Sublime333 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I've been seeing this one guy for about 3-4 months now. Things sort of escalated within the last month or so, but not to a point where I would call it a solid relationship. To make things easy, I'll just summarize the pros & cons. pros -we get along great...either alone or with other people -he's very supportive of whatever I do (& vice versa) -his friends talk about how much they like me -greeeat sexual chemistry cons -he still can goes days without calling & in the meantime fails to invite me out to several things he does throughout the week -he has lots of girlfriends - aka friends who are girls, which he tells me about but it still makes me feel a little uneasy So, this is all fine...if we were only casually dating. But after several months, shouldn't a guy get his sh*t figured out? I mean, either he's into this relationship or he's not. I've discussed the issue with him, and I got the whole 'I don't want a girlfriend at this point in my life, but I like you and would never hurt you."..... yeah OKAY. Now whenever he doesn't call, I feel like he could be out dating other people. I just cant seem to trust him (although I admit it's very hard to earn my trust!) Since apparently I don't seem to be girlfriend material, I finally agreed to go out on a date with this other guy who seems really sweet, and I think I could like him. My question is- should I tell him about this or not? I guess I want him to be open with me, so maybe I'm being a hypocrite by not saying anything, but right now I don't feel like he deserves my openness. He IS the one that said he doesn't want a girlfriend.... Feedback??
paddington bear Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Listen to what he's saying and not what you want to hear. You've jumped to the assumption that you're in a relationship with him due to 7 months passing whereas what he's saying is: I don't want a girlfriend at this point in my life What he's said is: I like you and would never hurt you -he likes you, not love, likes, but doesn't want to hurt you. And he probably doesn't want to hurt you, but I'm guessing he is hurting you with his behaviour. I say, go on the other date, not out of revenge, not to make this guy want you, but as you said because he's sweet. You can either tell your guy or not, whatever you do, don't feel guilty about it. Your guy is possibly dating others, not telling you about it, so why should you feel the need to tell him what you're doing? However if you do, merely say 'you've made it quite clear that you don't want a girlfriend, so I'm going to date other people and you until you've made your mind up about me'. Seems fair enough. I mean you could be missing out on meeting someone that does call, that does want you to be with him when he goes to things, that does see you as his girlfriend after several months by hanging on for this guy to sort himself out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 So, this is all fine...if we were only casually dating. But after several months, shouldn't a guy get his sh*t figured out? I mean, either he's into this relationship or he's not. He DOES have his sh*t figured out, you're just not listening: 'I don't want a girlfriend at this point in my life That's the only part you need to hear to realize this is NOT a relationship and he has no vested interest in earning your trust. Why would he? He's getting free sex with zero commitment. BELIEVE a guy when he says he doesn't want you as his GF. You're not going to change his mind. Whether or not you tell him about dating other people is up to you. Personally, if I was into something as casual as what you're in, I wouldn't think it's any of his business. He doesn't think his dates are any of yours. But seriously - I couldn't do this casual thing again. I did it when I was 22 and it sucked rocks. I'd tell the guy to take a hike - I met someone new.
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