Mr. DNA Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Hi, everyone. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks, so I figured I should post something. Here goes. I turned 28 this month and had my ten-year high school reunion this past June. I wouldn't have attended of my own volition, but as it turns out, it took place at the bar I work at, so I ended up spending the evening making vodka-crans and Captain-cokes for my entire high school class. Some of them still won't make eye contact with me for some reason, but the tips were great. Anyway, I digress. I'd like to think I've accomplished a few meaningful things in the past ten years - I'm not here to pour out my resume, but in a nutshell, I served on active duty in the military, including a year spent in a very tense portion of the globe that's often in the news. Afterwards, I managed to parlay my technical training into a nice civilian job that took me overseas for months at a time, all expenses paid, and paid me a respectable salary on top of it. I've lived in and visited a ton of different places, but lately, I've been staying put and attending college full-time with the GI Bill. In light of all this, it's infuriating to me how I've never had a single serious relationship in my life. Not one. Yes, like many others in my peer group, I've had intermittent hook-ups, friends with benefits and dreamy weekends that I don't tell my parents about. I tend to have a polarizing effect on women - either they lock onto my wavelength immediately and we get along great (though they NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH ON COMMUNICATION...ARRGGGH!!!) , or they glare at me as though I'm selling NRA merchandise at Virginia Tech. I figured that I'd get phone numbers while working at a cool bar downtown - I did. From gay guys. Evidently, I have a nice ass and beautiful blue eyes. Thanks, fellas. It's exasperating how everyone else seems to be in the graduate school of relationships while I'm still stuck in fourth grade. It seems as though everyone else walks into relationships as easy as they walk into convenience stores, and it pisses me off endlessly and kicks my self-esteem in the nuts. It's depressing going to parties and seeing everyone else standing around with their girlfriends. It makes me feel like an idiot savant, like a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist who can't add 5 + 5. I'd like to think I'm worthwhile company. I'm 5'11 and 155 pounds with a trim athletic build (thanks, boot camp!), money in the bank, no crushing debt, no criminal record, all my front teeth, two eyes that are symmetrical on my face and a sense of humor that helped me win the only trophy I've ever won in my life at an amateur stand-up contest in 2006. I've been told that sometimes I intimidate the **** out of people. My parents have talked to me like an adult since I was five, so perhaps this affects the way I communicate with people my age. I've always heard that confidence is a turn-on (people are attracted to positive energy and all that, la la la), so rather than being the timid, unassertive milquetoast that I was in high school, I have no problem being outspoken and talkative to people; it's part of being a successful bartender. Still, I don't know if I'm just unlucky or woefully lacking in some critical capacity that no one has informed me about. Maybe things will change when I start at the state university in the Fall. I don't know where I'm going with this, or even why I'm posting it. If you can find something in here that you relate to or understand, great.
Cora Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I can kind of relate to this. I am 26 and have never had a real long term relationship. Well, I have never really had a short term one either. It gets very sad and lonely sometimes when you see others your age in relationships. You feel left out and like there must be something wrong with you, or something you are not doing right. I would give anything just to be able to experience a relationship....even if it did not last very long. I'm tired of all the little flings here and there. I want the real thing for once. I'm sorry, I know nothing I am saying is helping you. Just wanted to say I can relate. Hang in there!
kizik Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Well, you sound like a freaking great guy. So don't worry. You've got TONS going for you. All I can say is to hang in there, and don't let the world make you bitter. I can almost GUARANTEE you that life WILL get better at the state university this fall. Think about it: drinking, partying, new friends... and GIRLS! I'm excited for you, actually. Don't worry, dude, you've got it all there. Chicks at this age are a little... ahem... confused. They don't know what they want. Don't let your self-image rely on their opinion of you, because a lot of em will end up in some big trouble and some bad decisions. Keep yo chin up, kid. PS. Your writing is excellent. Have you considered journalism or writing "short stories," per your thread title?
Confusedalways Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Although I'm a little younger than you are, I can also relate. And I know misery loves company . Honestly you sound like quite a catch!! Everyone tells me to be patient, and I know how obnoxious it is to hear, but I have no other real advice. Have you tried the online dating scene yet? I'm kind of too stubborn to try but perhaps it is an avenue to explore?
Lindarose84 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 DNA, I got a chuckle from your post. Not at your predicament but because you obviously are a funny guy (NRA merchandise at VTech - ok I know, not a laughing matter but still...) I don't think you'll have much trouble finding a great woman. Things happen for people at different stages of their lives. Unless you meet someone in your HS class who had the SAME EXACT life experiences as you and is in a relationship, you really can't compare yourself to him. I'm not in a serious relationship now, nor am I dating. I actually haven't been in serious relationship for a long time (actually now that I'm thinking back, I don't think I ever have really). However, most of my friends (ranging in ages of 24-28) are in serious relationships or are engaged or are married. I look at their relationships and shrug because frankly, I look at the person they're with and think, that's it? (as in, they're not much to right home about). I know for a fact that most of my gfs settled with their significant others for the sole purpose of not being alone. That's really sad and pathetic. Their relationships actually motivate me to stay single and not settle and just be PATIENT for the right person to come along. If it doesn't happen, ah well. If it does, great. Be proud of what you've accomplished- you served your country...you served us for heaven's sake and somehow not being in a relationship makes you feel like less of a person? You see my point? It's sad that society and the media/tv make it appear to be so wrong to be single- that's what adds to the feelings of "lonliness." All you can do is wait and keep doing what you're doing (i.e. putting yourself out there, going out, flirting with patrons at work, etc). If being in a relationship is what you want, I'm sure it'll happen... in time.
shadowsfall Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 First of all I want to say welcome to the LS forums. You'll receive some great advice here as I certainly have over the years. I just wanted quickly add that I'm currently in the same boat as you but I will tell you that by attending the university soon, you will without a doubt be surrounded by more potential companions than ever before. Until I went back to school (especially a real University) I never imagined I would meet as many women as I have. Although I haven't been the best at pursuing or advancing these prospects as of late, it sounds like you'll have no problem in this area since your ready for something a little deeper and meaningful.
carhill Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 OP, welcome. When you have time, read the postings of some of your fellow military vets, including Gunny, LakesideDream, and Owl. You'll perhaps see paths that you might follow or lessons you might learn from their experiences and perspective, which IMO is unique to men with a military career and background. Thank you for your service to your country. It is valued and appreciated. As to your current issue, my advice as an oldster would be to keep on keepin' on; do what you do and be who you are. Doing such sends out the proper signals and will expose you to and attract compatible women. Don't *try*; *be*. You know the drill
imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Want the truth? You are probably not that good looking. Nobody wants to claim you as a trophy boyfriend. There, I said it.
Lyssa Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 ^^ I reckon IMM can't relatel! Been where you are right now. From experience, it gets better.. trust me! Wait till you start your classes. With your wit, intelligence and personality - girls will be swarming around you!
imakemistakes Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 ^^ I reckon IMM can't relatel! Been where you are right now. From experience, it gets better.. trust me! Wait till you start your classes. With your wit, intelligence and personality - girls will be swarming around you! No they won't. Why are you lying to this man and setting up false expectations? Tell him the truth. Life is unfair.
lino Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 I feel a lot like you too OP. Don't have much advice to give though as I'm not getting very far in that area.
espec10001 Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 Hi, everyone. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks, so I figured I should post something. Here goes. I turned 28 this month and had my ten-year high school reunion this past June. I wouldn't have attended of my own volition, but as it turns out, it took place at the bar I work at, so I ended up spending the evening making vodka-crans and Captain-cokes for my entire high school class. Some of them still won't make eye contact with me for some reason, but the tips were great. Anyway, I digress. I'd like to think I've accomplished a few meaningful things in the past ten years - I'm not here to pour out my resume, but in a nutshell, I served on active duty in the military, including a year spent in a very tense portion of the globe that's often in the news. Afterwards, I managed to parlay my technical training into a nice civilian job that took me overseas for months at a time, all expenses paid, and paid me a respectable salary on top of it. I've lived in and visited a ton of different places, but lately, I've been staying put and attending college full-time with the GI Bill. In light of all this, it's infuriating to me how I've never had a single serious relationship in my life. Not one. Yes, like many others in my peer group, I've had intermittent hook-ups, friends with benefits and dreamy weekends that I don't tell my parents about. I tend to have a polarizing effect on women - either they lock onto my wavelength immediately and we get along great (though they NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH ON COMMUNICATION...ARRGGGH!!!) , or they glare at me as though I'm selling NRA merchandise at Virginia Tech. I figured that I'd get phone numbers while working at a cool bar downtown - I did. From gay guys. Evidently, I have a nice ass and beautiful blue eyes. Thanks, fellas. It's exasperating how everyone else seems to be in the graduate school of relationships while I'm still stuck in fourth grade. It seems as though everyone else walks into relationships as easy as they walk into convenience stores, and it pisses me off endlessly and kicks my self-esteem in the nuts. It's depressing going to parties and seeing everyone else standing around with their girlfriends. It makes me feel like an idiot savant, like a Pulitzer Prize winning novelist who can't add 5 + 5. I'd like to think I'm worthwhile company. I'm 5'11 and 155 pounds with a trim athletic build (thanks, boot camp!), money in the bank, no crushing debt, no criminal record, all my front teeth, two eyes that are symmetrical on my face and a sense of humor that helped me win the only trophy I've ever won in my life at an amateur stand-up contest in 2006. I've been told that sometimes I intimidate the **** out of people. My parents have talked to me like an adult since I was five, so perhaps this affects the way I communicate with people my age. I've always heard that confidence is a turn-on (people are attracted to positive energy and all that, la la la), so rather than being the timid, unassertive milquetoast that I was in high school, I have no problem being outspoken and talkative to people; it's part of being a successful bartender. Still, I don't know if I'm just unlucky or woefully lacking in some critical capacity that no one has informed me about. Maybe things will change when I start at the state university in the Fall. I don't know where I'm going with this, or even why I'm posting it. If you can find something in here that you relate to or understand, great. I can relate very much. While I haven't experienced the same things you have going overseas, I've accomplished many things in my life that I'm proud of but I have had little success in relationships. I am also a good looking guy and don't have lots of debt and I make a modest but sufficient income. Like you, when I am out at gatherings and I see all the couples, it gets to you sometimes you know? Why somehow you are always the third, fifth, or seventh wheel? Instead of being an even number with people like 2, 4, or 6, you are an odd number like a 1, a 3, or a 5. I understand completely. I face it all the time too. It's called the blues. You look yourself in the mirror, and you can see the blues. People are intimidated by the blues. They don't understand the blues, and they never will. Instead of being like blue water of the rain, be like the blue of the sky. Recognize that the female that you'd connect with is rare indeed, because you are rare. So don't worry, if it happens it happens. If not, I'm sure you can find activities and hobbies to devote your time to until that day comes. I've taken up a life passion of mine that makes being single feel like a blessing. Try to think of it that way.
Author Mr. DNA Posted July 15, 2009 Author Posted July 15, 2009 Thanks for the positive responses, everyone. Sincerely. As for IMM, I'm sorry you're having such a ****ty week.
Lyssa Posted July 15, 2009 Posted July 15, 2009 No they won't. Why are you lying to this man and setting up false expectations? Tell him the truth. Life is unfair. I'm not giving him false hopes/expectations. Trust me, I am telling him the truth. I'm telling him from my own experience. I've been where he is right now even though I am a year older. Just because you went through a s***ty experience with your so-called soulmate, don't let it out on other people that actually want to have a better life.
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