter's life while things are still such a mess and when I still want my husband back. Not a hard decision to make right now. I hope that my husband will do the same until this is 'sorted out'. I hope he will do this out of respect for me (I know, what respect?) and our daughter. But if he chooses not to then I can't control him and I am going to save my breath. I am so sick of trying to tell him the 'right' way to do things. For example - not lying, not spending all our money on going out & drinking, going to mediation so that I can at least understand what has happened to our marriage & why, don't give mixed signals etc etc. I honestly do not think that they are thinking of anyone but themselves and their 'happiness'. I think we are expecting way too much from a person who would destroy a family. If it can be done in the worst way possible - then that is what they will do. Sorry, got a bit carried away!!!!!
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 This is such a hard one. I have been thinking about how I will handle this one if I am able to 'move on' (hate those words). I have decided that I am not going to bring any other man into mine or my daughter's life while things are still such a mess and when I still want my husband back. Not a hard decision to make right now. I hope that my husband will do the same until this is 'sorted out'. I hope he will do this out of respect for me (I know, what respect?) and our daughter. But if he chooses not to then I can't control him and I am going to save my breath. I am so sick of trying to tell him the 'right' way to do things. For example - not lying, not spending all our money on going out & drinking, going to mediation so that I can at least understand what has happened to our marriage & why, don't give mixed signals etc etc. I honestly do not think that they are thinking of anyone but themselves and their 'happiness'. I think we are expecting way too much from a person who would destroy a family. If it can be done in the worst way possible - then that is what they will do. Sorry, got a bit carried away!!!!! I know, they will do what they want to do, some men (not all) only think about their happiness - the leavers. I remember when I had to meet the many different women that my dad was dating....it was horrible. The first one was really pretty, but high as a kite the first night she met me. Scared me to death, I thought she looked like a witch. The second lady he dated was very nice, but had a younger daughter, so she was very jealous if her daughter wasn't getting all of the attention. The third one he married was the step-mom from Hades, now he's on his third wife and she is like a second mom to me. What I am glad of is that I didn't meet all of the "in-between" women. My mother, second marriage was a nightmare, her new H hated me because I wasn't his. She's on her third and he is like a father to me. I actually had both my step-dad and my dad give me away at my wedding. My own daughter didn't come to my wedding to my current H because she was mad at him and didn't agree with us getting married for everything that I have been through with him. So, there is some perspective why I am protective over the fact that our son not be subjected to the "new men and women" their parents choose to "date" while moving on and finding a new life. In some cases, children get attached and in others, they rebel....because it is not their parent. There are some cases where it works out for the best, I love to hear those stories. For me, it took both of my parents growing up as well as me growing up for it all to work out. I just feel that 6 weeks into a separation is too soon to be bringing other people around a child at any age. It may have been too soon to talk to the son about this, but the behavior that my H is depicting, it's better to get it out in the open before he gets subjected to meeting one of his dad's many dates, especially with the holidays coming up.
tojaz Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 I think you did the right thing talking to your son. I can't even imagine wanting to see someone only six weeks in, let alone introducing a child to them. Yet it happens all the time and it's best that your son can prepare himself, so it isn't such a shock to the system. My mom was living with a man almost immediately after the divorce, and I can still remember all the hurt. From all I've heard about your H, it would not surprise me. Sorry:( TOJAZ
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 I think you did the right thing talking to your son. I can't even imagine wanting to see someone only six weeks in, let alone introducing a child to them. Yet it happens all the time and it's best that your son can prepare himself, so it isn't such a shock to the system. My mom was living with a man almost immediately after the divorce, and I can still remember all the hurt. From all I've heard about your H, it would not surprise me. Sorry:( TOJAZ My mom did the same thing too, actually, she was having an affair with the man while she and my dad were still together. Wrong, I know, but my dad was no angel either. He had many affairs that I later found out about. One wrong does not justify the other, but I think that is why I am so against affairs in the first place. When you love someone, loyalty speaks volumes about your integrity and character.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Hey there, I agree that speaking to your son was the best thing to do. At least you can explain to him that you will be doing this the right way. He will know his father is not. And after reading about your experiences with step-parents I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am not sure that your husband even has a girlfriend. He sounds so frustrating. It is like he just wants to play with your mind. I am angry at him and I don't even know him.
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Hey there, I agree that speaking to your son was the best thing to do. At least you can explain to him that you will be doing this the right way. He will know his father is not. And after reading about your experiences with step-parents I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am not sure that your husband even has a girlfriend. He sounds so frustrating. It is like he just wants to play with your mind. I am angry at him and I don't even know him. He IS extremely frustrating!! LOL!! Hence, for my own mental well being, I know I need to put him out of my life. For now, I need to just protect our son from that frustrating experience.
JaneDoe35 Posted October 12, 2009 Posted October 12, 2009 Maybe 'frustrating' was an understatement!!!! Just didn't want to bag out someone else's husband too much. Mine is no better!!! ha ha, Who has the worst husband? Hey, I just laughed out loud......
Author trippi1432 Posted October 12, 2009 Author Posted October 12, 2009 Maybe 'frustrating' was an understatement!!!! Just didn't want to bag out someone else's husband too much. Mine is no better!!! ha ha, Who has the worst husband? Hey, I just laughed out loud...... Good!! You're laughing and that is always a good thing.
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