matt1987 Posted July 28, 2009 Share Posted July 28, 2009 youre not blowing anything, your doing what has to be done. NC is the best solution, it worked for me. and now we are talking again after 4 months. yah its just talking but its one step closer. just go with the no contact and you will be fine, and trust me i know how hard it is, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted July 28, 2009 Author Share Posted July 28, 2009 Thanks Matt!!! I really appreciate your words!, deep inside me I know that what you say is true!, I start riding again todays!, and my routine is almost the same as before again!, so I think im doing a lot better!!!, im doing yoga also for my nerves! LOL!, I realy love to read all of your advises. Leveller im very sottu to hear you have chicken pox it hits very hard when you are an adult!!! Don't scratch!!!! Ronni!!!, glad to hear you are having fun!, and about being tired the good think that they wont stay forever LOL! I hope!!!. I have to tell you that I am fully concentrated in me, I really don't want to meet anybody for now, and actually for the first time ever thiking this way is making feel very good!!!, just me and myself LOL!!!, well I hope to hear from you very soon!!! Hugs and Kisses to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted July 30, 2009 Author Share Posted July 30, 2009 Hello guys!, how are you all doing????, Leveller are you better???, Matt, Ronni how is everything going there??? Well!!! about me im doing much better I think!, Im trying very hard to stay focus on other important aspects of my life, like work and health, no boys at all, at least for the next 6 months!!! AT LEAST!!!!!!!!, I was putting to much hopes of happiness in finding the ideal!, THE ONE, Blah blah blah!!!, not knowing that I am my ideal, well lets face it! Im stuck with me! so I better start liking me and loving me soon!!!!, LOL!!!. I really appreciate all you have done for me!!!, every time I read one of your posts I feel stronger, happier, calm, I know I will have ups and downs but I can always can count on you to cheer me up!!!, Lots of hugs and Kisses!!!! for you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted July 30, 2009 Share Posted July 30, 2009 Love your post, NL! That's so true that we are "stuck" with the Self, so may as well make the most of it. And you're right that happiness is an 'inside job' -- that is where it starts and ends. Keep doing what you're doing and EVERYTHING is going to be so bright that you're soon going to ask yourself what all the fuss was about Sending lots of hugs, love, and positive vibes. Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I am feeling better thank you. Equally importantly I am glad you are too. You are right that you might have some not so good days but these will get less and you are proving to be so strong. I am proud of you:love:. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 Hey Leveller I'm glad to hear you are doing better!!!, It makes me happy to hear that you are proud of me!!! thanks!!!, but it is thanks to your support and Ronni's, and veryone else that keep telling me that I can. Like you said I will have my ups and downs, but wont be as bad as before I hope!!!, I am just trying to stop analyzing the whys'?, they just don't take you anywere, take care all, Hugs and Kisses!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 2, 2009 Author Share Posted August 2, 2009 I just lost my Dad I think I am going to die, I don't know what I am going to do, my Dad, I wont resist this, this is to much, I am going to die oh God Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Nanalinda, I am SO sorry to hear that. My heart is...speechless. There really aren't any words at a time like this. If there is any comfort in it at all, please know that I am holding you gently. You're going to live. Everything will be different, but you will live. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Sending Comfort and Strength. Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted August 2, 2009 Share Posted August 2, 2009 Hey NL, What do you mean you've lost your dad? We fear the worst. Can you tell us what has happened. Sending big hugs and support:love:. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 He had a heart attack yesterday, this is the hardest thing ever, I feel so stupid for ever caring about a stupid guy at all in the fisrt place, now that i have lost my Dad, I know there are worst thing on earth and being rejected by a jerk, I feel so sad, this is the worst feeling ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 Huge hugs, NL. You're right...it is the hardest thing ever and the worst feeling ever. Even WORSE than the worst feeling ever. Things aren't the same, and they won't ever be the same. I don't remember what people told me, when my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. But whatever they said, it wasn't enough to make a difference...there aren't enough words to make any difference. Keep your good memories of your Dad close to your heart. Nothing else matters. Just the good stuff and the happy stuff...that is ALL that matters. I really wish I could be with you, to give you a "real" hug. I'm thinking of you. Love, Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted August 3, 2009 Share Posted August 3, 2009 I can only echo Ronni's heart-felt sentiments. You and your family have my deepest sympathies at this most difficult of times. There are no words that can really, truly help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 3, 2009 Author Share Posted August 3, 2009 Thanks guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 6, 2009 Author Share Posted August 6, 2009 I probably did something very bad in another life or in this one, God is punishing me, maybe he hates me, I think I don't deserve to be happy, right now I don't want to live, I want to go with my Dad, I have no reason for living. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 7, 2009 Share Posted August 7, 2009 Hey NL. I understand how you are feeling. The thoughts aren't accurate, but I totally understand how you are feeling. BIG, BIG hugs, Ronni Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 I would hazard a guess that this is not what your father would have wanted. He would want you alive, well and happy would he not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I start to think that maybe is my fault what happend to him, maybe I had something to do, with all the headaches and problems I used to give him, maybe all of this happened because of me, I should be nicer with him, and more loving, a better daughter, my mom took him to the doctor that morning and he said everything was ok, but thar afternoon he told me he was feeling bad, I should take him to the doctor again, listen to him more, this is all my fault, I was speaking at the phone when he left, I should have been with him, not at my room, I hate my self for all of this, I just want him back, I just want to be with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 NL, Your dad's death is between your dad and his god. JUST between him and his god. To make your dad's death something about you, or your actions, or your inactions...well. Cos the truth is that you never had any power of life-or-death over your dad. You KNOW this, yes? Spiritually, you know this. And intellectually, physically and emotionally, too. Everything about your dad's death, including where you were and what you were doing, is and always will be ONLY between your dad and his god. You didn't have a role in it, you don't get to play any role. Have you considered meeting with a faith minister or a grief counselor -- perhaps through the funeral home or place of worship from which your dad was buried? It could be helpful, given where your thoughts are. I know how hard it is, believe me I do. I continue to send hugs, Comfort, Strength and Wisdom. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 8, 2009 Author Share Posted August 8, 2009 I just can't stop thinking that maybe he was alive when I found him, and I didn't react fast enough to safe him, you know what I mean???, I am a vet I should know better, maybe I could've safe him Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 8, 2009 Share Posted August 8, 2009 NL, if he COULD have been kept alive through human intervention, then that is what would have happened. Him and his god had other plans. There wasn't going to be anything that you could have done to interfere with their plans. It was NEVER in your hands to affect, one way OR the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Hello guys, how are you doing?, I hope you are all fine, there is nothing to say about me really, so, if you could share good thing from you life that would be nice, I hope to hear from you soon! hugs!. Link to post Share on other sites
Leveller Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I'm not too bad thanks. Some things going on in my life but nothing life changing as yet. How are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 29, 2009 Author Share Posted August 29, 2009 Hello leveller, well about how I'm doing, I have to say I'm still here, right now I'm feeling sick, tired all the time, sleeping almost all day, only working the necessary, I'm having migraines also. Right now I have a pretty lousy life (No dad, no boyfriend, no friends, no health, no job almost, getting older by the minute, etc), I think I lost myself, no one cares for me anymore, I don't care for me anymore, I really don't know what to do, and I really want to know what to do. I need help and nobody can help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 Hugs, NL. It sucks, huh? Grief is like that. Be gentle with yourself. If you pretend that somebody could help you, how would they do that? Imagine that you are being helped...what would that person be saying or doing, and how would you be feeling as a result? In the meantime, I think we're overdue for a group hug, yes? So...I'll start it -- and you, Leveller and whomever else wants in on it can join in anytime. Fair enough? (((GROUP HUG))) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nanalinda Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Thanks Ronni for the HUG, well to be honest I want somebody to just take me by the hand and guide me, I don't want to make any decision, I just want to be told what to do, what to think, that will help me a lot!, I am a little worried today, because my father's dog is acting weird, everything looks fine on her but she is acting like crazy, hiding, growling, just doing very strange stuff, I have her on observation, I hope she is fine by tomorrow, she is only three years old. I have been eating a lot lately i have gained a few extra pounds, I also developed in this month an acne problem, and I never had acne before in my life, I stoped praying and exersicing and talking to people in general, I fell envy of people that still has their father, and I feel bad for it, I have never fell so lonely in my life or broken, I feel soulless, I just really want somebody to tell me how I can fix all in my life, how I can fell good again about everything, I don't want you to feel piety, I'm just trying to find a reason to continue with life, I really want everything to be fine again, I just want forgiveness and company, I just want to fell me again, not this empty thing of me, I just want help, I want my Dad back, and just the thought that he is alone in that place kills me, and that I made him feel bad or lonely before he left, that I wasn't holding his hand or saying to him how much I love him, that all the problems I gave him through the years might caused him to leave early my side, this is all my fault, I'm ruin, God won't never forgive me for doing this to my own that, he is going to punish me, what can I do????, What I have to do???, Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
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