Onionskin Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Posted this in the breaking up section also but only got one good answer (thank you to that person ). Really need advice here. Last night I came home to my man and told him that I was considering taking a pole dancing fitness class with a workmate who asked me to join her. It has always looked like a bit of cheeky fun and I really wanted to do it. He didn't like the idea, telling me only "sluts and single mothers" do things like that. I asked him if there was something I didn't want him to do, would he not do it and he said "yes, that's the difference between you and I". That hurt me. Somehow we got into a conversation about something else, and he snapped at me and told me to "stop being smart"... I didn't think I was. I asked him not to speak to me like that, that I don't like when he raises his voice at me and speaks to me like I am a child (there have been other times when he has pointed his finger in my face and told me things like "show some respect"). I told him it frightens me and takes me back to my childhood when my dad (who used to drink a lot) would yell at me. I told him I didn't like feeling that fear again. We got on to the topic of our relationship and he said he didn't want to "spend 5 hours talking about it" as he has to get up early in the morning, and he didn't want his Monday tv spoilt by it (glad he has his priorities straight...). We went to bed as normal, and this morning he kissed me goodbye as normal. When I got up later and switched my phone on I see a text message from him basically saying that he can't be with someone who is afraid of him, and that it is over. No remorse about making me feel scared, just... it's over. I don't know how to feel... we LIVE together so it's not like he didn't have last night, tonight, whenever to talk to me! He also told me today that he has felt unloved and put down for ages now. I had no idea!!! I have been given a great chance now to go away and work on myself... I am not sure whether to take it.
carhill Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 He sounds emotionally unstable to me, and is projecting his behaviors onto you. I don't think I'd want to deal with this daily.
D-Lish Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 A dude that would shake his finger at me would lose it fast. This guy sounds abusive!
green/eyes Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 Well Girl, I would say if you have a somewhere to go then go there, unless it's your place then he should leave. It seems pretty odd that he would just come out of the blue with the revelation of "it's over". Maybe this is something he has been contemplating for a while, or maybe he has something else to fall back on that he has also been hiding for a while. Regardless the reasoning I think it's time you stood up on your own two feet and give him what he is asking for. Now judging by your last statement "I have been given a great chance now to go away and work on myself... I am not sure whether to take it." it appears you have contemplated this before. There are many reasons he may be acting like this, but the easiest way to figure it out is to at least take a break from each other. I think you should adopt the attitude with him that you agree that moving on is the best approach for both of you. Listen to your gut, and please what ever you do don't think you can change him. [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
SoulSearch_CO Posted July 21, 2009 Posted July 21, 2009 I have been given a great chance now to go away and work on myself... I am not sure whether to take it. YES. And be really glad this didn't escalate with him doing worse to you in the abuse department. If it's that easy for him to cut it off, then he really wasn't into it - be glad you got out.
Recommended Posts