Author 888confused Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 All i can say is... I am so happy you never cheated on anyone or with anything.. You must be a very strong person. I am not being sarcastic... i am just saying, i think we all make mistakeos and do something we may be ashamed of at one point in our lives. This is my one point, hopefully to end quickley.. and never repeated. I am usually a very kind, and loving person. I know my OP seemed callus, b/c it seemed like all i cared about was how my friend felt about me. But believe me, it is the whole pic i amm looking at. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 OK, good luck. The threads stay open without comment for 60 days and then lock automatically. Hopefully you'll have an update in that timeframe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888confused Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 My friendship with my friend is way more important then trying to have a relationship/future/inimate- with him as the end result. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 888confused Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 and this i will correct. and start working on doing right by him. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 My friendship with my friend is way more important then trying to have a relationship/future/inimate Based on what? How he makes you feel? How long has he been your friend, and I mean "just a friend" with NO intimate/emotional/sexual feelings involved? Because you two HAVE crossed the lines already, it isn't an innocent friendship. WHY is the friendship so important to you? Don't you have women friends who are closer to you than this guy? Once romantic feelings get in the way of male/female friendship, it isn't the same ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 and start working on doing right by him. First you need (HAVE TO) distance and detach yourself from the OM. He can't be in your daily life. Somehow you've buried feelings for your partner because of this OM and the only way to see if those feelings will come back, resurface and stay is cutting the OM out of your life. No friendship at all. Can you and are you willing to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Oh, we're not done yet. Sorry OP, you're not hearing me. He wants to have a relationship with you. He's purposely suppressing actions which would define that intent because you are not available even though you apparently have shown interest. If you do not wish to have a fully intimate romantic and sexual relationship with him, you will be disrespecting his perspective and by definition him as a friend. You cannot have things both ways. That's part of being a mature adult. Trust me, there are plenty of people my age who are not mature yet and have kids your age. So, no worries. That's why you're here. Take in the advice and perspectives offered here and reflect upon them. Get back to us in a month or two. We're not going anywhere Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 All i can say is... I am so happy you never cheated on anyone or with anything.. You must be a very strong person. I am not being sarcastic... i am just saying, i think we all make mistakeos and do something we may be ashamed of at one point in our lives. This is my one point, hopefully to end quickley.. and never repeated. I am usually a very kind, and loving person. I know my OP seemed callus, b/c it seemed like all i cared about was how my friend felt about me. But believe me, it is the whole pic i amm looking at. 888, I'm in my 50's, so I've had plenty of time to make mistakes. And made some big ones . But I've always been able to keep the perspective in relationships that, if I felt the attraction to someone you feel towards your friend, it's time to get out. I think you're getting a clear message as regards your BF, hope you act on it... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 My friendship with my friend is way more important then trying to have a relationship/future/inimate- with him as the end result. You might not realize this, but your friendship is no longer "just" a friendship. The cat is out of the bag. What I'm trying to say is that what you are currently getting out of this friendship is precisely because he has feelings for you and you for him. The reason you are so close emotionally is because of your feelings for each other. The reason you feel so good around him, is because of your feelings for each other. If you didn't have these feelings for each other, your friendship would actually be very different and wouldn't feel so fulfilling. It's because you are filling more needs for each other than just friendship that it feels like you are soul friends or whatever language you want to use. You can't go backwards at this point. It's already too late to save the "friendship". That's already gone. If you choose to stay with your bf, then you have to step back from the OM. You have to stay away from each other. Even if you don't want to, what will happen is when he realizes that you have chosen to stay with your bf, HE will step back. Or he'll feel frustrated that he can't act on his feelings for you and will realize he has to step back. Distance will grow between you because it has to, for one reason or another. At this point, you either have to move forward with your bf, or with the OM. There is no going back and having a simple friendship with OM while you work on your relationship with your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
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