older women as compared to younger women...thoughts?

[confused192]

Kamille- its funny that you say that...my former husband was a professor and I have dated two others! Yes, they should watch out for me.

 

Generally, I have met the older men I have dated through jobs or through my university. I met one man at a performance of his (he's an entertainer) and I met one through a friend (all my friends are generally older as well).

 

Older men do not always equate to more mature, that is definitely correct...hence, I have broken up with my fair share of older men myself. It has only been recently that I have faced multiple rejections in a row from men, which really got me thinking about why.

 

I would like to say that I am not "hell bent" on having an older man. That would indicate that I am just fixated on what that number represents and I don't have much to back up my choices. I am basing my decision to date older men on my former experiences...that's all I or anybody in life has to go on. You have experiences and you learn from them, that's how you grow. So my former experiences have shown me that I just prefer the lifestyle and priority set of the older man IN GENERAL. Of course there are exceptions and some older men are not for me, probably a lot are not for me! But even though I recognize that not all younger men are immature, I cannot force myself to actually want to date them. I literally can't do it. I wish you could understand how it makes me feel. I don't care if Prince William called me up tomorrow, there is no way in hell I would feel an inkling of interest in actually wanting to go on a single date with him! I am friends with a lot of older men and I don't just see every man I meet or know as potential relationship material. All I am saying is that this is the age group I am drawn to when thinking about a relationship and I can't change it. Trust me I have tried...but my feelings have not changed on the matter. If they magically do and one day I decide that I want to date someone my own age, then so be it. But I do not foresee that happening at all for me and so what I am saying is that I cannot fake it and go on dates with young guys when I really would rather do just about anything else. I want to do what makes me happy.

 

Am I just crazy for wanting this?

[butcher's hook]

Given your last couple of posts Confused, and your explanation of your failed marriage to your older ex-husband I can now see what is going on here. I do understand that this is to a certain degree your preference but on a much deeper level I think there may be a part of you that hasn't completely let go of your ex. And that is totally understandable regardless how long ago your divorce was. Let me explain...

 

Often when we end a relationship that we have unfinished feelings for we tend to want to recreate the same scenario again with the special qualities or traits that our ex had. We seek to find the exact same things we found attractive in our ex and we become somewhat tunnel visioned. I remember after one significant relationship of mine ended I would go only for men who had the specific qualities that were exactly like my ex right down to ethnicity, and I realized I was trying to recreate what I once had thinking if I chose men who had the exact same traits I could achieve that.

 

Now I know some people are partisan to going a complete 180 after they leave a relationship in fear of getting hurt again, so they go for the completely opposite, I am not a fan of that. I think you should persist looking for the overall qualities you found attractive in past partners to recreate the right relationship. I do however hope that you do not become so blind to recreating what you had getting caught up on age only that you miss out on some truly great opportunities with guys who could very well be the perfect match for you.

 

Personally, I think you need a little more time to heal.

[stepka]

confused, I don't know your history, but one thing pops out at me here: What you want is an intelligent man, no matter his age. Age doesn't make a person b/c we all get older, but intelligent men. . . You want someone who can make interesting conversation and can keep up with your brain. Well the lovely thing about computer dating is that you can screen out the dumb ones for the most part.

[norajane]

confused, I don't know your history, but one thing pops out at me here: What you want is an intelligent man, no matter his age.

 

What pops out at me is that she doesn't want an intelligent man, no matter his age. She wants an older man. Seems she'll walk right past a younger intelligent man because she's repulsed by younger men.

 

I have no idea why...daddy issues springs to mind, although the failure of her marriage to an older man could also have something to do with it. But she's not looking to why this might be the case. Nor is she looking for advice on whom to date. She's asking what she can do to be more attractive to older men who aren't interested in a serious relationship with her. The only answer to that is to give it time so she becomes older herself.

[love_darlings]

I agree with norajane a bit. It's because love will come either you are younger or older. It knows no age.

[gypsy_nicky]

I hope this OP is genuine and not trying to stir up things.

 

hi there. Why are you polarizing your personal intimate relationships?

 

Why are you blaming men that are in their mid/late 20's when clearly a much older man left you?

 

all men regardless of age will vary in their maturity level so there are men your age, out there, that will be on the same wavelength as you.

 

They will also vary in what they want in their intimate belief/values and its your job to screen those whom you will find compatible with yours, to make compromise, and most imp. have attraction with these men.